It's Her Kink, Not Mine, So Why Is It So Damn Effective?

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Headtrip, Mar 18, 2021.

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  1. Bronco
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    Bronco Long term member

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    I agree with you that the best orgasm is when she has one and I don’t. Especially when I go down on her and I am caged and when I give her a orgasm it feels like it goes out of her and into me and gives me a orgasm with cumin . Nothing better than that . I lasted 4 free when my cage broke and wating far a new one and I was so excited and happy to get back locked up . I don’t want to go without it but i intedosed the chastity so that my be why I want it and you sorta want it . Good luck on whatever happens.
     
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  2. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    @Headtrip , I just have to say I absolutely LOVE your story. I had read it once before but just re-read it from the top as you revived it, and it is just SO heart warming. The fact that yours is a rare case of the woman initiating everything makes it so much better. I firmly believe that someone should send out a secret memo to ALL the women of the world, clueing them into this, so they can all work on taming their men. It would probably end all wars just for starters!
     
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  3. Bronco
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    Bronco Long term member

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    You are soooo right!!! Definitely agree !
     
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  4. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Thanks guys. Wasnt keeping up because, well, I was free and my hands were busy doing other things.

    Okay, just kidding (sort of). But CM just wasnt a top priority for the last month. But it all changed back 2am Friday. She was super horny all week and I figured out why when she slapped some quick shut cuffs on me, connected to some new better chain she figure out on her own. Incredible. The difference in her attitude with me locked is night and day. I had a wonderful time but there is no question whats next!

    Here is the cool part IMHO: She had zero idea that she relocked me on International Male Chastity day. Not a clue of what it is. She did what she did because she wants to be in charge. Part of me doesnt like the loss of freedom but how can I not fall under the spell of such a strong woman?
     
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  5. shieldingmatrix
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    shieldingmatrix Junior Member

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    @
    Every now and then my wife/KH will unlock me and withdraw the Key, which in my case means I cant re-lock my device. She sets no guidelines and I can cum as often as I like. It's fun for two days...

    Actually now when she's done this most recently I was kind of freaked out. The last time all my extra curricular cumming left me impotent, twice, when called upon to perform for her pleasure. That left me feeling sad, old, and embarrassed at my uselessness. Also it does re-wire our relationship and without it I'm sort of confused about the rules.

    Anyway, this last time it was about two weeks before she announced she would tie me up and tease me and relock me, and I was actually overjoyed that things would return to "normal" again.

    Yay for the status quo!

    Glad you weathered your trials. And it is a crazy loss of control when she's figured out how to make you NOT cum, over and over again.
     
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  6. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Long term member

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    @Headtrip The freedom to masturbate whenever you feel the need is fun. That’s why so many of us enjoy it. However, it’s a fleeting pleasure when compared to the mind bending excitement of being controlled by our spouse and kept on the brink of passion, lust, and desire. It’s counter to what we’re taught good sex should be but borne out by the fact that once we’ve experienced a chastity lifestyle we always seem to want to return to it.
     
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  7. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    @Chaz69 I would love to inspire more "vanilla" women to take charge - and to encourage guys to let her run with it. Its pretty amazing what changes occur.

    @Open2njoy I cant exactly say I "wanted" to return, because I was reminded of how relaxing it was to be in control. Right now I am in the low spot. Came a bunch last week and not revved up yet. I LOVE the immediate change in her, however, and like @Bronco says her orgasms really do please me more than my own, so I am looking forward to much more of that. Its funny: I really don't like the frustration of being locked that will soon come (and stay/build) but part of me loves it.

    Damn, gotta stop thinking about this!
     
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  8. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    @Headtrip, the only part of your story that I didn't really like, and I really felt for you, was when you begged to be unlocked just to let your member get some fresh air, not to wank or anything, and she refused. I thought that was a bit harsh because, as long as you were supervised and not allowed to pull one off, what harm could it have done?

    I've been meaning to write up my story but briefly, chastity is my idea, but my wife is happy to go along with it. I'm not really that submissive and she's definitely not dominant, so I think we're going to do this as a collaborative effort, rather than an FLR. I love the feeling that you get when you haven't cum in a while, both the tingling feeling in your groin and the almost "high" feeling in your brain. I also love the feeling of having a cage on, but I guess it's easier when you know you can take if off any time, so your situation is different there. Once I find a cage that doesn't need to come off for cleaning and can be left on for long periods, I ask my wife to take the key and we'll see what happens.

    But, anytime that you are feeling down about being locked up for so long, try reading Doczilla421's My new life thread. In summary, he bought a chastity device to try and stop his masturbation and the day he first put it on he told his wife and gave her the key and she's kept him locked and denied ever since, and now it's over 4 years! He got a few ruined O's in the first year but nothing since.
     
