Getting started without my wife knowing [ ...she knows now! ]

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  1. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    Around 9 or 10 years ago I tried to introduce my wife to FemDom, BDSM and Chastity... all at once. Looking back it's obvious that I failed. Also because my approach was the traditional "topping from the bottom" horny kind of guy wanting my wife to walk around in a Mistress outfit and high heels, teasing me and using sex toys on me, planning and executing rewards/punishments, etc, etc. Now I understand perfectly she could not see the advantage for her in all this. What she said back then, and now I fully agree, was that she felt that having that kind of sex life was for her more like having a "job" than pure pleasure.

    10 years later, I changed, she changed, our entire lifestyle and family situation changed. The most important thing is that I radically changed my way of thinking. I see things now differently, I want her to feel better, pampered, relaxed. I want her to do LESS and feel better, focus on her pleasure and (almost) forget about mine. I already do lots of things around the house but I'm planning to slowly take almost everything over, and of course, giving her much more attention and pampering. The difference with my approach 10 years ago is that, now, I expect her to do NOTHING, no dressing, no walking around in heels, no toys, no teasing, no sex, no key holding (at least in the beginning). She won't even know about me being in chastity.

    Our normal situation is that we have sex not very often. I finally came to the conclusion that she needs very little sex to feel happy/satisfied. She says once every 2 weeks would be fine for her, but in fact it's not more than once a month. And that's the reason why I hope that my secret chastity will work.

    I want to show her the benefits of me being in chastity without her knowing I'm in chastity. It's going to be a fading and natural process. I'm not planning to lock myself and the next day suddenly take all chores over and "harassing" her with pampering
    I'm planning to let the chastity do its work, motivating me to make her feel better by doing little (and big) things here and there every day. No overnight changes. But little by little.
    I'm planning to do chastity long enough until she notices the changes. And then continue for some more time without telling her just to confirm that it's working. I guess it will be a process of approx 6 to 12 months until she notice real changes and I also really adjust to this new "lifestyle" (with me having a release each time she wants sex)

    As I said, she needs sex once a month in average, and that's enough for her (and it will have to be enough for me as well, instead of masturbating almost daily!). I think I can manage 30 days being locked. It's going to be hard at the beginning, but I think I'll manage, maybe I build up gradually during the first couple of months until I reach 20-30 days locked.

    The questions are:


    1 - KEY
    She won't be holding the key, so I will have to hold it myself, but at the same time in a way that it's accessible immediately. As she doesn't know about it, I must be able to unlock in no more than 15-20 minutes, at the moment I know she wants to have sex. She is not very touchy and normally announces/asks in advanced how I feel about having sex (she wont notice the device on me). Sometimes I even have one hour or even more time before the action starts.
    - How to manage the key myself, keeping it safe from me, but at the same time immediately accessible when my wife wants sex?

    2 - MOTIVATION
    Will I feel motivated to make her feel better although I know she is not the person holding the key?

    3 - YOUR EXPERIENCES

    Does anyone here ever did something similar, getting started without the wife knowing... how did it go?
    I appreciate experiences, tips, ideas, how you finally told her... whatever you want to share

    Thanks in advanced!
     
  2. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Put the key in some clear packing tape and keep it in your wallet. It will take just a little time to break out of the tape
     
  3. strap0nme
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    strap0nme In chastity with urethral do to punishment

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    And tape it under her bedside knowing that the only way to get the key is when she's not there. Also when she's sleeping you'll get aroused by knowing the key resided under her side of the bed. It's like no release unless you tell her the truth.
     
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  4. loyalhack
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    loyalhack Unlocked man. Mind over matter.

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    Do you think you need a "proper" device for this? Given you need rapid access, low protusion everyday and the device will be mostly be a psychological reminder of your commitment, would something else work as well? I ask because I've found it easier than expected to adapt to a self imposed rule. I do like wearing a leather english cage when tempted to masturbate to orgasm, but that's very different to a device - much less intrusive, much easier to put on & remove.

    I use something like the below when get distracted..
    [​IMG]

    In your position, I'd be tempted to go for something like a quality cock-ring for 'everyday', plus some sort of leather/silcon device that reduces the ease of masturbation, but can also be slipped into a pocket if things take an unexpected direction!

