I posted a version of this a good few months ago but never got the courage to actually send it, until two days ago. I sent it in the morning and we had a brief ‘chat’ last thing before bed. My wife wasn’t sure what it meant (apparently) so I summed it up briefly again. She said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to, so I said that was no problem at all and just give me the key back. She didn’t. I asked the next day, and I didn’t get it. That night I pleasured her before being asked if I was expecting to be let out. I said it was 100% her choice, so she didn’t and we went to sleep. I’m not going to ask again and just keep going and see what happens. I was wondering if we could try this for a bit (perhaps as a Christmas present for me?) I have been thinking about sending you this for months but never found the courage or I kept changing the wording or some other reason came up... ) I proposed and started chastity ‘play’ but the problem is, at the moment, it’s simply a way to deny me scratching a growing itch. This was of course originally what the game was all about and there are big aspects of which I really enjoy. The problem for me is that I then get frustrated that we seem to miss opportunities to do things when they come around. After some period of time I start to feel that if I don’t encourage you into something, we wouldn’t do anything at all. This this just puts pressure on you and you feel you’re not living up to my expectations. Chastity for me also feels self-imposed as I will have almost certainly initiated ‘the game’ and really, if I said to you that I didn’t want to play anymore, you would just give me the key and probably be glad to. When the above ‘scenario’ happens, even with the ‘chastity play’, of me getting frustrated and grumpy and you feeling even more pressured, we all feel bad so things are clearly not working. This is defiantly not how I want us to be! What I do want is for us to be more physically loving, more intimate and more sexual more often. I also want you to enjoy, be OK with thinking about and having sex more and be more sexually confident. The selfish consequence for me is I will feel aroused more, and then enjoy sex more too. I don’t want you to feel pressured and unhappy and I don’t want to feel negatively frustrated. I think chastity could help by completely changing our sexual dynamic. It could break the cycle above and prevent the bad feeling on both sides. So why isn’t it working at the moment? Because we’re approaching it as a game that’s only for me, my satisfaction. We’re following the original intent of building frustration up to the point of one release. But the longer this goes on the more I struggle to control the frustration as there are no boundaries and I’m unable to channel it to anything which can positively (or negatively) affect me. Ultimately I therefor just end up adding more pressure on you. You, and therefore we, aren’t getting any of the benefits of what it could be. I’d like to ask if we can change it from a one-off game into something that can work for us both over a longer period. Not ‘forever’ but initially long enough to try it out properly. The main difference from before is you would need you to actively take charge of aspects into the ‘grey’ area between this and our everyday life. As an example, don’t let me put pressure on you. Use this new aspect to resolve this - don’t get moody with me, but tell me straight - make me do what you want and then we move on with no bad feelings. If I’m being grumpy, don’t get grumpy back but come up with a list of consequences your happy with and then use them. Tell me your expectations and don’t let me ‘top from the bottom’. Set rewards and tease me if you think it’s appropriate. Perhaps have a night a week where we eat together, watch something together and go to bed together. Tell me to give you a massage, pleasure you or to hug you whilst you fall asleep. Be direct and take control of what you want and when. I appreciate the physical consequence of this may be I’m less able to ‘perform’ as well in the short term but this does always resolve its self after a day or two. Even with this, I’m still happy to be kept locked and denied for as long as you wish and to give your the controls not only physically but also behaviourally of our intimate relationship. My only request is that I/we do under take some activities, in an ideal world for me, perhaps a couple of times per week which could be a ‘date night’, sex (in whatever form for ether of us), teasing, treats/consequences, stricter chastity... perhaps give me activities but which only require minimum effort from you if you’re tired. This is always your choice and I want this to be easy and enjoyable for you. What I really don’t want to do is long term chastity ‘play’ where the sole purpose is to keep me denied as inevitably, and most certainly not intentionally, it makes me negatively frustrated and you unhappy.
I see chastity like putting a brick on the gas pedal in terms of sexual drive and motivation. But if there isn't at least a hand on the wheel, to keep all that energy pointed in the right direction...it can just turn into a flaming wreckage. I hope it works out for both of you.
Good stuff I think many of us take time to sort this out. We decided to take a "serious try at chastity" almost a year ago. There have been equipment issues with cages to find our long term cage. There is a learning curve that requires lots of communication, compromise and just figuring out. We have decided to extend our experiment for another year and keep seeing if we can get better yet. The future is looking good. Bottom line.... It take time and honesty.
We took the children swimming yesterday so was told to take it off in the morning. Early evening I send a text with a key and a question mark and was told not too. Fortunately we then had really good (ie everything worked for me and lasted well!!) sex before sleep. Swimming again earlier today so told not to re-lock. Now wondering if my wife will remember... These past few nights I’ve asked if I can sleep in my modified (made to fit better) Chinese belt. I’m aware of it nearly all of the time but the morning ‘stretching’ is far more comfortable (lots of space to grow) and it doesn’t seem to effect my performance like the small ball-trap cage does.
You did right to spend time writing and rewriting your letter. It takes time to fully understand what you are truly asking for. I wish you well in your continued journey.
Nice letter. When you hit the three week mark of continuous lockup, there is little chance she will return to pre-chastity. You will remain locked for the future. It will hit you like the proverbial beer truck. And then, we can all say “we told you so.” But, you already knew it. Right?
Happy new year! Well nothing at all has happened since my last message. There is a saying about pushing a piece of string...
If she been on board with some form of chastity 'play' it for a short while and has seemingly not succeeded in developing as an avid an interest as your self or as you would like her to then I would think that obviously you have to find another way to develop her interest especially if your aim if for you both to e living some mutally advantageous chastity lifestyle. Perhaps a more clear and more encomapssing attempt at demonstrating some of the advantages to her. Which could range from reularly doing something for her that she would appreciate ...to doing all the household tasks you physically can so she is left with as little as possible to do and time for herself to explore her own interests or pastimes. It might be as simple as regularly and frequently taking the kids out of the house so she just gets some peace and quiet. There are no quick fix easy solutions to your dilemma if you are determined that something of TTTWD is to be a part of your relationship and my suggestion is perhaps only one of the possibilities that may be suggested to you. Which ever strategy or combination thereof youdo choose to try first I wish you all the luck you will undoubtedly need.