Is tease and denial the right message to be giving out?

chastity is what you want it to be/what you enjoy

what works for others might not be your thing and don't expect everyone else to be in to what you into.

been here long enough to meet people on both ends and all the shades in between

kind regards,
Chastiff

 

I started out in chastity as a bondage kind of thing. Went on like that with my wife for a year or more. After I thought about it we tried longer term locking. My wife enjoyed the power and change it made in us both. If it's not fun for both involved it won't last.

 

With all due respect, but if you do not send them anything in return and do not engage in any of the normal playful teasing that occurs in a live chastity relationship, what distinguishes you from an expensive bank safety deposit box that just holds a key? Not trying to be rude, but it seems to me that the "idea" they have that chastity relationships involve interaction between the KH and sub isn't wrong, regardless of where they got it. What the have wrong is their expectations of what your service provides. To me, chastity is 100% about interaction and the play between the KH and the locked. If the men contacting you have that idea and got it from this site, then I would say they got exactly what they were supposed to get out of CM - a glimpse into the lives of people actually living in chastity relationships. That may not be what you provide for them, but with respect, if thats the case then it's not their idea of chastity that's wrong, just their expectations of you.

Not saying that too many men don't see chastity simply as an extended form of foreplay, which I agree is not the point. But to say that men who expect some form of "tease & denial", or interaction, or whatever you want to call it, have the wrong idea about chastity just doesn't make much sense. To me, thats nearly all chastity is supposed to be about. Locking the cock just makes it more entertaining.

But it would seem to me that perhaps the idea that they have in their head is that an online key holder would make an attempt to emulate the experience of a real life keyholder. it seems ot me that the idea these men apparelty have isn't wrong, but is based on their observations of what real life chastity relationships/interactions entail.

 

I think any good thing is give and take. Food that tastes great is usually kinda bad for you. Exercise is hard but good for you. Locking up your penis and having someone deny you orgasms is less orgasms, but the teasing and euphoria around that is amazing.

I would eat anything I wanted if none of it was bad for me, I wouldn't exercise if it wasn't good for me, and I certainly wouldn't deny myself orgasm without the promise of the heightened state of arousal that I get from being teased without release. The anticipation of teasing can be as great as the act itself.

I understand some feel the compulsion to give up orgasms, as well as money and gifts, for the pure pleasure of self sacrifice and masochism.

I believe being a keyholder with a loving partner is work. It takes effort to always take the initiative, find out what makes us tick, and find the happy medium between when to deny and when to give pleasure. It is not without it's rewards of very happy attentive partners. It's also effort for the chaste. Giving control, pride, and sexuality to even a loved one, requires a large amount of trust...plus, these contraptions are never all THAT comfy.

So to each their own, but I like the having so many here, so many couples, exploring their limits and sexuality together. I think tease goes with denial like peas and carrots!

 

I think semi-regular t&d is useful in keeping a submissive man attentive and alert, at least it is in my case. It's especially powerful when the 'promise' of it is withheld.

 

Mistress Lucy, with respect, the mere thought of you is probably enough to tease your boys into a state of severe delirium.

 

Yes, Mistress, it is.

WE've discovered over time that it is tremendously beneficial to my submissiveness and service to her if I'm not permitted to slip into a comfort zone. In other words she will continually extend my limits. You are quite correct, this can easily be accomplished simply by being herself, just as you portray yourself to your boys in order to maintain their compliance.

I would hazard to guess that you receive nothing but total obedience from your boys simply by being a caring Domina who does not need to lift a little finger in order to achieve it. That is feminine power.

 

I think the problem is that chastity without a loved one holding the key is a lot different than what is essentially self locking. It is sort of like whipping yourself or being told to whip yourself in BDSM play. It is not the same without a real person there with you.

It is exciting to think about orgasm control but to just give up your orgasm, and get nothing in return seems counterproductive. Giving up orgasms for no reason does not sit well with most males. The same with BDSM. I would not let a stranger have full control over me without first negotiating limits and my likes and dislikes. Even the pro dommes will ask you want you like down to the detail level like if you want the paddle to be wood or some other material. It is the guy's sexual fantasy, not the Dommes. In real life the sub has all the power. They set their limits, agree to what they will do and have a safe word to immediately stop the action. A Dom cannot dominate a sub without their consent and that consent is not unconditional as you may think. I had an online Mistress once a very long time ago. Turned out to be a guy. No more of that for me.

So I do not think it is a matter of guys getting the wrong impression because chastity is not about just giving up orgasms without quid pro quo. It has to be enjoyable for both parties and in an online relationship I just do not see how that can work well. Real life is not like the fantasy play that goes on online which is where many get their impression of a fetish. Gosh, there is almost a rule book for cuckolding these days. In my day we had to make up our own sexual fantasies because there was not internet. Now you just go online and find one you like and follow it to the letter. So I cannot blame the men for getting any impression they want. Just my opinion after 47 years of fetish play in just about any fetish people know about, even the yucky ones.

 

Devices not important, no sexual teasing, no actual sex or contact, not discussing sexual gratification from loss of sexuality, and I get to buy "gifts"?.....are you my ex wife?

 

OH SNAP!

Four hundred some days with nothing? Fuuuuuuck that.

 

Also, how do I get into that line of work cuz it sounds great.

 

Talk to Ron...Ronco rotisserie, just set it and forget it!

 

Hahahaha let the presents roll in!

At this junture I think it important that you and I reflect on how lucky we are to have our lovely wives. I'd probably piss anyone else off too much to keep em around!

 

My own experiences are directly related to Mistress Lucy. I first met her in real life a couple years ago, and ever since that day I have entered, no fallen, into a deeply submissive relationship with and towards her. It's very real. Our interactions are predominantly online now, but it can be several hours of communication each day. I am now locked in chastity to her during all my waking hours, and have found my sense of ownership and willingness towards her grow and grow the longer this state is maintained. Mistress Lucy is my superior. She controls my experiences, and asks of me whatever she needs. I enjoy and hope to be helpful to her in whatever way she needs at any time. This is not sexual activity, for either her or me. My mind and behaviour is entirely focused on Her. As it should be. I know i am lucky to have found myself in this situation. Some of course do have more personal, home, partner experiences that involve different aspects, but what I have I know to be very true, rewarding, and what the Goddess truly deserves. I would do anything for her, and regularly do.

 

LOL...eloquently stated!

 

@Thatgirl said pretty much everything I would have said and better than I could. I do have one thing to add.

My Wife is not 'pandering' me by teasing me. She teases me when she wants to, not when I want her to. When she teases me she does what she wants to do. She does it because she has a huge amount of fun doing it.

The fact that I enjoy it is incidental but also critical. It is my reaction to her teasing that gives her a huge amount of fun. If I just lay there making no sounds or movement she would soon give up.

What you and your sub's have is an entirely different ball game, if you will pardon the pun.

 

While I agree very much with Thatgirl I would go further.

My comment here is that, for some couples, chastity play is all about an extended form of foreplay and that it is no less legitimate for it. The idea that a kink needs to conform to some set of norms laid down by other practitioners is surely the ultimate joke.

 

Mistress Lucy, what do you get out of being a keyholder for so many males?

What attracts you to it, why do you do it?