It's Her Kink, Not Mine, So Why Is It So Damn Effective?

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Headtrip, Mar 18, 2021.

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  1. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Came home from my trip Sunday and my Queen could tell just by looking at me how much I had missed her. That boosted her strength and resulted in one of the wildest nights of my life. She never let me out of the cage. She had me service her, scratch that, she made me service her over and over (not that I didn't want to). Every so many orgasms she would tap me to come up and kiss and huddle. She then whispers in my ear: "I love it when you do that sooo much that I am really starting to love the smell and taste of my own pussy on your breath. I love it so much that one of these days I am going to find another woman who's pussy smells similar and go down on each other so I can experience it the way you do. What do you think, Pussy Slave? How would you feel if you come home from your next trip and find me in bed with another hot woman?" Once my heart caught up from the loss of blood flow to my caged penis, I replied "Um, if you can do that without emotional attachment, and if I can service both of you, of course I am in for it". Thinking things couldn't get hotter she replied "Good. Then it will happen. I don't know when but it will happen. Don't worry, the key to your cage won't even be in the house when it happens. You will be there to serve. And you can try to service each of us, but if you can't do a better job than we do for each other then we are going to take turns ravaging your ass afterwards!".

    I had to ask in the morning if it was a dream. She assured me my memory was quite correct. And she opened my cage, made a safety check and put it back on in 30 seconds. I asked "arent I even going to get teased? Get a stretch?" and she replied "with cage marks like that, I would say you don't need any more exercise. NO! Besides, you went away from me, you have 4 days of service to make up before you get any attention".

    I have NO CLUE where this is coming from. I can only assume she had some long talks with her Domme friend while I was away. But lest anyone call Fantasy BS, I can assure you the party came crashing to a halt only hours later.

    You see, my Queen had some health issues last year that resulted in her having some attention problems, and the medicines she takes to help can result in massive mood swings and irritability. We have had more fights in the last 8 months than in the previous 8 years and the Donnybrook was on by mid morning Monday. I am not smart enough to be submissive when this happens. I push back, or worse yet - run away, to avoid the fight. These are usually issues I consider outside of chastity related submission and I expect to talk them out as equals. And once her mood settles she does as well, but there is no discussing anything when she is raging. So I left for a few hours. She got even madder and left for a few days. Then I had to leave on an overnight business trip. We weren't talking and I was seriously worried I had damaged my new marriage by not standing there and taking her irrational outburst. The exact opposite of fun. In the meantime sores developed on my retaining ring in the Lori cage and I was starting to text her "if you are not even going to be home, just send me the combination to the key safe". That is when I saw the note she sent me on the Obediance app we are trying out (I want her to have it in order to counteract her attention issues, why I do this I have no idea, except I do love her and don't want to see her handicapped in any way). Here is what she sent me, word for word:

    "I may have failed in other things. I'm not giving this up!" (chastity)
    "You are locked up and you will stay this way!!"

    So here we are, in the middle of our biggest fight since getting married, and the only thing she has to say to me is that nothing is getting me out of chastity. It is THAT important to her. I was mad as a wet hen, but my raging cock was testing the burst pressure rating of my cage at the same time.

    Why? Why me? I realize many here would love to have a KH so unshakably committed, but chastity was not my dream. She is making it very clear that it is my reality, like it or not. Guess I better like it.

    (just writing these thoughts out helps me a ton to rationalize things, realize how fortunate I am, and jump back in there even though my left brain will probably never fully accept this).
     
  2. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    It's a good opportunity to illustrate your commitment to her. Wishing you the absolute best outcome ... which probably won't involve either the word "out" or "come" :rolleyes:
     
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  3. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    LOL, correct indeed.

    Interestingly she really isn't worried about seeing my commitment. Or much of anything. Neither of us apologized for our part in the argument, but she has changed meds and the difference is night and day. She admitted to me last night that she has, indeed, been talking to her Domme friend and feels very comfortable with her position right now. What she told me has me shaken to the core. Here is what she said about the conversation:

    "She told me I am worrying too much, I need to focus on just one thing and everything else will take care of itself." She then patted me on the cage and said: "This is that one thing: keeping you locked and chaste. Even when we were fighting it was great advice. I had to remember to never give in, and eventually you will have to come crawling back, and she was exactly right. You can forget ever, ever being free again!".

