Locked into chastity

You're better off just telling her now before you do more harm then good. What's going to happen when she finds the cage. Or tries to initiate sex on a whim and feels it? The conversation will be possibly ruined before you even have it.

 

Hello, welcome to the Mansion. I saw your other thread about how you introduced the concept of Chastity to your wife and that she seemed to have mixed feelings about it. You're going about it right the right approach by easing her into it and there are alot of good people here in CM who will be happy to give advice/guidance if you need some.

We do love reading about others' chastity experiences, weather submissive or otherwise, so do continue to post about your journey. I myself, started mine as answer to a years-long jerking off problem (actual problem, not just a dirty habit) and I found being locked up and constantly being horny from it actually gives me more pleasure than constantly jerking off many times every day, so it's become a whole new part of daily life for me.

I have a similar situation of having to usually unlock for night time to get sleep, because I'm a very light sleeper... May last session was 6 weeks of being locked up 24/7 the whole time (except for cleaning) and it literally drove me insane. I was literally in tears after week 5 and I attributed my desperation to lack of sleep, so I'm trying once again for even longer, but this time with nightly unlockings. I'll be posting in my weekly journal, so if you'd like to have a read, then you can follow me or just occasionally visit here: My March (and hopefully April) Journal Why not do both?

Welcome to the mansion again & and enjoy your stay.

 

It's not an easy conversation to have, I was terrified to have it. At first I got a why that's weird but whatever. Now she insists I stay caged and other enjoys an active role in it. Vanilla wives can surprise you but you have to have that conversation first.

 

Welcome to our community. Good luck and enjoy.

 

Hi there and welcome to the mansion!

 

Welcome to CM! Thank you for joining and sharing a bit of your story!

It sounds like chastity appeals to you because of the arousal aspect... i.e. the denial aspect is a real turn-on! Is that accurate?

It sounds like you plan to continue to masturbate with a toy. Check out the definition of masturbation in this wikipedia article.
When I introduced chastity to my wife, if was for the purpose of turning over my sexuality to her. I told her that I had learned to enhance my libido thru stimulation of my nipples and the use of an occasional vibe on my cage even though I wasn't bringing myself to orgasm. I showed her how I was stimulating myself. She immediately put a stop to that because she considered it to be masturbation. In retrospect, I see that she was right.

Another approach to chastity that you might want to consider is to use it as a tool to enhance the intimacy in your marriage. It sounds like sex is just an activity in your marriage... correct me if I'm wrong. Chastity can lead to greater intimacy in your relationship emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and, as a result, really improve your sexual intimacy. If you can do that, your need for kink will fade into the background.

 

Hello and welcome. I do recommend talking it through with her. You really don't want her to find out about this by catching you in your cage. Good luck.

 

What would be in it for her? Have you thought about how you will sell it to her?

 

That's a very good point. Think of how you can make it "exciting" for her as well.

 

Starting to increase the non sexual physical intimacy could slowly bring her to open up. Foot rubs, scratching her back, shoulder massages, lots of gentle caressing with no expectation of anything in return, etc. It can take months to reach the place you want it to though so you have to be really committed.

Why would she be interested in a "power exchange" in your relationship? Power over what specifically?

 

It's easier if you have a change of mindset...
Don't think "How can I convince her to accept my chastity kink?"
Instead, think "What benefits will there be for her if I wear a chastity device?"
eg:
- She'll get hugs, kisses and caresses more often with less pressure to have to go further.
- She will never get pressurised to have PIV, unless she wants it.
- You'll be more attentive, caring, considerate for her,
- When you do have sex together, she'll never be left unsatisfied because you've had yours.
- She'll have multiple orgasms more often, before you even start to think about having one yourself.
- you'll have more energy for her, as you won't be wasting your libido on yourself.
- Intimacy will improve.
- Don't stop thinking, there's lots more. You know her best...

A good way to making change happen is to not try to change the other person, but to make the change yourself first. If you can't change towards what you want, why would you expect the other to do so before you do? Make the desirable space into which the other person can't resist moving into. Be that more loving, caring, considerate, submissive, whatever characteristics you'd both like your behaviour in the relationship to be, once you change for her added benefit, she'll notice and embrace it.

As others have mentioned, it takes time so you also need patience. Not just to get all the little things right (it won't always be perfect the first time), but also for her to see that the change is real, not just a flash in the pan.

 

Awesome! Do let us know if you have any questions or would like some references for your first cage. Do keep in mind however, it will involve alot of trial & error for you to find the right cage, so don't feel discouraged if your first cage is not the right one for you (chances are it won't be)... For me, it took like 7 of them to finally decide on the right one for me, which I'm wearing right now, so it's down to persistence as well as personal preference.

So, do understand that you will find the right cage for yourself. It's only a matter of time if you just keep at it.

 

Well, plastic cages are a good start to help you where you'll need to "fine tune" your eventual long term wear cage, but you're looking to keep it on for weeks without unlocking it once, then you best look for a stainless steel cage.

I don't know what your anatomy is like, but for me I don't allow any expansion because I'm what we call a "grower" so my flaccid size is tiny and my full erect length is WAY out there. So, any erection at all for me will push the entire cage forward. This is what I'm locked in right now: The Cock Cage of Shame. This small but comfortable cage is best for me for reasons I just described and the steel bars and ring allow plenty of ventilation and water flow to keep clean and dry over long periods.

Now, unless you're a grower like me, then such a small cage might not be for you, but the benefit of a steel cage with open air exposure is better than any full enclosure cage for hygiene reasons... This cage also comes in longer lengths if you wish to try it. Also, if your women is in a teasing mood, the open air steel cage design may allow her to give you just enough physical stimulation to drive you crazy and still not allow you to cum. Something nice to consider.

 

When I told my wife I thought she would get on board with it str8 away. It has taken 18 months to get to a position where she has said lock up and give me the key. While I wished it had come sooner taking it slow and allowing her to develop a desire for chastity is working. You know your partner better than us so you will know when you can push the issue and when you need to hold back.
I had been referring to myself as her little eunuch during sex and now that she has made me wear the cage to bed the eunuch comments continue however, she now understands the concept.
I feel that she is liking the power to decide when we have sex. We have gone from sex once a week to 4 times this week since Sunday. So much for chastity restricting your sex life.

 

LOL. From reading others' experiences, chastity only restricts how often you are allowed to cum, not your overall sex life. That's my interpretation.

 

That cage looks kinda weird to me, but not in any bad way, just unusual looking... Hope it works for you.

As for your keyholder, it sounds like she's really getting into this and I encourage you to play into her hands, literally.

 

I have got one of those its a pretty good cage, Its a copy of the custom Evolution Wearables which I also have lol . The only downside is it sticks straight out rather than have a curve which I prefer.

https://evotionchastity.com/collections/custom-bijou-orion-lesac/products/cage-8

Evolution are pretty expensive these days for custom resin, better just to spend the money on a custom metal. I got my custom years ago I think it was cheaper than that but it was my first custom and I got the sizing a bit on the small side