Life of Slave-Boy

Thanks for your support

 

This morning Mistress is feeling particularly sore and stiff. Unfortunately so was also feeling particularly needy but I put that on the back burner.

I woke up so horny in that twilight semi-conscious state and a thought occurred to me; maybe Mistress might be willing to reprogram me to become gay.

For the record I’m not gay. I am not attracted to men or their bodies...but I do like being made to eat cum...and I used to really enjoy when she would finger my ass while I ate her out.....that’s sorta gay right?

Oh yeah and yesterday she told me when I lean over her chair to kiss her she feels claustrophobic. So I guess I’m not really allowed to kiss her any longer either.

A part of me feels awful about that but maybe if she was to incorporate it into our play, as in “I’m not allowed to kiss her anymore” it could be hot and humiliating.

I think about why I enjoy forced bi cuck videos. Maybe it’s because the cuck is forced to be gay. Maybe that turns me on.

Mistress is pretty vanilla so she probably wouldn’t be interested.

I wonder how best I should approach her to suggest this. Or maybe I shouldn’t ask for this.

 

I woke up this morning so incredibly horny and fragile. I woke up at 5 AM when Mistress's alarm went off to take her meds. I went back to bed and texted her that I was really horny and I begged her for a chance to cum.

She didn't respond until 3 hours later. "You have my permission "

I asked her how I would be allowed to cum and she said to enjoy it in yogurt.

I first got up, made Mistress a coffee and then took a yogurt cup into the bedroom. I excitedly rubbed my nipples and gently stroked my semi-hard cock until it began to weep tiny drops of cum into the yogurt, but that wasn't really enough. I was having trouble actually releasing more than a drop at a time...until I started repeating to myself, "You're a loser! You're a pathetic sissy loser" Spill your cum, Loser!" and I felt a sudden euphoric but fleeting spasm...and "plop" came one solitary shot of jizz of about 1 tablespoon.

I mixed the yogurt up and took it out to the living room for Mistress to observe as I ate it.

"what does it make me that I dollowed through with those instructions, Honey?", I asked.


"It makes you a good obedient boi"

I told her I'm still very horny but she said I'm now pushing it. I'll be able to cum a second time if I serve her without issue.

 

As I reflect on what I begged for this morning, what Mistress allowed me to do, and what I actually did, I can't help but think, oh God I'm such a beta wimp. I know I shouldn't engage in negative self-talk etc. because it's bad for my self-esteem but every time I feel truly pathetic, and I tell myself I am, I get simultaneous feelings of "Hey stop it! Don't talk like that!" and "Oh God it feels SO GOOD to humiliate myself!".

Do any other husband/beta/cuck/slaves feel like I do? Do they coast between feeling utterly ashamed of themselves and in a sort of incomplete euphoric bliss?

Sometimes I feel like what I'm doing is really wrong. Like I shouldn't be doing this to myself.

But I know Mistress loves me and she is giving me what I crave. I have to remind myself that by humiliating me, she is telling me how much she DOES love me and how much I am worth.

Am I a messed up person? More than likely. But I'm grateful for her love.

 

Early this morning, at about 4 AM, I had a wet dream.

From what I remember of my dream, Mistress wasn't disabled, and she had been sharing our matrimonial bed with numerous men. She was covered with cum as was our bed.

I was trying desperately to lick up all the cum from her legs and stomach, and from the wet spots all over the bed....but for some reason every time I licked up a spill, there seemed to appear another one.

That's when Mistress got up from the bed and said, "You can't leave until it's all cleaned up honey" and left the room. I was frantically trying to clean it all up when suddenly I felt my own exquisite sensation of an impending orgasm....and then I knew this was a dream and I was waking up...and before I could do anything to stop it, I started pumping my own seed into my underwear.

For as long as I can remember, if I don't cum for more than a few days, I end up having accidents in my sleep. It's just how I'm wired I guess. I wasn't playing with myself or touching myself but I can't help it.

I got up, changed my shorts and threw my shameful stained ones in the wash and went back to sleep.

This morning when Mistress texted me to get up and fetch her coffee, I confessed what happened. SHe wasn't angry.

She just snickered at me and said, "Only little boys do that".

I'm still very much horny and frustrated despite the nocturnal emission.

Am I the only one on here who has these? Am I sexually inadequate? Why does this always happen to me?

I've given up on trying to deny this about me. It's who I am. It's pathetic. I've just decided to embrace it.

Please share with me your own stories about this if you have them. I'm curious to know if anyone else has this.

 

This morning I texted my wife saying I’m a pathetic worm and not fit to lick up her spit.

She replied, “I know that I’m your better.”

I was in heaven hearing this.

