2023 making it permanent

I’m really surprised at the almost unanimous negativity about this. Sounds like the marriage is ok. Hkeye is mindful of his wife’s feelings and needs. He is submissive, wanted and presumably still wants chastity. No evidence his wife doesn’t love/like him. Also denial IS a form of sexuality. The worrying thing would be if she said “take that thing off, I couldn’t care less about you sexually one way or the other.”
As far as I can see, keeping something under lock and key suggests that you value it.

 

Sounds like tease and denial to me… sounds very hot in fact. Evidence of relationship problem would be “she flipped out and said I should wash the sheet immediately and move into the spare room”

 

A lot of people commenting here seem to see chastity as a sort of game and a way of enhancing orgasm by deferring it. That’s about as kinky as fluffy handcuffs. Each to their own but serious enforced chastity is about being controlled and humiliated in my book. How about respecting and validating that, even if it’s not your own “thing”?

 

What I found negative about the situation, and it seems most others did too, is that it just seems like the original poster would be locked and left alone. Just pretty much ignored to suffer alone in silence. This has proven many times to be a recipe for disaster in relationships.

 

Chastity is a lot of things to a lot of different people, no one is invalidating that. Tease and denial is one thing, but OP does not describe anything remotely 'teasing', more or less that he's alone in his marriage and his wife wants not a goddamned thing to do with him , sexually or otherwise.

Read the original post again, and it seems that the more OP 'explains' himself , the waters continue to muddy themselves.

it is either an extremely unusual dynamic that is hard to explain and not nearly as bad or dramatic as OP implied originally OR its simply just poorly written 'fantasy' nonsense. that's all.

 

Ok I read the OP again. He says she leaves his cock and balls alone, not that HE is left alone. They share a bed each night, they talk, she has “made things clear”. These things are absent from many marriages. Most importantly he’s not posting to complain but to boast (in a way) about the intensity of the situation and his passivity within it.
Sure it may well be a fantasy. But we fantasise about things we wish were the case. If it is true, then here is a couple who both have what they want and are therefore a good fit!

 

I’m not hearing any boasts… reads like dejection to me.

 

Should he not get to be with his wife?

 

I agree. It sounds like the relationship is in peril

 

You definitely have something to work with here. Keep focusing on building intimacy outside the bedroom and through non-sexual touch / physical intimacy. The more she feels loved, I'm betting, the more she'll be likely to open up and respond sexually.

 

I scrolled through this thread, but may have missed this point:

Some women simply see it as inappropriate to sexually avail herself to a chaste man. He’s chaste for whatever reason. That creates a cognitive dissonance for her regarding sexual acts with him.

Notice her rebuttal came only when he tried to penetrate her with his fingers. That’s a symbolic and literal frontier that’s extremely important to a woman.

It’s my own belief that once you become a chaste man, you must come to grips with the potential for your partner to treat you sexually as SHE deems appropriate.

I am no longer allowed intercourse. And I’m sure (and have been told) this is why.

Laz

 

Very astute observation!

 

Very timely…

 

She sounds horrible !! Time to say goodbye to her my friend.

 

Yes if all you care about is 30 second orgasms.
Not if your interest is in the life of chastity, as suggested by the title of this forum.
Nor if you value a loving relationship over your own animal needs.

 

If my wife felt that way, I'd end the project immediately. I don't think being chaste makes you less of a man, but rather more of a man. My wife often says that she greatly appreciates the sacrifices that I am making to improve our lives together, and things have never been better. We have way more intimate moments together than we have had for many years pre-chastity.

 

I think that your wife and his are in different situations though: reading between the lines it sound like yours is still able to enjoy a regular sex life, whilst his has reached a stage in her life where that’s not on the table - but she’s able to get a kick from keeping him frustrated. Horses for courses, as an old landlord of mine used to say with tedious frequency.

