Hi all, My wife and I have embraced male chastity since July, so although we are new to this lifestyle, it still gives us 6+ months of personal feedback about it. I will not review all the benefits this whole thing has brought us since it's not the subject of this thread. But here is the deal : at the beginning, because I would not find any off the rack device that would fit my measurements properly, we had to start on the honour system. In the meantime, I ordered a custom device by Red Chili, which took a while. I received my device three weeks ago, and although it's beautiful and fitting well, my wife and I have come to realise that we are better without it. I thought having her physically lock me would add to the lifestyle, but it seems to be quite the opposite for us. It seems to just make things more complicated, but here is the main reason : the restrained erections I get into the cage are not for me as deliciously frustrating as the complete and strong ones I get every time I kiss her or feel her body against mine. In the meantime she prefers to feel my erect penis and be able to give it just a pat or a stroke at any time. During our 6+ months of experience with chastity, I've not cheated once, which means that I did not give myself any orgasm. I did edge me once or twice in the shower, but that was it. The only 4 orgasms I got since July (we keep track in a notebook, as we do for hers) are the ones she offered me. The frustration I feel is so nice that I do not want to cheat, so the cage was not really meant to prevent me from masturbating, but it was supposed to add some kink. In the end, I think it does not for me. Do any of you relate to our experience ? I would be really curious to know. PS : I am not really pissed I spent the money on a custom device because I really needed to know. Plus, it's really a beautiful item that we'll still be able to use occasionally if we feel like it.
All that matters is that it works for you. Most of us don’t have the discipline to use the honor system effectively for any length of time.
Well that's what it's all about, we must first please our wives or significant others. After all they are in charge. You don't need a cage to follow her rules, but you will need self discipline. Have fun and enjoy
I feel exactly the same way. I will wear a cage and it feels exciting to wear it but it’s such a damned distraction that I can’t get things done I have too much to do. I also feel like my chastity can be achieved through simple obedience to my wife. I always ask my wife if I can come and she usually tells me sure but I don’t like masturbating in private because it’s lonely and pathetic and it doesn’t feel like I am bonding with her. I know I’ve said this before and it probably annoys some but the only thrill that I can have with my wife is the jerk off in front of her and then eat my spunk. This is humiliating for me and my wife knows it but it does nothing for her. Other than perhaps amuse her. If I could have actual sex with my wife or give her pleasure in any possible way and she was healthy enough for that I would not be obsessing about chastity or eating come unless she really really wanted me to. In fact I would be thinking of ways of giving her orgasms. That simply is not in the cards for us so in lieu of that we will play these games where I debase myself in front of her. I have no illusions about the fact that my wife gets no sexual satisfaction from calling me cucky or pathetic or telling me my cock is too small and soft or that I’m impotent but the truth is that’s literally the only thrill that I can get and the only thrill that she is able to give me in her condition. So that’s our life together and adding mechanical Chastity to this really doesn’t enhance anything. I doubt that there are very many of you in the same boat as me and on some level you may think it’s really exciting to be a completely pathetic chased loser who will never have PIV sex again but I can tell you I would change places with almost any of you in an instant.
I need the cage, I’ve never attempted to pull out of it or to sneak a cheat or anything, but when my Wife has granted a few days of freedom, after a couple days my little brain starts trying to be dominant again. Maybe it’s from being the dominant one sexually for most of our many years together, I don’t know. But once the cage is back on, it’s like a switch is thrown mentally again and I’m her perfect little pet. So as you might suspect, my freedom has become a much more rare event with each passing year of chastity
Interesting timing in your message. I have been on this site for nearly a year and gone through 3 cheap cages and 2 custom cages. The goal was to find something that I could wear long term. I didn't want to talk to my wife about it (and still haven't) until I found a cage that I could actually wear longer term. There was no reason to introduce it, only to say "never mind, I can't wear this more than 2 hours." Since then, I have quit porn and very recently decided that quitting masturbation also needs to happen. I am on day 10 of no self-stimulation whatsoever. Now, my wife is away until Sunday, and for the first time ever, I am going to try wearing my custom cage that fits great for more than 6 hours at a time - in fact, I plan to wear it for about 75 hours straight. I am currently thinking that this is significant because I may very well come to the conclusion that the whole cage thing is not for me. Like you @Joris-Karl, I don't think I'll regret the expense because it is something that I had to try. I will also continue my chastity journey without the cage. At the same time, I am a little afraid that I won't like it and decide it is not for me, because I have invested so much attention to the whole thing over the past year. I really like the idea of wearing a cage for my wife and it being a form of sacrifice but also a secret we share and also are reminder to her that I am keep chaste. I have read so much about the caged lifestyle dynamic that I guess I have drunk the Kool-aid. So, if find that wearing a cage longer term is a horrible thing, it's going to be very disappointing to me.