    I told her that her new found strength was sexy as hell and that "it" was clearly working, even though this was not what I would have asked for. Then I thanked her for not letting me "top from the bottom". She asked what that was and I explained it to her. She just laughed. "You can try all you want. Good luck with that. Your games and begging just get me wet".

    She is getting really, really good advice from a very competent advisor and obviously there is nothing I can do about it. She went on to explain that as a result of her new resolve I will be getting out of the cage a lot less (it has been over 10 days without a stretch so far). Unless she really wants to play I will have to earn every release from the cage, every pegging, everything. "If that cage makes you think of your penis a lot, you better learn to focus on me and my pleasure or you will be very frustrated. And I don't have to have points, make lists or anything. If I am happy, I will play with you but that is the only time."

    She is right, of course. I had it way too good. And with this freaking truth syrum running through me I had to tell her she is doing the right thing. Her strength, resolve and confidence is the sexiest thing I have ever experienced. I hate it.

    I
     
  4. TheEncoded
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    TheEncoded Active member

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    @Headtrip thank you for writing about your experiences.

    I think most men on this site have dragged their significant others into chastity and not the other way around. I often wonder about the reverse where a woman is the initiator.

    I have read other accounts on the site. In some cases, it they seem sad and even abusive. One such case sticks out in my mind where the man didn't seem to actually want any of it but was oppressed to the point where he couldn't leave.

    But you tell a story where you are actually appreciative of your circumstance (most of the time anyway). It is refreshing to read about a man who is into it but who's wife is the genesis of it all.

    I am very rarely envious in life, but of your circumstance, I am green with it.
     
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  5. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    I can fully understand the dichotomy of seeing her strength, resolve, and confidence as the sexiest thing you’ve ever encountered and hating the fact that, that sexiness means you’ll be spending longer periods of time caged. She is fortunate to have a Domme she can confide in who can help her keep things consistently interesting for both of you by keeping you on edge longer. Cherish her and be happy. There is nothing more rewarding then serving a sexy key holder.
     
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  6. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Working on a few "blog" postings diving into new revelations, but no time to finish them (she likes that I have a support community but doesn't want me spending too much time on it...). So for the moment I am brushing off the dust on this thread for a "reality check" in hopes that getting this off my chest will be therapeutic.

    The frustration is not always fun. A lot of times it is, but lately not so much. We have been swamped with visitors, grand kids, end of summer activities and what not. That of course means less play time together and I certainly understand this. But that part of me that never signed up to chastity does not. A few days ago I asked, in 100% sincerity, if I could just have a few hours out of the cage. We would be in public and there would be no chance to be naughty, I was just feeling very claustrophobic in the cage and wanted to feel the air in places that don't get to feel the breeze anymore. "Absolutely NOT" was her clear answer with barely a moment's thought. "When you said "I DO" you knew the ring you would be wearing was down there, and you will wear it until death-do-us-part with the rare exception of when I let you out AND you are handcuffed. Period. Do you understand this?" We talked some more after this, and in the next few days, and it is clear she is not a stupid nor thoughtless person despite her harsh words.

    I need to understand that, to her, this is a sacrifice / commitment of my love for her, and just like other marital faithfulness is not something I can take "breaks" from. It is that important to her. She explained that it will be easier for me if I can come to accept it that way as well, but neither of us expect me to fully make the transition. It just wasn't my fantasy to begin with so part of my subconscious expects "the game" to end or take a breather at some point. I don't "choose" to feel that way, it just is. And I love and respect her feelings and I understood this well before asking her to marry me. Again it just is. So here I sit writing this in hopes it helps me come to terms with my anxiety of being always locked. The good news is that she understands me and doesn't want me to feel depressed at all so she accepts as her responsibility to make some time for teasing, or cuff me up and let me out for a little bit, or whatever is needed. She gave me a quick tease yesterday and a cage-off shower (while cuffed) this morning and I feel 90% better.

    She is a wonderful soul and I am very lucky to have her. It does help to write about this occasionally - I do feel even better, thanks!
     
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  7. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    After a while an occasional opportunity to stretch, especially at the hands of your wife, feels wonderful and makes up for the frustration. You look forward to the moments of being cuffed and teased to the edge of desire.
     
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  8. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Oh yes stretching hard after a long time makes me feel like I actualy AM THE PENIS.
     
