Getting started without my wife knowing [ ...she knows now! ]

@jemima thanks sweetie for the feedback!! Good to know that I'm not the only one with this issues.
My wife and I still have to try things out and see how it works. We still have to try ruined orgasms to see how I react. Milking will surely be the safest way to empty my system without the depressive side effects.

 

Just told my wife about my last two orgasms, Sunday and today. She proposed we start looking seriously into devices. She took the time to check some links I sent her about selecting devices. Maybe I'll be locked soon. I hope so!! I want to hand over control so badly!!

 

@Jasmic68 that's right. I think also it's the right thing to do. Although I would preffer to go faster, I have to admit that her pace feels just right. And it is also, I think, a way for her to test how serious I am about this. But the most important thing is that she has to get used to a complete different kind of sexuality here.

Ohhh yes!! Don't worry, she will notice when something makes me really horny. And if she does something that doesn't turn me on that much, I'll explain how it felt, without any critic in mind. I'll just explain.

 

PIV SEX

This morning my wife was a bit horny. She wanted some attention and clearly asked for it. She said she wanted an orgasm before starting the day. At some point I asked if I could lick her, and she said that actually I don't deserve it because I had 2 orgasms and because I was too stressed the last couple of days... BUT... she allowed me anyway.
Right after that she wanted PIV sex. She cums best with PIV sex. That's a big challenge for me as it makes it very difficult for me not to cum. She needs cock for at least 10-15 minutes to have a good orgasm but horny as I am (and stressed as I am) I can't hold longer than 30-60 seconds and then I have to stop before she is even able to really get started.
In the end she had no orgasm. I felt bad about it. She said it wasn't tragic because the positive side of this is that she might ask me for more attention soon.


DEVICE

Today I had her official confirmation that we will buy one. We still have to find a quiet moment to go through the options and decide which one to buy. I can't wait for that to happen! I can't believe this is happening!!

 

I was gone for a while. My wife and I had a difficult time during the last week. As I explained in my very firsts posts of this thread we went through a very difficult years. Those bad years are behind us now, but still sometimes memories, feelings and resentment reappear in our lives and it can be very depressing for both. We both agree that we want to leave that behind and start a new phase on our lives.

One week ago we were about to have a look at devices together when suddenly an unlucky series of events triggered a big discussion and a couple of very stressful days afterwards.
I thought that because of the stress and discussion we had I would have to wait weeks (maybe months?) before talking about devices again.

Anyway, things are turning better now. Yesterday evening we were together alone and I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie together or if she wanted to just sit around and cuddle a bit. To my surprise she said: "What do you think if we go upstairs and have a look at some devices"

I couldn't believe it. She totally surprised me. I was really excited!! We had a look at all the options and I explained her all about advantages and disadvantages of each model. But more important, we openly discussed our preferences.

This is our conclusion:

Her preferences:
- Being a keyholder doesn't trigger anything special in her at the moment. It's not something exciting for her, nor disgusting either. She doesn't necessarily wants to keep the key. But she agreed to keep the key just to help me.
- She realized how much I enjoy being in chastity and how much more attention she gets. She enjoys all that attention a LOT.
- She enjoys also being the one who decides when, how and what kind of sex we have. She explained she specially likes the idea of knowing that she will never be rejected again. And that she can do exactly as she wants. If she wants just cuddles, that's what she will get. If she wants oral or even PIV sex, she will get that too.
- Because of all the points mentioned above she agrees with me that it will be much easier for me to be in chastity and to go longer periods if I'm wearing a device. So for her it's not a kink or fetish if I wear a device but just a practical solution to help me go longer periods in chastity, be more kind to her and being always willing to pamper her in whatever way she wants.
- She said she doesn't want to be required to be present each time I have to take a shower. So we have to choose for a device that allows me to wear it 3-4 weeks at a time making cleaning possible and easy without removing it.


My preferences:
- I don't want to have access to the key. I prefer if she manages it. I would prefer to be locked and forget about it. But she wants me to know where the keys are for security reasons. After discussing a couple of options we agreed to have the keys in paper envelops. One in our bedroom. Another one at a safe place we both know just in case the first one gets lost. She will (hand)write something on the envelops so that I can not open and replace the envelops without her noticing. Or we will go for plastic padlocks.
- I would love to wear a device 24/7 to avoid having erections in moments where they are not desired such as cuddling, pampering, massages, manicure, pedicures, morning erections, etc.
- I would prefer to be able to clean myself and not having to ask her for the key for cleaning nor having to bother her with being present each time I take a shower. I also don't like the idea of removing the device for cleaning and putting it back on. I prefer to wear it for weeks at a time and remove it only when she wants me to cum. We never had showers together. We discussed the idea, she open but in our situation it's sometimes just not practical.
- I love pampering her in all ways possible. From back massage and manicure to helping her reach orgasm in whatever way she desires.
- I 100% want to surrender to her needs and desires. I'm ready to deal with it. If she wants sex 2 or 3 times in a week, she will get it. If she forgets about sex for weeks, although I will miss it, I will deal with it.


My first 2 tasks: Find the right device and the right dildos
- She cums best during penetration. We already realized that after being in chastity 4-8 days I'm so horny that I cant hold longer than 1 or 2 minutes during PIV sex. She needs at least 10-15 minutes of intensive penetration to reach orgasm. We agreed to search for dildos, strapon or penis sleeves to help her reach climax with penetration without me being on the edge after 1 minute and she being frustrated because I have to stop. We had a look at some options and I know now exactly what she wants. She has very special requirements and it's now my task to find a dildo that she will like. All the dildos she had until now were not exactly what she wanted. Either too rough or too hard or too long or too thin. So I have 2 tasks now: Find the right device for me and the right dildo/strapon for me to help her climax.


