Happy Wife, Happy Life

Indeed I am. If I'm being honest, I don't think S continued to ride me with teasing in mind, I think she just wanted to keep riding. Regardless, it did the trick and locking back up was horrible. She is getting more strict by the day. A couple weeks ago she probably would've let me sleep without the cage until the morning. Anyways, she hinted at me getting a release tonight so I'll update tomorrow.
-Pasta

 

I'm 22 days without an orgasm and feeling quite anxious. I asked S last night if I could please orgasm. She immediately told me No. She asked what have I done to deserve it. Even though I've done mostly everything she's asked me to do, I know it's not enough. I havent gotten much teasing lately, but it is what it is. I just really want to cum. It's the no-sex time of the month for S, so no chance of anything for a few days. And even when she is ready for sex, the insert to our Vixskin penis sleeve came in, so I won't be getting much pleasure anytime soon. If im lucky, she might let me jerk off to scent of her feet. If im very lucky, she might give me a footjob, and if im incredibly lucky, she will bring me to the brink of orgasm with her feet, deny me, and lock me back up. As much as I want to cum, I prefer to be cruely denied. Very weird times indeed. We'll just have to wait and see.

 

Finally granted an orgasm on Friday night after 23 days. S had me massage her feet, then told me I was going to cum tonight. My ears perked up and I became so excited. She unlocked me and she decided thst I woukd jerk myself off on the ground with her feet in my face, one of my preferred things to do. It literally took me no more than ten seconds to explode. We were both surprised how fast it took. I cleaned myself up and it was all over. The whole thing felt pretty transactional even though I did get to smell her feet for a few seconds. I was hoping it would've lasted longer but it just didn't. I secretly wished that she would have me lick my mess clean or actually not allow me to orgasm at the last second, but I'm still glad I got some release.

Here's the bad part. S gave me the night off from wearing the cage after I cummed, and after she fell asleep I watched a movie in the living room. You can imagine what happened. I was still so horny that I jerked off to completion again without her knowing. I felt really bad afterwards and I feel like the sub drop from the first orgasm led me to not caring in the moment. I'm going to tell S soon and she is going to be really mad. The first time i had an unauthorized orgasm she almost quit chastity altogether because of how mad she was. I'll update later.
-Pasta

 

Visiting again after 3ish months of inactivity. No FLR, no chastity, nothing. As always, it's my fault that things get to this point and I have all the poor excuses: I get bored, I cheat the dynamic, cage isn't comfortable, hygeine, etc etc. In December, I completely abandoned the contract that we put together. We didn't even discuss it, I just stopped wearing the cage and went back to masturbating; everything fell to the wayside. S hasn't brought it up at all, simply because she refuses to force my involvement in this. Last time we reentered our commitment to chastity, it was her suggestion and it completely blindsided me. I agreed and things were good for a little while. Here is where I'm at now. As always, I've let this break run its course and now I'm interested in FLR again. The problem is, I know that at some point, I'll once again get bored and want to stop. It's a never-ending bump in the road and it's not fair to my wife. Do I bring this up to her and humbly ask to lock me again, or should I acknowledge that it will likely never last long term and not waste her time? For what it's worth, our marriage/relationship/lives are amazing when I'm locked, and when I'm not locked, I'm disrespectful, lazy, rude, etc. Also, what I'm after is the FLR component more than chastity, S was strict about that last time and made it clear that it was a package deal, not a la cart. She knows that I cannot be trusted unlocked and she's completely right. So in summary, should I communicate this to S, or leave it alone and not waste her time? Please, not looking for harsh replies, I know I'm the problem here. Thanks.
-pasta

 

Appreciate your input. Chastity lottery is accurate. I know there are countless people here who would do anything to have a wife/kh who not only participate, but actually prefers male chastity. Here I am being careless with that winning lotto ticket. I'm trying to understand what exactly it is that's getting in the way, and I'm going to talk to S tomorrow night and at least let her know what's going on with me.

 

Deep down, being a submissive husband is what I truly want. Locking up is critical to achieve this, imo. I will talk to S and see what she thinks about this. I may have lost the chance to continue, but she may want me to try try again.

 

M@rcellus, I envy your dedication, and simply put, giving away one of life's simple pleasures for your mistress is incredibly selfless; I commend you. I hope to get on that level one day, for the sake of a true FLR.

On another note, I see that we have (had) the same avatar, great choice haha. I've changed mine to reflect one of my life's passions, delicious pasta.

