I Don't Think Chastity Subs Expect Enough - Prove Me Wrong

Maybe your ideas about chastity are limited to people like you. This is a kink that is very expansive, and what I like about it, (using it as leverage to feminize and tease) is that there are many people who simply want to be locked up and told what to do. Some men have wanted me to control every aspect of their lives. Some just want a woman to hold the keys.

I think your myopic view of what chastity means, can't be extended to anyone else. It seems you don't understand there are men of all flavors and desires when it comes to chastity. Maybe you should just be concerned with what you want, and don't settle for anything you don't. In turn, you could let other men do the same without turning an over-analysis into something that sounds like a criticism of a desire that can/will make someone else very happy. You speak for a very slim margin, as do I. You'll never understand the fulfilling depths that can be explored from your singular perspective. There are people of all experience levels here. Welcome to the site, yesterday. Maybe get a little time in to see what motivates these men before assuming they're too pathetic to speak up for themselves. Because that's how you're coming across.

 

There are different flavours of chastity and we all have different motivations. You've picked on one flavour, which you don't like, and attributed that to everyone else, suggesting this is taking the chastity experience in the wrong direction.

If you don't want pro-dommes enforcing a particular brand of submission, then steer clear of them. Many men do want that experience.

Good luck with your search for your ideal chastity experience.

 

Online and real world are very different. Where are you getting your perspective from?

If the perspective is from online you'll get one that is mostly from the male fantasy perspective. If you meet people in the BDSM community in person you'll find things are quite different.

Now you probably know this but I'm posting for newbies and folks who are just learning.

I always encourage people to get to know others in person. Make friends. Go to events.

You'll find lots of views, and people doing all sorts of things.

Personally I'm about service and female supremacy. I don't like male "Doms" and I prefer groups like ClubFem and similar ones where males must be submissive and the women are in charge.

If you haven't real @L-u-c-y postings on how she wants her male subs you should. It's a great perspective and one that if very different from the male centric stereotype that is so common.

My own views are similar to Ms Lucy's but with a sexual service and kinkier elements included. But they're not the primary focus and I hate the way I wrote that as it probably will be understood wrong as the sexual and kink elements are minor.

By that I mean a male sub should be a gentleman first. He should be of service and respectful of others. His pleasure should be from being the best he can be. Now that shouldn't be from an arrogant perspective but rather one that comes from a more stoic and humble tradition. Hence humility and honor and integrity should be his core.

Beyond that, play should be incorporated as part of the relationship(s) based on discussion and agreement. Not what the guy wants or says he needs. Yes his needs need to be considered and they need to be met. But they should never drive the relationship. And wants even more so.

I guess I find it sad that so many guys seek dominant women and fail finding them because of immature and selfish views and behaviors.Ms Lucy's writings and postings on this are a great place for men to start. Become a gentleman and stop looking at this from a sexual and kink perspective. In fact, stop thinking about sex and kink and instead focus on being a real gentleman. Doing so will have a huge impact on the women who become attracted to you. Then focus on building a relationship and it will come. That said, don't hide sexual and kink desires. But don't be creepy and throw it all out at first.

I post this not aimed at anyone but again rather for all the guys here reading this who want a "keyholder" and can't find one, you're failing because you're desperate. Because a keyholder is not what you really seek. And if it is, pay one of the services and be done.

What you seek is a relationship. One that isn't going to be found unless you make changes. One that comes through hard work. Through self improvement. Through becoming attractive. And through doing the right things.

I guess I'm ranting a bit. But I've been very fortunate to have some amazing relationships. And I'm now in the best one ever. And all have started by what I posted above. So I'm certain it works.

And no I'm not the best looking guy. Yes when I was younger I was much fitter. I had more hair, and I dressed better. But all of that doesn't matter. What matters is confidence, respect and integrity.

And that's attractive to most people.

From there building relationships, and developing friendships matter. Only after that can the sex and kink get to an amazing level that most fantasize about. And yes I've had more fun than most. Yes, I've shared some of it. But only when it's relevant to a discussion.

Now I know most guys will ignore this. In fact, most won't even have read this far. But I hope the few who did get something out of this.

And for the rest. If you get into this deep enough you'll go places you fear now but will love later. In my case I'm healing from a PA piercing to take this to another level. But that's another discussion.

So guys if things aren't where you want your life STOP. REEVALUATE, then lean what you need to do to get what you want and need. But lean that it'll only come with hard work and patience.

And for anyone that wants stores, just ask. I'm always willing to share some real accounts.

 

I understand as I'm a bit sour on the local BDSM community. But we can't let some folks make us jaded.

When I joined the lifestyle it was preinternet. So I guess I learned how to meet folks other than online. It want easy so I won't claim it was better or worse.

What I will say is that after Covid it seems like thing have gotten much harder than prior to it. Folks seem much more disconnected and more more self absorbed. But there still are great folks out there and I feel if we keep setting good examples we can have a positive impact.

If yiu think about what I wrote, you'll realize most of it wasn't geared to the community. Most was introspective, things we can do that helps us attract partners. And that can be helpful any place.

I met a partner in a college class. I've met one in a parents group. I have a kinky friend who is a neighbor. So you just don't know.

I always tell people to STOP LOOKING.

