Another thread got me thinking of this, and I didn’t want to side track it. Im talking about female led relationship extending beyond the bedroom. And before you blow me away with sleeping on the floor and asking for permission to pee, I’m talking about reality. I’m not saying we couldn’t go further down the rabbit hole, but our antics are more mental than physical in the female led department. Refresher for any that haven’t read my story here, I’m 50, she’s 41, we started chastity two months after starting to date, we got married within two years, she unlocks me when she wants and after she’s done I lock up again. I would like to say we have a female led relationship, but overall it doesn’t bleed into normal life very much. Her expectations are for me to pamper her when I can, foot rubs daily, give her bath occasionally, I make supper, do dishes, clean house, get her lunch ready for work. We have incorporated discipline, but it rarely happens and is usually for her fun more than any infraction that might have occurred. Although sometimes she thinks I need an attitude adjustment if I’m sassy or I’m being an asshole. We have separate money and accounts, we split the bills, but since I make more than her, if something comes up that is out of the ordinary I take care of it(furnace, renovations, repairs etc). I don’t check with her on what I spend my money on, and she spends hers as she pleases. I wouldn’t necessarily ask permission for big purchases but I certainly wouldn’t buy a boat or car without telling her my intentions. Not that I couldn’t, but I would want to know of any issues that kind of purchase would cause that I wasn’t aware of(plans or misc events). I even probably have more freedom than many “normal” husbands, because she doesn’t have to worry about what I’m doing or who I’m with. I would tell her of my plans out of courtesy and she’s always invited, but me going to the pub consists of me saying “hey I’m going to the pub after work, wanna go?” Many times if she would rather not I’ll end up just going home instead because she’s the person I want to hang out with. But if I have a buddy that will be there I’d probably just go and see him. She doesn’t have to worry about me flirting or getting so drunk I do something stupid with some woman. What exactly could I do?! I usually accommodate her wishes when it comes to the house but she values my opinion. I tend to override her on matters of projects and design since I’m more familiar with what can work or my limitations in those areas. She will occasionally exert her authority by insinuating some consequences in the bedroom but for the most part it’s pretty mundane. Much of it is verbal, “I guess the maid quit on me” or “someone needs a paddling, you’ve been way too sassy”. She doesn’t just yell at me or tell me to bend over and start paddling me. That kind of 24/7 would eventually get old or resentful on both sides.
We're only a month in but it's very similar. Separate bank accounts, I have my own life and interests etc. Generally though it's work and home we hang out watch movies. She's not super demanding or demeaning. Make some dinner, straighten up house and rub feet. If she does need something done and I complain it'll be I'm adding a week or get my paddle it won't be fun either. I don't think either of us wants some mistress/slave dynamic. In end I'm much more attentive and helpful, which she loves and she controls my orgasms. Which makes them a million times better anyway.
My wife is naturally focused on her husband (lucky me) We are together practically 24/7 and do most everything together. She is completely accustomed to knowing exactly where I am and what I am up to. We have been together 15 years and I find myself compelled to inform my wife of all my comings and goings beforehand or else I can be assured a negative reaction. She trained me well and throughout our marriage she is very clear about why we married (and it wasn't for startinga family). She made a a profound statement today and I quote "...you seem to know you are mine and my property. The way I see our future is you locked up! You don't need to be let out. For what?" She is 20 years younger and when we met she was 24 y.o.. Once I introduced her to (she is a bit of a sex feen) my kinks (trampling, ballbusting and chastity) and a comfortable life, she swooped me up. She further cemented my commitment by making me a double father which I never thought I had in me. Boys the house keeps a lid on things that in the beginning was very steemy scenes that we filmed with quite a bit of a following on-line. Even though our assets aren't solely in her name, our power exchange includes finances. I don't want to paint the wrong picture however. Love is, was and will remain the basis for our adventure. I think personally types dictate what one individual is willing to give and the to take. For us it is The perfect storm.
