Lauren's Journal

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by lauren1fem, Dec 16, 2008.

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  1. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Thanks Mike - It's a blast to dream about what may come. There's so many possibilities and even if nothing comes of it I'm enjoying the anticipation of it all. Well - here's to hoping!
     
  2. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    Wow, this is a great development, lauren! If this happened to dollyanne (spouse discovering pics on the PC), dolly would be kicked to the curb. Your wife's reaction is a promising one in that She didn't blow up from seeing the pictures. (Dolly is curious which ones She saw--all of them or just a few of the stockings ones?) Dolly can't wait to see what happens. It definitely sounds like something feminine could be under the tree for you!

    xoxoxo, Merry Christmas!

    dollyanne
     
  3. Miss D
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    Miss D Expert In Femming

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    Such an interesting turn of events lauren. Since you are such a cutey, I can understand why your Wife might like to see you in pretty lingerie. I am guessing there's something quite pretty - just for lauren - under the tree this year.

    Now the big question is whether the your Wife will take this opportunity to take charge a little more. Who knows? Maybe She'll decide she prefers lauren quite femmed - at least underneath - all the time now. It wouldn't be the first time a Wife seized on such an opportunity such as this to have complete control of her little sissy.
     
  4. Penny Panty
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    Penny Panty Goddess Chris Sissy Pet

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    Very nice lauren, you are so cute i can see why she did not even flinch, i hope for your sake she becomes much more dom and takes you as a sissy, giving you tasks, more humility and dress up games, strap ons, spankings and play. Must be exciting for you, slowly ease her into more, maybe she can join the mansion?......keep up the good sissy work you are so pretty!
     
  5. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Thank you all for your encouraging comments. My wife is awesome and I love her so. She seems to be able to look the other way in my sissy obsessions. Maybe that's all that comes from this - even more tolerance. I have to wonder if she ever will get in to this scene with me, but at least she tolerates my behavior to a large extent.

    I'd love to experience forced sissification and be under her thumb, but it's mostly a fantasy. I think she's too focused on other things in life to "waste" time femming me and taking on that role - it sounds like many of the Dommes here find it burdensome at times though I'm sure they also enjoy certain benefits from it too. I don't mean to start a debate about that.

    We are pretty good partners in life. We each bring our strengths to the table. But one part of our relationship that seems to be at odds is that I have such a stronger sex drive matched with my already feminine build and you've go the makings for a sissy - that's me!
     
  6. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Oh heavens! I don't think Lauren's wife saw a lot of chastity pictures unless she looked hard at each photo. That would have probably scared her some and led to a more disturbing conversation than what transpired. The photos she saw were recent ones like my avatar and the 12 days of Christmas stockings pics. Maybe a few of me in my red corset. I think she saw a QUICK glimpse of my photos and stopped looking for what she was after in the first place, probably not spending much time staring at them, but she does know where they are now if she wants to get a closer look. I've tried to leave just tasteful ones there for the time being. (I have many more elsewhere in an offline location that IS safe.)

    Gosh I love my avatar photo so much. (I apologize for being so narcissistic. I know it's very rude and not befitting a proper sissy) I see a female in those photos and it "stirs me manhood"! I wish oh so much that my wife could see it that way and help me become even more like a girl!
     
  7. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    i like you lauren love my new avatar and it stirs some of the same feelings in me. Though it doesn't stir me manhood it definately stirs my "woman hood". i think i look really good in that pic and i am gonna hate when the holidays are over and i have to take it down. Thanks to Mistress Michelle, Mistress Wacthful and Ms Linda for the encourgement to put it up. There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself lauren.

    MM's sweetpea
    rachel
     
  8. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    I am so excited for you lauren. Even if your wife never talks about it again, she has shown you that she accepts that side of you even if she won't talk about it.

    Of course, I hope she goes much further, hopefully so far as to force femme you... but I know that is probably just a fantasy.

    Still, you are blessed to have a woman you call a 'good partner'. As for your narcisism lauren... if you got it, flaunt it! You go gurl!

    Love,
    little sis
     
  9. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Thank you sweetness - aka Cindy aka Respectful.

    Wife seems to be kidding Lauren about it now. It's nice that we can let this side of me enter into a conversation even if it's a good natured ribbing. Lauren can't wait for tomorrow. She hopes for a surprise and she wishes everyone a wonderful holiday.

    Be well all!
     
  10. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    Humour is a great way to embrace new thoughts.

    aka sweetness
     
  11. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Well there were no little special feminine surprises for Lauren under the tree. She's okay with that and it was at least fun to build some hope and excitement for the fantasy of the possibility. *sigh*
     
  12. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    Ah yes Lauren it is the dreaded roller coaster that i ride with you. Antcipation (like going up the hill) going down the hill and crash at the bottom when the tracks run out.

    rachel
     
  13. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Well it was now or next week... With my in-laws arriving later today I knew there would be no sex with my wife until their departure so this morning I pounced on her for some love. But I decided that I would do all I could to NOT have an orgasm while pleasing my wife with all my might. Since I've been chaste for a long time (for me) having held off since before her trip earlier this month (that seems so long ago); I knew this was would be difficult.

