Lauren's Journal

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by lauren1fem, Dec 16, 2008.

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  1. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #176 lauren1fem, May 24, 2009
    This morning my wife teased me about spanking me. :danger: If only she knew how much that one simple little mention sent sparks through my entire body! There were other people in the room, (her parents) and there wasn't time to talk further about it, but geez... Such small simple little things send me to the moon with delight... But I know how these things go. It was just silly small-talk with no intention behind it.

    After 20 years of VANILLA marriage I can't expect to change her overnight. But it's so fun to dream and fantasize about it... *sigh* Well at least I have the courageous posts by all you other sissies & subs out there to fill my void. Someday perhaps I'll gather the courage or find the right moment to move US in this different direction. If only she was into it - that's what I feel deep down will never happen, but a gurl's gotta try right? :innocent0002:
     
  2. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    #177 chastityslavejohn, May 24, 2009
    God how i love when Mistress spanks me...sigh!!
     
  3. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #178 lauren1fem, May 24, 2009
    to be spanked

    Lucky you! :sex007: ... so jealous
     
  4. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    #179 dollyanne, May 25, 2009
    Lauren, this sounds quite promising! Dollyanne's spouse has NEVER EVER teased dolly about spanking. Dolly suspects your wife may have thrown a trial balloon out there knowing full well how it would affect you! :manga_balloon:Maybe you should work up a come-back in case it happens again? Something like, "Promises, promises!"

    Dollyanne is a self-spanker and does not consider herself to be a pain slut. Nevertheless, the prospect of being spanked by someone else like dollyanne's spouse is quite exciting to fantasize about! In case you haven't already read it, dolly wrote a piece about whipping "therapy" in her blog: Sissy Spanking. It turns dolly on every time she reads it!

    Huggs and Sissy Paddle Kissses,    :butterfly:
    dollyanne
     
  5. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #180 lauren1fem, May 26, 2009
    Response to Dollyanne's post above...

    Dolly that's great. You have the best ideas for how to respond in situations. I need you in my ear whispering proper responses when the time comes. :butterfly:

    I love the idea you put forth in your whipping therapy post - you, gurl, have quite the imagination... and I love the pink and white stockings! How come we've never seen them before (or maybe I've missed them somehow)?

    Spanking is such fun. I get a kick out of it when I've self-spanked. Sometimes I don't really know why I NEED to be spanked - perhaps it's depression-related? But it's a nice thrill and that stinging bite on my bottom is a reminder that Lauren is a sissy that needs to be punished and learn her place... Sometimes Lauren can be a bit haughty, and need a good spanking to knock her back down to a more humbled self. She wouldn't know what to do with herself if she was spanked by a woman. That would be such a femming rush that would make her sooo submissive - she would probably cry right in front of her spanker!
     
  6. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #181 lauren1fem, Jun 12, 2009
    School Daze...

    Lauren had a big day yesterday. :manga_beat: First, there was a bit of time at home alone to take some fun school gurl pictures. She loves getting all dressed up in her pink hose, garter and bra underneath her crisp white shirt and plaid mini and heels. (Let's not forget the tie). With just a hint of perfume gracing her neck and tummy she goes bananas in front of the camera. But she was all locked up tight and unable to take things to the next level.

    So Lauren scooted off in her MINI (still attired in her mini school-gurl outfit) and went for a drive in the beautiful lush mountains nearby. After a lengthy mountain bike ride (in boy mode) Lauren was literally in heat! She returned home and raced to her bedroom, found her red plug and "went to town" forcing it into her quivering ass. She quickly removed her CB3k and barely touched her clittie. She let her plug do the rest of the work as her intensity crescendoed and it brought her to first one, then two, then a final third full blown orgasm. Whew!

    Later that night Lauren was all done being Lauren and switched (in chameleon fashion as she is known to do) to boy mode and pounced on his wife in bed. As we were both quite tired (not sure why wife was so tired) we weren't interested in anything too lengthy. I started manipulating her and she succumbed quickly, but it seemed like a big explosive O. Then she began touching me tenderly and in short order had me moaning to a nice O as well.

    Like I said, it was a big day!

