How to help her not feel bad !!

Stop whining to get out. It's on you to make her comfortable with caging and being dominant to you. You are sending mixed signals by asking to be caged, then begging to be let out. She is clearly trying to make you happy, but doesn't know how because you aren't being honest with her about what you want.

 

I don't think it's her who needs to be stricter, it's you.

 

I am 100% certain that you'll regret asking her to be strict.

 

I'm relatively new myself and my KH is super vanilla. This is by *far* the most "non-traditional" thing we've ever done and frankly I am still shocked she has been willing to play along (currently on month 3 after also doing a rookie version of locktober+). I have similar issues - she naturally feels compelled to please me and thinks sexy time = unlock = inevitable O for me. When she agreed to play again this year, it was when I presented as a "game" based on drawing an Uno card with a list of good and bad outcomes for me. I said they were suggestions that she could draw from on my scheduled "special day" once a week that she could set (or move or skip) in her discretion. Even though she has yet to actually draw a card, it does seem to have helped her stretch a little out of her own comfort zone in terms of teasing me and coming up with her own games. It's kind of like the possibility of random cruelty gave her a little confidence that some discomfort on my part actually is a feature not a bug. But we're still a looooong way from these elaborate scenes one might read about here or find on PH. So long story short, I might suggest you offer up one of the simpler (simpler the better) and less extreme games of chance (dice, cards - nothing complex with points or any of that shit) that you can find online as a suggestion for a weekly-ish game focused on you as your reward for good behavior in the preceding days (e.g., I am not allowed to ask for any release from her, ever, and then I get what I get on my one day (if at all) plus whatever else she may be in the mood for on any other days (if anything)). But bring this up as more of a "breaking character check in" and not as a heat of the moment thing. Then just let it develop and give her lots and lots of time and space and be appreciative and do as you're told. Remember, you've been thinking about it A LOT and planning all sorts of things in your head, she probably is aware of like 1% of what you're thinking and is not spending all day thinking about special ways to touch or not touch you. Good luck!

 

My wife is not interested in holding my key. She is, however, now interested in my chastity because it is permanent as it relates to all things sexual. The decision was made and she was happy and grateful that I did it, and she is now free to fully express her asexuality and is relieved of the self-imposed guilt and stress of it.

This was a one way street. There is no turning back now, the lock is on for life. So she is happy and I am happy.

As others have said, you should make up your mind about exactly what you want. Then vocalize it. Then do not complain. You get what you asked for and live it, and love it.

It would suck if she said, I don't want to do this anymore. So don't screw it up. I wish my wife would participate.

So you either give her the power and be done with it, and take what you got coming (or not coming), and enjoy it, or end it. The reason for chastity I'd to bring you together, and that will require you to embrace and enjoy vulnerability just like you hope she enjoys her new power.

Complaining and whining will divide you, and that is not what you want. She will resent you and go back to the regular way. This is your opportunity to bond with your wife in a special way that only chastity can provide, so don't muck it up.

My LD Mistress Keyholder uses communication with me and emlalock to make the decisions. It doesn't require a lot of input on her part, and this way you can whine to your phone screen instead of your lady. Mabye that's a way of getting into it. She interacts with emlalock as a keyholder, you as a wearer, and even apart, you will be Jonesing for her. I am constantly thinking about my emlalock and key holder and it's not my wife.

Peace.

 

Tell her what you want OUTSIDE of the bed room when you aren't horny and wound up for sex. She thinks she is doing what you want particularly when you come out of the cage like a hungry dog to the bowl.

I told my wife for years that I wanted her to decide. I wanted her to set the duration. I wanted her to be in control and be comfortable with her decisions. I wanted sex to be about HER and her needs while she could do or not do with me as she felt.

Yeah, I still whine and let her know that I'd love to have sex with her at any moment of the day. Now she just smiles, pats me on the head and says, "I know. I know."

You are asking her to take control and you have to let her BE in control.

 

Get a timer safe - look for ksafe on amazon.

Keys go in safe. Timer is set. No whining.

 

@Dom/cagedsub have your wife talk to @Perpetualock's wife, and this will all be settled. Oh yeah, and then go read @JaySaysYes's post!