    More than anything though, I'd suggest talking to your wife about what you're thinking of first, so there's no chance she feels 'tricked' by your improved attitude when you explain it afterwards. I suspect that if you put it just as something you want to do, without any effort from her, to try and be a better partner, she might be receptive - after all, she won't need to think about it, and you can stop whenever you or she like. Even if she not receptive, better to know that before spending two months doing something she might think of as just another form of topping from the bottom!
     
  5. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    It sounds to me like you are doing exactly the same thing as you did last time. You are indulging in your own fantasy of what chastity is without any consideration of what your wife wants, needs or desires. The entire section about how you are going to take over, do everything, just makes me cringe. To me that just sounds like bad chastity fiction and not like something you could do in reality.
     
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  6. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @maid julie @strap0nme thanks for the key holding ideas. The key under her bed side is a very good option, specially during the night is when I might feel very horny and feel the urge to cum. Her sleeping on the key is a good idea.

    @loyalhack @Jasmic68 thank you a lot for your very honest answers. I really appreciate that. I always prefer a honest opinion more than hearing what I want to hear. I'm totally inexperienced in chastity and I had also the feeling this idea might be "bad chastity fiction" as you, @Jasmic68 , put it, I totally agree with you. I don't like that either, but I have no better ideas and that's why I'm here asking.

    I don't want to be topping form the bottom either. @loyalhack I perfectly understand your point and agree.

    I tried talking to her over 15 years in many different ways and approached her with many different solutions to get a balance in our sex life. Most approaches and solution ideas were within pure vanilla sex (as I know she doesn't like kinky stuff in general) but even after discussing stuff together, focusing on her, what when how she would like to do whatever she wants, etc... then we agree on something and, again, from her side almost nothing happens. I'm desperate. Many ideas she would not even want to discuss or try, even very basic vanilla stuff that could spice things up. That's why I thought about letting her experience the results of chastity and telling her afterwards. I don't like this either, I would prefer to tell her first (already tried 10 years ago)... but I'm terrified of her saying no without even wanting to try it. If this doesn't work, I'm really out of ideas.

    The thing is, I have the feeling something must happen in order to create some kind of balance in our sex life. Maybe there is no solution at all and I have to accept that she is (almost) asexual and will have to find a way to live with that or decide to go separate ways.
    I don't want to cheat on her either. Living in an almost asexual marriage for the rest of my life is difficult for me to imagine. Chastity is, I think, the last possible solution where both needs could be met.

    And then there is the whole cross dressing thing! I still don't know what to do with that.
    I feel trapped in a mismatched relationship. I have read many stories from people telling how chastity saved their marriages, brought them closer again, improved communication, enjoyment, balanced house chores and responsibilities, you name it. I really think that might be work for us as well. But if she doesn't even want to try?

    Sometimes I feel like trying to get a vegetarian to integrate meat in the diet. It just will never happen. I never thought it would be like this. Its long and difficult to explain why I didn't realized this mismatch before getting married. Anyway, here I'm now. The crazy thing is, in ALL other aspects everything is fine between us... but the asexual lifestyle is slowly driving me crazy. :(
     
  7. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    That sounds a lot more honest and makes much more sense. I have read many times how guys like you despair of trying to make their partners interested in making their sex lives more balanced and more interesting. I cannot say I have an answer for you that will make this work but I do think that you need to rethink your approach.

    If your wife is asexual then there are two issues at play. First you have to accept it as the way she is and chastity is not going to change her. But, and this is a big but, she also has to accept that you are not asexual. The crazy thing is that chastity is a perfect solution. You get denied by someone who is not that interested in sex, she gets to control your sexuality in a way that does not demand a huge amount from her and as you say a balance can be found.

    My advice would be to do more research. I don't have links for you but there are some amazing chastity blogs out there that have the wife's perspective as their focus. The whole question about is my husband weird or a freak, or what will I get out of it is covered in detail. If you find them then you can use their advice to help you.
     
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  8. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    By the way I was very lucky in that my Wife was on board from the very beginning. She has grown into her role of being my keyholder and is amazing. The thing is honesty played a part in our exploration from that beginning. I went to her with the idea but I had a real reason for doing it that she accepted. It has taken several months but now we are having an amazing time.
     