 

Last night I had a sit down talk with S. We talked a lot about the last few months and how our relationship hasn't been great, as well as how/why I stopped participating in chastity. It was not an easy talk and S became emotional. However, it was really good for us to communicate and get those deep seeded thoughts out. Ultimately, S told me that at this time, she is no longer interested in the lifestyle, as I have proved time and time again that I cannot stay committed to it and also because she didn't feel that she was getting the benefit that she expected. She made valid points and I didn't argue. Looks like I've gone past the point of no return. Maybe something good will come from this? Anyways, ill still lurk around. Cheers.

-pasta

 

I appreciate your positve outlook and advice. From what you've shared, it sounds like your Mistress has her own kink of chastity and orgasm denial, and is living up to being the "domme" she has always wanted to be. That sounds like a beautiful thing and I'm very happy for you and others who have that.

I've explained throughout my journal that my wife is very vanilla, and although she has been open minded to many different things, she has been clear that it's only been to appease me. She doesnt get any sexual satisfaction from being my keyholder and doing the "domme" things. She's naturally stern and independent, but not in the sexual way. The reason I highlight this difference is because what's important to her is me being the best version of myself, communicating, being intimate without kink, and showing love without strings attached. Sounds easy right? I've gotten much better at this over the years, but it's still not to her standard. I'm not overly mushy or very talkative. My toxic trait is that I keep a lot to myself and don't always communicate my thoughts and feelings. The chores and tasks are a breeze as I enjoy cleaning and cooking, it's the sentimental part I severely lack.

With all that said, S doesn't feel that she needs to waste her time playing dominatrix for me when all she wants in return is non-sexual love and commitment. I know that she enjoyed my obedience and "horniness" for her when I was locked, but it wasn't enough to sway her opinion of chastity. I believe that S thinks I can achieve the progress she wants without being locked up and her following a domme guide.

I think there's a chance that we may revisit chastity and FLR in the future, or maybe even the near future, if S sees me giving a real genuine attempt at consistently being a better husband, and not with any strings attached.

As for giving myself 3 months of no masturbating, I honestly don't think I could realistically achieve that. I wouldn't say I'm "addicted" since I often go multiple days without orgasms, but 3 months of zero self-pleasure seems extreme to me. I would have to self-lock, and while I can feasibly that, S would probably cringe to see me not letting the fantasy go.

Okay, enough words from me. I know I likely sound sulky, and many of you might judge me for not trying hard enough. I promise, I do try and I'll continue to try and make progress. Alright, good night all.

-pasta

 

Thank you Rectrix. This was a refreshing post to wake up to!

 

I'm happy to share a positive update. I've done a ton of thinking over the last few days about what it is I really want, what's best for my marriage, what's best for S, and identifying my weaknesses along the way. I appreciate some of the good advice I received from Rectrix and M@rcellus in the last few days as well, this community has been helpful to say the least.

So I've decided to make a real attempt at continuing to live a FLR with S, serving her, obeying her, learning to be intimate in the ways that she likes, and especially working on the C word... communication. I'll be doing this while self-locking, for the same reason we all require locking up, I need a level of accountability to remind me why I'm doing this, and as I've shared already, I masturbate too much and need to refocus my sexual attention into serving and obeying my wonderful wife. I know this will be very difficult since I have never self-locked and held my own key for longer than a weekend. However, my motivation this time is pure and with the goal of achieving a harmonious marriage, as opposed to sexual gratification. Yes, of course, wearing a cage and being a good submissive husband come with sexual tones, but I'm honest with myself that those aren't the primary motivations this time.

With this project on my mind, yesterday I was sure to pay particular attention to S to see how I could make her day easier, as well as planting many kisses on her, which we both enjoyed. It was a good day and I know she was happy with me. I watched her start a chore that I knew she would eventually ask for my assistance due to it requiring getting on a ladder. She got busy and walked away. I took this opportunity to finish what I knew she wanted done and would've asked me to do anyways. A little later before i went inside to wash up, I asked her if there was anything else I could do for her before coming in, she smiled and was about to ask me to do something. I knew exactly what she was about to ask me since I had already read her mind and accomplished that task earlier. I told her, "It's already done". She laughed as if there was no way I knew what she was talking about. When I told her what it was and showed her that it was completed, she was completely overjoyed, laughed, and told me she was really impressed with me. It was a very simple but happy experience for us both, where I had made her day just a little easier by paying attention to her and forecasting what she needed.