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  9. collaredhubby
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    collaredhubby Long term member

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    I have a curious question for Headtrip: If one day your wife just up and decided out of the blue to stop chastity play with you altogether, would you miss it? Put another way, if you got what you wanted by being let out permanently would you want at some point to be put back in? I only ask this because if what she said as you stated is that you basically knew what you signed up for, the good, bad, and the in between with the ring you would wear and where you would wear it, then even if you regret your choice now you did in fact make a choice then that you are living with the consequences of making.

    To many folks here the lifestyle you have described, in so many words, (and thank you so very much for sharing by the way, sincerely it is appreciated) that the kind of life many of us would seek as the ideal is in fact a possibility (if not necessarily a probability). What I mean is you are basically living the cautionary tale of “be carful what you wish for” or I guess in your case it’s more “be careful what you agree to/sign up for.” If you’re only reading the fine print now, so to speak, then maybe you shouldn’t have signed the contract.

    You’ve stated multiple times so far that you’ve gotten some kind of pleasure from this even though it’s hot exactly in those words so “methinks ye doth protest too much.” Your name is Headtrip and you’re literally on one I think it’s quite fitting and just a little chuckle worthy. The end of the phrase be careful what you wish for is: “you just might get it all and then some you don’t want.” If what you don’t want doesn’t outweigh all the rest of it then strap in and enjoy the ride. If it isn’t what you want and talking hasn’t worked then I will say that absolutely no cage is will proof and even a Lori’s is not an exception to this if you e got the right tools, time, and the want to remove it. If there is a will there is a way and if you want out you can get it but you have to consider what you lose.

    If what you lose is less important than what you gain by being locked then you need to consider if you’d miss it if you didn’t have it regardless if it was your interest or not in the first place, because it seems to have grown on you without you even realizing it and THAT is what REALLY scares you. The realization that you have zero control over your predicament because you’ve agreed to it upfront and are now living with the consequences of that decision and you like some of it. The conflict is in the fact of the predicament and the paradox of chastity as a whole. Congratulations, you’re a walking contradiction. My advice would be to embrace it because it doesn’t seem like you’re willing to get a divorce to lose the cage which seems like will be the result if you try to tamper with your confines and value your marriage more than the opportunity to masturbate or play with yourself or else you would have already tried to escape in all willful sincerity and methods.

    Talk is cheap, actions speak volumes, and your actions so far are screaming that you enjoy more of your conundrum than you are willing to admit to yourself. A person who really didn’t want to be in chastity would have already found a way out by any means necessary so I would say you’re actually enjoying this more than you even realize but as long as you keep saying you’re not into it and it isn’t your idea you don’t have to take responsibility for what it actually means and what it in turn makes you and your brain just can’t wrap around that concept without the cognitive dissonance and static.

    Basically you find it difficult to come to grips with the fact that you enjoy this even though you protest all the negatives while enjoying the positives. Facing ourselves and our reality while playing out our fantasies, latent, subconscious, or discovered (the later most being the one I think that describes where you are right now) is a difficult thing to accept when it’s something that we didn’t realize we would be drawn to or enjoy. I hope this helps you sort out your emotions and where you are in your reality and helps you come to a decision or conclusion about what to do next, if anything at all. Thank you for sharing.
     
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  10. true42
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    A common theme, around here.

    Speaking only for myself, my desire for sex and orgasms and female attention hasn't diminished one iota. It's just that another competing desire seems to keep winning out.

    (On the other hand, my wandering eye has mostly stopped its wandering. And I'm so totally OK with that.)
     
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  11. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    @collaredhubby you make many excellent and correct points. Reading back through my posts here I have to apologize for being a bit of a broken record. I've been using this forum to vent my frustrations about why/how is chastity so damn effective. It IS effective and I DO like it (for the most part). If she took the cage off I would probably miss many of the positive benefits. But I am a bit of a Leptoprin junkie (I like feeling satiated and in control) so I probably would not ask to be locked back up.

    My wife takes full credit for making chastity a fantasy for me. She (and her domme friend) have a theory that most any man can be caged. One of the 1st steps is making it his fantasy. She did, and didnt disclose it was premeditated until I was fully committed. It is knowing things like that that keep my headtrip going, which is exactly the result my lovely wife is looking for. She said yesterday that things would be "boring" if I simply accepted chastity.

    @true42 same here, except my eye still wanders, but I can only imagine my wife now. I think that is one of the coolest benefits of EMC.
     