  9. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Last point, motivation. If you are not motivated to be helpful, to be loving, to be as submissive as you appear to want to be anyway, giving your wife the key to your chastity device will not change that.
     
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  10. chastingfun
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    chastingfun Long term member

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    @KatyTwilight,

    First off, I am reading mixed messages in your posts and makes me wonder where your head is really at. You sound like you are concerned about your marriage, but then state that everything outside of sex is great. It sounds to me like sex is in the absolute forefront in your mind which tells me that something else in all other aspects of your lives is off kilter somewhere. It also sounds to me like you are more concerned about your needs than your wife's needs. Simply putting a chastity device on and doing chores won't do anything to remedy the issues. Sounds like you are just trying to fulfill your kinks without any regard as to how your wife feels about it. Sex isn't just about getting between the sheet and getting off. Far from it. There's way more to than that if you are willing to take the time to understand.

    Then there's the wearing the chastity device without her knowing about it. How do you propose to get away with that? Do you sleep in the same bed? Does your wife ever see you naked like when you get in and out of the shower? Are you, or more importantly her, going to be able to handle the surprise when she finds out? Is your marriage strong enough for that? It all sound kind of selfish on your part to me.

    After 30+ years of marriage, 3 kids, dogs, cats, work etc, Our sex life dwindled to nothing and I mean nothing. But more importantly to me back then and what she re-realized AC (after chastity) was that we both had lost our intimacy for each other and in our own way, had no idea how to get it back. For me, i thought sex was the answer, for her, she thought that this is just how life goes when you get older. After all, her friends were in the same boat.

    Then I discovered chastity and approached her about it. I had an all out heart bleeding emotional talk with her about it and I emphasized over and over the benefits for her. The only sex part of it was her having all the freedom in the world to decide if and when she wanted sex and there would be absolutely no pressure from me. She knew where I was coming from and what I was trying to accomplish, but she just couldn't wrap her head around it.

    A short while later, I decided to by a CB6000s just to see what it was like and how it would make me feel. At first I only wore it during the day when not around her. I noticed that I was a little hornier but I knew it was only because of the kinkiness. Once I got all the part sizes figured out and comfortable, I decided to wear it 24/7. I went almost a month before she finally found out. I hadn't masturbated in all that time. I was really starting to see her in a different light. I never tried to hide that I was wearing it. That's what our sex life was reduced to.... She never even looked at me naked any more or touched me there in bed any more. When she finally noticed, she flipped. I was weird, I should have told her, take it off immediately, I don't want you wearing that...etc. etc.

    For the first time in our marriage, I grew a real pair of balls and told her that i wasn't hurting anyone by wearing it and I wasn't taking it off unless she wanted sex. She was pissed off for quite some time and barely talked to me. There was no mention of the device by either of us. Then finally one night after that night, she rolled over to me in bed and stared checking out the CB and asked me a lot of questions that I answered to the best of my ability. She was concerned about my now swollen penis being in pain trying to bulge out. And couldn't believe how big and swollen my balls were. I informed her that everything was OK and normal. She let me know that she noticed subtle changes in me that she liked and asked me if I had an orgasm since I started wearing it and I told her no. She smiled and kissed me goodnight. It wasn't until a few weeks later when she again started fondling the device and started kissing me passionately until I was really excited. She asked me if I really couldn't orgasm with the device on and still haven't had an orgasm since I started wearing it to which I said no I can't and no I haven't, She smiled and told me to leave the keys on her night table in the morning. The rest is history.

    I got a little bold, but then pulled back and let her come to me with absolutely no pressure. Since she took the keys, there has never been any pressure by me ever. I was extremely patient and just went with the flow no matter how frustrated I got at times. Even when I felt that she was totally ignoring me, She has all freedom to decide if, when, where, how etc. in just about every aspect of our lives. In the sex part, I have gone upwards of 6 months plus without being unlocked at all, unlocked weekly for T&D, been given ruined orgasms on rare occasions but haven't had a full blown orgasm since the first time she took the keys 5 years ago. Several years ago, we both decided that total orgasm denial was the best thing for our lifestyle and that's how we are still living until this day. Completely denied. My wife sometimes has orgasms frequently and sometimes goes for months without. It doesn't matter. It's not about orgasms anymore.

