Life of Slave-Boy

Last Wednesday I begged to be allowed to rub my nipples while locked and reading chastity captions. I was just so horny. Master said that instead, I would have to stand in the corner naked and remind myself who is in charge.

SO I did that until directed otherwise. THen Master told me that I SHOULD lie down and vigorously rub my nipples with a ten minute timer.

Afterwards, she told me to take off my cage and take a shower and give myself a ruinied orgasm that I would have to eat.

The ten minute nipple session was intense and then I took the shower, so excited for a ruin....but I got carried away and had afull orgasm which I failed to clean up.

So I didn't tell Master for the rest of the week but last night I admitted to her that I had a full O and I didn't clean it up. SHe didn't say anything but I will probably get a consequence.

 

Not much happening. Master is having complications of illness so stress is high.

Once it’s over I will be horny and ask her for something. It’s my pattern.

 

Well my Master has been having incredibly painful spasms in her legs, hips, and knees for quite some time now; nearly a month. And it's really erosive to our mental health....it's all I can do not to lose my own patience and temper and burst into tears. I can only imagine how SHE feels. Disease can be so cruel.

But I may have stumbled onto a possible diagnosis (yet to be determined) and a definite treatment of the symptoms.

Looking online, I found a candidate illness that almost perfectly matches her symptoms and trajectory of decline. It's called Stiff Person Syndrome (or Stiff Man Syndrome) and it's generally thought to be autoimmune.

Long story short, there is no cure but there is treatment and even treatment of the root cause through immune therapy. In the short term, the doctor was very receptive to my theory and as a trial she put her on a GABA modifying drug that seems to be reducing, and in most cases altogether eradicating, her spasms. She's still very spastic but it's way better than it was and we're still working on dosages.

I'm so happy that something I found out may have provided an answer to our questions. It has certainly improved her quality of life!

In terms of my kink needs, I really haven't been doing much. She isn't really that into it and I'm feeling kind of non-committal myself. There doesn't seem to be as much drive in either of us.

I ask to cum and she says, "sure go ahead". It's about as underwhelming as you might imagine. I think her meds might be reducing her already nonexistent libido, but I don't care. They are working so....bonus.

It's also her birthday today and my daughter baked her a cake. I will be taking her some take-out sushi tonight and we shall have a nice night in.

Long term, I'm hoping that we can get her leg mobility back and get her to use her power chair more comfortably and reliably. Long-term I would love it if she got some of her leg strength back so she can even get up from a chair and use a walker but I'm not holding my breath for that. What is lost may be permanent.

For myself, as a sexual person? It's like that part of my life is essentially dead. I am not sure what to do about that. My Master (wife) doesn't really think much about that these days, if ever - unless I bring it up - which is less and less.

I feel like my life is being stolen from me by this illness (to say little of how SHE must feel).

My love for her hasn't waned. She's my best friend - if not my physical "lover". Things do get strained and even bitter between us sometimes, but it's just because I feel locked into this circumstance.

Sex, even vanilla or boring sex, is something I will never take for granted again after this experience.

 

So things are pretty, dare I say it, boring at the moment.

I am gearing up to be a lot busier at work and I'm still caring for my wife at home. She wants to be the one to give me permission to cum. I have been asking her if I can, and usually she says yes. It's usually my jerking off by myself.

I do watch some porn beforehand usually. last time she said, please imagine me giving you pleasure.

I asked how. SHe said, "with my lips and hands". So I imagined her giving me blowjobs and pinching my nipples or licking my nipples and giving me a handjob.

I'm actually horny today.

I'm a bit bored I guess.

 

Please don't admire me. I'm miserable. My wife is in such pain and I don't think we can sustain this.

She has just been humoring me. And I think it's time I stop pestering her.

 

I'm now just hanging onto my sanity. My wife is in such pain all the time that it's everything I can do not to snap.

I love her so much and she doesn't deserve this. Her meds help but they have their own consequences.

Throughout it all, I have these urges. Usually, they come to me after she has had a bad bout of pain, or when I've had work stress and I'm finally able to relax, and suddenly my craving for femdom and humiliation takes over me.

Often in the morning, I wake up dreaming of being cuckolded and locked in a tight metal cage. I am so tempted to message her and confess my pathetic desires but when I do, it invariably annoys or frustrates her.

She is pretty patient with me but even so, I know she's just being kind. SHe has much bigger things to worry about.

I do try to serve her but lately it's not out of a sense of being her slave but out of deep sadness and a desire to make things better for her.

I have to say that I really truly despise God right now. If God has a plan, then it's a bad one. If his plan is to hurt her, then he's a bloody thug and I will never forgive him.

I sometimes say to her, "I would trade every last shred of femdom (or sex for that matter) if you would be pain free and able to walk again". I mean that.

At this point, I would make a deal with the devil for that. Or I would wear chastity forever in exchange for her health.

I don't really know if she reads this blog but if she does, she should know that I still feel lucky to know her.

 

I was starting to feel interested in being locked again. My child is heading off to school in the fall and I thought that might be a good time to really throw myself into the Master/slave dyanamic.

I need it to help get me through the more depressing parts of being an ill wife's caregiver. At least that's what I believe. My wife isn't at all interested in any of it.

Truth be told, she's not interested in much other than eating, sleeping, and calling me away from whatever I'm doing to fetch something or help her with her business.

My spirit is weakening and she can't seem to see it. She doesn't really seem to see much more than what is immediately before her.