    Lauren has created a new album with a few fresh photos of herself from the neck down in her favorite school gurl ensemble. :butterfly:
     
  7. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    #182 dollyanne, Jun 12, 2009
    Definitely a BIG day, lauren, with an even BIGGER ending! Wow! Dollyanne loves the pics too--very sexy. And, how slutty you were with that butt plug! Naughty, naughty! Stealthy, horny, chameleon Gallagher girlie at work! You're making dollyanne want to get a school-girl outfit too!

    Huggs & Kisses,    :manga_heatwave:
    dollyanne
     
  8. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #183 lauren1fem, Jun 12, 2009
    What's stopping you gurl? Go get that dress and work it!
     
  9. PT109
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    PT109 Senior Member

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    #184 PT109, Jun 12, 2009
    Nice pictures lauren (as usual)!
     
  10. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #185 lauren1fem, Jun 13, 2009
    Praises to you!

    Thank you PT109. You've not idea (well maybe you do) how exciting it is for one to pose for these pics and share them with you all. And it feels so wonderful to see your kind compliments. :happy0030:

    I'm just too scared to let my wife see me like this. But the more I think about it the more emboldened I become... Someday perhaps I'll pose for her (of course by then I'll probably be all shriveled withered and old). That would be such a rush, but OMG I so love dressing up like this. I just wish I could know in advance that she'd dig it too before I exposed her, or myself I guess, to this side of me. It's sad that I keep this from her, but I'm really just a "scaredy" cat. In a way I feel guilty like I'm cheating on her...

    I wish I knew a way around this, but it's all my own internal fears that keep me from taking that next (fateful) step. Grrr.

    Help anyone? Sooooo scared!
     
  11. PuppyMastersPet
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    PuppyMastersPet Long term member

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    #186 PuppyMastersPet, Jun 13, 2009
    It’s the hardest thing to do, telling your partner about desires. I slowly introduced my kinks to Master over the years and each time it was hard even though we we’re still experimenting, unfortunately for me I had and have many kinks.

    I hope you can tell your wife one day and that she embraces your desires. It’s all about picking the right moment. When you feel the time is right you’ll know.
     
  12. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    #187 sophia, Jun 13, 2009
    This is very strange, why it is so difficult. I don't understand the psychology behind it.

    I know my wife loves to:
    Know that my cock is Her property, having me locked up and controlling my orgasms.
    Dress me as a gurl.
    Have me put on a wig and lipstick.
    She loves being the boss at home.

    I have no problem telling Her what I want to do, She plays along with my kinks, sometimes because She is nice to me, sometimes She really gets turned on.

    However, when i seriously ask what She wants, She cannot utter a simple world! I love Her very much and all I want to do is make Her happy and when I kindly ask Her She gets in a state of total silence !?

    During the years I have found that I have two "weapons".
    The first i humor. If I joke and play a little theater I can easily see if She likes it or not.
    The second is trial and error. This also involves a little "theater" and joking. Then it works fine. This is during love-making. I just see if Her pussy gets more wet, then I know I'm on the right track.
    And when we have played once, then She can implement it for the future....

    And I have learnt, after many years, there are som big No-No:
    Acting like a "normal man" in bed, being a little dominant and on top. NO.

    But can She tell me what She wants? No way! It is not me topping from the bottom, it is like I have to find the Gordian knots, and solve them. Freud, Jung, someone ??

    Don't know if it helps you Lauren, but good luck!

    sophia
     
  13. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    #188 Rachel, Jun 13, 2009
    The reason sophia is because you can get rejected by the one you love as i did.

    Randy
     
  14. PT109
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    PT109 Senior Member

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    #189 PT109, Jun 13, 2009
    To the majority of people sex is like physics. They know that gravity pulls things in the direction of earth (what goes up comes down), they know that light travels very fast. But that's about it. Start talking about gravity wells, black holes or string theory and their eyes glaze over. We are sexual explorers and sex is an area which culture and religion has long since relegated to the "danger zone". Only the priests or other high mukymuks (such as University psychologists) can dictate what is acceptable sexually. Culture and religion does its job so thoroughly and so early in life that most sexual behavior is cast in stone and cannot be easily changed. What I'm getting at is just that if your partner is willing to go along with your kinks and finds some pleasure for her (or his) self in the process, then that may be all we can hope for. After all we are unique individuals (not normal). It's not that we are not "programmed" ourselves. Maybe we are the beta versions (experimental and not thoroughly approved).
    Think about how comfortable you feel when the whole world agrees with your point of view on something. Why would you change your opinion? Especially if you have no inborn kinkiness driving you in another direction.
     
