Getting started without my wife knowing [ ...she knows now! ]

Things were very quiet lately. My wife and I did lots of talking, but nothing else. Talking is also very important in this process.
She knows know that I'm doing chastity and practicing it. I shared many of my experiences with her. I learned a lot about myself, my sexuality and the way I (used to) see sex in general.

She likes the changes and she is starting to see the advantages of chastity. Still, I realized she is not ready to take control over my chastity. I didn't dare to ask because I can feel it's not the right time yet. We are dealing with other issues in the relationship that must be attended/solved first.

 

@Jasmic68 I'm not in the mood today to write about it. I feel really lonely doing this. :-(
We are moving.... but at the moment things go so slow... I sometimes consider quitting chastity. The only reason why I continue now is because I realize how good I feel to be finally free from masturbation.
Three months doing this alone now. And probably 3 more to go... or even more... I don't know. I miss her attention and involvement. And although last conversation was good, I realize there are other issues involved and I know it will take much longer until we get somehow really started with this. She said "you can not change 14 years of habits in 3 months"... she is right. She is also resisting a bit to the change. And I perfectly understand her reasons. I don't want to share more details here.

 

Let's clear this mess. Honesty is always the best.

As you know I have someone here in the Mansion "coaching" me with chastity. I contacted him asking about having an orgasm a couple of weeks ago. We agreed he would let me cum on june 23rd. A couple of days later I was very horny but also extremely frustrated of feeling so lonely and masturbated. And did again only a couple of more times during the last 2 weeks. Yesterday night was the last time.

Although I really really really appreciate the help I received from my coach, I realize we understand chastity differently. My wife is not ready to take over yet. I feel so lonely that I thought going through with my coach would be better than being alone with this, even if we don't feel the same about chastity.

The fact that things are going very slow with my wife, that I seem to have different ideas about chastity than my coach, made me feel extremely lonely and boycotted my own project for the last 2 weeks.
I was too ashamed to come back here, reset my ticker and ONE MORE TIME disappoint my coach. Since he started helping me a couple of months ago, I always messed up, for whatever reason. I know I'm a beginner, and I'm proud of the results and this experience is great. I learned a lot. But I also know I never managed to wait for my coach to tell me when to cum. That makes feel terrible.

I hoped nobody would notice/ask about my actual chastity period. But you, @Jasmic68 , noticed and directly asked about it. I have been 100% honest in my thread until now, and I don't want that to change. So there is the truth. I'm sorry @Jasmic68, I hope you're not mad at me. I'm sorry "coach", I hope you're not mad at me either.
I will reset my ticker now. I will tell my coach that I will continue on my own. Or maybe I find someone else who wants to coach/keyhold me. But I already see that everyone understands and practices chastity in a very different way. So I'm not so optimistic about finding a coach online (here or somewhere else) who shares my perspective. As I got started I had no idea, so anyone helping me would be just great. And my coach did a great job helping me to get started. Being in chastity for almost 4 weeks without a device and without no one controlling you is no joke, specially not for a beginner. I'm proud I got that far several weeks ago. And I'm proud I was able to stay in chastity for 2 weeks a couple of times (including this last period, it was 2 weeks and 2 days. After that it was 2 weeks of boycotting myself)

I know it's too soon for my wife to take over. She is definitely interested. That's confirmed. I know that I have to be more patient and giver her more time. If I try to push things now I risk ruining everything I've done until now.
I told her about "The Neurochemistry of Sex (and Chastity)", we read and discussed some of the things explained there. I printed all the articles for her and she will read them carefully. Then we will continue discussing it. I said I will wait for her to be ready to take over control for my chastity.

Conclusion. I will continue alone. I learned from this process that the first week is easy for me, the second starts to feel difficult, the third gets complicated. I know my ideal chastity period now is around 3 weeks. So I will focus on 3 week periods now and will continue learning about myself, doing this alone.
I'm not allowed to say who was coaching me, but I want to GIVE SPECIAL THANKS TO MY COACH. YOU HELPED ME GETTING STARTED WITH THIS AND WILL BE ALWAYS THANKFUL FOR THAT. You freed me from masturbation. You explained me many basic things that helped me turn a switch in my head and finally get to experience first hand the advantages of chastity. I wont give up. Thank you so much!!!

The positive thing I learned from this is that I'm very conscious now about how good I feel to be finally free from masturbation and how miserable I feel after an orgasm. I specially confirmed that during the last 2 weeks. And specially today, after having an orgasm yesterday night. So, my first day again today.