  12. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    About this blog…

    I love @collaredhubby ‘s statement that I am a “walking contradiction”. Also enjoyed reading some of the comments in a recent thread about the things guys did not like about Chastity. Many of them touched on some of the mental anguish or conflict that comes together with the good feelings we get when our junk is locked up. Wonderful frustration! I like to know how things work: It doesn’t take the “magic” away for me, it amplifies it. And when I first read of how the hormones Dopamine, Oxytocin and Leptoprin change with orgasm and denial, it explained a lot about the feelings I was experiencing. But these alone did not/do not explain all the changes I have gone through, nor those I have read about here. So this is my own blog rambling about “why is this so damn effective?”.

    I have a different theory than presented by most here. I don’t think you can divide men into “submissive” or “dominant”. There is a sliding scale of where men identify themselves w.r.t. dominance, and chastity causes us to move down the scale towards submission. But these things we enjoy about chastity and submission actually exist in most all men, just well buried in many beneath male ego and a whole pile of competing factors (it might be argued that valuing this “submissive” state may not have been good for the ancient cave man or warrior?). Males who identify as submissive have simply tapped into this side of their persona earlier or stronger, usually due to some stimulus that they may not even recall. The shear number of men here who claim to be “alpha” or “dominant outside of the marriage” supports the idea that something deeper is at work here.

    As mentioned, years ago my wife’s pro-domme friend told her that even the most dominant man can be caged if done properly. They concluded I am naturally dominant (and I still agree), yet here I now sit, caged and enjoying it. Something deep inside me is affected by this dynamic and it is making me value submission much more than I had ever imagined. I don’t think I am a closet submissive, I am changing right before (behind?) my own eyes. Okay, my wife is fiercely dominant, while I just prefer to be dominant, so you could argue I am less dominant than her, but I don’t think that is “it”, I think there is a much deeper psychological reason that we enjoy chastity. I hope to make my journal here a study of what works (or doesn’t) for me in order to understand more about this “why” and “how”. I will sprinkle some of the details of this theory in between stories of my/our experience, but [spoiler alert] I think it is almost Freudian in nature. While many of Freud’s theories are now out of favor, something resonates particularly well applied to male chastity: I am not suggesting we are sexually attracted to our mothers, but the primary dominant person to most men was their mother, who they loved and depended on dearly. And for many of us that utopia came to an end when we came of age and started pursuing love. It was a very challenging and confusing time driven by our body's urges. Throw all these very strong, extremely fundamental subconcious learnings in a blender and it is not hard to imagine that limiting our ability to orgasm might tap into a very deep and rich pool. When that is controlled by the woman you love it is even more powerful.

    OK, back to experience sharing, I just wanted to remind myself, and anyone following along, that hopefully there is some method behind my madness… and @collaredhubby to be honest, I don't know if I could go "back" now. The last few times I was "free" for some days, I very much enjoyed my freedom and missed chastity only a little bit, but I feel like that is now changing and I would miss this more now. My next few posts might give a hint why...
     
  13. 2north
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    Well now that I've seen and read your journal, I have a better understanding of the comments you've left on mine. There is a good amount of overlap in our situations, isn't there. You've got a headstart and a more focused KH, though. But that lets me see what might be coming down the pike. Thanks for being a canary in the coalmine!

    (And nicely written entries, btw)
     
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  14. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    @2north , I noticed that as well, which is why I might sometimes throw you a "hang in there, bud" comment. Please take any of that as encouragement, not criticism.

    Something occured to me the other day after a particularly intense experience: on the path we are on, with the woman truly in control and truly happy, there is almost a 0% chance of repeating my past marital disaster. That alone is worth it, the rest is gravy. Best wishes for your KH to embrace it and you to continue to support her!
     
  15. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    I tend to agree with that.
     
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  16. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Submission Training...

    Locktober Eve, she promised a last “stretch” out of the cage if I was a good boy, so I worked hard to take care on her all day. It was a busy day. Come bedtime she tied me down to the bed and… fell asleep. I love her and know she was tired but have to admit I was disappointed at not getting out of the cage before what is promised as at least 1 month without removing the cage for any reason. I had to wake her in a few hours to untie me as my arms were cramping painfully, and she fell back asleep quickly. It was now past midnight on Loctober 1st.