  15. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    #190 sophia, Jun 13, 2009
    No, we don't want to see the ugly head of rejection popping up!
    Now hijacking Laurens thread: Is there nothing you can do, Randy?

    To get better sex? :sign0007:
    No, you want to say that we are subjects of the evolution testing possible future success? The very edge of evolution is the chastised sissy?

    Knowing this make my day feels a whole lot better. Thank you PT109.

    sophia
     
  16. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #191 lauren1fem, Jun 13, 2009
    Awww. That's so sad subhubinpa - you are right that I don't want to blow what I have.

    I love my wife, family and all that I have in life - but I want to be forced in my feminization or feel free license to pursue it on my own. )I have trust issues - even though she's never given me reason feel that way. It's more trust in myself to some degree in trusting that our relationship won't be broken if she's horrified by my desires. Uggh.
     
  17. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #192 lauren1fem, Jun 13, 2009
    Exactamundo!

    Yes Kris, it's really all down to me sharing my desires. Why is this so hard for me? I admire others here who have success where I'm still searching.

    Is it so wrong to tell someone you need something?

    Why do I get hung up with this and feel stuck when trying to share this most personal DESIRE that I have? I have a great bod. I love dressing as a gurl and damn I look hot as a gurl. I love seeing her (myself) staring back at me from a mirror! I love expressing myself secretly in submissive ways and I'm not getting any younger. Arghhh!
     
  18. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #193 lauren1fem, Jun 13, 2009
    Neverending Journey

    In many respects your situation sounds similar and in others it's very different - I like that idea of trying to solve Gordian knots, but in my case I'm afraid the knots are located within me not my wife.

    Although I'm not real sure it turns my wife on to know I'm wearing panties to bed and hoping to have an encounter with her on any random night.

    If I knew for sure that she was turned on by my gurlish desires I would have less holding me back.

    Thank you sophia!
     
  19. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #194 lauren1fem, Jun 13, 2009

    Cool I agree. I'm certainly a product of my culture and religions! It's what has tweaked me to this state where I'm stuck trying to express my desires to her.

    PT109, subhubinpa, sophia, Kris and all: Talking this through with you all is helping and I'm enjoying this conversation with all of you. Thank you for your insights. You are all quite smart! :confused0068:
     
  20. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #195 lauren1fem, Jul 7, 2009
    Fresh conversation

    As Respectful has asked: Where has Lauren been lately? So I'll attempt to answer as follows: It's as if Respectful is tapped in to my subconsious:

    Well, Lauren has been pretty busy with life. I've kind of strayed a bit from the chastity scene, but had the most interesting conversation with my wife about wanting to be locked up with her has keyholder just last night so maybe that' why I've logged in today to the Mansion.

    We were getting into a bit of foreplay as boy/girl the usual vanilla thing and it just came up. I said how I had fantasized of being owned and having her own my penis - after all it is hers, just as her vagina is mine in the sense of being ONE through marriage... (you know how that goes right?)

    Anyway I said there are all kinds of chastity devices like the birdcage and others that I would love to "try" being locked up in. She thinks I'm bonkers and would tire of it within an hour of being locked in one as reality sets in.

    Knowing her as I do, I think she would also not enjoy the extra burden of being pestered (even if it meant my pouring attention on her) as a keyholder. She would tire of me quickly in this capacity.

    Humm. What to do. Well I've thrown it out there and I'll just wait to see if anything comes of it. If there ever was a question as to what I want with chastity it should now be clear - GULP!
     
  21. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    #196 Respectful, Jul 8, 2009
    Whatever she says...

