Chastity Conversation with a Friend

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by HappilyLockedMan, Aug 16, 2020.

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  1. 90731
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    #26 90731, Aug 23, 2020
    I would be more than happy to read your book and give any thoughts I might have. I just had knee surgery so I have the time to read for sure. Let me know if you are looking for ppl to help. Of course not edit, just notes to think about is what I’m guessing what you’re wanting.
     
  2. Conrad3
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    #27 Conrad3, Aug 23, 2020
    I think that sort of book would be invaluable to many.

    My wife even though she is participating is still unsure of what this brings to the relationship and this sort of book would help a lot in my opinion
     
  3. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Long term member

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    #28 Anonoman, Aug 23, 2020
    :)
    That’s exactly what’s needed :+1:
     
  4. keephimcaged
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    keephimcaged
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    #29 keephimcaged, Aug 23, 2020
    That's encouraging, thank you! When I've got some drafts written I'll see if anyone would like to beta read it and let me know if it's hitting the right level.
     
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  5. Isopropylforyou
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    #30 Isopropylforyou, Aug 24, 2020
    Sounds cool. I would be more than happy to read it.
    Count me in.
     
  6. HappilyLockedMan
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    HappilyLockedMan Long term member

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    #31 HappilyLockedMan, Aug 26, 2020
    I spent the afternoon with my friend and spoke at great length about my experiences with chastity and how it might play out for him. He and I have very similar patterns of kinkiness, which really helps promote the very good friendship we enjoy. I described in detail how I got started with chastity and how I initially discussed it with my wife.

    I hadn’t known until today how distant his relationship with his wife is but they seem to be close to the end of their rope.

    He masturbates daily and hasn’t had sexual relations with his wife in years. My experience is that wearing the cage reduces my feeling of “having to have an orgasm” and I’m hoping it’s the same for him. My basic message to him is that he needs to change his feeling of need for kink. His wife isn’t going to ‘do kink’ but I / we are hoping that chastity may be thin gruel that will keep him going, especially if his wife accepts this pretty minor (in my opinion) kinky behavior. Maybe it will open some doors of communication that seem to be frozen shut with rusty hinges.

    Leaving the marriage isn’t a good option for him, for reasons that don’t need to be discussed her, but it appears that unless things change his marriage is going to leave him.

    He’s on board with chastity and asked me to email him some suggestions of cages for him to buy to try.

    I certainly understand that chastity can’t make a bad relationship good but I’m hoping that maybe, just maybe, it will provide the help that he needs to improve things.
     
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  7. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    #32 tecolote, Aug 26, 2020
    Trying to introduce chastity into that relationship seems like a bad idea. Better to start with basic communication.
     
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  8. NZSenator
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    #33 NZSenator, Aug 26, 2020
    They need to find the root cause of the disharmony and loss of sex. It is likely daily masturbation is merely the band aid that he uses to distract himself from whatever else is happening (or not) in the relationship (to me, it would be about as bad as introducing a 3rd to a weak couple, it just wouldn't end well).

    It could be she has gone off sex because she believes he is just taking care of himself anyway (what does he need me for), or it could bring out deeper issues (does he find me desireable, am I attractive, does he love me etc).

    If they can't talk now about their issues, then him wearing a cage is unlikely to produce positive results.
     
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  9. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    #34 borbulls1961, Aug 26, 2020
    We started chastity 6 weeks ago following 5 years without sex and me masturbating daily with internet porn, fantasising over women met during the day, and reminiscing over past flames.

    I havent masturbated since.
    Cuddling and suckling my good wife Madame Vanilla every morning and evening.
    But most incredibly the porn and fantasys and remeniscences have TOTALLY been replaced by staring and dreaming of my pretty wifes body.
    And realising what a lucky guy I am to be in her physical presence.

    PIV now on her decision once or twice a week.

    I have never felt a stronger link to MY Madame Vanilla!
     
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  10. Anonoman
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    #35 Anonoman, Aug 26, 2020
    I’m reading this book at the moment: Sex Without Stress: A couple's guide to overcoming disappointment, avoidance & pressure by Jessa Zimmerman.
    I’ve been looking for something that might help my wife (us) for ages and although I haven’t asked her to read it yet, I think it’s really good so far :+1:
     
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  11. HappilyLockedMan
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    HappilyLockedMan Long term member

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    #36 HappilyLockedMan, Aug 26, 2020
    Tecolote and NZSenator are right. In my conversation with my friend yesterday I neglected the enormously important aspect of communication. His wife isn't doing anything wrong by being vanilla. He's the one who needs to change. Most importantly, in my opinion, is he has to find a way to stop being resentful of her. If he's not able to shed his anger and meet her where she is I think their marriage is doomed.

    I"m going to speak with him later this morning to try to correct my earlier omission. I hope I don't make things worse for him. I love the guy and hate to see him in such pain.
     
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  12. Anonoman
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    #37 Anonoman, Aug 26, 2020
    Being locked and forgotten is the fastest way to being full of resentment in my experience. At least with sorting things out my self I find I can let that element of pressure off so to speak. But if out of hand, it can become very destructive to a relationship. Have a look at that book above - you can get a free sample through Amazon with kindle.
     
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  13. Isopropylforyou
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    Isopropylforyou Long term member

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    #38 Isopropylforyou, Aug 26, 2020
    But on the plus side he will start paying more attention to her. So your advice was still good.

    Iso.
     
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