    In the AM she woke up happy and apologized saying it is unfair that I was such a good boy and even patient and didn’t get my stretch. So she tied me down to the bed again, this time very securely, even using a spreader bar on my legs so I really couldn’t move at all. She removed the cage, surprising me completely, grabbed a few things, and laid down close to me. She began to rub my penis which was responding rapidly when I noticed she was using Emla cream to numb things. Still, it felt wonderful even if I knew the sensations would soon disappear. As the inevitable numbness set it she started working herself with a bullet vibrator and soon was moaning in ecstasy while she finished rubbing in the cream. Sharing her orgasms like this insured I stayed rock hard regardless of a numb penis. I gotta admit it felt great. After about 20 minutes of this she climbed on top of me. I couldn’t move and couldn’t feel any touch, but somehow I felt her warmness and it felt wonderful. She started riding me, and even though she had to reposition a few times to ‘keep it in’ she was soon having wave after wave of orgasms, a few times reaching a major climax. Each and every time I felt a wave of pleasure run through my body from toe to head. I felt her climaxes like some combination of insanely pleasurable chill and electric shock running through me. I couldn’t move but could feel her pleasure. I could smell her breath and her pussy, I could feel her warmness, I could see her face tighten up and then relax in happiness. It was. Heavenly.

    I’m a changed man. Laying there on the first day of Locktober and knowing my wife it was 100% guaranteed that I would not be allowed an orgasm. There was enough Emla cream on me that you could have cut my penis off and I wouldn’t have felt it. Yet I was on edge the whole time and the waves of pleasure that ran through me were on the order of my best penile orgasms ever. Absolutely amazing. This is the kind of thing that just blows me away about chastity – it really has helped me to appreciate love making beyond my penis (and I didn’t think that was possible). In the days since I have found much more pleasure in serving her and Loctober feels more like a wonderful opportunity than a sentence.

    Interestingly, when she jumped off and declared that she was done, I deflated like an untied balloon when you let go. Her pleasure was the only thing keeping it hard. She smiled, said “good” and put the cage back on quickly. I didn’t mind and just wanted to be free to snuggle and feel her residual good feelings. The afterglow together was equally wonderful.

    As reality began to settle in she mentioned “don’t worry, I didn’t forget what day it is, and you shouldn’t have been out, but I wanted to do this and I make the rules, so I am going to add some days to the end to make up for this little slip up”. When I started to protest adding “days” she quickly shut me up, telling me she would add a lot more, perhaps months, if I didn’t accept her judgement. This is not normal as she usually enjoys it when I beg to be let out, but she wasn't joking so I am not pushing it. But why the change in her behavior? Is this a sign that she is stepping up her game? That she knows I am “hooked” for good? This woman is always 5 steps ahead of me and that is maddening to my ever weakening but still surviving male ego. I am at her mercy.
     
  17. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Locktober submission part 2…

    Two+ weeks into Loctober and the magic is only increasing. Normally I get grumpy if I don’t get out for a little stretch or cleaning in a week’s time, but this time it is different. Perhaps it is because the rules are well known and I have “been here” before, but perhaps it is because I am coming to accept my position and lack of say. She knows me better than anyone and has expert advice, so as I said before she stays many steps ahead of me. Pretty sure I am being “trained”. Scratch that, quite positive I am being trained because she has admitted as much (we still talk about our lifestyle, almost every day).

    For a long time now she has asked me to thank her for getting the opportunity to serve her, for being locked, and for being able to enjoy “our” orgasms (i.e. her orgasms). I may even have brought up how this is a known brainwashing technique: “say it until you mean it”. She caught on and now demands these affirmations every single time. At first it was cute despite the irony that I wasn’t the one coming. Nowadays when I thank her it is sincere. I don’t know when I started “owning” this, but I do now, and I make sure to thank her before she can even suggest it so that she knows I mean it (and I really do). I also enjoy a few chastity hypno files (like “altar training”) and perhaps those have helped speed this transition? Either way, it works. Slowly but surely I have learned to focus intently on her orgasms, and the more I do the more I like it (as mentioned in my last post). Some tiny voice in my brain is calling “BS, this just can’t be”, but that voice gets fainter every day. Damnit, I am NOT submissive, so why is this working??
     
  18. madams-sissysub
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    I agree!
     