    We are having the best sex of our lives now. The sun is brighter, the sky is bluer. Other people like our kids and friends have noticed a change in us. It came down to something simple really. Rediscovering intimacy, true intimacy in every sense of the word. Taking any sort of pressure off my wife and getting my penis out of the equation showed us our way. She has a new spring in her step, her eyes glow again. I feel more alive than ever. We share everything together, spend more time together, even more than when we started dating. She is not my master and I not her slave. Our lives are vanilla except for chastity. The intimacy level we have now is like having sex all day long except for the orgasm part. Just a kiss, or a smile from her gets me rolling. Something simple like wrapping my arms around my wife and telling her how much I love her practically makes her melt. It's awesome, awesome, awesome. I guess you could describe it as non-stop foreplay.


    I guess it all depends on what your goals in life are.
     
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  11. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    Ohhh @Jasmic68 I appreciate your feedback so much!! Thanks a lot!!
    The situation is complicated to explain. I made an effort to be as clear as possible in my first post. I'm glad the second post helped you understand better my intentions and position.
    Believe me, my biggest motivation and only goal is really to be helpful and loving to her and both to be happier. That's it.
    I'm already very helpful and loving to her, and has always been... but I now there is room for improvement. Due to life circumstances (too personal to tell here) we went through EXTREME difficult times that took a toll on our relationship. On one hand it made us stronger, but also created a distant between us.
     
  12. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    @KatyTwilight there are always more to our stories than we are willing to share in these forums and I hope you can work things out.
     
  13. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @chastingfun I can not thank you enough for sharing your experience with me!!! It moved me, almost made me cry... really!! I'm sooooo happy for you!!!! Hugs, hugs, hugs!!! I can relate 100% to what you say. Yes, we also went through long periods of no sex at all, and same as you, she almost never sees me naked, she almost never touches me "down there" and far too often we sleep in separate beds (its also because of health issues, long to explain). So yes, I see no problem at all in getting away with it. I would describe our situation now as roommates that get along very well with each other. But I'm a dreamer, I'm a romantic, I know we can both be happier than that... I know... and I hope that we both can be in love again!!

    What you describe is what I hope could happen to us. Reaching that level of intimacy and happiness together. I don't give a damn about sex, penetration, orgasms anymore. If the solution is absolute denial, so be it. I would prefer other solutions including more sexual activity, but I'm willing to take whatever it comes if we are, at the end, in a similar situation as yours.
    I miss the connection, I miss the spark in our eyes, I miss all that what you explain at the end of your post.
    I don't want to put ANY kind of pressure on her to have sex with me. Been there, done that. I know it's not the solution.
    If she wants sex 3 or 4 times a year, I will accept it (it's more or less what i expect will happen). I've been reading a lot about chastity and the improvement in intimacy, relationship, connection, and that's what I wish for us both.

    Anyway, I'm happy to hear that it finally worked out for you, and that at some point you had to "grew a real pair of balls"... good to know, maybe I will have to do the same at some point.

    While you were writing I was also writing my previous post to explain that not everything is that great between us. I'm sure you know, many things in a relationship are not that easy to explain. I could write here 4 pages to make it all perfectly clear but then I would have to expose things that I don't want to tell.
    It makes me sad that if there is a bit of a doubt about my intentions, it will be assumed me being selfish. I could tell personal stories about what we went through in the last years and what happened to us that would freak most people out about how extreme unselfish we both were. It's a miracle we are still together (and alive!) Too heavy to tell here. We look back now and look at those years as of the years of "extreme survival". We try to laugh about it, but we really can't... Just want to clarify my intentions. Please guys, give me some benefit of the doubt.

    And YES my messages might sound mixed/confused because I am very confused.:(... otherwise I wouldn't be here...

    But... Who wasn't confused at the very first steps of SERIOUSLY considering chastity? ;)
     
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  14. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @Jasmic68 thanks a lot for your comprehension!!:) It's really complicated.
     
  15. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @Jasmic68 @chastingfun thanks for your feedback. It pushed my thinking further. I've been reading and learning a lot from the forum in the past few days.

