A question mainly for the ladies

Absolutely not! I want and have my sub secured 24/7/365! And I don't think it would be possible to get the same results otherwise/

 

Some might. I think it's called the honour system. But I can't see it's quite the same as the physical constraint. It never could for me. But you're quite right in a way: we're all different and have differing dynamics. Interesting to see other responses. I've kicked off with mine!

 

Janet and I much prefer Ian to be caged, at least most of the time. It's nothing to do with what he might or might not get up to, we love the look. Given our other house rules there is a lot of looking.

We all wear matching rings, and J and I wear the keys openly. I know some people feel they have to be discreet, but we want to be very open about all aspects of our lives, the cage is a part of that.

Jane
X

 

My wife insist that I be locked, cause I dont have the will power to not masturbate and she knows it. Being locked ensures that I wont masturbate. I admit I have tried but was too painful to enjoy. So being locked up 24/7 ensures no cheating by me

 

it’s not so much about the cage, it’s about the denial. I know for one, there’s zero chance that my husband remains denied for any significant period of time without the cage and me enforcing it. There may be some out there that can choose to not cum for extended periods of time simply because their domme requests it of them, but my guy and probably the majority of others even if they were to try without the cage, would end up giving in to their male carnal instincts long before their KH would have chosen to unlock the cage. It’s basic biology - males simply are driven by their penises (which is why they must remain locked up in order for their brain to have a chance!!) whereas females are driven by their brains first and then their lady parts

 

You should perhaps try it yourself lucy and find out.

 

The symbolic element of his visible unspoken submission to me is important. We have been through a significant power exchange over the last few years and caging serves as a mark of that journey. Then the denial aspect is so important and I again love the visible commitment to that. Finally I love to humiliate and what better way than to have its organ caged, also promoting size restriction. No turning back for us.

 

Internal control and external control are two different psychological oceans.

Personally, for me, it's important that he knows that he absolutely can't have access unless i give permission.

 

i just joined CM yesterday & am finding this place quite refreshing! I feel very welcomed by Goddess L-u-c-y & Mistress Jules. I look forward to other interactions.

From what I have seen, I can tell a lot of thought and consideration has gone into making this place what it is. It has to be a collective effort & one that insists on starting with being 'self policed'.

Last night I did some sifting through the forums & discussions - and even though I didn't touch on even 1% of whats here, I found all sorts of incredibly interesting threads - but this is the one that sparked me into high gear!



Such a simple question - and so much thought provoking discussion!

 

The Honor System versus Trust.

The Honor System has been how I have operated for decades - and for me (& Mistress S.) it mostly works. Over the last few years my discipline has eroded and I give in to my lust more and more. That has become a major problem for mS. - the lost Trust in me. It's what spurred us into action.

Orgasm Denial versus Chastity.

For me, the main difference between OD & Chastity has been the variable of Free Will.
Both of course run the gamut between 'play' & 'full practice' - while I have never worn a chastity device, our experiences have leaned more towards 'practice' rather than 'play'.
OD enhances my orgasm, when it finally is allowed.
But ... as explained above (and in my First Day Here post in Introductions) - my abusing her Trust has shifted our 'practice' towards one where she is becoming more assertive. I half-suggested a Lori's Device and she is all for it! Its being ordered right now (with the security screws).
So for me, being held in Chastity by another removes any Free Will I had - and right now, it is very scary for me.

Asserting Dominance.

I'm fortunate that mS. gives as much leeway as she does - I cant even imagine what it would be like to have a very assertive Mistress (like probably ALL of you!). Still, I understand many of the reasons a Domme insists on dominance.
I have gone through stages of wanting a stricter Domme & occasionally through the years mS. obliges. She says I am too 'high maintenance' and so wants more distance.
Still, she has Rules that she insists I follow - there is a discussion about Chastity Contracts - and I will post Her Rules there.

Can a unlocked male be trusted to keep his hands off 'her' property unless given permission?

I can't speak for others of course so I ask this question to myself.
My answer is ... no. I can't. Not at all. Not even for a day!
And S. so far hasn't cared too much if I do - she just wants me to wait until she lets me 'finish'.
Her take: "you wanna drive yourself even crazier, go for it - you just better pray you don't have an 'accident'."

Can an unlocked male be trusted to orgasm only when he is given permission?

For me ... mostly. But ... no.
If the craving to cum defeats my discipline to resist, I cant do anything but give in.
I feel silly to say that I can barely make it to 10 days. 20 days is about the most she makes me wait. The longest I have gone is 42 days (I bet many of you guffawed at that).
On Cum Days, sometimes she gives me the whole day to cum as many times as I can (always in her presence) ... that makes it all worth it. Sometimes she allow me only one little squirt (which is impossible to satisfy the built up lust). She knows that when she does that there is a good chance I'll cave by day 5 - so she will be watching like.a hawk.