 

1. Buy a Kitchen Safe and both of you agree on a time to set it to. It relieves her of having to “give in”.
2. Play games of chance with defined outcomes so she isn’t the one that has to decide.
3. Make a wager. $100 personal spending money to the winner. Whoever demands unlocking first loses. Wager could also be for chores, massage, etc. Boast regularly that she is weak and that you will win for sure!

 

First you need to start asking her to stay locked up and not be released because it's what you want, Then you continue to tell her how you want to stay locked up for her, over and over again, because you like to serve her in that way. During all this time you need to actually stay locked up and not complain about it because it's what you wanted all along. After you do this long enough your KH will start to really understand that you do really want to be locked up all the time unless she wants to use you. Once this happens, every once and a while you can tell her you wish you could get released and she will say no, because she will really understand that deep down you want her to say no and it makes you happy. Keep this up for a few years and then she may never let you out again no matter what you say or do.

Chastity is a slow game played over long periods of time and it builds on itself one day at a time. Day, after day, after week, after month.,,

 

I find that pissing her off helps extend lock up time.

Next time she unlocks you call her by her mom/sister/friend's name.

That'll do the trick.

 

Love @chaste4wife 's suggestion. One way or the other it is guaranteed to result in less PIV with your wife!

In all seriousness, I did a lighter variant of this with my Queen in the beginning that I shall forever regret: she announced that we were not "playing" any more and my lockups would be doubling until it was only a few times per year. I genuinely protested and she reminded me that this was about her choice. Nothing new here, right? Well she seemed to stall at 2 weeks and would keep caving and letting me out. Until. One time I chuckled and said "ha!, I'm safe here because it is YOU, not me, that cant go longer!".

The rest, they say, is history...

 

Oh you poor fool, did you REALLY say that? To the woman that insisted on chastity to start with????

 

How long are we talking? A week, month, etc?

If you make it to say 6 months, she will see the downside of letting you cum. If it's only a week or so it will not matter. The high you get from many months is worth it.

 

Hate to admit it, but yes I did. We're both naturally alpha and there is (was at least) a lot of competition going on. All good fun but I underestimated how serious she was about winning vs just playing.

Thing is, I cant control my competitive nature and she loves it. Eggs me on all the time then slams me when I take the bait. Pretty clear now who is in control but she still enjoys seeing me try/struggle. Back to the OP, if she is competitive at all these kinds of challenges can amp up the fun for her (BCWYWF, I am now locked up wayyy more than I ever wanted).

 

LOL, that reminds me of telling my GF she hits like a girl, right before a ball-busting session.

The BALLS, they say, are history...

 

His avatar is a real photo of himself!!! lol

 

Was this before or after that period when she was sick and when she regained consciousness, what was the first thing she did? Right, grab your crotch just to make sure. I think you've figured it out by now, but yeah, she's serious.

 

Once that switch gets flipped, there is likely no going back. My wife felt bad and would let me cum after a few days and let me stay cage free for a week or so…..then as time went by, the guilt faded away, then she clearly saw the benefits of denial. She’s not insanely strict but we’re heading that way, I recently finished a 33 day no orgasm term, and she allowed 4 orgasms over a 3 day weekend. She noticed my sub drop and wasn’t happy about it, so I expect I may get 1-2 orgasms a month from here out.
She’s not into ruined orgasms, but that could
be the next progression I suppose.
Im sure you’ve seen a common theme on this forum, “be careful what you wish for”
It’s truth

 

THIS:

Until you're being denied orgasm for periods of a month or longer, she won't see and so won't be able to appreciate the character change that happens from your hormone changes from not having an orgasm.

A month without orgasm is a milestone that neither of you can appreciate until you've been through it.

 

Since you are new at this she does not appear to be naturally dominant. My suggestion would be to talk about what you would like when you are not having sex. Let her know you would like her to try not listening to anything you say when you are hot and ask to get out. Tell her you would love for her to say no and not worry about it. Ask, can we try? The thought of it gets you all excited and I really want to share this experience with her.

 

Keep it simple, tell her to listen to you when you're in the living room and to completely ignore anything you say once you're in the bed room. There... done!!! lol