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  19. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    So it finally happened. The other morning I began massaging her awake. First gentle strokes of her shoulders and back. Then her whole side. Eventually working out and around to her breasts and down her wonderfully soft skin and then finally to her vagina. By now she is aroused and rolls over to expose herself better. Eyes still closed she groans in pleasure encouraging me to continue. I’m not that great with my fingers but somehow I know just what to do this time. I work it more and more, increasing pressure, then increasing depth, then increasing speed and intensity. She is becoming more vocal and clutching me. I can feel her energy running through me. At some point I lose myself, I am no longer consciously aware of my motions, instead I can feel what she feels and respond accordingly. I felt like I was actually inside her (not my penis, ALL of me). Her small orgasms run through me like pleasurable shocks of electricity. When she finally reaches a major climax I am screaming with her, holding on, digging my nails in to her just as she is into me. I came with her. A mind blowing, body shaking, toe curling climax that seemed to go on forever (actually it was two back to back and did last several minutes she told me later). And I did cum, she told me she grabbed me during this and semen was oozing. Not spurting but a lot came out. I never got soft afterwards. My body was still trying to bend stainless steel long after. I held her and she held me and it was wonderful. I never wanted it to end and remained horny all day and night after.

    It was one of the best orgasms of my entire life and my penis never made it out of the cage. I never spurted. No drop. Nothing but pleasure. I think finally, for the first time in my life I shed my male ego skin and experienced love at its highest physical (metaphysical?) form. And it was incredible. That one experience was worth all the wait, all the training. I have had the fortune to pleasure her several times since and, with only one repeat of this “orgasm”, but even when not my pleasure was truly amplified from any time previously.

    I think I have turned a corner and will never go back. Even my tiny, overtly logical, brain can understand this: to enjoy an experience as wonderful as this a man must be mindful, patient, practiced… i.e. chaste. This isn’t just a game for her pleasure and my arousal, it is a path to higher sexual consciousness.
     
  20. 2north
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    That's really interesting - thanks for sharing it. Sounds like a hell of an experience. I don't know if that's in my future or not, but you've made it sound pretty appealing. And you wrote it well, too, so I'm envious and curious now.
     
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    Giving your kh a orgasm while in chastity is definitely the best fealing ever . Glad you experienced it .
     
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  22. Headtrip
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    Let me write a short post about the opposite side...
    Above happened about mid-October and the following week. Since then I have been under the weather. Just a cold, no Covid (I checked) but a nasty one none the less. We have also been over-run with grandkids. Wonderful but exhausting. So 2 days ago we finally had a break and I was looking forward to a full night's sleep. My Queen, however, was looking forward to something else. And guess who is the boss? She ordered me out of bed to give her a message and foot rub. Still not a good sub, I objected on the grounds of my illness. The Chief Justice and Queen quickly dismissed my objection ("man-cold", I think was mentioned) and let it be known that a good night sleep is the last thing I was going to experience. She was in charge and insatiable. Massages always lead to sex for her (usually oral) and this was no exception. I wasn't putting my heart into it because quite honestly I thought she was being mean. Scratch that, she WAS being mean. And I didn't like it. But she grabbed my ears and forcibly put me "there". It hurt. It was meant to hurt and that bothered me more than the pain. But I did it. And she kept me going for over an hour until no human could possibly want to orgasm any more (I should be careful here, I don't actually know her limits). By the end I was actually forgetting my cold and trying my best and finding some satisfaction in a job well done. But my male ego was bruised that my loving wife could be so mean. "isn't this abuse" I was thinking as I finally got to sleep.

    So in the morning I thanked her. No, I don't even know why I just did. Some little voice inside my head said that I need to accept this side of her. She can't be really in charge if it is only my terms, right? We talked a little about how women KeyHolders finally get to the point where they really, truly, don't feel sorry for their guys, at least not chastity wise. We both think that guys are natural "pleasers" (even though we get clouded by orgasm lust) and would actually have a bigger problem trying to do what she did. And women, we concluded, are caring nesters but will do whatever it takes to grow that nest. How she now views her evolution and control as a cornerstone of our relationship growth, and how that outweighs a bit of inconvenience or ego bruising on my part. I agree.

    I consider this a bit of dark side to chastity. Just over a week ago I experienced what felt like the ultimate high (and have several wonderful repeats since), but that only happened because I was able to "let go" and feel her joy and leadership. With that comes a necessity on my part to submit even when it is not pure fun. Communicate, of course, but accept. It made me wonder how many times in the past was she, or even my ex, sick and not wanting sex but went along for the ride and made me feel wonderful anyhow?
     
