It's Her Kink, Not Mine, So Why Is It So Damn Effective?

Freedom?

So before I could even post the above my chance came up and I took it. She had me in the CCC to heal from some abrasions caused by the Lori retainer ring and I soon figured out that I could pull out of this one. I never promised not to take the chance when presented so I took it. And in a matter of seconds in the shower it was over. And I mean over. The pleasure, the mess, the whole experience took less than a minute and I felt like crap. Not that I felt that guilty, I felt like crap because it was a big disappointment. The dream of the day I could hold my penis in my hands (it has been over 20 months since I touched it with anything other than a Q-tip) was far, far better than the reality turned out to be. I stuffed it back in and carried on.

I never even admitted to what I did (and for that I feel bad, since I had promised this) but for some reason that very same night she bound me up and put the anti-pullout pins in the CCC. Intuition? Reading my eyes? Don’t ask me to truly understand how a woman thinks (isn’t that how I got into this mess? LOL). And this really did the trick for several weeks. I could not pull out. But eventually I developed a sore from those pins. I asked her to check them but she was super busy with grand kids and life so it dragged on until THE chance came up again. She left the key in her drawer and I found it putting some of her things away. I took the cage off and put it in the drawer next to the key and promised myself not to masturbate, but to enjoy the feeling of being cageless for a bit.

That night she checked the cage (as she most always does) and her eyes opened wide. She asked and I explained and when I told her I wouldn’t jack-off she smiled and said “OK, then, bring it on big guy and let’s see what you’ve got!”. After pinching myself to insure I was awake I went to it. But my big guy was quite the little guy and was not responding. I went down on her and she got me half-hard so I went back at it. You probably already know how this ended some seconds later. She thoroughly enjoyed seeing the frustrated and humiliated look on my face as I lay back down. She told me “just don’t play with it and masturbate and I will let you have a little freedom. Do so, and you will have taught me a lesson that will cost you in the future, got it?”. Understood.

It bugged me that I didn’t get rock-hard given a shot at freedom. So I have scientifically played with it, trying to see how hard and large it would get without getting close to the edge. And I am falling a full 2” short of my previous length, and decidedly softer. It is like I have ED (which I may because of my age, but when she wants me to cum its like a firecracker going off). Here is another thing: Even flacid the little guy is littler. Often turtled all the way in. If I don’t pull on it I make a giant mess peeing. Maybe the retainer ring tugging my penis out for the last years has built up a pull-back reflex?

Remember that last post, when I was convinced Chastity could be explained by one word (Dopamine)? Boy was I wrong. The headtrip is real. This experience is really driving home the mental side of things. After 3 weeks of stretching things it has bounced back only a tiny bit. My wife asks me why I care about my penis size when I will never be in another woman, or probably even her, again – but that comment makes me care about my penis size more than ever! I can’t fantasize about that gorgeous blonde on the beach. Now that I know how masturbation tears at our relationship it just doesn’t feel “right” to be doing that. I never, ever, thought I could be on the honor system but here I am horny as hell and swinging in the wind. Yet I get far more turned on thinking about her caging me again and pounding my backside than I do thinking about conventional sex (heck, after that last experience I have major performance anxiety). Pretty sure I identify as a “chaste male” now, not as a “real” man, and almost miss the grip of the cage.

The fact is clear: We both have evolved a lot in 4 years. I don't think she ever intended this to be truly "permanent" but now she loves it. And I never, ever thought I could put up with it but here I am, wondering which side of this fence I belong on.

Don’t get the last comment wrong. I really like peeing standing up and scratching where it itches. My morning stretch is much less painful even if not fully erect. I am also being good because she hinted that if I learn to be good while free, she might consider it again in the future. All this so soon after I was convinced that I could accept permanent chastity. Yeah, there is a lot more at work her than just some hormones.

[Note: I am catching up with old notes that I was writing contemporaneously over the last few months. Hopefully I can get back to “real time” soon, but these seem to be important milestones on my journey so I wanted to journal them separately. Spoiler alert: I am enjoying Loctober with most of y'all]

 

Couldn't agree more @true42 , I/we have evolved. A lot. My story would have scared me away 4 years ago. I don't even think my Queen would have envisioned this. Yet here we are, living the dream (and loving it).

