Déjà Vu

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Breathe, Feb 19, 2019.

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  1. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    I felt I should cross post this here as a partial explanation of why I'm no longer Keyholding at this time... Thank you to everyone who has already reached out to Me to offer love and support. This might shed some light on the questions you're asking.

    ---​

    “We’ve been here before.” – you said it yourself last weekend. Although… I had no idea it’d apply to this situation, too. Painfully, it does. This post will probably be short because I still haven’t processed it all… but I have to get some of this down while I can so it’s not forgotten.

    It’s been one of the hardest weekends of My life. I finished My Monday morning coffee and realized that after the last few days of sorting (some of) the skeletons in your closet, My daily activities will be completely different.

    I don’t think you have any idea how far the consequences of your actions can (and do) reach.

    Greeting the morning crew as I always do seemed so… misplaced. So, I didn’t. I still haven’t, aside from a vague declaration that I’m not holding this key for you anymore – on a site you don’t even visit.

    Each texting window I view just serves as a reminder of a darkness. An unnecessary shadow. One that you can’t seem to release.

    Why?

    I am here with you, and I always have been. I have no idea why you won’t give yourself to Me, entirely. But I cannot continue to beg for your transparency. It’s exhausting.

    The music we make together is so sweet in every way. It’s mostly effortless. You’re such a beautiful person to Me and so many others around you. So is our relationship.

    I cannot understand why you would risk it all for something so empty and damaging. Nor can I understand why you would undermine and gaslight Me without remorse… when all the while, through your actions… you opened our marriage without My consent.

    Physical or mental, it doesn’t make a fucking difference.

    I am the only one following the rules. Our vows.

    Something is seriously broken here.

    Thankfully… despite how humiliating some of it has been, I’ve been able to release some of this panic and confusion I’ve felt over the last 48 hours. I owe this to family and the friends I’ve been lucky enough to meet, both in conventional situations and across this wide web. I appreciate each and every one of you that has given Me (and us) support along the way. Especially now.

    Deep down, I know… particularly after speaking with all of you… no matter what happens with us, I will be okay.

    I will persevere, regardless.
     
  2. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Active member

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    Sorry to hear that there are problems open all get sorted out for you.
     
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  3. Blue Moon
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    Blue Moon Member

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    Heartbreaking.
     
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  4. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Active member

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    From what I have seen of you on this site you truly deserve better. Stay strong and be true to your beliefs.
     
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  5. Ma’ams Slut
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    Ma’ams Slut OWNED, LOCKED, SUB TO MY LOVE @Ma’am M

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    I am sorry and I hope it all can be fixed and worked out for You and him.
    You are def a strong person and personality and are appreciated here by tons of people for Your open no bs input on situation and knowledge.

    I really hope You get back to feeling good and whole


    Us guys make some stupid choices and hurt the people closest to us. Having said that I have been that bad person before but managed to pull myself out of the fire and save my relationship and marriage and made everything better then it was before .

    I hope he can do that for You also.
     
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  6. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    good luck
     
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  7. Lockedhammer
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    Lockedhammer Member

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    Breathe,

    I am sincerely saddened to here this news, you are the first person I ever chatted with on CM. You were so kind and supportive of our new journey with MC, ever since then I have seen your post and amazing words of wisdom of support to others on CM you are someone I look to as a poetic wealth of information, your post are beautiful and your messages even more so.

    I sincerely hope everything works out and that you can once again be happy!
     
  8. Charleston
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    Charleston Member

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    Hoping for the best outcome for you.
     
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  9. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    It's sad to hear that things have gone so wrong. I hope the two of you can find a path to happiness whichever direction that might take each of you.
     
  10. Ma’am M
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    Ma’am M Wife/KH of Ma’ams Slut, and the F in our FLR
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    I’m so sorry for this gut wrenching situation you are going through. We will miss hearing you, but we know you must take time to deal with what I’m sure is confusion and immense hurt. There will growth through this, as hard as it is.
     
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  11. KatlynAshe
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    KatlynAshe Busy busy busy

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    Big huggles Breathe, I really hope you find solid footing for yourself. Sometimes you have to focus on you when others generate their own shitstorm and foul up everything. You are a great person and you deserve the best. So take some time to figure things out however works best for you!

    Hugs and good luck!
     
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  12. Moe5
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    Moe5 Member

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    Please Stay Strong and sometimes it feels good to go into the woods or where ever and scream...just don't scare BigFoot Lol
     
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  13. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    Oh, @Breathe,this is heartbreaking. I am so deeply sad to hear what you are going thru. I join the many, many here who wish you the very best as you navigate these dark days.
     
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  14. iome343
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    iome343 Active member

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    So sorry to hear that.
    Let the time pass by: it will help you to understand better what's going on
     
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  15. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    Ouch. That's ugly.
     
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  16. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    It's possible to come back from that, but it ain't an easy road.
     
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  17. litldick
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    litldick Member

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    As others have said, i wish You nothing but the best in all of this, whatever that may be for You. Brighter days are ahead Ma'am.
     
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  18. henry58
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    henry58 Active member

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    One never really comes back from something, it's the going forward that sets the mind in the best direction. Good luck.
     
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  19. Den737
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    Den737 Active member

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    Damm Breathe , Goddess P and me are going to pray for you and hope everything works out between you two . I have been in your shoes and I know what you are going through right now , but you have to keep your standards high and you're sprints high . Remember you will get through this . I just don't what else to say but good luck . We are going to miss you
     
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  20. CZSteve
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    CZSteve Caged Submissive to my Beautiful Wife/KH n2toys

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    Breathe -
    Sorry to hear, hope things get better and back on track for you soon - obviously you have a lot of caring friends here.
     
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  21. jmanque
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    jmanque Member

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    Dang- dang, dang, dang... and sorry. I've seen seen several friends throw it all away, or risk throwing it all away, for what is essentially an illusion. I don't know what compels people to do that, greed, a tendency towards self-destruction, or that eternal belief that the next field over is greener.
     
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  22. Miss Veronica
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    Verified Female

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    *heartbreak* I think it's the worst when you give all of yourself - you allow yourself to be vulnerable and you trust and have faith in them - and they just can't reach that level with you.

    But, you're still keeping it classy. X
     
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  23. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    It's always amazing and somehow never surprising how men manage to think with the little head. You've got a tough reeducation job ahead of you, and he'll have to work so hard to rebuild trust. Good luck to both of you. Stay strong.
     
  24. sylvana chastity
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    sylvana chastity just Syl

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    Wow - me sitting around not knowing what to say is a very rare sight.
    And even though you've written down your thoughts and feelings with class and style - no one will be able to understand all of what you're going through (as well as really no one would want to be an "expert" in this kind of dilemma).
    Just feel hugged whenever you want or need to - and I will cross even more fingers than I usually own, that this (and you) will find a happy ending!
     
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  25. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    Thank you for the support, everyone. It's a little overwhelming to know just how many people here are willing to send good vibes to someone they've never met.

    So many of you have messaged Me here and in private to send your well wishes to both of us... It means much more to Me than you'll ever know. The road towards healing is long and arduous but the trip is always worth it.

    I know I did the right thing by telling the truth, regardless of how embarrassing it sometimes felt. If anything positive can come from this thread... Let it be a testament to the power of truth and community.

    Do not underestimate the power of positivity within them, even in your darkest hour.

    Thank you all, so much... :love:
     
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