Ladies...

I'm new here and thought I'd say hi. I recently cut my Domina teeth on a rather difficult sub. He was a hard case, spoiled and perfect for the job. I always knew my first would ideally be a flight-risk, so that I could know if this is something I REALLY wanted, and so I wouldn't be afraid to make beginner mistakes on him. It seemed fitting to join CM since he introduced me to it, and I've been reading for a while to get a feel for this place before posting. It feels like a supportive space for women and lacks the sleazy vibe that I got from another well-known kink site I barely frequented.

In my circle of friends, I don't have a single female friend who understands my persistent interest in FLR, or the teasing jokes I crack around them and in front of their men, especially when they are acting way out of line. At first they thought I was totally crazy, but over the last few years as their partners' behaviours worsened, a few of them are now saying I might be onto something. I think a few are starting to be tempted to a crackdown. They often ask me for advice when it comes to infidelity and sneaky behaviour. I give it to them, but then they back out of applying it at the last minute. I'm sure you can relate to the frustration of watching your friends put up with total nonsense. I try to assure them that they have nothing to lose by laying down the law - that misbehaving males need structure and discipline and he will never respect her or other women without it. And so what if he does leave - he's a literal loser! A fantastic turn of events even! There are thousands more males waiting to take his place faster than he can get his shit together, and unlike him, we never have to pay for it.

Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants and very often the best of us fall for weak and slutty men. I've been there. And that's fine. We can have our cake and eat it when we keep weak men under strict discipline. My hope is that we can lead other women to see the light, just one at a time. I don't think its a man's place to bring women to enforce chastity (except in some very rare cases), to change a naturally submissive woman to fit around his fantasies. I do think its a woman's prerogative to empower other women with knowledge and awaken the natural domme within them. We are smart enough alone, but in groups we are an unstoppable force. Boys clubs have gotten men far, but they have nothing on us when we work together!

It's been a fantastic, albeit short key holding experience so far. I posted my beginner story in the forums last night when I joined, but I didn't go into the mistakes or the lessons learned. Maybe I'll write about that sometime if there's interest.

Happy Friday! I look forward to getting to know some of you individually and sharing our experiences. That's mainly why I'm here

 

Excellent @lockedhusband11 ! You found a way to introduce her to the lifestyle without making your problem her problem. So many locked subs get sulky and depressed if there isn't constant attention and congratulations over what they chose to do with their dick. Why should she think about it when its locked up!!? It's completely useless to her like that. Out of sight, out of mind, as it should be. The important thing is to be of service, that is all.

 

@lockedhusband11 - your problem seems quite clear to me: porn and at least one fetish (chastity), which will ultimately cause issues in the bedroom and/or draw attention away from your wife, towards other fantasy women. Either way, there is this thing that she now has to manage on top of everything else going on in Her life.

When a guy approaches his partner with the idea of chastity it is either because he is struggling with a porn addiction, or a kink like chastity often borne from the addiction to porn, or some other problem like the inability to fully satisfy Her. All of these types of things are his problem(s), they should never be Hers or seen as "shared problems". If he sees it as a shared problem, or Her problem that she needs to fix, he will lack humility and apply pressure. He will have expectations that she fulfill certain needs of his to keep him happy, all of which are very unappealing to women and can easily put us off permanently.

The way you have approached your problem with your wife seems like just the right amount of suggestion with zero pressure, so its a great example.

 

Give this some time @lockedhusband11 . It may be that your wife genuinely has a low sex drive, or is even asexual. But it also may be that she needs variety to reawaken her sex drive, or your techniques, or the way you use your hands and mouth aren't sensual enough for her yet. I recommend researching and learning multiple techniques of massaging and pleasuring women without your cock. I love receiving massages, and they turn me on, but I often turn them down because I sense that the man who is offering is going to be overcome with desire and want to have sex with me, or grind into me or something else that's going to shift my mindset away from my pleasure towards his cock. It also gets me into fight or flight mode. So its very offputting and I usually turn down massages.

So what Im suggesting is that you can create a habit of giving your wife sensual touch, like hair playing (if she likes it), arm tickles while watching movies, and massages (offer, dont force the idea). If she can learn over a long period of time that you offer this up without any inkling of desire for reciprocation or sex, even if you appear aroused, she will finally feel safe. You are just so happy to serve her and watch her relax and enjoy. That is the kind of thing that gets a woman to slowly reawaken to her sensuality and from rare time to time, you might get a little bit lucky.

 

@lockedhusband11 I still recommend that you continue to improve your listening and pleasuring skills and not only focus on oral sex because it gets you off. We all have room for constant improvement. If she's sexual and isn't addicted to your pleasuring yet, then there's a ways to go

Mmmmm.... just thinking about it... I would love to find a pet with such great skills that I get addicted to him.

Adding that to my shopping list...

 

In my experience, not all, but most men I've encountered secretly enjoy it, even the most dominant men. Most of the men I've dated were dominant, yet very drawn to me and the world of trouble they sensed coming.