A Good Place to Start

Starting at the beginning, I’m a 53 year old guy living in SE England and married for 25 years with two grown up kids. For a whole load of reasons, there isn’t much sex in our life and hasn’t been for some years.

I responded like many guys would and took matters into my own hands too often. In the past few years I’ve been aware I need to work on myself and spent time reading lots of blogs on relationship guidance, sex coach blogs etc trying to work out how to spice things up a bit and become a better me - both in the bedroom and emotionally.

I found Karezza first - I learnt that the male brain has a brain chemistry hangover after orgasm and this made so much sense of my own life experiences. I’ve so often felt so shit afterwards! And then felt bad and like I need to hide this from my partner! Yet I still chased the 5 second high with my right hadn’t too damn often!

I also discovered sites like this one. I learnt a bit about chastity - the idea really appealed to me… A lot. But I couldn’t explain why even to myself. I thought I had no chance of selling this to my vanilla wife. So I kept putting to the back of my mind… Yet kept thinking about it again!

I worked on myself and tried to reduce my reliance on self masturbation. Over six months or so I tried to cut down - and then in March this year I managed literally to quit! Last time I wanked was 9 months ago! And I literally feel great! I’m no longer a wanker!

The downside (if you can call it that) is my emotions have changed a bit - I’m so much more conscious of my feelings towards my wife, and at times they are intense. I want her more than I ever have and yet I know this isn’t happening. It is not about to. I’m learning to tell myself that is OK and I can cope like that.

After a lot of failed attempts and trying to find the courage I’ve told her I’ve quit playing with myself. She seemed surprised. But does accept that I’ve become a better me. Perhaps more patient, thoughtful and less argumentative or awkward with the whole family. Who knew wanking did this to you? Though she feels some guilt as she thinks is neglecting my needs - I keep trying to tell her she really doesn’t need to feel this way.

I love the old Jewish vow of Onah - my job and that of my dick is to satisfy her needs. Not for her to satisfy mine. Somewhere in modern society we seem to have gone the other way. It seems to me the old principles here were better!

So having quit masturbation, this brings me back to chastity. I guess in reality I’m half way there already. I have managed to NOT play with myself since March! I feel that my life is so much better as a result. I see so many of you guys on here - both locked husbands and key holding goddess wives saying how much this lifestyle has improved your relationship - I’d really like to join you and try. But we are a VERY vanilla couple. I’m really not looking for or interested in kinky stuff here - and I’m sure my wife wont be either. This is just about being a better more devoted loving hubby and bringing us emotionally closer.

We’re only a couple of weeks into her knowing what’s going on in my head, and perhaps I’m trying to go too fast. But I’d love to take the next step and wear a chastity device regularly. I bought a Cobra Nano a little while ago - It’s Purple because that is her favourite colour. We all know both the Cobra and what is in it will belong to her from the moment that key is clicked into place - so I thought best to choose the colour I knew she’d love!

I’ve worn it during the day for a few weeks and its comfortable enough. I’ve even managed a few 3 or 4 day lockups when we’ve been apart and I can wear overnight without it being discovered. So I’m pretty sure I’m ready for this next step. I think it’s time to stop hiding this idea.

What I’m not sure is if she is, or ever will be.

When I see what you guys describe as improved versions of yourself - and wives who think it’s changed your relationships for the better it just seems worth trying. But maybe I shouldn’t be trying to persuade her of the benefits to her, but instead asking her to do this for me as I want to try it. Just ask for a trial for a few months.

I’ve made it to 9 months without playing with myself. Maybe this can get me to one year. So if I ask her for a three month trial - and at the end she can decide whether we give up or continue. We’ve tried it and know if it’s worth it or not.

Maybe she will see a change in me that will make her want to keep me locked. Maybe we will join you all on this site for some exciting adventures. Or perhaps we will have done this and throw the idea away and accept its not for us.

All I have to do is ask her!

I’d welcome thoughts and suggestions. Particularly those of loving key holders as to how good or bad my plan for approaching this is.

Thanks guys and Goddesses!

 

So it's done. There is no way back now.

I've just told her about the existence of the cage and that I sometimes self lock to control my urges! I've suggested she has they key.

Now I wait to see how she reacts.... tick tock...

 

Bit emotional to be honest bud… I think I may have to wait for it to sink in and see how this settles… ask me in a week or so!!

 

Thanks buddy - I think i've read some of your posts before will take another look. I'm still cautious as to where this will all go but hope to enjoy the sort of relationship improvement you and others have found. Right now, I'm pleasantly surprised I've not been told off for being silly. But this is a journey of baby steps.

I think right now I need to allow the thoughts that have been shared to settle and see how she feels having had time to reflect. I've seen that site and it looks superb... when I think the dust has settled I will share.

 

Continued here:

https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/starting-at-the-beginning.54042/