  9. Open2njoy
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    @Headtrip Perhaps “wanted” wasn’t the right word. I know after the first time I was locked for 6 weeks, I thought I would never go back. However, over time I found myself slipping back into it (pardon the pun) occasionally - “just to try it”. There’s something erotic about wearing a cage. Being in it 24/7, knowing you’re kept controlled no matter how badly you want out. It really is a love/hate relationship made possible by your loving keyholder. Especially when she has you to the point where you willingly go back into it because you’ve learned her orgasms make you happier.
     
  10. DirtyFeet
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    It is amazing how similar you story is to mine and my wife’s only you have been at it a lot longer. My wife surprised me while I was away visiting my daughter when I got an text saying she was sending me something to read and not to text her until I had read all of the material. I naively thought it was my horoscope nope all about male chastity I guess in some ways it was about the future. In any event once read we were texting back and forth and asked me if I would be interested and that she was very much interested. After some thinking about it I agreed. To make along story short here I am locked into a cage and signed a chastity contract and life has been great. She is having so much fun with this and been some time since I have seen her so happy. I love pleasing her and she has taken full advantage of her ownership of me. I would love to chat with you more about your experiences.
     
  11. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Not sure @DirtyFeet if that was directed to @Open2njoy or me but happy to chat here, IM etc. My schedule is hit or miss, sometimes I can be on a lot, othertimes I need a week or more to respond.

    I can say 2 weeks back in and I can feel the emotions running like river rapids. It feels good to wear the cage. She is SOOO much happier. But the frustration! Damn, how could I have forgotten that!
     
  12. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    @Headtrip, I posted a link to this thread for @DirtyFeet as his story is similar to yours, even though he's much earlier in the process.

    Speaking for myself, please do keep posting updates as your story is so fascinating.
     
  13. DirtyFeet
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    Thanks for responding much appreciated. Funny at how that works that it feels good to wear the cage but like you said the frustration is intense. Yesterday I thought I was going to lose it while I was being teased and then she just stopped and said thats enough for you and I should settle down and concentrate on her as its about her not me. And then she just ended it. It was a long day.
     
  14. Headtrip
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    Been locked just over a month now and just starting to settle in, so seemed timely for a quick update.

    She was right that I need 6 weeks. I don't know how she figured that out so early on, but she is right. This last break was nice. For the first time since starting chastity I went all the way back to "normal". But being more experienced now, I can actually feel myself changing back, becoming more submissive, caring more for her orgasms, etc. My man card was recharged during that month and the battle in my head is raging on now. Quite honestly I can't wait for it to be over so I can just accept this state of bliss. Both situations are good for me, but it was difficult for me to adapt to freedom at first, and it is difficult for me to fully accept being caged now. Not physically of course, mentally. The cage and her control turn me submissive and I enjoy that state once it fully sets in, but it really takes at least 6 weeks and I am starting to really not like that time.

    A good thing about this whole experience: I feel very comfortable that I have really, truly, reached a level of heightened sexual "consciousness". Apologies, perhaps, to my Buddhist friends, but I am convinced this is true. Last week she treated us to my favorite: after a lot of teasing and her getting herself off she mounted me, chained to the bed, and rode me for a a really long time. It felt sooo wonderful to be inside her. And chastity brings a closeness such that I can read her mind (look up "reading the mind in the eyes" - there is evidence that this is really true), she did NOT want me to cum, nor even ask. Fast forward to when it was over (I did good, btw) and I said to her "can I ask one thing, please, I love when we make love like this, but can you please put on some numbing creme?" She laughed and said "yes, I could see you trying to concentrate on car wrecks or whatever you could rather than orgasm, I thought it was cute!" But I added what may be my most honest assessment of chastity to date, I said "there is no feeling greater than to be inside you, feel your warmth, reading your mind, and to be totally focused on your orgasms. The feeling that runs through me each time is greater than any orgasm I ever had and rather than crashing it just keeps building. It goes on and on and I feel like it takes my love for you to ever-new heights. I cannot experience that if I cum suddenly so instead of enjoying it I have to focus on not cumming." She was flattered and said she would try to remember that next time.

    You know, I feel very sorry for men who are not into chastity (or Kareeza or something similar) and have never experienced such a higher pleasure.
     
  15. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes I identify as someone that is always right

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    You might be interested in looking up Taoism, the Microcosmic Orbit and dual cultivation of sexual energies.

    We're working towards full body orgasm and orgasm without ejaculation.

    PM me if you'd like some book pointers.
     