 

@Jasmic68 thank you so much sweetie! I'm very sad today! Thanks for the kind words!! hugs, hugs, hugs!

 

OMG! This is a nerve wracking patience game.
Last weekend my wife and I had a not so lucky conversation. SO bad actually that we both almost thought that an open relationship or even divorce might be the only option.
The big issue here is that I know that talking sex and BDSM overwhelms her. So I always avoid giving too much detail. Also because I don't want to push her.
But that was exactly what created a HUGE misunderstanding. Since I outed myself as a cross dresser and a 100% sub 3+ months ago (also explained that I'm not an alpha, although I always acted one), she somehow thought that I wanted to play hardcore BDSM with her. That I wanted her to spank me till bleeding and humiliate me badly. None of those things are true, and I never said it. But during the past 3 months I didn't explain her too much either in order to not push/overwhelm her. And she didn't ask because she was afraid she might not like the answer.

Yesterday night we had a 3 hour long conversation and I decided to risk it all. I decided that it was more important to remove all fears and misunderstandings so that we BOTH KNOW that when we talk we are thinking about the same thing. I took the risk to explain in a very detailed way how I imagine an ideal FLR/FD for us. She was surprised of how "soft and loving" I expect things to be. She was extremely relieved that I never wanted to experience extreme pain and humiliation. She felt so relieved that she repeated it this morning. I could really see the relief in her face. She was 3+ months imagining the worst things because she was too afraid to ask (and I thought I was doing her a favor by not telling too much).

Again, I confirm this is a nerve wracking patience game.
Because of all this misunderstanding I boycotted my chastity for the past 2 weeks. Almost quit. (and almost left the mansion too)
She knew that I had a "coach" here at the mansion and she asked how things were going with him. I explained that I was so ashamed for letting him down so many times that I decided to continue alone with this until she is ready to take control. She didn't say anything. It seems she doesn't want to take over yet. But she asked me to stay please 3 weeks in chastity now. She liked the way I behaved during the 3 months I was in chastity and she said that she missed that for the past 2 weeks. We will go on holidays and she wants me to be in a good, serving, pleasing mood. And I want her to be my Queen!!
I explained her a lot about my discoveries during chastity and that I discovered that my very bad moods sometimes might have been caused by (too intense) masturbation. I never felt so energetic and happy as when I was doing chastity the past 3 months. The contrast was very obvious during the past 2 weeks (I masturbatd 5-6 times in 2 weeks, fell back in the old habit). Reading this articles also helped us understand how a male brain reacts to orgasm.

So, I see light again at the end of this long, long, long tunnel. Day 1 of my new chastity period, going for approx. 3 weeks.
Now that things are clear between us, I hope things develop better. From now on I will be very explicit and clear when talking about sex and BDSM with her. I don't want any more misunderstandings to get in the way our development.

Back on track!

 

@Jasmic68 thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, things were tough for me in past 2 weeks. Many more complicated things were happening at the same time. More than I tell here. Things got really complicated.

Yes, I'm glad I decided to stay. I also love communicating with you! You're a sweetheart!! Hugs, kisses, hugs, kisses!

I absolutely agree with your conclusions. That's what i learned from this now.
I'll keep you all posted during the next 3 weeks.

 

@jemima thanks sweetie for your kind words!! You call her my Mistress. I can't wait I can call her my Mistress... I have to wait for her to be willing to adopt the title of Mistress, Domme, Lady, Milady or whatever she likes to be called. But we are still far far far away from that point.
Anyway, we are moving forward again! That is what is important!

 

It's time for an update.
I'll split this post in several subjects:

My chastity back on track
After going through a very difficult and desperate time during 2 weeks and boycotting my chastity, some HUGE misunderstandings were cleared with my wife and I realized there was hope again. Also other very important things that happened during those 2 weeks had a good outcome. I got back on track and now again in my 6th day without an orgasm. I muss confess I masturbated 3 times during the 3 days prior to getting back on track. I have a lot to learn about this. I had a huge "deep" in energy and emotions after such an intense masturbation. I finally confirmed that probably many of my depression periods were "hold down" by too much masturbation. After 3 days in chastity I started feeling already a bit better. Now after 6 days (and after some teasing done by my wife) I feel much better now, more energetic, more stable and the submissive feelings start to develop.