Fast forward to that night after kids were down. We sat in bed watching one of her crap TV shows, ughh they're the worst! I was going to request massaging her feet since I know she loves her feet rubbed and also because I didn't want to watch the show. Before I could ask, she said to me, "what is it that you would like to do to my feet right now?" I assumed she was referring to a comment I made earlier about her feet being slightly dirty from walking around the house barefoot, she knows I love that. I laughed and told her that I wanted to kiss, suck, lick, and smell them. She smiled and told me, "If you rub them good, I'll let you lick them clean." I was ecstatic. In the last few months she has not made me any foot worshipping deals, so why today? I jumped at the request and gave her a great foot massage, followed by a thorough tongue bath that made her giggle and smile. She took a picture of me worshipping her feet with my phone, which I added to my secure folder. I thanked her and went back to my side of the bed. I then felt it was an appropriate time to communicate my plan to her. I brought it up, nearly choking on my words as I didn't have it entirely planned out in my head. I managed to explain what my intent was and how I would go about it, but I was clear that I didn't have all the details worked out just yet. I humbly asked her for the key to my cage so that I could begin self locking. S perceived the bulk of my plan very well, and was glad that I was going to work on myself and on our marriage. She asked me what I needed from her but I told her that I was going to do this without the expectation of her keyholding or pushing me along. Her support is all I needed. S is very excited to once again have her obedient husband back. Her only hesitation was about me self locking. She honestly told me that she didn't think that I was capable of self locking for any prolonged amount of time (2-3 months) without cheating myself. I told her that was a fair concern and that I wasn't sure that I could do it either but I would try my hardest. Regardless, she handed over the key. She told me that she was going to monitor my progress, and that in a few months from now, if she believed that I had made real genuine change in maintaining a FLR without sexual rewards, then she would consider stepping back into being my keyholder and slowly progressing from there. She wants to be sure that the end goal is not for her to be my personal dominatrix, but instead working on our marriage and having a way to maintain a healthy dynamic long term. I was very happy to hear that she would consider keyholding again as long as I earned it. I have ALL the motivation in the world now to do my absolute best in working on the basics and becoming a better husband.

Before our conversation ended, S shared that the reason she let me lick her feet clean was because she loved the initiative that I had taken earlier in the day to do what she needed done without having to ask. That one little task resulted in a huge reward despite me knowing there would be a reward. All in all, it was a great day and I look forward to starting this project of mine.

Hopefully more to come.
-pasta

 

Thanks for the suggestion, I've heard of this. I'll look into it.

 

Nice little update. I've been self locking and have been mindful of what it is I'm trying to accomplish here, being a better and more obedient spouse for S. This last week has gone fairly well and it's now been over three weeks since my last orgasm. S and I have had more natural intimate moments, kisses, and cuddles.

Last night, after her foot massage, we had PIV sex. Before we started, she asked me, "are you going to be able to do this" referring to holding my load. I told her I could do it but asked her to help keep me honest. We got right to it and it felt absolutely amazing. S looked to be really enjoying it, and I kept focusing on not blowing it, literally. As time went on, it became unbearable to continue. I kept having to stop S from riding me as I needed a few moments to regain composure. She found this very entertaining and kept riding me, teasing the hell out of me. I finally told her I just couldn't handle it anymore and needed to stop. She told me that she had her orgasm already (she's always been very quiet, I can only ever tell by the way she grabs onto me during her O). I asked why she didn't tell me and continued to ride me, knowing how difficult it was for me to withstand. She smiled and told me, "It's funny watching you squirm." In all the years of our marriage, S has never once made a comment like that admitting any kind of joy from watching me being teased relentlessly. I was pleasantly surprised. Still, she continued to slowly ride me with a grin on her face. She asked me what I wanted to do. I was starting to give in and told her to keep going. Then she dropped the blockbuster on me, "tell me you're a weak man!" Holy crap who is this lady?! I desperately told her that I was a weak man. She continued to giggle and then after a little more riding, she hopped off and said, "okay you're done." And just like that, it was over. I was incredibly horny and had just been teased to the brink of explosion. We rested a bit and she told me that she still didn't think I would last 2 months without cumming, especially with all the sex that were going to be having, but she told me that she knows I'm dedicated and she knew that I had been self-locking. That was the end of our night and I thought it went pretty well.