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  16. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    I know where you're coming from. Once you e experienced the calm acceptance of being chase and erection-free that you get once you e been locked a month or more it's really hard to have to do those first four or six weeks over again. I'm at 16 weeks right now and the idea of ever having to start over is intimidating and discouraging. It's not the record-,setting or the day-counting, it's the intense psychological disturbance and confusion of having visited that "real man" space with erections and ejaculation and free masturbating that's so destabilizing; it's enough to just ask my wife to make my chastity permanent. So that idea you have of using numbing cream and a condom if she wants to use him is great, not just to stop from cumming but also to prevent those feelings that you're fucking a women like a real man when I should be in my cage.

    Great post @Headtrip.
     
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  17. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Thanks.
    Thinking about the whole "duality" thing here had my thoughts wandering again (to this day I am still focused on the "why is it so damn effective"). But rather than go off on higher level thinking (and @JaySaysYes I DO think there is something there) let me drag us backwards for a minute. I like to think in simple terms when I can make it work (think caveman):

    It has been said that Orgasm is the highest release of dopamine you can create (at least by yourself) in your brain. Dopamine is the pleasure drug. So anyone with a penis and a hand will quickly learn how to find Nirvana. Consider your primative cave-self as a drug user. You can get a free supply of it almost anytime you want. Addiction - couldn't be a better recipe for it. Now like most drugs the fun peaks pretty quick. Very quick in fact, followed by Prolactin which leaves you feeling satisfied. And any drug user will tell you that you are always looking for a bigger kick, but in this case it is the opposite: the more you masturbate the less "mind blowing" the high.

    And as a cave man, you kinda want to survive. Natural selection will insure that those that only masturbate won't have kids, they will be too tired for it. The ones that get by are the ones smart enough to hold off when something else is around. You have already evolved enough to know that orgasm is great but mating, well that is the best. And for this select group of cave-men there is no higher form of pleasure than bringing your partner to orgasm. You know that if you are able to pleasure her sexually, you are going to have a family (well, you probably don't have a clue, but genetic selection has insured that you get a bigger kick out of having kids than having cum on your hands).

    So there is your duality in about as crude and simple terms as possible. Orgasm is fun, lots of repeated orgasms less so, but your partner's orgasm signals not only that you are about to have a lot of fun, but that you will be immortal.

    I skip a bunch of scientific steps in the above explanation, but the "normal" explanations (of why chastity works) just don't do it for me. I am more and more convinced that there are deep areas of our being that are being triggered. It taps into something strong in our subconcious mind, whether evolutionary or not. And the power of this is beyond orgasmic.
     
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  18. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Like wow, and I just thought that chastity was fun, lol. :)
     
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  19. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Been a busy 6 weeks since the re-locking and a lot has happened. Emotionally I have finally started to accept and embrace the frustration as a good thing. My fantasies are now 90% focused on what it would be like to please her instead of self pleasure. We have been apart and barely able to communicate which has made it more difficult. We tried to find a "proxy" keyholder before her trip, that could unlock me for cleanings, etc but didn't find one in time (not an easy task to do since it really involves building trust, etc). Our solution was the IglooHome Lockbox 3. Not cheap, but very secure and it allows her to send me a code to unlock (once, or for a time period, etc). She makes me take some pics, unlock, do what is needed and relock both cage and box. Only used it once, and it took her a minute to connect and get a code, but it did work in the end just as advertised.

    I would like to share a new trick that makes this much more secure: Lipstick. Before we parted she took some long lasting lipstick and drew a pattern on the underside of my penis/glans. When secured in the cage this doesn't not come off in normal showering - only if I rub it with something. So she can tell in a minute if I have been bad. It is double frustrating because I used to enjoy using a Q tip a little more than cleaning justified and now I am not allowed to touch the "pleasure area". When I finally was allowed to unlock this week for a Urologist appointment the mark was still obvious. It quickly smeared when I showered and I was ordered to remark it before caging (with a lipstick that goes into the box so I can't easily duplicate if I could figure out how).

    Some will say that this shouldn't be necessary and in this particular case you are right: I lost a bet before her trip (BJ vs honor system) and won't go back on my word not to cheat while she is gone. But she loves being firmly in control (and it is a bigger headtrip for me) knowing that she really has me secure. A big swipe of nail polish on the barrel lock also helps signify that I haven't tampered (but really the lipstick is more than enough to prove I haven't played with myself in or out of the cage).

    The good news is that I fly out to join her in sunny FL for a few weeks and I am dreaming of servicing her every single day. There will be another month of isolation after that which I am not looking forward to, but the cage insures that she is on my mind every few minutes night or day. Damn.
     
  20. true42
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    No idea how anyone can survive that long! :eek:

    But yeah, I'd be going just as crazy at that point.
     