    I had a difficult sleep thinking over about it and getting so turned on. It was difficult not to take myself over the edge then, but I held out for the morning. When morning came round, I snuggled up next to her and started touching, pleasing and caressing her all over. Soon she was ready for me. I plunged myself into her and kept at it. Soon she was moaning and about to go over the edge. I usually have an orgasm just from hearing her purr while her pussy lips quiver and clench my member. It's all I can take, but I was on a chastity mission! I wanted so much to deny myself this pleasure while giving her all that she desired.

    Such a switch from being selfish and seizing my own orgasm. So now I'm completely hard up you might say. I'm really in an odd way and feeling so needy and yet all I want to do right now is take her there again and again. Having done this has made me feel so upside down and backwards. I actually feel kind of dizzy from being in such an excited state for so long.

    What next?
     
  14. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Lauren woke this morning to a bad dream. She dreamed that her best friend from high school had discovered his secret life as "Lauren" and had outed him to everyone. Lauren came to a party where all her old friends were. Lauren was in "dress" and everyone was there and knew it was her. She felt so embarrassed and humiliated and yet no one seemed to be really all that bothered, but the flushed feelings of being outed made her really upset with her friend. It was a weird feeling of anger, humiliation and sadness that this day had finally come.

    When Lauren woke her first thought was that she wished she had never ever logged into the Mansion and starting posting pictures there and that all her posts could just go away. It was so weird that she felt so bad, so guilty, for establishing a presence here. But after a few minutes from waking and calm thinking Lauren felt that she had nothing to worry about. There's nothing here that she is ashamed of! It's still bothering Lauren that her initial reaction was one of disgust and guilt, but dreams are weird things so... hey has anybody has a feeling like this?
     
  15. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    Lauren

    I have these feelings often as the man and the woman in me speak with unique voices.

    This is why it is good to use a psuedonym and just send photos of someone's yummy legs, like you do sweetie!

    Little Sis,
    Cindy
     
  16. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    Dollyanne has had this same dream, lauren, only it wasn't an old friend, it was dolly's family finding out. Dolly woke up in a mortified sweat. You'll notice that some of dolly's more risque pictures of herself are gone and dolly has replaced them with "cleaner" pics. Your pictures are great, but if you're worried, you might take a look through them and confirm for yourself that they are OK and do a cleansing of those you think aren't. It might help you sleep better at night. Those of us who live secret online lives are faced with this problem--and there are a lot of us!--so you are not alone. That probably explains the popularity of sites such as Second Life.

    Dollyanne thinks it is actually healthy to be able to display different aspects of yourself, much like actors do. We are complex beings after all. And, dolly knows the gurlie side of lauren is very strong--just as dolly's is--and it would be a shame to deny that expression of lauren. The problem is to be able to do it in a safe and accepting environment, and Chastity Mansion is one of the best, if not THE best. So, you are in a GOOD place!

    xoxoxo
    dollyanne

    P.S. One of the advantages of the new blogging section, as dollyanne understands it, is that it is not publicly viewable like the Vault is. So, people have to register and login in order to access it. That may be a small barrier, but at least someone wouldn't just "stumble" across it--they would have to make a concerted effort to get there.
     
  17. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    Lauren i am not a vivid dreamer as i don't remember too many dreams but they say we all do it. i do tend to think quite a bit though, perhaps some would call this daydreaming. Either way the point is i do have thoughts along these same lines but instead of disgust and guilt about my so called kinks. i think how FREEING it would be not that i want to be outed as it would cost me family, friends and most likely my job but how absolutely FREE i would feel. Now if i could be outed and still be accepted is a whole other can of worms.

    MM's sweetpea
    your friend
    rachel
     
  18. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Very wise words indeed Rachel and Dolly! I have nothing more to say right now about this.

    I have looked over my albums and my posts. I like what I have out there now and don't think there's anything I need to remove.
     
  19. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Major kink right now

    Lauren has become quite enchanted with discreetly wearing perfume on most days. No one seems to notice which is good. Lauren must not be overdoing it - that or no one has bothered to say anything. For this gurl, wearing perfume puts Lauren in such a state of vulnerability mixed with horniness and pleasure that she is hooked.

    If you've read my earlier posts you'll know that Lauren loves the Estee Lauder "Beautiful" scent. Upon first applying it Lauren usually freaks out that it is too strong and smells way too overpowering, but as the day wears on the perfume seems to morph into other "odors". It takes on different smells that leave her feeling so wistful and full of ideas of the gurl she is/can become.

    Oh dear just catching a faint whiff of this perfume through the day gives Lauren all kinds of feelings of gurliness and desire. Like colors of the rainbow, each nuance of the scent leaves her in a different gurly state; and knowing that it is she who emits this feminine and dainty perfume gives her such a warm feeling inside.

    In some ways wearing perfume "completes" Lauren. If you haven't tried wearing perfume before I suggest you give it a try (sissies). There seems to be something powerful in our sense of smell that channels all the right feelings for this sissy and makes for a happy gurl!

    ~Lauren
     
  20. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    Does your wife know anything about your sissydom, or your cb3000 ?
     
  21. Goddess Jen
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    Goddess Jen Expert in tease and denial

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    That's my favorite perfume. :butterfly:

    I can see why you love wearing it. I adore perfume. It makes me feel beautiful and very feminine. Enjoy, Lauren:manga_blowkiss:
     
  22. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Well we Girls/gurls know what's good don't we... yes indeedy this gurl sure loves perfume for the reasons you state Goddess Jen. :Tulip_Up: Lauren just got up, showered and applied my perfume. Now I feel beautiful and I type this post!
     
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