Finally starting to get real

Hello! I am new here. I have been on here a few times in the past, but starting to get some traction on some real-life chastity!

I have known I was submissive since my teen years, but I got married to a (very) vanilla wife who wanted nothing to do with kink at all - she is not a bad person - quite the contrary, she just didn't understand it or desire it. So I basically kept it to myself and just fantasized about it through internet porn for years.

She and I divorced several years ago (for other reasons), and I quickly came to the realization that I could pursue some of my kinks in real life. I got on FL, started going to some local BDSM events, and trying to branch out and meet some fellow kinksters. I even bought a one-size-fits-all steel cage, a Rikers, and a few other toys to go along with them. However, I quickly realized that 1.) most of the Doms around here are male, and 2.) of the small number of female Doms around here, most were into impact play, which is fun, but not chastity. I had two experiences where someone else (play partners) were holding my key, but there were practical limitations to how much they could hold on to the key at those times.

I also came to the realization that play partners and professional Doms (a few times) were nice for a particular fetish, but I realized that I craved much more than that. I wanted Femdom in the context of a relationship. I am an incredibly intimate and affectionate person, but I can't be that way with someone that I am not intimate with. So it was *really* hard for me to serve/worship someone that I did not feel close to.

Fast forward to a couple years ago, and I met an amazing woman. Smart, beautiful, energetic... She lights up the room when she comes in. She was also vanilla, BUT she was adventurous, and had dated a guy with a TV fetish and had actually pegged him at one point. So I decided to do what I normally don't do, and be as honest as I could muster about my kinks. I obviously waited until a few months in, but I tried not to hold back. She was receptive, but since she really had not been exposed to that much about kinks, she did not really understand it or know what to do.

So I decided to (again) do what I normally wouldn't do, and helped her out. Although it takes the fun out of it to tell the top what to do, I realized that just expecting her to figure it out and getting mad at her when she didn't wasn't the way to do it. And, by giving her ideas and talking through why I like this or that, I was hoping that she would start to pick some things up and do some on her own (and she has). I waited until she had done something wrong (I think she lied about something benign), and I gave her a "chore" to make up for it. I typed out a list of instructions that involved her locking me up for a few days, teasing me, and then coming to my place for a "kinky weekend" to finish it all off. I gave her a list of ideas of things for teasing, and a list of things she could make me do that weekend.

And it worked great! She texted me on a Tuesday and told me to lock it up, and wear panties to work for the rest of the week. (Had to send pictures). Then she gave me some homework to learn about Yoni massages. Then when she came up for the weekend, she had me cook a romantic dinner for us (wearing nothing but my cage and panties), then she discovered how much she enjoyed Yoni massages that night.

She is still learning, and I am trying very hard to not smother her with it and let us explore it together at a pace that works for both of us. The hardest thing for her, is that she is a people-pleaser, so it is difficult for her to say "no" and to keep me locked up/denied/frustrated. But, we will keep working on it. She is an elementary-school teacher, so I know she has the ability to discipline and use her trump cards when she needs to, so I am trying to get her to channel that energy towards me. I have also been trying to frame these as benefits for her - for example, she and I disagree about how the toilet paper is supposed to come off the roll (front or back), and I pointed out to her that that is one of many ways that she would "win" if she had the key to my sex life!

We currently are in a long-distance relationship, but we are moving in together soon. She has locked me up a couple other times - and I am getting good at Yoni massages, btw. I also ordered a Mature Metal cage earlier this week. I have a Rikers cage that fits me very well, and is very secure, but it is really, really hard to clean, so I am moving to a metal cage so I can be locked up for longer periods of time. She has expressed interest in the past about going to some of the local BDSM and kink events, so I am thinking about bringing that up again and see where it goes.

Anyway, excited to have an account on here, will be nice to get to know all of you...

 

Thanks everyone! She is pretty sharp, so I have a feeling that I will be getting more than I bargain for before too long. I will update as things progress...