I begged her, “please destroy me! Destroy my manhood!”


She said ,”you already emasculate yourself so much that I don’t even need to....

...You’re so small and pathetic, do you even HAVE a manhood?”

I am so in love with her.

I’m feeling waves and waves of euphoric shame.

What the hell is wrong with me!

 

Follow-up:

I thought I was going to spontaneously orgasm upon reading what Mistress wrote but I didn't.

I told her I felt close to cumming but I knew that my cum is worthless since i had my vasectomy and have no right to cum inside her.

I asked, "may I be allowed to spill my worthless seed?

"no"

 

We had a bit of an argument last night. I acted out and was in the wrong.

I begged forgiveness the next morning (this morning). I asked if I blew any chance of spilling my seed and she said yes.

I begged and pleaded but she said, “I said no.”

I’m starting to worry that I’m going to be chaste for a long time.

 

haha yes Jemima you are right Sweetheart!

I was bad and I deserved punishment. Mistress says only for today though.

 

This morning, I asked Mistress if I was still being punished and she said simply, "Please make me breakfast, then take your shower, and then make yourself your breakfast yogurt"

I prepared Mistress some Chia pudding for breakfast, then took a hot shower, and wrapped myself in a towel and fetched a yogurt cup from the fridge. I then went into the bathroom and played with my nipples and cock until I oozed cum, a lot of cum, into the yogurt. I had been denied a long time and I had been saving up. The orgasm was close to a full one but not quite because I stopped stimulating myself as I felt it coming.

I started to ooze a large, steady stream of my seed into the cum, almost a third of the cup and then mixed it in. Amazingly, once mixed, I could not even tell there was anything but yogurt in there.

I was so horny and excited and simultaneously so ashamed of myself for doing this. I knelt down at her feet and prepared to eat my breakfast. "What kind of man does this", I thought....and Mistress said, "After you're done eating that, I want more breakfast please".

Feeling very conflicted, I spooned the mixture into my mouth, mumbling, "oh dear...oh dear". I then prepared some more breakfast for Mistress and thanked her for allowing me to have an orgasm. She ignored me and ate her food.

I feel like such a pathetic worm. But I'm still horny.

Oh God! I love her so much.

 

I made the very best fried chicken and coleslaw tonight. My family all agreed it was stupendous.

My wife in particular said it was great. I texted her asking,” good enough to earn me a full orgasm?” To which she texted back, “good but not THAT good.”

“Ok how about a second ruined one?”

“Not now...maybe tonight at bed time”

She liked the idea of me eating my ruin by standing on my head and dribbling it into my mouth.

So, 6 hours later when Mistress became sleepy I asked,” time for bed?”

“Yup...headstand and all”. She had not forgotten.

I always miss when I try to attempt this, partly because I’m fat and my stomach blocks the shot.

This time was no exception but unlike other times, I scooped up my missed shot off my stomach and obediently gobbled it up.

This orgasm was nearly a full one. I could feel real emotions telling me not to follow through....but I did it anyways. I wanted to keep my promise.

My rule of thumb is if I can eat it, it’s a ruined orgasm.

I feel so shameful. But also good...and my libido has calmed a lot.

God only knows what Mistress thinks of me.

 

I woke up this morning and reflected on last night's headstand. I am so humiliated by what I did and I am so conflicted about it. Since that arouses me, it's like my libido has rebounded back to 150% of what it was before.

If all I get are ruined orgasms which I am required to clean up, I dare say I'll be fit to be tied. Is this sustainable? I don't know but I'm trying to become more obedient for Mistress using this new sexual energy.

Does anyone else restrict themselves to ruined or incomplete orgasms?

 

Today I have been instructed that my wife prefers to be addressed as Master and not Mistress.

 

Yesterday, we had planned a porn watching session and then fooling around (I was not sure what that would mean).

We started watching porn but then she decided it really wasn't for her so we listened to a podcast. I was somewhat dejected because the podcast wasn't particularly arousing. It was just basically instruction on how a sub like me should stay in my Master's good graces.

Afterwards, Master said she will try other ways for us to get aroused together.

I needed a shower so I stripped down and, in a bit of cheeky effrontery, I presented my naked body for her before heading to the shower. She quickly reached out from her chair and rubbed my nipples vigorously. My knees buckled a bit. She reached for my tiny dick but couldn't reach far enough to touch my cock.

I straddled her legs to come closer and she started stroking me - for about a second - and I started to leak immediately. No orgasm...just oozing all my pent up boi-fluid. I caught it in my hand just in time.

SHe said, "Go and take your shower slave". Leaving me holding a hand full of my useless cum.

"what about this?", I asked, holding my hand up.