Finally getting started together
Yes, that's right, we are finally getting started. After such a huge misunderstanding we were both, and still are, relieved. She thought that by Chastity and BDSM I meant "lots of pain in a hardcore way" and that I expected her to dress up in Mistress outfit and spank me until bleeding. I didn't want to push her and overwhelm her with too much information so I didn't explain enough about what I had in mind. After she really understood what I meant, and after I made sure and double checked that she got me right this time, she said: "but what you want to do it's actually very cute, loving and sweet, I can imagine doing most of the things you say". There is only one thing she wouldn't do: spanking. All other things such as tease and denial, edging, sex toys (incl. strap-on), receiving lots of oral, have twice as much orgasms than I have, she said would be willing to do. She said even cuckolding or some kind of threesome might be possible at some point in the future.
She finally understood that all I want is to pamper her, service her, spoil her, care for her, worship her. And that I expect nothing (or very little) in return. I made very clear that I don't expect, and I don't want her to feel that she MUST do anything to/for me to "pay back" any pampering she gets from me. Keeping me horny for her is reward enough. I said that I will only really enjoy each second of playing she does with me, only if I realize that she really does it because she really wants to do it, and I don't care if it is a couple of minutes of teasing and denial or hours of strapon play. Whatever she wants, how she wants, for how long she wants. She said that this is the most difficult part of it all: Learning to receive and enjoy so much pampering without any feelings of having to pay back with sex.
I explained that almost all women have to get used to this, according to all the stories I read on the forum. I explained that at some point she will be able to relax and enjoy it, and that some women also explain how this process helps them develop a stronger self confidence. She said: "of course, it makes me feel great to know that I'm constantly desired"

After explaining how the 2 week boycott affected my mood, she realized that she noticed the difference compared to the months before the 2 week boycott. The boycott was not against her, there were lots of things going on, which I don't want to share here in the forum. I told @Jasmic68 (via PM) he thinks it would make some great posts in my thread, (which I agree) but some of the things are too intimate for me and I'm still not ready to share them here. Let's say my sexual development is taking some unexpected turn which were very confusing for me during the previous 2 weeks. Still dealing with it somehow.

Anyway, my wife is not officially taking over control over my orgasms. But one week ago she asked me not to masturbate for at least 3 weeks as she wants to enjoy the "soft side" of me during our one week holiday next week. She said she will think about what to do with me after we return from holidays. I didn't ask her if she wants to officially take over control over my chastity. Maybe I'll ask her after we return from holidays in 2 weeks. I see she is slowly enjoying this. But maybe it's better for her to take over in a more natural way like a slow natural "fading" of power in her direction, rather than having her to take over control "over night". We'll see how things develop after she makes me cum in a couple of weeks. I want to see how she feels about having the power to be the one to allow me cum after 3 weeks. It's going to be a very powerfull moment I guess. We'll see

Getting things ready for a pedicure
Last week, before me leaving for a couple of days, I offered her a pedicure. She loved the idea. We wanted to do it but soon realized that we had no suitable basin to do it properly, among other things. So she asked me to take care of buying all the things that I think I will need to do the job properly. The following day (and after watching some pedicure tutorials on youtube) I bought all the necessary things. We knew we would have no time to do the pedicure before I left over the weekend. But she was happy to see that I already had all the stuff together.

Here comes the very interesting part, we are really getting started together
It took me 3,5 months to get to this point with my wife. I officially started practicing chastity on march 18th. It's June 27th today. During this time I felt excited, depressed, happy, lonely, confused, in love, angry, desperate, hopeful. It was a roller coaster of emotions and a tough patience game. I almost gave up.
As I learned reading many journeys here, sometimes small details show that "there is something going on in her head". I was gone over the weekend to visit family. I returned yesterday. Already in the train during the way back home, I was anticipating to hug, kiss and caress her. Which I immediately did as I arrived. A couple of minutes later we were both in the bathroom. I was washing my hands. After she stood up from sitting on the wc, she pulled up her panties and said: "look, aren't this panties lovely?" I couldn't resit to hug her and caress the silky soft panties over her bottom. She realized that I was turned on. After 20 seconds of me caressing her bottom she said "ok, enough! And immediately pulled up her jeans and looked at me with a huge smile in her face". I was standing there as a statue. I couldn't believe what was happening. I then thought "OMG, THIS IS REAL, WE ARE GETTING STARTED"
A couple of hours later I told her how excited I was just by that small incident. I was leaking precum and having a very difficult time dealing with my huge erection. (no device!) I told her also that I was again experiencing some intense pain in my "vas deferens"
Later in the evening, she mentioned that she was really tired and that she needed a good rest during the night. I said it was maybe better for her to sleep in attic (you here no noises, kids, anything up there). I asked her: "do you think you could need a massage to help you relax and have a good sleep?" She looked at me and asked: "do you think that you could still manage giving me a massage? I thought you said you were already extremely excited after caressing my bottom and my panties"
I explained that I love the challenge that chastity represents. And explained: "now I'm 5 days in chastity, I only caressed your panties, I feel extremely horny and I still have 2 weeks to go. I think I must learn to deal with my urges to serve you properly. There is still a long way to go with this and I have to get started somewhere. At some point in the future I might be several weeks in chastity and you might ask me lick your pussy until orgasm several times during those weeks. The only way for me to get there is to learn to deal with this, one step a time. Caressing your beautiful bottom and giving you a massage in one day is a challenge for me at this moment. Remember it's all about what you want, and it's my problem about dealing with myself afterwards"
Her answer was: "You're right, if you want to get there, you have to start somewhere. I would love you to give me a massage"