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  23. Headtrip
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    Loctober lessons

    We have done Loctober 3 times now but wow, what a learning lesson this one was. As posted above, I finally achieved climax purely from my partner’s climax. That was/is an amazing out of body experience like nothing I have ever felt and it has changed me for the better. Next, I experienced what it was like to serve when I really didn’t want to, and that, too, left me with a new appreciation for her. Both of us excited by our new discoveries, we went back to “orgasmic cuddling” (for want of a better term) several more times since. But about a week left in October something happened. We were facing each other, arms and legs locked. She begged me to pull her closer and massage her back and pull on her ass. The emotions started flowing, she started thrusting on my cage and quickly went into a series of orgasms starting from small to screaming. I could feel myself leaking and her orgasms ran right through me. It was wonderful. But I didn’t/couldn’t stop. After she finished I continued to twitch and press against her. The squirming didn’t stop. She didn’t let go. And I came. A full on squirting O even though safely locked in my cage and couldn’t feel much (physically) at all. I was out of control, it had been over 3 months, and it was all about me, baby. I was immediately disappointed in myself even though she was quite indifferent “it happens, honey, it just happens and it was nobody’s fault. Relax, get down there and clean up, then hold me while we fall asleep”.

    Even though the cage never came off, even though I had to “clean up”, even though we snuggled for a long time after, I still suffered a drop. It was not worth the little bit of extra physical pleasure and it felt selfish. Depression and anger followed for some days. I have read many of you guys say this and thought you were full of BS, but this time I felt it first hand. This chastity shit is inside my head now, it is part of me. I’ve said for a few years that I would revert back if left unlocked, and perhaps that is still true, but I can never go back to the blissfully naïve state I used to live in.

    The recovery seemed quicker this time. Horny again by day 4 and was looking forward to the end of Loctober, which she decreed would be November 2nd. Only on the 2nd we had the grand kids staying over and that was delayed to the 3rd. Only on the 3rd they were still here… - you get the idea, I am getting seriously frustrated and being a bit difficult by now. “Don’t worry” my Queen said on the 5th, “I will make sure they are gone tonight and you WILL get out of the cage and get the FULL treatment” she promised. So, despite the bittersweet memories of this recent orgasm, I started focusing on what fun might await me. Ahh, the wonderful, fantastical, anticipation!
     
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  24. Headtrip
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    The “full treatment” she promised at the beginning of the month consisted of her taking me to the bar, helping me to get quite intoxicated, later cuffing me in Irish-8’s, removing my cage, and giving me 5 minutes to get hard for her. Laying there. Unable to touch. Drunken. “Right” she said after 300 long seconds passed, “I see you are not interested in sex, okay, back in you go”. And she put the Lori cage on me that we just got back from repairs. Boy was the next day rough! Being a glutton for punishment I asked her if it was all part of her plan, right down to the beer? The smile on her face answered the question. This made me appreciate once again how smart she is and how gullible I am as a man. The little head had been doing all the thinking and once again gotten me into a bind. We discussed how true this is for men in general. That little head, fueled by Testosterone and dreams of Dopamine-highs will color our perceptions even though our big head knows better. We joke about it all the time, but it is a genuine weakness of men. I could feel her pride at a job-well-done shining through and you know what – it felt good to be outsmarted by her. Instead of getting mad and plotting to get even for her cruel stunt I accepted that my penis remains a handicap. Somehow this was comforting. Am I still learning to accept submission? What drives these waves of comfort?

    Oh, and the Lori cage? What a difference. The weight. Limited access. The security of two different security screws, one hidden beneath the other and both secured with purple Loctite. I felt the difference almost immediately. Why? She always secured the other cage. She used various anti-pullout features and I would never risk her rath by removing it. In all respects it was just as secure as this cage. But the feeling of this cage is intensely different. Why?? I think it is because I cannot remove the Lori’s (without a serious risk of personal injury and definite loss off $$$) whereas the CCC I can remove if I wanted to with relative ease. So the real difference is psychological. Just like my earliest experiences with her - those that told her I was a prime candidate for Chastity – the more real the chains or the lock, the more intense the feelings and the better (and quicker) it worked. It is almost like the more secure her control is, the more my subconscious lets go and opens up this hidden other side of me that craves it. My crusty male ego apparently keeps this side so well hidden that it really doesn’t shine through on false pretense. I don’t seem to be able to connect and find joy with this submissive side when my little head is free to do as it has been trained. This is true even now that my big head fully understands that it is OK, that submission doesn’t make me less of a man, that fantastic experiences can happen without orgasm. The feeling, my experiences, are indeed different when the choice is taken away. I’m telling you, from a huge psycho-analytical study of exactly one subject (me) I am convinced that the driving forces behind chastity include physical, hormonal, psychological and subconscious elements and the real gold mine is that last one. I am now convinced that most all men have some part of them buried deep inside that craves this control. Self-identified submissives simply have connected with this side easier or sooner than others. “Yup”, my Queen snapped me out of my rambling lecture, “the bigger they are, the harder they fall”. And so I was reminded that I was once again the student lecturing the professor and she understands me and the power she wields better than I will ever know.
     