    As I explained before, I approached my wife 10 years ago with chastity (among others) but I was absolutely topping from the bottom and horny for tons of kinky stuff. It didn't work.
    One thing that kept echoing in my head for the last 10 years was something she said about chastity. "I don't like the idea of you wearing a device and suddenly me having one more thing to take care of and worry about. I don't want to spend any money, time and effort for you to stop masturbating. You should be able to do it on your own. If you want to cum only when we have sex, then you should be able to entirely quit masturbating just relying on your self discipline and commitment to me"
    Sometimes I think that my wife is more dominant than what I think she is.

    10 years ago the idea of wearing a device made me so horny, I was so obsessed with the classical FemDom "images" and I was so selfish that I thought she just doesn't understand the whole chastity thing. I tried without a device for a couple of weeks, but I was more into the "kink" of the device and the all the games around it (she said no to everything) than into my commitment with her.

    I think, if I want to get started without her knowing, the easiest thing to do would be to stop masturbating and that's it. Right?
    I just have to accept that my wife only needs sex every 6 to 8 weeks, and just stay all the time horny waiting for her to want sex.
    I already tried not masturbating for longer periods of time and I know that it brings me closer to her. So, the typical side effects of not having an orgasm for some time will work

    No need to discus anything at all, chastity, devices, locking time, tease and denial games, nothing.
    I found a thread about "orgasm denial with no device" . That might be the solution.
    That would be a real commitment with my wife, would keep me horny all the time. I would love to get some tease and denial, but I know that she probably wont do it. On the other hand sometimes she likes me licking her without sex, it doesn't happen very often but when that happens it's a huge tease. Sometimes she asks for a massage. And lots of cuddling and kissing, that makes me horny anyway. And then I would have sex every 6 to 8 weeks.
    No chastity devices to be managed, which I know she wont like doing anyway.

    I see there so many different approaches here... this might be a very strange approach but it might just work. The goal of bringing us back together, me staying horny, and she getting her attention would be meet.

    It's just a thought....
     
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  16. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    By the way, very important:
    I TOLD MY WIFE ABOUT MY CROSS DRESSING YESTERDAY
    She reacted very positive to it.
     
  17. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    @KatyTwilight
    Mistress Wolf prefers me uncaged as well, with strict orders to "leave it alone"... Verbal, enforced chastity is a very real and workable option, IF you can get your head in the right place.

    Good luck, and congrats on her accepting/approving of your cross-dressing!
     
  18. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @Caged Wolf thank you so much for your comment and feedback! I saw your comments all over the forum here and read about you being uncaged. It inspired me... maybe... if you don't mind... I'll come back to you if I need some advice to "get my head in the right place".

    The thing is I don't expect much involvement or cooperation from my wife in this... so no verbal or any kind of support on hr side. Actually I think it might be the most extreme kind of domination. I think this is what will probably happen: She will agree to my uncaged chastity and will say one sentence "it's great, do it" and then she might never talk about it again. So, I guess if I want to do this, I will have to manage everything else on my own. Only one sentence of approval from her it's probably all the motivation and involvement that I will get.
     
  19. loyalhack
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    loyalhack Unlocked man. Mind over matter.

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    Just wanted to say how glad I am that the cross dressing conversation went well - it must have been a scary thing to say to a woman you care deeply for, and it's great you got a positive reaction - not least because it must have reminded you of all the reasons you love and admire her and want her as your partner in life.

    Other than that, I think you've been getting great advice from others in this thread, and it's refreshing to hear you reflect and absorb their thoughts. I think that listening and considering approach is likely to lead to much better results than you simply acting off your own bat, full of your own expectations about what "should" happen.

    I doubt any solution would have worked if you had begun with a sense of resentment at 'having to' do things and not being 'rewarded' anyway, rather than simply feeling happy about what you're choosing for it's own sake (and your relationships sake too),

    Even if in the end Chastity isn't the right thing for you both, it might still open the door to something that works.

    Speaking of which - why do you think her reaction to you crosdressing was so much more positive and engaged?
     