Moments later we went upstairs. She made herself comfortable in the bed in the attic and I started giving her a good back/neck/arms massage. I was on the edge. I realized that the way my cock was rubbing against my panties and jeans was dangerous. So I said to my wife: "I'm sorry, but I have to take my pants of, otherwise I'm afraid I might go over the edge"
She said: "going over the edge? we don't want that, right?"
I pulled my jeans and my (cute) panties down (I wear panties every day now since 4 months!! I'm so happy!) My erection was huge. I was leaking precum. She saw it and said: "mmm I see you're a very excited. Do you think you will still manage tonight? How about your pain (vas deferens)? is it hurting now?"
I explained that it was hurting but that I thought I could manage.

During the massage session, I told her that I was a good boy and that I started making a list of all the services that she could ask for (massages, manicure, pedicure, bath(spa), doing her hair, oral sex, etc, etc,... very long list). She replied: "Ohh, that's great. I might have also one more job for you to do. My pussy needs some shaving" I was in shock. I had asked about it the week before but she said she wanted to do it herself. Now she said she wants me to shave her pussy. I didn't ask when she wants me to do it.
Last week I also mentioned that I'm dying to lick her pussy. Last time I did was 5 months ago. She said last week that she was not in the mood of being intimate with me because she was still annoyed by the HUGE misunderstanding we had.

Anyway, back to the massage session. During the massage she also mentioned it might be a good idea for me to take a course on massaging so that I learn how to do it better so that she can have as many professional massages as she wants at home without having to pay 40 Euros each time to someone.
After finishing the massage, she took off her panties, I helped her to put on her pajamas... her used panties were lying on the bed and I suddenly was very nervous, I wanted to take them with me, to smell and caress them. I was very afraid to ask her, but I did: "honey, do you mind if I take your used panties with me?" She said: "yes, of course take them. You can now go downstairs and deal with your excitement"

I went downstairs. I didn't want to pull up my panties and jeans, I was really on the edge. I went to bed and enjoyed smelling her used panties. OMG!! I enjoyed it like crazy. And at the same time I realized I had to stop. Although I didn't touch myself for a second, I noticed that I was getting extremely close to the edge. Went to the kitchen and took an ice pad from the freezer. Went back to bed and started breathing very deeply while holding my ice pad in place. Slowly I managed to "land safely". Once I was sure that everything was very quiet down there, I tape tucked everything in place to help me with possible night erections and the inevitable huge morning erection. I'm glad I taped everything. This morning the tape really helped.

I can't wait to see what happens next
This time I'm sure that something is coming. I don't know when and under which circumstances. I might be very lucky this week and get to shave her pussy and make her a pedicure. I really don't expect and don't want to ask anything in return. I know I will enjoy and get lots of pleasure just by pampering her. Maybe she allows me to lick her. I don't know. I will remind her that she have to practice focusing to enjoy the pampering without any feelings of guilt or having to reciprocate with sex. And whatever she wants to do with/for me must come out her desire to do so, not out of a guilty/debt/payback feeling.

Well, this post turned much, much, much longer that I expected. But it's worth it. This post will surely mark a before and after point in my chastity journey.
Hugs!
Katy

 

I have something very special to share today: we had sex and I was not allowed to cum.

For the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I had sex and had no orgasm before, during and after sex and I know I still have to wait 10+ days to cum. After 11 days without ejaculation or orgasm and after lots of pampering and some teasing my wife asked this morning for PIV sex but she first carefully asked: "do you think you could manage to have sex with me without ejaculating?" She said that she wants me to remain in chastity until we return from holidays (in 10 days), she loves how soft, attentive and cuddling I am after one week in chastity. And she wants to enjoy my good humor and softness during holidays.