Fwiw I've had my cage on since Jan 3rd off once for cleaning. And i wore it from august until Christmas time with cleaning removal every week or two. You just have to find one that fits. Something that helped me was realizing I need the smallest size that will not damage anything or hurt me. Having the smallest fitting base ring helps PREVENT and chaffing. Having the smallest fitting cage helps to prevent painful erections.
I sometimes have doubts if I am better locked. One of the reasons is that I am constantly horny, which is good most of the time but it can also drive you to distraction. If your wife wants your sexual energy high and directed at her than it certainly does that!, but in the case of a low libido woman that is not necessarily a good thing. Why would a low libido women benefit from a pesky horny man. Just put even more pressure on her. Your reasons seem to differ though. I sometimes worry that my partner keeps me locked for me rather than her. On balance I think I am better for her, and I think she thinks that as well, I like to think she likes to know I can't play with her toy when she is not around, and she knows I cant help myself if i am not locked. End of the day I just want works for her and us locked or not. We don't really do anything kinky (cept the cage) any more except have traditional sex and it certainly enhances that for us both. I am very fortunate at my age to have a partner that indulges in our level of intimacy at all. Wearing the cage seems to have the effect that my partner never ever really leaves my mind, I am always thinking about her and wanting her to be happy. Its a shame that it takes a lump of metal to do that, but if it works then Ill run with it. When we have breaks which we do from time to time, its not like I suddenly stop though, its just a different kind of focus. I FEEL like when I am wearing I am doing something for us like a man would climb a mountain for a woman. But you have to be careful and not feel like they owe you something for wearing it! It’s not the same for everyone, chastity does not work for everyone and that is fine And its not always a walk in the park, it can be a pain in the arse at times. But for me chastity is as addictive almost as sex itself. It hasn't gone away or diminished since 2005 when I bought my first plastic cage, and it took literally 16 and a half years to get to the device I am in now (steelheart 2 with tether) which is perfectly comfortable, escape proof and almost cheat proof (partners wand is locked away lol), although a orgasm in the cage with her wand is hardly comparable to a PIV mutual orgasm or even a fully erect hand stroke. I am at the point now that Id wear it for the rest of my life as long as my partner wanted me too, but if she told me to stop wearing it tomorrow while I would be disappointed, Id carry out her wishes. Doubt that will happen though.
If you just focus that energy on physical intimacy with your spouse, this is very true. If you focus your energy on what makes her happy, it will likely be on things outside the bedroom. I always thought my wide had a low libido. I've come to find that she has a "responsive" libido. The more i push her buttons outside the bedroom, the more she desires physical intimacy. But i have to control myself to focus on only those things she enjoys. If I let my little guy's "brain" take over, it kills the romance. Now that she feels really loved by me, she's enjoying physical intimacy daily even though it doesn't always lead to an orgasm for her. She's having more orgasms now at age 64 than ever before in her life. I suspect you're spot on with this assessment. Which makes me feel very, very fortunate it's worked so well for us.
I could not be trusted without my cage! I like the connection it beings even when she’s not anywhere close. That said, I’d love to be able to live without one (although I think I’d miss it)
In what way? Because you'd play with yourself or because you wouldn't be as attentive and helpful to your wife? Or both? That's the crazy dilemma, isn't it? Do you think you could live the same life you are now without it? Do you wish / want to live the same lifestyle without it or do you want things to be different?
Both! There’s times where the cage alone has not been enough, an urge to cheat the system. Alongside my willpower I just about made it through. Probably not. Id definitely enjoy myself alone… and then lose motivation. Id probably re-grow my arrogant streak and we’d argue again. I’m pretty comfortable as it is.
Same here! This realization hit me again last week. My wife asked me, "Did you realize you were arrogant before?" Although we had talked about this previously.... OUCH!!! I think it's the primary reason in her mind that she wants to keep me this way for now.
Whatever works. For me, I need my cage, I will masturbate if I'm not wearing it, and masturbating erodes and even blocks any real intimacy for me. Masturbating also reinforces a lot of negative self-perceptions, so I need to stay away from it. Fortunately. my wife knows I am a Masturbator so she knows it isn't good for me having erections out of her presence.