In the meantime I'm still trying to workshop treatments for her. Doctors are really useless. I'm the only one giving them ideas about how to treat her conditions and my ideas have so far been the only ones that have worked. Some doctor ideas have sent her into relapse for Christ's sake.

It's really hard to have any hope with accelerating symptoms and it's really hard to keep up a positive attitude when my wife can't manage even the attempt at playing with me. I'm not asking for very much from her. A word here and there....a role play....maybe watch while I jerk off or something...really anything!
She can't be arsed.

You know what? I'm a hard working man. I try. I am dealing with literally EVERYTHING and I'm sick and tired of being treated like I'M the needy one.

Pardon me for saying this but FUCK THAT. I give and give and give. I get zero recognition and the ONE THING that I ask for to help me cope. One blessed thing that is literally no skin off her nose and she can't be bothered.

I'm so bitter.

I know this isn't supposed to be about me venting about having a disabled spouse but that's part of it. The other part is that my wife will only do what she feels like doing, whilst I do pretty much everything I DON'T feel like doing.

There are limits and I think I'm fast approaching mine.

She knows that I post on here and normally I would not sound off this way but quite frankly I'm pretty sure she has no intention of reading my blog anyways so I'm really not concerned.

I need to vent and even if it's to you folks, I'll take it.

Sorry to bring you all down.

 

Well things are slightly better.

She is on new meds and some of her symptoms are abating. She still needs round the clock care but her pain is a lot less.

I haven’t been asking for anything from her in the last few weeks except I asked if I might rub myself to orgasm and cum in my pants while she watched. She allowed it.

This morning, she told me I would be allowed to cum in a yogurt cup and eat it on my knees in front of her.

So I enjoyed the rush of that experience. She looked straight at me.

Maybe things will be better in a while.

I hope.

 

I made Master breakfast this morning and was feeling really horny. I was kneeling at her feet and rubbing my face against her knees as she drank her coffee and ate her food. After, I said, "now that you have had your breakfast, I wonder what I should have. Do you think I should make my special yogurt?"

She replied, "yes."

I asked her if she would feed it to me and she refused.

I said, "I'm only trying to find ways for you to participate. I do understand it that is too much for you. But you will have no way of knowing if I'm making 'special' yogurt or just eating regular yogurt."

"THere are ways for me to know. You could cum into your yogurt in front of me and then eat it in front of me.", she replied.

My heart skipped a beat. I really want this. "That would be very exciting", I said.

I hope this happens soon. It would feel really special and intimate to ruin my orgasm into yogurt in front of her and then eat it. It would be a huge breakthrough for her to participate in my humiliation. We could finally share an intimate moment.

I have hope.

 

This morning Master told me to cum into a yogurt cup while she watched and then eat it in front of her.

It was wonderful to have her watch me do that. I’m so embarrassed though.

It’s what i wanted.

 

I asked Master if I could have a night time treat. She said I could split the yogurt cup in halves; half tonight and half tomorrow morning.

I just rubbed my nipples and jerked myself to a ruined orgasm onto a saucer with half a cup of yogurt. She watched me unload my ruined orgasm as I said “oh God I’m so pathetic” and then I mixed the cum into the yogurt.

I certainly tasted the cum more this time with half the yogurt.

She was very supportive.

I’m so grateful that she is now actively watching me do it because it makes me feel less alone. I also said that if she ordered it any time I would do it for her on command but I know she’s being gracious to allow it.

I repeated over as I jerked ,” I’m your slave! You’re so far above me, Master. Please make me your slave!”

She smiled as I did this.

I lapped up all of the creamy treat. My mouth tastes of copper now.

 

It’s been a while since I commented. Still serving Master and begging for sex which only culminates in me being told to cum into a yogurt cup and eat it in front of her.

I apologized for being a sissy and she said, “no...this is who you are and that’s fine.”

I wish I could do other more gay/sissy/humiliating things for her.

I suspect when child is away at camp in a week, I might.

 

Very very very late update.
My wife has her diagnosis. She has Stiff Person Syndrome.
If that sounds familiar it is the same disease Celine Dion has. They are the same age.

It’s a one in a million diagnosis and incurable but she is getting treatment.

She messaged me on FB Messenger today to make her coffee, cum in a plate and lick it up in front of her, then shower and then lock up and give her the key.

We have two weeks till daughter is back from university so I suspect I’ll be in slave mode till then.

I am currently naked except for my cage. She ordered me to exercise too (which I need).

I am her 24/7 caregiver so this is nice sometimes.

I really hope one day she will get her libido back and I can be locked and watch her get off. She does sort of get off making me eat cum now. But mentally. The power trip.

 

Currently unlocked after a day of hard work in the yard.
Then ate dinner with family and headed to bed.
Master is out like a light.

 

New roof on shed and patio stones so Master can ride wheelchair to our fire pit.

 

I was really horny and needy yesterday and I guess I pestered my wife one too many times. We had a bit of a fight which was mostly my fault. I apologized and seh gave me a mind-shattering handjob. It was really really good. First time in a very long time she actually touched me that way.

Next morning she asked me to take care of a caregiver type thing and I got upset. To put it in context, it's the thing I hate the most to do and she woke me up to do it...and then I had to do it again while taking a shower.

I behaved really badly. I don't think it was from the orgasm though. It was just caregiver fatigue.

I love my wife and Master more than she can know but sometimes I just hate life.

I should have been more grateful for the handjob.


And yes, I know I just made a whole lot of "I" statements.

I'm not very proud of myself.

I'm really happy for the couples on here that are enjoying the hell out of the power exchange. And there are times when I think we both do too. Anyhow, I am just venting.

Take care.