We have desensitizing condoms. It reduces my sensibility notably. I put a condom on and started cuddling with her.
She then asked if I wanted to lick her pussy. I was waiting for this moment for 5-6 months. Yes, you read it right, last time I gave her oral sex was that long ago!!

Normally, during oral sex (giving) I would get so horny that afterwards I would just cum right after penetration. In the last months of practicing my chastity I developed lots of self control. I take deep and slowly breaths. And I constantly remind myself that I'm not going to cum anyway so there is no point in getting really horny. I avoid any thoughts and sensations that could make me too horny and try to avoid any attention to my cock that could bring me to the point of loosing control. (I'm still wearing no device!)
Today, I could not believe what I was capable of doing. Caressing all her body, serving her orally for quite a long time and then doing PIV sex for several minutes without getting anyway closer to orgasm. After several minutes I realized I would get too close to orgasm. So we stopped and she masturbated until she reached first a soft orgasm and afterwards a second very intense orgasm.

Houston, we have a problem. My wife can only reach orgasm from PIV sex or by masturbating herself (in a very special way I can not replicate for her). In more than a decade of relationship I tried a lot of things to help her reach orgasm without PIV but we couldn't find anything that works.
She also LOVES PIV sex, so we will have to find a way to make that happen without me ejaculating within minutes. Her ideal is to have very hard PIV sex for 15-30 minutes. Then she can reach many very intensive orgasms.

A long journey begins here.
I was not expecting her to ask me for sex any time soon. This morning this was a huge surprise.

Last but not least. She is starting to deal with new thoughts and sensations regarding the new sexual setting. It was the first time she asked me a couple of things, some of them that made her feel uncomfortable or insecure. We could clear those things but I realize, for the first time, she is now getting involved with chastity ALSO in her thoughts. Which is a GREAT SIGN.

She feels a bit uncomfortable with the fact that I declared myself as a 100% sub. But I also explained that we can have sex in the "alpha way" if she desires it. I insist each time, it's all bout her needs and desires.
I was acting an aplha male all my life (which I obviously wasn't) and she married me because that is what she wanted and likes in a man. It's still difficult for me to define her sexually. She is surely no sub. She has some dominant attitudes but I could also not say she is dominant. She enjoys the bottom position but having a strong opinion on what she likes, and how she likes it. So, a journey begins here.

 

The last 2 weeks I was EXTREMELY busy.
A lot of good things happened, but I will reply to your comments first.

@Jasmic68 Yes, things are developing great. It was worth investing all the time and effort. Our relationship is slowly but surely changing. It's so much better now!! Again, I confirm, this is a patience game. Our wives/girlfriends definitely need some time to get used to the fact that they are not set under pressure for sex anymore and that they have the control of what and when something happens. It demands from us a LOT of patience and a lot of self-denial in the beginning. But yes, I think my wife is on the way to become a good Mistress, or a good Leader (FLR) as she prefers to define herself.

@nvrsaynvr63 so glad to hear that you were able to develop that level of self control. I will have to learn that too as my wife cums from PIV sex or masturbation (when she does it to her self only. If I masturbate her it doesn't work). She also prefers my cock above any dildo. She never liked the way dildos felt: too hard, too artificial, etc. She prefers the real thing. So I will have to learn to master self control. Being in chastity is WITHOUT a device is already a good training for self control. After 7-10 days I find myself on the edge many times and I'm not even touching myself. Sometimes a morning erection rubbing against my panties are enough stimulation to make me edge. And then I'm constantly self controlling things (mind and body) to avoid an accident. I definitely have to learn a lot more about this. I never had any kind of control over my penis, balls and ejaculation. It's an interesting journey.

@Steviepie Thanks a lot for your feedback and support!!
I hope we find a dildo that feels comfortable for her, so that she can enjoy PIV for longer periods. I think it will take a long time for me to learn to control myself to the point that I can offer her PIV for approx 30 min without ejaculation. Me wearing a strapon would be a great solution. But as I said, she normally doesn't like dildos. We'll see how things develop.

 

Now my update.

As you see on my ticker, I'm 16 days without ejaculation now. I was VERY BUSY the past 2 weeks, that's the reason why I wasn't here lately. Being so busy made my chastity period easier, although I began to struggle a lot with night and morning erections after 7-8 days in chastity. REMEMBER I WEAR NO DEVICE.
In order to make a better overview of my update, here the different subjects


- Chastity and our FLR development
Well. It's almost only good news. My wife is enjoying the soft, cuddling and servant me more and more. It's too long to explain, but this change in my sexuality comes together with big changes in my personality/character. It's not all necessarily connected to chastity, but it's happening at the same time. All this changes are very positive and my wife says that she finally feels really comfortable spending time with me. After 10+ years of relationship it takes a while to get used to such big changes. But we are both very optimistic.