I work for myself and depending on business meetings or travel, I can have some spare time when no one is home. Being closer to 60 than 50 these days, I'm not the furious masturbator I was when I was 18 but I do have triggers that start working on me. The damn web ads with women in leggings talking about how it shapes their butt doesn't help. Having been in a cage for the last many years, I very much miss it when it is in the drawer. I have begun to associate being caged with the interest my wife has in being intimate with me. When she is permissive and doesn't enforce the caged husband, I feel like she is disinterested and I have permission to go solo. This is a sad spiral of feeling dejected and off target in our relationship. When I am caged and she gives me that look or that touch or makes that subtle innuendo that only she can make, I'm over the moon and eager to focus on her. I feel intimacy between us like no other time or circumstance. Yes, the cage is a symbol and can easily be defeated. Yes, the cage is uncomfortable at times and requires adjustment Yes, the cage interrupts spontaneity of what could be a sexual encounter (you think a condom is bad?) Yes, surrounding your dick with a piece of steel or plastic is weird - maybe too weird for the marital bed. So many have already said "do what works for the both of you" and the cage reminds me that she does want to play. I shouldn't be masturbating alone in some sad progression of feeling bored and lonely. The cage works for us or more specifically it works for me. Things change but for now, I much prefer to be caged and if it isn't your thing, there is nothing wrong with that.
It feels like male sex parts become unneeded for a couple after having kids, which is a definite downer. Yet our libido and sexual energy persists, on our minds every day. But not our spouses, they have moved on to other priorities, such as the kids. And the dopamine kick drives us to using our sexual energy as a way to self sooth and retreat within ourselves to avoid pain...of rejection, of not being good enough, not worthy of love, etc. We need to find a path back, to ourselves, our spouses, and our pure, genuine sexuality and connection of 'we'. A cage isn't necessary for this, but can help in many ways as everyone has described. Everyone has their own journey, story and relationship dynamic within which all sorts of conversations, fantasies, games, toys, etc, can help create connection, excitement, and help it endure. The most important thing is to embrace the journey, try different things, see what works at any given moment, have grace with ourselves and our spouses and strive to be the best versions of ourselves we can. I've tried with a cage and without, and benefits and challenges exist with both. A cage can make some things easier, while others (like removing it in the heat of the moment more challenging. It's a daily thing that holds our attention and requires work, which is good as a reminder of our commitment to the journey of self improvement. Going without a cage is a strong act of will to overcome our temptations which can otherwise very easily be satisfied. I think it's important to be able to do this, at least for some period of time (e.g. several months) and push ourselves to live up to our commitments and honor. I read somewhere that we should be able to go without a cage for a long duration, for our spouse. And if we can do that, and show that commitment to them, then a cage is OK for our own desires. I think our partners can find a cage fun at times, a game if they are in the mood and are enjoying the dynamic. But ultimately it is not a natural state of being, emotionally and physically. So I suspect most would prefer us without it. Some tolerate it, some refuse it, and others embrace and have fun with it, to support our journeys. Ultimately, we want to be wanted, needed and know we have a place and purpose in our partner's life. That we are wanted to make them feel good, feel loved and desired. They want to be loved, wanted, desired, adored and feel protected and safe. The best we can work towards is to find that harmony where we can come together and grow in meeting each others needs and desires.
We are in the same boat but for another reason. Fit. I seem to be in a range between soft and hard that can't be fit. Soft it's from 0 (totally buried) to an inch. That makes peeing a disaster. And hard I am just under 4 inches so the nubs and micros damn near kill me with nighttime erections. We keep the cages for ceremonial wear. All the same, I live in chastity and would never cheat. I am on day 340 without and that's tiny in comparison to forever as she has decided.
I know what you mean. There is nothing more frustrating than being fully erect, hard as a rock an completely horny while licking her to her orgasm and then lying in the bed next to her with this rock pressed against her happy pelvis. I experienced it just yesterday when I didnt clean the cage after Gym and so didnt put it on. I think I came in the night on the bed. Have to check it lol. But for my wife the cage is very important. She loves the look and the hornyness, submissivity it brings to me. She wants to have me and our relationship mostly penisfree. She doesnt really enjoy PiV because I cum too fast and it isnt the biggest boner. So we arranged for sissygasms for me and orgasm for her, how ever she wants to achieve them.
That’s exactly what I’ve been enjoying since July, and I could not be in a better place when this happens.