 

Been way too busy to post an update to my unlocked experience. Rest assured that I enjoyed Loctober with the rest of you and am well into NOvember. But that last unlocking changed me and I want to document it before moving on to the present:

Epilogue:

She gave me 3 wonderful weeks of freedom and I enjoyed every pee. But “it” never came back. They say the penis is not a muscle and shrinkage doesn’t actually happen, and I still support that. But no matter how hard I tried (and after the 1st week I did try) I was at almost 2” shorter than I used to be. And only partially hard. I could cum, but the “little guy” stayed just that – and earned that new nickname. My lovely wife now mercilessly refers to him as “the little guy”. But what really never came back was not my erection, it was my male ego. She can easily manipulate me to full length and the little guy responds. She rode me for a long time and said he felt the same as he used to, but to me it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t cum because she told me not to. It isn’t the plumbing, it’s the head. Fast forward a few days and I was about to leave for overseas when she slapped the cuffs on me. I fought back, but probably not that strongly as there was a voice in the back of my head saying I belonged locked. I had only one regret: she had promised me a BJ if I let her lock me up. Now cuffed I thought my chances were lost but I pleaded anyhow. And my wife, my Queen? She did it! Without a word she did it. According to her I lasted less than 2 minutes and was rock hard. Of course she fed me back the product and proceeded to finish locking me up immediately.

Laying in bed afterwards, I said to her that I loved her more than ever and anything, but this experience left me feeling like half a man. “Doesn’t it bother you that I am no longer a real man?”. She beamed: “You guys just don’t get it. It never was about your penis, even when I made you think it was. If “half a man” means having someone who adores me and needs me and who I alone can bring pleasure to, what woman could ask for more? I love you more than ever - and I promise to make you happy…”.

Yeah, there is so much more than hormones going on here.

 

Christmas is almost here and I smile at all the captions about Santa coming once a year but (me) not. And it is especially true in our case. Even way back when we first started she made it very clear that I will never get an orgasm for Christmas or even my Birthday. That would be making it feel like an obligation to her, which just doesn't work. So I know there is zero chance of having a big O this Christmas. I am totally OK with that. And totally OK that pondering that thought gets me excited.

Chastity, for us at least, has been a journey and not a destination. Things we do now I never would have thought of, and certainly wouldn't have approved of, 4 short years ago. This years change has been coming to terms with the fact that my orgasms, even my penis itself, are not that important. I see myself as a chaste male now, not a fucking male with a penis (and I don't mean that in a bad way). And by having that realization I am free to enjoy her smile, her embrace, the wonderful feeling of giving her a backrub expecting nothing in return. The joy of her resting a hand on my cage and blissfully falling asleep. These have become sexual highs for me in a way I could never have appreciated before. Of course I miss "the big one" but my 3 weeks out of the cage this year reminded me that the old lifestyle was not better than this.

She teasingly told me that my shrinkage IS permanent, because she will never allow me out of the cage long enough to return to full size. Yet that comment did not upset me the way it would have only a year ago. Somehow it made me feel more comfortable. I am a chaste male now and even if the cage magically fell off me for a few days it would not change a thing about that. There is no sense fighting back, it is better to embrace it. If you can't tell from my writings so far I have had trouble simply accepting this, but over time that is exactly what I am doing (maybe this explains less frequent journal updates). I now tune in to that hormonal "high" all day long. I let myself feel wonderful giving her pleasure and the feeling is as intense as any old orgasm. She is so happy this way and I am too - the butterflies never go away. Happy Wife/Happy Life is a lot more than a saying. I think somehow it is possible to get to this plateau without a chastity device, but in our case a very secure cage and very strict wife really helped. To those starting out, have fun and stay open minded. To those with far more experience, keep sharing. The stories, even the scary ones, are inspiring and who knows where this journey will go next?

Wishing everyone health and happiness this Christmas - may all your frustrations be fun ones!

 

She wanted permanent chastity and control - her Domme friend had her all excited about it for years - but she never imagined it would go this far. Things like Pegging, SPH and the like were way too much (at first). Wow has that ever changed. It has been a journey for BOTH of us.

Merry Christmas!