- Teasing
Also this is developing. She bought a new collection of very sexy panties and she lets me see her panties almost daily, sometimes also she lets me caress her lovely ass over her sexy panties. She also asked me to please her sexually in many ways lately. Licking her. Assisting her while she masturbates. PIV sex without orgasm for me.
Of course there are a lot of other things I would love her to do to me to tease me, but i don't want to push in any way. I remind myself to be patient and to let things develop slowly. Specially I realize (as I read in other threads) she must first develop confidence in her position and really enjoy the control and effect she has over me. This will take time.


- Device
I started exploring chastity exactly 4 Months ago. I realize each time that things start getting difficult after 7-10 days. I get lots of erections. My cock is hyper sensitive. I drop precum. I get excited very fast/easy, just by cuddling for 5 minutes. So I explained to my wife that it might be better to wear a device. She enjoys the way I behave when in chastity and she would like to keep me in chastity for 3-4 weeks at a time. Right now things start to get very difficult after one week. I edge easily (with no stimulation) and I was many times at the edge of an accident just because my morning erection would rub against my panties. So we are now both seriously considering a device. She said she wants me to wear something that looks kind of friendly. No padlocks. No aggressive looking cages. The search begins.


- Ruined orgasms and milking
After explaining how difficult things are getting for me, I also explained the concept of ruined orgasms and milking. We both agree that some relief would be good for me, but we also both agree that an intense orgasm would reset me completely and we both don't want that. I must add here that it was great to do several months of chastity exploration on my own. I know myself much better now and I can explain much better to my wife how things work for me. I discovered how "down" I feel after an orgasm. I never connected that ever before. It's so obvious now. I feel happy and energetic when in chastity. After an orgasm I feel really depressed. I started connecting the down-feeling to my orgasm lately and now I don't want an orgasm anymore. I said to my wife: "please keep me horny for you forever". She had a big smile on her face.
So we will try some milking or ruined orgasm soon. It will be a very interesting exploration as we will be doing this for the first time together.


- Pampering and Menu
Part of the FLR, as we like it, is that she gets LOTS of non-sexual pampering like manicure, pedicure, me bathing her, body hair removal, doing her hair, massages, body lotion, etc, etc.
I had an idea, told her about it, and she was very excited about it. I would love her to get used to order any kind of pampering any time she wants. That's why I wanted to make some kind of menu where she can easily choose from. A couple of days ago she had a very intense ans stressful working day. She arrived home and was very tense and she just could not manage to relax. I asked: "darling, what do you think about a massage?" She looked at me and said: "ohh, I didn't think about it, but now that you mention it, it would be great". After one hour of massage and pampering she felt really totally relaxed and happy. Then I reminded her that she can always ask for any kind of pampering when she wants. I said: "what if I make a list of pampering services that you can choose from, some kind of spa-menu. If you're having a rough day, you could go through the list and send me a message ordering, for example 4a, 10 and 12B for tonight. Then you could look forward to your pampering and already start relaxing because you know you'll get all you need to relax when you get home"
She loved the idea. She also liked the idea that she has a "ready menu" to choose from. So she doesn't have to think about what she could ask from me, buts just pick from a list.
I was thinking about making 3 separate menus.
1 - Non-sexual pampering for her (manicure, pedicure, massages, etc)
2 - Sexual pampering for her (obvious like oral, PIV, toys, etc)
3 - Sexual attention that she could give me. It's VERY CLEAR that this are by no way things that I expect her to do to/with me as some kind of reward/payment for the pampering she gets. It's supposed to be a list she goes through when she is in the mood to play with me. Same as other menus, that way she has a list of naughty things to pick from to do with me. I also thought that making this list might help her to know my "buttons" better. She already said that she is having difficulties to understand my "different kind of sexuality". This list could help us also to start talking about many things. I will also separate this list in 2 sections.
3.1 - Sexual attention with her involvement (whatever sexual activity that requires her presence)
3.2 - Sexual attention without her involvement (things that she can allow/order me to do without her being present, like wearing a plug for a day, or allowing me 10 minutes of dildo playtime on my own)

That's it for now. Still very busy. I hope I can come back soon with more.