Women have a sense and know when a guy is out looking. And it makes us look desperate. And that's not attractive to them. Conversely when I've not been "actively" looking I seem to have women approach me fairly often. It's nuts.

Anyway, I guess my point is there are many ways to find partners. And if we stop focusing so much on chastity as a kink were more likely to find someone(s) to be kinky with.

 

That should have been Stories

it seems auto error changed it and I didn't catch it.

 

I think what submissives get is what they want.

I'm chaste for my GF and we both love it, and we both get what we want from the silly sex games we play.

It seems to me that you might be overthinking it, and that overthinking is stopping you from getting laid.

I assume you capable of work, and so you can earn money, and save, and hire an escort any time. Perhaps that is your best route rather than thrashing around as you seem to be doing.

 

I don’t understand the question.

Where is this market?

You’re doing it wrong.

I’m thinking maybe you should find a partner to take with you to these events, rather than expecting them to orientate around your needs.
But maybe you’re a little too opinionated for your own good .

 

I mean. What do you actually want? Like your arguing for a cause without a point. What’s going to make you happy?

 

What exactly do you want? Just a GF or spouse who is dominant, and will play your game exactly as you wish? Do you just want a relationship where chastity is at play? Because there are many women who will do that. If you're going to want an actual dominant woman, she is likely to have ideas of what she wants that you won't like. Then what?

 

Or… answer a simple question. What do you want? As right now I’m understanding why a community cast you aside. Just saying.

like my relationship with my wife affects you?

 

You don't think these other men have hard limits that they abide by? You think they are such suckers and losers that they will go with whatever the woman wants, just because they get someone to hold their keys? That is absolutely not true. I haven't met one person yet who has asked me to play with them, and they didn't care what I did. They all have felt me out to make sure we're compatible first.

 

It's rude to presume that your style of submission is the only respectable way, which is how it's coming across.

 

For some men, all they want to do is serve the woman. They do not care what the woman wants, they want to be truly subservient. For some, they are service subs, and enjoy being made to do all the cooking, cleaning, buying gifts, etc.

My point is, even your thread title implies that they are not getting what they want, but they are. This whole thread is ridiculous, because it's a virgin telling others that they are having sexual relationships wrong. The implication is that you have more self respect than other men in this kink.

Women are less likely to be into findom because men are the kings of the workforce. Findom is a way of a, (usually successful) man paying reparations to women who typically begin life a few steps behind the male counterparts in the workforce. These men are typically wanting to be bullied, bossed around, and taken advantage of, because they feel as if women deserve it.

All of the things you're describing is a two-way street. If he didn't want to be involved, he wouldn't be.

You're being judgmental all over the place here. If a man is doing chores and buying gifts, who are you to say that's not what they want? Which men have told you that it's not what they want, but they're doing just do be around a woman?

 

A dominant woman that cares for her submissive male is going to mind his kink limits, and that is one of the cornerstones of a successful D/s relationship.

A submissive male is going to fulfill all the kink desires of his dominant, and enjoy doing so. Because submission is all about yielding to the control of another. A sub that wants his kinks in there too will just have to deal without if it's not in his dominants wheelhouse of desires.

Chastity is a stand-alone kink all in its own, that doesn't even require a device, another person, or even a key holder. There is another debate on this website where a confused person thinks that chastity requires some elements of BDSM in order to be valid.

Kink is best thought of as aisle in a grocery store where couples or singles, working together or alone, pull items off the shelf and put in the cart.

Chastity sits on a shelf in that store all it's own, and doesn't require other 'purchases' to be enjoyed.

You are thinking that chastity is part and parcel of a D/s relationship. It's not.
You are thinking that chastity by default requires other things in the BDSM aisle to be purchased. It doesn't.

Some things have synergies at the grocery store, like ice cream and chocolate syrup. Chastity and femdom have a similar synergy but they don't have to be taken together and indeed there are all sorts of other toppings to mix and match and enjoy.

 

I'm want to be blunt, but I do not in any way want to be dismissive or insulting: You need to work on you.

You have a lot of pain and anger inside, and you have not learned to process it, and it is going to eat you alive. No one should cause themselves to suffer like you are causing yourself to suffer. I mean that with love, and with no judgment, so if I have misread or misinterpreted what you wrote, then I apologize and accept the fault as my own. When I read what you write, I can feel the anger, and the disappointment, and I do not want to feel sorry for you -- I want to encourage you, because life can be better than that. And you probably have the keys inside of you to make your life better, albeit maybe with a little help.

Please consider seeing a mental health person, who can help guide you through some of the simple parts of "working on yourself". They may be able to help you with other more advanced things, but start simple. Explain your frustrations. Explain your disappointments. Ask for advice.

But also, come back here regularly, and talk with us. Talk through your challenges. Tell us about your dreams, your wishes.

We are all just human. (At least I hope we all are.) We all struggle, and we all had to start somewhere. Welcome to this little corner of the universe, and maybe we can help you explore your dreams and your wishes, but more importantly, maybe we can help you begin the work on yourself.

The good news is that there are many, many beautiful, amazing women out there who would love to meet a man who is willing to sacrifice his pride and work on himself diligently, day after day, year after year, to become a better person and eventually to become someone's amazing soulmate.

Do not give up hope. We are here to help. And when we can't help, we're still here to encourage. And when we can't encourage, we're still here to listen.

 

Exactly what I just said