The right device:
- I will have to go probably for a metal cage
- We both loved the look of the holy trainer and or the CB series. But we both realized that in order to clean myself properly I will have to remove them every day or every couple of days. We don't want that.
- She doesn't like the look of big padlocks, so we will choose for a lock system without a padlock or a plastic padlock.


Conclusion.
I'M REALLY REALLY HAPPY THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING!!
I can't believe this is real, specially not after the stress we had last week.

 

Thanks Zebra for the feedback. I really like the Holy Trainer and read many positive things about it.
Choosing the right device is far more complicated than I thought. If I will pay between 100 and 200 Euro for a device i want to get the right one at once. We'll see.

 

This might sound not impressive for many of you here, but I'm very proud that I'm 14 DAYS without an orgasm now.
Here a short summary of my journey until now
- I started 5 Months ago to practice chastity alone after an entire life of masturbation addiction.
- In the beginning I could not hold longer than 3-4 days.
- I found a coach here who helped me to get started.
- Then I did one week a couple of times.
- Then I did 4 weeks one time
- Then I did 2 weeks several times.
- Then I had a personal difficult time and started boycotting the project for 2 weeks. Masturbated frequently.
- I got started again. My wife "joined" the chastity project.
- Then, we started doing some teasing, oral sex on her, lots of pampering. I could not go longer than 8-9 days
- Short ago she agreed to buy a chastity device. Since then I had no orgasm.

At the moment NOTHING is happening. I don't play with myself. I get no teasing either.
There was also no kind of intimacy or sex at all, so that makes things easier for me now, specially while not wearing a device yet.

I'm doing some research to buy my device soon. I will probably go for the Holy Trainer.
I'm curious about how things will turn after I start wearing the device.

 

Thanks a lot for your feedback. I like the Jailbird. It's also under consideration.
Our journey was on hold for a while. Life "happens" and you can not continue with things as planned.
I hope we'll make a decision about a device soon.

 

back and forth, back and forth, back and forth

That's how I would describe my situation at the moment. This journey, more like a journey, is an extreme survival adventure in the jungle. The jungle of excitement, arousal, fear, rejection, doubts, drive...
"Be careful what you wish for" is an echo in my mind at the moment. But there is also another very important side for "what you wish for" and that is the partner/KH you're getting started with.
Not in the mood now to elaborate. I try to remain optimistic.

 

Well... it's been a while since my last post.
A lot going on at the moment. We are moving forward again!
My wife is starting to really like the idea of FLR. It's official, we got started last week. But still she finds it very difficult to get used to the new situation. Specially she has to get used that there will be no discussions anymore in many areas of our lives. She is starting to take some risks and command things she never dare to do before. We are also discussing rewards... and punishments.
Unluckily the past few weeks we had no time to really move forward in practice, but at least we moved forward in our thoughts and mindset. We had the time to read things, think about it, discuss it. First was my wife traveling, then ill, now a foot broken. We both said that the broken foot might help her to get used to ask me for things as she just wont be able to do lots of stuff for several weeks.

Regarding my chastity, I'm 22 days without an orgasm now. It's sept 22nd today. It was just a coincidence that I had an orgasm the last day of August. Now, everywhere I see the date, it immediately reminds me of my chastity period. Somehow its like having a counter everywhere I look. And somehow I realized that having my chastity days and the days of the months "synchronized" is helping me to stay motivated to do not brake that synchronization. A strange "calendar fetish" is developing. I told this to my wife about this and she said: "well, maybe I'll let you cum only every last day of the month". She is starting to enjoy this, and she is convinced now that being in chastity makes me feel much better and more stable. Due to the unlucky events the past few weeks, she was not that "sex-minded".

People who have been following me until now, know how difficult it was for me to get started. In the beginning it was almost impossible for me to go longer than 5-7 days. A couple of times I made 2 weeks. Only once I made almost 30 days. I'm very confident that I will reach 30 days this time.
I really hated my last orgasm. I was really "down" for a couple of days. It's the first time that I don't look forward to have an orgasm. I hope she will agree to try the ruined orgasm again.

 

41 DAYS - That was my last chastity period until yesterday.
This was probably the LONGEST time in my life without orgasm/ejaculation since I started masturbating as a teenager.

This experience is changing me. I'm learning a lot about myself and discovering new sensations and a complete new way to enjoy my sexuality.
One more time, I confirm how "down" I feel after an orgasm... so I'm really starting to dislike them.
I enjoy much more the feeling of being really horny and how that feeling slowly fades out.

Day 1 today again. It's somehow sad to start from zero again. Now I understand why some people get hooked to chastity and want to go for longer periods each time. I wonder how long I will go this time. It seems to me that 30 days it's not a challenge anymore.
I could have gone for longer than 41 days, but it was just an accident. I wasn't needing or missing an orgasm. But I could enjoy more teasing, that's for sure. Her foot is slowly recovering, at least it doesn't hurt that much anymore.

 

@Steviepie thank you sweetheart!!

 

@Jasmic68 yes, it's funny how this works, don't you think? You know my journey since the very beginning. After a lifetime of compulsive masturbation I has real trouble in the beginning to go longer than 5 days without an orgasm. Now, finally, after lots of trial and error, I reached 41 days. Now I perfectly understand the "other side" and I learned to enjoy my chastity a lot. It's only a shame that I'm doing this journey mostly alone. My wife is slowly showing some interest... we used to think your wife and mine are very similar. But I get the feeling you wife has a higher libido than mine.

Something VERY SAD happened a couple of days ago. I don't want to share this here. But that raised serious doubts about the development of FLR/Chastity in our relationship.
I remember you said that you and your wife were also at a point where you thought on the verge of divorce. Then, thanks to chastity, things turned good. That gives me hope something good might still happen here.