Ours isn’t a super strict FLR either, it has however become more serious as we go along. We started using the cage four years ago, and had a role / power swap once we both knew we were going to enjoy this “lifestyle”. My Wife got far more serious about the chastity side about two years ago, and she has always known about my fantasy to be dominated by a woman, so once she knew I was truly comfortable with her asserting herself over me, it was game on. We got married at 18yrs old, we are best friends, have always been into kinky sex, always open with communication. Now our four kids are all grown adults, youngest is 20 and she still lives at home for now, so unfortunately my Wife can’t lead me around on a leash or anything like that lol, but I’ve always tried to pamper my Wife. I’d always serve her, rub her feet after work, did a lot of housework even when I worked. Now I’m early retired and she’s still working, I do just about everything around the house, she gets weekly massages and now pedicures every other week and I still serve her needs pretty much completely. Our kids just think their dad is madly in love with mom still, and I want to pamper her. Which is true of course, but now she demands servitude. She does give me spankings and caning a few times a month, pegs me a couple times a month, and is trying to be more demanding with things where she can. She’s told me some things make her feel like she’s just being a bitch or will hurt my feelings etc, but I’ve let her know that if something bothers me I’d obviously let her know, and she trusts that. So she’s going to keep trying to allow herself to let that dominance grow. I do believe once our youngest moves out, that she’ll have an easier time expressing herself more. We’ve always had joint bank accounts and things like that, but even though I still have an income, she makes way more than what I receive, she handles the money and I always ask about spending on things for myself. Just habit from when we were younger and broke lol, and we make decisions on things for the home or cars together. So basically, we’re in an evolving FLR, nothing like fantasy fiction, but getting more serious each month. I doubt anyone in public or our friends or fam would notice, at worst people might think I’m kind of “pussy whipped”
It’s what you want to make it. I think that is the bottom line for everyone here. In the bedroom, she is dominant and in charge. In everyday life, she is the same, but I don’t operate as her slave. Trust is a big part. We have separate accounts and I am the bread winner. I don’t need permission to spend under 50. Anything over I always clear with her. Except of course a gift for her. I do all the house work and I cook when she requests. In our agreement, she has the final word. Period. That doesn’t mean she goes rogue. She values my opinion on everything after18 years together. I give her my full opinion. In the end, it’s her final word. I’ve learned to accept it and thank her. I am her submissive husband in every sense of the word in our FLR. I guess the best way to describe it is a living FLR with a lot of respect both ways.
I suppose it is a continuum, like everything else. I'm probably as non-FLR as a key holder can be. I've taken complete control in the bedroom, but otherwise our roles and responsibilities haven't changed much. In my mind, we had already figured out how to make marriage work, raise kids, etc. I didn't want to mess with a formula that had served us well. We spend a good deal of time together, but we also have separate interests. We make small decisions without consulting the other, big decisions require consensus. We have disagreements. Once in a while they turn into fights, which we resolve like we always have: communication and compromise. I admit that sometimes, especially when I'm upset, it's tempting to brandish that key and say "do it my way or else". But that's not the relationship I want to have.
The wife and myself are rather new to chastity. After 15 years of marriage I introduced her to it only this past Locktober. I have been locked up ever since. It is taking time but she seems to be starting to embrace the entire FLR thing. She is slowly taking some control. At first I was not taking her seriously and was topping from the bottom. Recently though she is putting a stop to that and enforcing me more and more. Don’t misunderstand… we have a wonderful relationship with nothing but love for each other. But chastity and FLR has given us a new perspective and kick start that we needed. However, I think I have awakened a small monster in her. Every week she gets stronger. In time I think I may possibly be a bit more submissive to her.
that is good as we are fairly new. I was locked in January of this year. And yes as time progresses and she sees the better benefits you will both enjoy it way better.
Our flr has grown and developed over the last 12 years to a point it works for us both at home and out in public Simple things like holding doors open carry bags not walking in front but to the side or just behind Simple things cross over easily and to be honest no one's really gives us a second glace If I do cross the line the LOOK she shoots me is enough to let me know Obviously house rules are a completely different story
Hehe I was one of those followers! Glad you are still together! Gosh is she GREAT at dirty talk. Best ever, really.
