Getting started without my wife knowing [ ...she knows now! ]

If she is just making an effort you are already ahead of the game in terms of what other men achieve. It took Elle months to figure out she really wanted this, and several periods of denial to build up to where we are now. I cannot remember exactly but they were something like quite a few two to three week periods, then two four or five week periods. They then stretched to my first ten week period, that length was repeated and I am currently orgasm free since August 21. This period is going to be a minimum of 11 weeks.

The point of that is it took Elle that length of time to learn this wasn't a phase I was going through, that I was serious about wanting this and just as importantly, trustworthy. She learnt it was fun. She saw the subtle but profound change in me. You know full well the bumps we had along the way that threatened to derail what we were doing, but we both perservered.

I cannot say what your endgame is going to be but so far I have only read encouraging signs in your writing. You have a wife who is willing to put in some effort. That to me speaks volumes.