When my cock is safely confined in its cage it strains against the bars. “Let me out!”, it seems to say. But then, on the rare occasion when my wife says, “Take the cage off. Let’s make love”, Mr. Eager down there isn’t so eager. In fact, even with chemical assistance, he’s downright flaccid. Now, I’m not a spring chicken. I’m 74. I like to think I’m a ‘young’ 74, agile, active and energetic but things have changed for me. The cage protects me from having to ‘perform’ when my performance is very much in doubt. After all, if my cock is locked up it can’t very well get hard. I’ve suggested to my wife several times that I get a strap-on but she wants no part of that. I’ve never used one but I think I’d find it very comforting to not have to wonder, or worry, about getting and keeping an erection. She’s very accepting of my weakness of the flesh and I guess the best thing for me is to be equally accepting.
i completely understand where you are coming from. Even in my youth, I'd get that fear. I'd start out strong but fade occasionally. Eventually you accept those limits and try to compensate, with oral attention or fingers, or toys. If she doesn't want those, do the best you can and know she loves you just the same. If you can persuade her to let you find other ways to pleasure her, just be sure to tell her that being given that opportunity, to help her achieve orgasm, is really all that matters to you. Good luck and enjoy.
I choose to read between the lines here. This is a story of a couple very much in love who has shared their life. This is a story of a man who wants the best for is woman and a woman who only wants her man. This woman wants only to feel the touch of her man, not the plastic or silicone impersonal penetration of a foreign invader. Don't focus on what you can't achieve she likely doesn't care. Hold her in your arms, just focus on the Love. Find the beauty
Even at something less than 74, the magic of yesteryear isn't always forthcoming. In fact, often as not, it's not. A cage is a protection. I've found that in use, it's also a reduction. It's considerably more difficult to become erect, after wearing a small cage. And when I do, the results are unimpressive (they were not impressive to begin, but less so). Your wife is in love with you, not your cock. We can only do what we can do. It's clear you're willing to please, and it's evident that she is pleased. Few will ever be so lucky. I suspect that over the years, you have both made your own luck. The result is what men and women a third your age would die for, if they could. Your wife loves you. You love your wife. And you're together. No one can ever ask more than that.
As @MrsBR_Saiph says, focus on the positive things, because there are absolute positives here in the mutual love you and your wife share. Good luck
I suffered with this when I was first with my madam, before we got in to kink and flr, on my own I would be rock hard and could last for an age and jerk off several times I day, but when we got to that moment I coundnt keep an erection! With madams help we got through it, good luck and I’m sure you will to.
I suppose, that if you are 74 years old, you have been in a relationship for a long time with your woman. If it's so, then there is nothing to worry about, if you are together for so long, I think that there is already nothing what could separate you. She accepts you the way you are and you should do the same towards yourself. If you still feel anxious about this, I would recommend to take some Kratom for therapeutic effects, it helps me all the time with my anxiety, could be a solution for you as well.
I can relate to you on this. My wife's aging in our case has made PIV painful due to loss of elasticity in vagina. I also between age and meds have difficulty in erection. They can come on but be lost in moments. Share your love for each other that is the important part!
Unless she is upset at your "performance" you should stop thinking about a strap on. She has made it clear that she doesn't want one. Penetration isn't everything, and I can tell you from experience that most women don't enjoy penetration as much as most men think they do. God gave women a lot more erogenous zones than men for a reason, put them to good use for her sake. She'll thank you for it and you will be able to stop worrying about what your penis does or doesn't do.
As we age there are many reasons why this happens and not all are psychological. I suffer from hypertension and require two separate blood pressure meds to keep it under control. They are not significant is dosage, but the downside is not being able to maintain an erection. While I can still orgasm from oral or manual manipulation and shoot off a good load, if it does get hard it doesn’t last. I do get those annoying middle of the night I have to pee hardons, but once relieved my noodle is a noodle. for those times my wife want to be pounded or ridge the real thing, I take 60mg of sildenafil. If I control my mind, use a little numbing cream, I can pound her pretty damn good like the old days. I can even get a second one going in a few hours, not as big but enough to please her desires. for the times she wants to tease me and get me straining in the cage, she will feed me a 20mg pill and then tease and deny me and leave me with my struggles in the cage. She has even given me the full dosage, a bit of teasing and a surprise unlocking. Sometimes brings me to a happy ending, once or twice leave me twisting in the wind and re caging me without release. Those are punishments. once I take the meds, it does take an hour to kick in full. 30 minutes is too soon, 45 I’m ready to go, but an hours is full effect.
Indeed my Wife has preferred a nice cuddle session over PIV. Hurts the male ego when you hear she really is not interested in PIV and it mostly was for my benifit. Would anticipate other women may feel the same.
Well these days blue pills have become wasted money. I still occasionally get erections but random and fade rapidly. My meds for heart and bp seem to win. Just trying to get her to trust me enough to cuddle or take a massage again. Enjoy sounds like she finds the cage entertaining.
Many men would be shocked at how many women would prefer cuddling over PIV. PIV just isn't that amazing for most women. There are, of course, exceptions. I'm sure there are some women out there absolutely love it, but a ton of women can be quite happy without it. Especially after menopause when lubrication drops and vaginal lining thins.
My wife had hysterectomy and have dealt with those issues. For many years she hid it from me, finally she spoke up. Thats why PIV is off out list.
As cliche as it sounds, “if you don’t use it, you loose it” does apply to what your issue is. You won’t be able to get your system to bounce back after long chastity stints as you get older. Remember the the best love making happens in the mind. It is about the anticipation, the text messages throughout the day/week, setting the right mood, the art of the tease, ect. Erotic hypnotists are able to give people stimulation free orgasms. There are many avenues to go down. Think of this not as a problem but an opportunity to get creative. The creativity and different approach from your normal may in itself be a huge spark in your relationship
I might should verify what I got. I know last script fill ended their effectiveness. It's a mute point today anyway.
The impact on a man, of diminished virility, is not to be underestimated. The first step is to get checked out. I believe sexual performance is a good bellwether for male health and mental well being. Being ready at all times is a major stroke to the male ego. When your partner is ready, and if even occasionally, you can’t perform, it is a major hit. You feel like you have let your partner down. And, you know it isn’t likely to improve with time unless medications are involved. Yes, it is a very male centric viewpoint, but the reality is, you just don’t get over it. “Now what?”, is the reaction that settles in after a few times. This is the critical point. Stopping intimacy due to the fear of not being able to perform is not a good answer. It just sets the problem in cement. As in permanent. Failure to face the problem risks impacting the entire relationship. Making the assumption that he has the help of a supportive partner, intimacy can flourish. As @winstonmacgregor states, it does take creativity. Freed from being “male orgasm centric”, intimacy can explore new boundaries and be satisfying more than ever before. It can be quite liberating for the male. The focus can now shift to the woman/partner. How many in this forum have stated, “Why didn’t we do this sooner?” Many men have reported their relationships are stronger, and more enjoyable than ever before. They may not have “gotten over it”, but they made the effort to keep intimacy alive and their relationship is thriving. As @MrsBR_Saiph stated, “Focus on the love”. That, after all, is what lasts.
The nice thing about never being allowed PIV is there is no performance anxiety. It is so relaxing on the relationship to nit have to worry about it.
True statement. My mission is finding her trust to allow be close without any demands or expectations from her. Currently she is deciding if we are changing to separate beds during this 2 week period.