Conclusion.

I am positive not one of the Mistresses here would be remotely near so lenient with me - and that makes my nuts quake! (sorry, Her nuts)

 

Please tell me if my posts should be shorter.
I figure most Mistresses like to know what makes guys tick ... so I shared how it is for me.

 

well the trouble with lots of men is that theym always fiddling a lot and making there willys go bigger and if they wern lock up in a cage they wud spurt after a bit.

 

Long term retention without a device is entirely possible, it's been going on for hundreds of years - time-honoured, as they say - and has a thousand different side-effects, one of which is strengthening and focusing the mind. You've really got to want it, there's no half measure. It's a spiritual journey. Like any worthwhile spiritual journey, there's no straight line between A and B. The highs and lows are extreme. It helps to have a partner on the same wavelength.

For me (and I'm not saying it's true of everybody) it has enabled me to understand the need for intelligent female leadership not only in a domestic sense but also in a much wider context and the power of feminine intuition and wisdom.

I know CM is mainly concerned with chastity devices in all their wondrous variations but perhaps there's room for other philosophies.

 

would love to hear this from my wife. She knows I don't cheat and she is starting to take some reins, but we are not to the "permission" stage yet. partly because some of the time she wants to be "taken"

 

This is a great question. I started thinking more about it after I dealt with sleeping in a device. would it be enough for me to simply put the key on my wife's stand as a symbol, but not wear the device? I will tell you though, I had the device on for about 5 total days and I simply felt far more attentive and devoted with it on. Not sure how much is mental and how much hormonal, but that's how I felt. Could we achieve that if she was teasing more and I was still not cheating?...maybe. But then the boy parts get so sensitive after several days with no O and it gets hard to totally leave it alone. I think you are playing with fire. The device helps with that too. That's my take.

 

We were on the honor system with orgasm denial for years. Only a couple of mishaps, but they were not pleasant. It took time to rebuild any trust for that subject. However, I think that denial training made the transition into chastity much more natural.

I can tell when he's spilled without My permission, and it hasn't happened in quite a long time. My key is an extra layer of comfort that makes Me smile, knowing he'll be locked unless I say otherwise... or when he's to be used.

Couldn't agree more. Watching the internal battle has been an arousing joy to Me for years. You can almost hear and see the psychological gears turning, sometimes... especially when they're grinding at full speed.

Seeing new physical signs of 'struggle' and denial, without having to lift a finger, is quickly becoming addictive.

 

Just another thought on this. Have you considered putting up a poll on it?

 

The not having to lift a finger part is why I am a little surprised my has not brought it up again. She mentioned several things that she liked about it, and that she didn't have to "do" anything (which is great that she picked up on that) , but so far has not asked for the key back. I'm sure she will take it when I offer it and keep learning and getting more comfortable.

 

My partner and I both think that that me being locked whilst being denied is the best approach. Whilst we both aknowledge that I would not cheat even if I could I do enjoy the feeling of being unable to cheat far too much to want to give that up. She enjoys the sense of being in control me being locked gives her and that the security of a device enhances both her physical control and her feelings of being in control.

On reflection we do both believe that although I could probably do this on the 'honour system' we both prefer the 'locked system' and we both believe that our experiences derived from TTTWD are enhanced by using a suitable device.

Being denied of late has started to foster some not previously experienced feelings of submissiveness that we'd like to explore, these I am sure are not feelings that would have arisen were I not locked.

I'd also like to suggest that being denied on the 'honour system' could in some guys give them a sense of being in control in that they are very much not seeking release due to their own will power. And that in addition some guys along with some KHs may feel the sense of the KH being in control diminished to some degree for the same reasons.

 

That is so true @jemima! I notice without the cage, my guy is always fiddling with his tool and then oops...he’s hard. It’s so funny how guys always have their hands down their pants...girls don’t, and I’m just as horny as a guy!

 

i think that they shudnt make mens pockets so big then they cudnt do it.

 

Just last night I asked for the key, some burn/sores developed and need time to heal. Instead of "oh yeah here" or "oh no I hope youre ok" I got a "hmmm....you were locked for awhile without a break, you can be free for a bit". So it matters. She wouldn't keep me in pain, but she isn't just handing over the keys anymore. There needs to be a legitimate reason, and she will check lol.

She has never just laid the key around, wears it at all times, and I have never seen her emergency key since I gave it to her. I am also glad she takes care of it and pays attention...if she just left it on a dresser I wouldn't feel the need to lock up if she didn't care enough to be my jailer