It doesn't. I do whatever the fuck I want outside of the bedroom and things go south really fast when someone tries to stop me.
The fact that the chastity has an impact on our real day-to-day life is precisely why I am back in my cage after three years of mostly being free. We were too busy after our move back to the UK in 2020, and then I was too ill this year, to be worried about the FLR we had developed for a good 6 years or so before the move. In my first phase of chastity I had a lot of learning to do, and so did my wife. She wasn't naturaly dominant, but she did work in a high level job with hundreds of people working for her, and she was used to being shown respect and politeness from her emplyees, so she used that as her focus with me and it really worked. She was able to instill a work ethic in those emplyees through working hard herself, and it was exactly the same as me. She also approached the FLR with research (that I was expected to do and share ith her) and would bring in elements of femdom that she enjoyed and reject things that she either didn't like or bored her. Some things were put to one side and built up to. She started buying me female underwear which really shocked me at the time, but she explained when she saw the images on Tumblr of men in lingerie it really turned her on. She didn't understand why, but after a period of reflection tried it with me. I can attest to the fact that it really, really turned her on. So chastity absolutely became part of our real life, and it made our marriage better in every way. I was locked 24/7/365 and both of us were happy, both of us felt that my chastity improved our relationship and it was the FLR that really made the difference. Like you it wasn't extreme, I was expected to be polite and respectful at all times, but not to call her godess or anything when we were out. At home I would answer 'yes Miss' or 'thank you, Miss' and she really liked that. I was allowed to spend my money on things that I wanted, and had my own time to do what I wanted. It was never whips and chains and severe beatings, it was softer, but still firm. One way things changed is I became her chauffeur to get togethers with her friends or work functions. I would drop her off and go and find a bar to sit in and wait until she called me. I would then drive to her location and collect her. I would be expected to be sober (obviously) smart and well groomed and extremely polite to anyone she was with. Apparently her friends asked her how come I was so agreeable, and she said I was well trained. She would never ask for this service, it just became expected. She moved jobs when we moved back to the UK and I really miss the German nightlife, the Germans really have a better grip on having fun than people in the UK realise. Cafe society in the cities is really well established and it isn't all about getting tanked up with the mates down the pub. Anyway, that is a long way of sying that once the chastity gets past the fantasy stage and becomes part of your real life is when it really starts to be interesting.
She still talks dirty regularly and its even more cutting - bc she uses IT outside of the FD context. Directly aimed at all my vulnerable aspects, I still put up a fuzz now and then and she crushes dissent effectively, I don't stand a chance and love having to bow down and eat crow. BTW, we both loved making the clips back before starting a fam. Wish we could have continued, but its a lot of work and often the camera rolling can kill the buzz.
I am glad to hear she still talks dirty!! I can recite some of the things she said to this day. Yours were not the only vulnerable aspects that got crushed! I get the camera buzz kill. If everyone had to make porn in order to consume porn, the world would be a different place.
We nearly got to FLR. She had a few concerns as we had young kids but she also embraced the dominance. Our best run was nearly a six month lock up, she would dictate panties of the day and we had a lot of fun. I would say she orgasmed 6 to 10 times a week. I did all the cooking, cleaning, clothes washing, including hand wash and was on call for her desires. We discussed how much better our relationship was many times. She told me a few times that my toungue and fingers were better than any cock. We were very close, but it just became too much for her. She thought it was fake and I was becoming quite submissive and my sissy side was starting to be a little much. On reflection, if we had kept it up we would both be in a much better place. It was a little fake, but I was much better to her and still satisfied her very well orally. She was very happy being adored and enjoying being dominant. I think that society got us in the end. Its not acceptable for a man to worship his wife the way that chastity can take us to. Thats left her without her devoted partner and me starting to get very sissy. Was a great ride while it lasted.
For us it is real life. How we act together we Jen home is how my madam expects me to act at all times, private and public. FLR/bdsm is our lifestyle.