  25. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Orgasms are different now...

    At the start of October I experienced the best orgasm of my life and it was hers. She rode me - well numbed with Emla and feeling only her warmth - to ever increasing crescendos of delight. Each time pleasure waves passed through me with increasing intensity - and remained for a long time after. Later that month we learned to repeat this procedure just by holding each other. Sometimes she would hold or grind against the cage and our sexual energies would fuel one another until she came. I would have sworn I was orgasming, too. And still do, sorta, until she really rubbed up against me once and I could no longer control myself. I “took off” without her and suffered a true caged orgasm. THAT was disappointing. It lacked all of the mutual energy we had been sharing. The finish was absolutely lackluster and it left me feeling nothing but selfish. Fast forward to early December and she let me out of the cage while on vacation. She told me to “go for it” and it was like throwing a light switch. That is also how fast I came. She just laughed. Again disappointing, but at least this time it was for her amusement.

    My Cherry Keeper came off on the way home from vacation. It flexes too much when warm and my balls took the opportunity to escape. She caught the flu and was too sick to do anything about it and thus my first long break began. The holidays and the flu going through the whole family were too much and “it” hasn’t gone back on yet. So I’m a free man and my head is still spinning. After spending most of the previous 3 years locked up tight I am not sure what to make of this. I enjoy being out – especially the freedom to do what I want. I sleep better. No sores or pinches and I can scratch where it itches. Love peeing standing up, but frequently forget I am free and instinctively sit down when I don’t need to. That is the funny thing: “normal” seems so strange now. And yes, it is a little bit boring. Knowing that I can take matters into my own hands seems to lessen the thrill. Orgasms, either self induced or with my wife, are just not as good as I remember them to be. They come and go too quickly. I don’t feel a “drop” (but as I have said before I think I am a Prolactin junkie – that feeling of satiation is, well, satisfying.) But it seems no longer possible to go back to the old “me”. Chastity has completely redefined Orgasms - they are no longer about sperm coming out my penis. I look at my wife differently now than I did BC. She is very much my queen even without the cage. I cannot fantasize about other women even if I try. Her orgasms still feel amazing to me. Yes, better than my own, absolutely yes. I want her to be happy in ways I didn’t understand before. And I miss that sparkle in her eyes when she knew I was absolutely under her thumb.

    Still not enough to volunteer to go back in the cage, but there is little doubt that she will once again gain the upper hand. She has told me so. I volunteered to “surrender” if only she gave me a decent BJ. Rotten of me, I know. She just smiled and said that wouldn’t be necessary because she is pretty certain she will catch me without having to “go backwards so much”. It is not the blowjob that bothers her at all, it is letting me mentally revert in any way, shape or form.

    Which brings us to the other side of this equation: She is different. Quite different. She doesn’t care about sex as much right now, not even me satisfying her. She declares this normal lifestyle “boring” and she gets angry – very angry, very easily. It may not be 100% chastity related as she has battled a few health issues, but for sure my freedom hasn’t helped. And I do miss that confidence, that sparkle, her insatiable sex drive. I guess it is like you take a normal middle class woman and make her Queen for a few years and she loves it. Then you put her back in her old role. “Normal” will never be the same.

    We are fighting right now and chastity is off the table for the moment. When it comes back on it must be her idea and her doing. But we both agree normal is now boring and we both agree that chastity changed me/us for the better so I am pretty sure it is just a matter of time. I hope to rebalance things a bit before going back in – to me it is important for chastity to be the spice that keeps a healthy relationship fantastic, rather than the only ingredient.

    How can I enjoy my freedom so much but also miss chastity? For sure I miss the happier wife. And the increased attention. Maybe I do miss “needing” her (which just isn’t the same right now). That feeling of contentment when you get to snuggle. The smile she has as she orders me around and the feeling of satisfaction I get from pleasing her. The fact is: it is impossible for my primitive male brain to “unlearn” these things now. Orgasm is NOT the same and can never be. This all is summed up nicely in a caption I read once: “Chastity is an addiction. It is a love-hate thing. Once you try it you can’t live without it.”
     
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