"eat it", she said, with the expression that seemed to say "obviously...".

I paused only briefly and, right in front of her, did as I was told. SHe showed no expression at all but I can tell that deep down she was thinking, "What a pathetic loser".

I took my shower, drank some water to chase my embarrassing treat, and got out.

I've been buzzing with submissive horniness ever since.

This morning, I said to her, "Master, if I beg for another humiliating treat, could I have one?"

"no. It's MY schedule now; not yours."

I'm feeling super frustrated at the moment but it's what I asked for. If anyone else thinks I'm a pathetic beta wimp, please feel free to comment.

Master was very kind to me. I love her with all my heart.

 

I think she probably will.

It hurts to hear you call it useless.

I don’t understand why that makes me feel alive.

 

Still denied today. I woke up feeling I am ready to burst.

I told Master I am happy to do whatever she demands of me.

I want to just cum fully and be done with it but I'm trying to just be happy being denied. I'm having a great deal of trouble thinking about anything else.

I'm not sure what to do about that.

 

So I had an accident while doing chores for Master. Just started to leak without warning. I was too full I guess.

She told me to go shower and give myself a full orgasm and then go lock up because she said I can't be trusted to keep from having accidents.

I jerked off in the bathroom and it was a great orgasm but after, I just felt like I need to be more regularly sane. I can't be all pent up all the time. I am starting to question if I really have the time, energy, and focus to remain chaste for extended periods.

I have so much work to do caring for her, and in my job, and looking after the family that I think maybe this has to simply be put away. It would be nice if I could do this but I don't think I can do it and keep the rest of my life together.

I'll have to have a frank discussion with my wife.

 

Last week after acting totally unsubmissive, I started to get horny again. I told my Master and she said that she guessed I needed to take care of it. But she told me that it would be the last time I would cum till next week.

Now this week, I started to feel incredibly submissive and pathetic again. I told her I was having those feelings. So she told me to lock myself in the bedroom, give myself a ruined orgasm and eat it out of my own hand.

I said, "Ok if that's what you would like". SHe said, "you are only worth a ruined o"

I was sort of shocked she said that.

I love her for telling me that and I simultaneously hate myself for complying.

 

Yesterday I asked Mistress to please play with me. She asked me what I wanted...and if I wanted to cum.

I said, "Yes Master".

She said, "No. Not until next week".

So I have been trying to behave and not get too clingy. At the same time, she is constantly asking me to do things for her as her caregiver so I'm recharging myself by looking at chastity/femdom/cuckold captions.

It's probably bad to look at them but it feels good.

I shared with her a website with punishment tips for her in case she wants to do that.

Otherwise I've kept the kink to a minimum.

 

Ok so I am incredibly horny and desperate to cum at the moment. Master has been suffering Covid symptoms for the last two days and I've been worrying a lot about her. We had some scared a few times but she appears to be getting a lot better.

I find that after a stressful period, I get: A) Horny and B) Submissive and highly kink-minded.

I asked Master this morning, "Have I been earning good Boi points, Master?"

"Yes", she replied.

Later this morning, Master said to me, "I've been thinking about what you said and maybe I should institute a points system for you".

"If that's what you want to do, Master", I replied.

Secretly, I don't want this. I want really badly to have a satisfying orgasm....so I can return to sanity. The longer I go without one the more manic I get and at some point I think I become so obnoxious that she just sends me off to either A) ruin my orgasm and eat it, or B) Give myself a full orgasm (rarely she will rub me to orgasm).

I would REALLY like to be rubbed by Master to orgasm.

A point system sounds really sexy and wonderful but to me it just feels like it will be another set of hoops I have to jump through to get release. My kink brain is hyper turned on but my realistic brain says, "Just let me come already!"

I'm a little worried about what is to come or...who is NOT to come.

 

I actually asked if I could lock up my cock this morning.

I came two days ago and I generally have a bit of demotivation after. I think she felt really sad because I might have been neglecting her after my last full orgasm but she never confirmed his.

So this morning I told her that I was feeling very submissive and she said she would see what she could do. I don't have high hopes because she generally forgets the promise not long after.

So I offered to lock up and she said ok.

I showered and shaved my privates first since they were getting a bit unruly.

I lubed my cock in a bit of vaseline to help it slide into my HT.

I definitely notice I am smaller than I used to be. Maybe it's age or maybe being shoehorned into a tight diametre tube did it.

The cage is too long now but it's an ok width. I will do household chores while naked and locked for her. I hope that's amusing for her.

We've had a tough couple of days health wise so I needed to blow off steam and I am hoping not to contribute to her discomfort with my kink. I didn't call her Master today. Just Honey. Sometimes it seems more natural.