  21. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    You know, @true42 , it wasn't that long ago that I thought the same. Now? Now she has me realizing that I haven't quite mellowed until after 6 weeks, and that she deserves some time with this version of me as well. Not saying this will happen to you, but if I could give advice to keyholders (which really isn't my place) it would be to do as my Queen did and keep doubling the lockup periods and paying attention until they realize what THEY, not you, want. For some reason - that I am still struggling to explain - that makes so much sense to me now that I am here.
     
  22. true42
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    I am willing to defer learning that lesson :rolleyes:
     
  23. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Just a quick status update for the log... Been apart from my Queen since our trip to Caliente 3 weeks ago (see Chastity Resort under FLR) and locked VERY securely in the Lori 2D (fresh back from an adjustment and appears to be working better). The added security is a major headtrip. She and I talk daily on the phone but it isn't the same and I do find myself getting a little down. I don't know how some of you guys manage long distance relationships locked up. I wake up every day desperate to cuddle her but nobody is there. When the cage pinches I get upset because she is not around to check it out. I realize now that I have been very spoiled: the only times I have gone this long without uncaging is Loctober, and she was here to give me attention and let me serve her daily. Not getting or giving any service at all is a lot tougher and the super high security cage does not leave any mental "wiggle room".

    Yet somehow this experience is reinforcing my chaste feelings. Something inside is telling me this IS the way it should be. Indeed, that voice is telling me "she never really left you locked for 3 months straight and probably should have, then you wouldn't be feeling sorry for yourself right now." Logical me abhors that idea and desperately wants out for a stretch and an O, but chastity me wants to be reassured that she is, indeed, firmly in control (apparently chastity-me is pretty blind to the obvious). Really stupid me will probably be open and honest and tell her all about these feelings. And in a perfect catch-22 it is that very sharing of deep dark secrets that seems to bring us closer together.

    I miss being with her, but her absence isn't biasing the pendulum to one side or the other, it is just increasing its amplitude. Only 2 days left to go until we are together again, and I am starting to worry like a teenager: Will seeing her again be as wonderful as I hope it to be? Will I get a reunion O? Of course not, so then will I be disappointed? Will she know, just from the look on my face, how much power she really has over me? Very likely yes, so is that good or bad? Etc... (if you read this far you probably get the idea of how the chaste mind can ramble). I hate it. I love it.
     
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  24. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    [Preface: This was sitting on my laptop for 2 weeks since I got back from picking up my Queen in Florida. My house feels like a freeway right now with kids, grandkids, houseguests and workers around non-stop, so I decided I better just hit "send" than try to edit it 'cause that's not going to happen...]

    Wow
    Just wow. I got the answer to my question above. She knew, just from the look on my face, how much power she really has over me. I was so nervous I was shaking. She was ravishing and I felt like I didn’t belong in her presence even though she was (is) my wife. I wanted to hold her so bad, no I DID hold her and I wanted her so bad.

    She beamed. She could feel me go into sub space and was soaking in all that power. She was adding it to the confidence she built being on her own in sunny Florida. Walking the beach, eating healthy, working out. She was hot and she knew it, and she wanted one thing more than anything – for me to want her desperately and to feel her power. And she got it. Before I could ever say a word. God, confidence is sexy.

    I am addicted to her confidence. It is sooo sweet I can’t resist. Humbling and arousing all at the same time. Why is it such a strong trigger, especially when in chastity? Really stupid me went in overdrive. I told her how I felt. I told her how she only needs to show confidence for me to kneel in awe. I told her how much I missed her and how being locked helped me focus on her soo much and how I felt so humble being back with her now. I told her that “No” and “Never” were the sexiest words in her vocabulary and begged her not to use them (really, REALLY stupid me).

    So what did I learn? I learned that she loves knowing she can bring the little boy out in her man. She Really loves the cage – it is both a symbol and a very powerful tool. She loves it when I can’t help myself and tell her how I feel. She loves power (okay, I didn’t just learn that now but it was reinforced). And I learned that I should NOT encourage her, in any way whatsoever, to use the word “never”.

    Back to my “why does it work” theme here this experience reminded me that a strong, clever, woman can tap into this pool of power (the one that fuels chastity desires) to get whatever she wants. Oh, not instantly. Not like the fantasies say. But I swore once not so long ago that I would never go along with “long term lockups, you know where the guy isn’t allowed sex for weeks or even months”. Stupidly, I said that in the very same conversation where I promised I would allow her to make all the rules. Guess what? To break the wild Stallion you have to break their spirit. You have to make them willingly give up the very freedom they identify with so strongly. And you don’t break a horse (or a man) overnight. Pretty sure it can be done in 3 years though because I would LOVE to have sex in weeks, or even months, once again. I beg her for it often. She smiles, says No, and reminds me how much I love it when she says “No”.
     
  25. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    @Headtrip, I always love when an update of yours pops up on the radar, it sounds like you have such a beautiful relationship with your wife.
     
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