    I am cheering you on from here Lauren :)

    May you always keep your Lady happy, even when her wishes are in conflict with your own!

    As they say, be a good boy (you GO gurl ;-)
     
  22. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    #197 Rachel, Jul 8, 2009
    Lauren just be prepared for one hell of a roller coaster ride if She takes to it on your behalf. Here is a brief synopsis of what i go through with Sherry being pretty vanilla and doing it because i requested it.

    Imagine being on a rollercoaster. She locks you up and holds the key. The rollercoaster leaves the safety of the shed. She keeps you locked for awhile and you become more submissive and only crave more. The roller coaster is slowly climbing the first big hill. She starts teasing you and having you do more things,:chores005::chores004::chores003::chores037::chores020::chores010:for Her. You are now going down that hill and you think everything is great. Hell it's the best part of the ride. You get to the bottom of the hill and the tracks end and there is a big crash as now She doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with it. you think why the hell did i even bother. Here i am trying to give Her something, control, and what Woman wouldn't want that. i didn't mean to piss on your fire i just wanted to let you know what you might be in for when you try to talk a vanilla person into not being so vanilla. We have been dabbling with this for going on 4 years now and i can't tell you how depressed i become when the car jumps the tracks and crashes. We are however leaving the safety of the shed again and starting another big climb. How long it will be before i crash again i can't say but i am sure it will happen as it always does. Here's hoping your ride is better then mine :anim_32:.

    Rachel
     
  23. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    #198 lauren1fem, Jul 29, 2009
    Sports bra

    Yesterday I went mountain bike riding all my myself (which is something I love to do), but this time I wore a sports bra underneath my shirt. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed myself.

    I stopped for lunch on a mountain peak and since there was no one around I took my shirt off and suntanned - hoping for a faint tanline to appear. *blush* After eating my sandwich I kept my shirt off and closed my eyes. I just felt so free. Yes, I was a little paranoid about someone seeing me, but I relaxed and fell into the moment. The sun felt so warm and lovely on my bare skin and the sports bra felt so wonderful against my skin, my tummy and my shoulders. It was a new high for me!

    I will probably do this again - maybe next time with water balloons rounding things out on top for me. That might be a bit more daring if I pass someone on the trail, but gosh the trade off in how sexy and girly I feel is sooo worth it!

    On the way home in my car I drove around with only my sports bra on and boi shorts. It felt lovely. As I was driving through the twisting canyon roads I passed two girls on road bikes. They were beautiful - tanned, healthy, glowing perspiration... I imagined myself as one of them and it made me feel so hot! What can I say? It was a fun experience and I love seeing women and imagining myself as them. It gets me soo hot! *gush*
     
  24. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    #199 dollyanne, Jul 29, 2009
    Oooh, this sounds great, lauren! It's so nice to hear about gurl lauren blossoming so! Dollyanne got a sports bra too, but hasn't had a chance to use it "out". That must've felt wonderful to be out catching rays in your sport's bra! If you had a girl's 2-pc swimsuit you could take off the shorts too and get a good start on those terrific tan lines! People might mistake it for a heart-rate monitor, unless you fill it up with those balloons!:sex009:

    It's a coincidence you're a mountain biker. Dolly is looking at getting a mountain bike as part of her getting-rid-of-her-gut program. Maybe you can help dolly with her decision. There aren't as many good places around here for biking, and it's awfully hot during the summer, but there are a few biking trails. Just not as many that go into remote areas. You must be in a good biking area. Maybe dolly will find more when she gets her bike.

    Driving around with the sport's bra sounds like quite a rush! Dollyanne definitely must try it! Seeing girls in the "wild" enjoying themselves--suntanning, biking, playing tennis, swimming, whatever, is a good feeling. They are sooo beautiful and carefree and dolly understands completely the desire to be more like them. Someday!

    Huggs,    :butterfly:
    dollyanne
     
  25. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    #200 Respectful, Jul 29, 2009
    Breathless

    Lauren,

    I can't reply right now, I need to catch my breath ;-)

    You are perfect as an older sister role model.

    Just as DollyAnne is the perfect Sissy!

    I love you both!

    Cindy
     
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