Hot mess… surprise gone wrong.. maybe chastity is a bad idea!

Shaun,
I think it's pretty normal to want to test the boundaries of the cage. When I first got my cage(s) I did the porn while caged thing to see what it was like. I actually started to like it a lot and went down that road for a while (seeing if I could orgasm in the cage just from mental stimulation). I think it's normal to want to drive your new car fast when you first get it. However, it is true that you also screwed up your intention to build up before your wife returns.

That said, you can still start from now. You will see a lot of talk on CM about chastity with or without a cage and what it all means. I think there is a lot to it all.

Today, I happen to hit 90 days porn free and my first full week of zero self stimulation. This is a first for both of those in over 35 years. All I can say is that it is a new way of living and you have to be fully resolved that is what you want. However, if your goal is to be as close as possible to your wife, I sincerely believe that quitting porn and masturbation is critical. I may be in the minority on here with that - I'm not sure.

I will share that yesterday morning I was simply rubbing my wife's ass while laying in bed and I was so hard that it almost hurt. Today, just resting my hand on her thigh got me hard. That was pretty different and pretty great.

With my current milestone, I am at a point where I need to have another conversation with my wife about my chastity goals (although I am still not introducing the cage just yet). That all said, this whole thing is a marathon and not a race. I just wanted to give you a little inspiration for working toward going fully porn free and self-stimulation chaste in order to experience a different world on the other side. It's not easy but it is doable and worth it.

 

Currently, you don’t have a relationship with your wife in regards to chastity and so am confused by the level of guilt. Surely what you did was no more than borrowing her vibrator or trying out a new sex toy without her.
When you have clarity about where she wants this to go, that’s when you can be concerned about the rights and wrongs of the situation.
Would she currently have minded you climaxing without her? I doubt it.

 

Your wife clearly does not want you masturbating and you know it, but like many of us you are unable to stop and that's why you feel guilty. You need to confess to your wife that you are a masturbator and that you need the help of a chastity cage to stop, and that you want her to supervise the key. If she really doesn't want you masturbating and loves you she'll help.

 

I will add to this. I have tried to quit porn many times in my life. Almost all times had my wife in mind as a beneficiary of that goal. However, I failed again and again. I’m still at the start of my journey but I’ve made better progress this time than in all of the other times. The big difference this time is that my wife is now aware of my goal for the first time ever. This week I will discuss with her my goal to quit masturbation and I imagine that will also reinforce my ability to stay on course there too.

The difference with you and me is that my wife’s issue is 100% porn and not so much masturbation. However there is a connection between the two and so I need to stop both. I need to discuss that with her. Your wife is already anti-masturbation so she may get on board with the cage faster

 

I completely concur. This is exactly what happened with me however my wife wasn't aware that I was masturbating. But once I told her and asked her to hold the key, she did so although she was very skeptical at first. Once you couple that with changed behavior, she'll be a very happy woman.

 

You are going to drive her insane if you can't last a couple of days.

 

My first and second attempt to chastity I read too many tumbler mems :/ Used the this will make our relationship and sex better :/

Now my third attempt, I suggested the cage as a means not to have access to play alone. I explained to my wife how I want my sexual energy and emotions to be shared with her, I don’t want to have access to masturbate/orgasm outside of sharing that experience with.

She seemed to agree to the cage after that. I have tried out many cages (like most on here) and I have been wearing the MM Jailbird for 4 days.

You just got to keep it simple, there’s a lot of fantasies out there that your wife my not be ready for. I have heard suggestions sending her links, some if those overwhelmed me

You want to stop the alone time I believe most women would be on board with that

Yes, porn can hinder your relationship with your partner, some couples watch it together or don’t care. My wife sent me some sexy pictures, which I use as my wife porn maybe you have some or maybe your partner might be willing send some to you.

 

Interesting that you say this. I was listening to a podcast this morning about this topic and they were discussing that even if you think your wife doesn't know, women can feel that something is off and that you are not completely there. It sounds like Sarah has that "gift." It's probably a good warning to anyone else on here that thinks their wife doesn't know about their habits. I completely understand your feeling of guilt - especially given that you have stayed fairly true to your word regarding PMO. This whole thing is tricky and even when we know our wives should be doing backflips when we introduce the idea of chastity and cages, the reality may prove very different based on their own ideas and perceptions of these things. I wish you the best of luck when she returns, and please continue to share. One of the best parts of this site is learning from people's successes (and failures). From what I have learned from others, communication, sincerity, vulnerability and patience are some of the most important things you need to move the ball on this.

 

Agreed