  20. KatyTwilight
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    KatyTwilight Be the change you wish to see

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    @loyalhack Yes, it was a bit scary to share such a secret for the first time face to face to a loved one after hiding since age 12 (I'm 39 now). But on the other hand, the fact that I came to FULLY accept and embrace CD last year, took most of that fear and anxiety away. It was also not planned to tell her. She was telling about an 8 year old boy in the neighborhood that likes crossdressing and his supportive mother. My wife was telling all details about the conversation with the boy's mother and at the end she added: "If one of our sons come to me and ask for a skirt, I will buy them one. It's the right thing to do, don't you think darling?. At that moment I though "HOLY COW!! this is the moment that I've been waiting for 27 years!! It's now or never, gurl!! You either use this chance now or keep your mouth shut forever"... ...So I opened my mouth and went straight to the point without any introduction. I said: "honey, I understand perfectly and it's totally right. I'm a cross dresser since age 12"
    After what my wife said, she had not so many options than to react positively about it. But this is not over yet. I'm still waiting for her to see how she feels about it in a couple of days/week. It wouldn't surprise me if this fires back somehow. It was not planned and I'm afraid the timing was not right.... so we'll see.

    Regarding the chastity thing... we went through hell the past few years. Maybe we'll have to work on our relationship first before starting with chastity. I thought maybe starting with chastity could help us work on our relationship... what to do first? I'm very confused. It's also just too complicated.
     
  21. loyalhack
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    loyalhack Unlocked man. Mind over matter.

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    Well, it's going to be a shock - discovering something that someone who you thought you knew inside and out had kept this from her, all this time. So perhaps she will feel sad, or disappointed, or not trusted. (It was same with my partner and Femdom- still is, sometimes!), If she does, remember that it was your choice not to tell her, because of your fears. Try not to feel personally criticised, and just listen to her fears, her worries, and maybe try and explain that it wasn't her not accepting you that stopped you saying anything, but the world for as long as you can remember telling you to be ashamed, and when she showed you that fear was unnecessary she gave you a great gift.

    Also, ultimately, as others have said, you have a right to be sexual, and to express your sexuality, as long as you do it consensually, respectfully and lovingly, just as she has the right to her sexuality, and to have her desire for a particular approach to sex, (or non-desire) to be respected.
     
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  22. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    In the spirit off where this thread has gone regarding cross dressing, I thought you might like this,.,

     
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  23. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    My Wife is encouraging my cross dressing, another example of how damn lucky I am. I had always admired Eddie Izzard and wished I could get away with wearing the same types of clothes as he does. I gave up my job of ten years recently that utterly forbade any chance of me being caught cross dressing and now I am free to wear what I like when I like. My Wife buys me the clothes that she likes seeing me in and so far has done a brilliant job of helping me.
     
  24. Caged Wolf
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    Caged Wolf A Wolf, even caged, is still a Wolf.

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    Regarding the chastity thing... we went through hell the past few years. Maybe we'll have to work on our relationship first before starting with chastity. I thought maybe starting with chastity could help us work on our relationship... what to do first? I'm very confused. It's also just too complicated.

    Chastity will not fix a bad relationship.... When we started I locked and then showed Her, But there were "concerns" in her mind that I was out cheating. This was a way to prove that She was the only one for me, and we ended up switching roles too. It just seemed like the right thing and time to have Her in charge, and it's been a great thing.
     
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  25. bnd2plz
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    bnd2plz I keep my favorite things locked up tight!

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    All I can say is that she is going to be hurt at some point that you didn't trust her to communicate what you're really feeling. If you truly love her and want to do what makes her happy, then communicate with her. If she still doesn't want to be involved in it then unfortunately a chastity lifestyle wasn't meant for you as a couple... If you love her enough, you'll find a way to live without chastity in your life. Personally, I think that through communication you can make it work but maybe not as grandiose as you would like it. It took my husband and I a long time to come together on chastity. He would still like me more involved than I am and I would like him to be less obsessed with it, but we meet somewhere in the middle.

    Again, like I say in so many of my posts... COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!!!! At some point you're going to have to talk to her about it, I promise it will be easier now than later. Later she will be hurt you didn't talk to her sooner or worse if she catches you doing something without her knowledge behind her back.

    Also, lower your expectations of what you want. My husband and I have been involved with it off and on for 4 years. The longest he is ever locked up on average is about 3-4 days and 7 days being the longest.

    Good luck! :rolleyes::p:(:):cool:
     
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