 

Chaz,

Great post. It’s interesting to me how two worlds can be so close as to almost be touching each other, yet still two worlds.

I agree fully. Chastity makes you MORE of a man. But the OUTCOME of that can take very different paths.

Thanks!

 

Not to judge or rain on anyone's kink, but I am surprised that some are shocked to learn some members are truly chaste, 24/7, even though this forum is about "chastity," controlled (physically) male sexuality.

Most active members appear to be male, and some/many appear to use chastity as a means of having more rather than less sex. Many appear to "top from the bottom." Many appear to be here to find a sexual partner. From that perspective, a truly chaste (penis always caged) person may be an anomaly.

While this is a forum about chastity, it actually more about non-traditional forms of male sexuality, and men having non-traditional sex. It is more about having sex than not having sex. Not judging, just stating fact,

Imagine if women had a forum about female chastity where they discussed all the different ways they had sex.

Vanilla men, not into chastity, but not having sex, aren't likely to be represented here. I was curious to know how common they are. Take away the chastity cage, are totally chaste men uncommon?

The reference is a bit dated, but...

https://www.nextavenue.org/sex-older-adults/

For many years, there was very little information on the sexual habits of older Americans, said John DeLamater, a professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. One exception was a landmark study published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2008. Researchers interviewed 3,005 older men and women in the U.S.

The results:

- 73 percent of those age 57 to 64 said they were sexually active (defined by the researchers as having sexual contact — though not necessarily intercourse — with at least one partner over the past 12 months).

- The percentage of those sexually active dropped to 53 percent among somewhat older respondents, those age 65 to 74.

- Among respondents age 75 to 85, 26 percent said they were sexually active.​

Meaning, 27% (1 out of 4) of those 57-64 didn't have sex with a partner in the past year, 47% (1 out of 2) of those 65-74 aren't having sex, and 74% (3 out of 4) of those 75-85 aren't having sex.


Many (a small percentage but by no means a small number) younger men aren't having sex with a partner every year either:

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2767066




As you can see, many young men don't have an opportunity to use their penis with a partner each year, or only once or twice.

Outside the realm of "male chastity" kink, male chastity isn't all that rare. It may not be elective, but then perhaps it is.

For at least 50% of men, their penis could be locked up most of the time and there would be no decrease in the frequency of sex with a partner; ignoring the feasibility and challenges of locking up most penises.

The truth is, women who can't experience PIV, the prevalence of which increases with age, and their partner aren't likely to be represented on a sex forum, and may be more prevalent than one presumes. Women who don't enjoy or permit PIV aren't likely to be represented here either, as they may say no to sex altogether.

There are many sexless marriages, and even relationships without intimacy. People stay together because it is easier than changing.

 

You can be locked 24/7 and still get lots of sex, but the theme of this thread seems to be about guys who are basically getting friend zoned by their wives, which might be cool for some but it's not for everyone.

 

It's not about sex so much as it's about intimacy, for us it's brought us closer together. I don't feel "love" in the statement below, it feels like it's becoming a friendship instead. It's consistent with what Lazlo was describing.

And just FYI, my wife is post-menopause, PIV is difficult and her libido is lower than mine, but chastity hasn't made me "unworthy" in her eyes, instead it's done the exact opposite.

 

Point taken. It’s just that some of us LIKE the dynamic of being “unworthy” and others don’t. So neither is unhealthy or inferior. What’s difficult is being in a relationship where there’s a failure of compatibility - and example of which is when a masochistic man such as myself finds themselves in a pairing where the other can’t accept or validate my desire to be denied and humiliated. It’s understandable of course because it’s a paradox for someone to want to ask for something and be told “no”, or want to display suffering and be laughed at. But people are different in our wants and needs, and desire doesn’t have to make (simple) sense. Speaking for myself, I have come to understand that I can’t fully express my form of sexuality in a relationship with someone who desires me sexually, because then they (not unreasonably) wish to have sex with me.