Taking advantage of men

If the arrangement works for both parties, then it is good. Most of us here, live or dream outside the morns. While regular society may see the arrangement as bad, if the man knows and likes it and the woman enjoys the control and it's results then go for it.

 

I see it as a good thing. As my KH says, boys become the best version of themselves when their cocks are locked; more focused, attentive, thoughtful, considerate, and more useful. While I’m at the beginning of my chastity journey I’ve already learned how true that all is. To be fair, in most cases men are the ones who ask for chastity. I think many of us have always had this desire to have a strong, confident woman take control of our genitals and over when or if we are allowed orgasms. Sure, ceding this power to her, being denied makes us putty in the woman’s hands. My own KH often tells me how satisfying it is to know how much I’m suffering for her. Yet, suffering for her is satisfying for me as well. I find pleasure in the suffering. The denial, the dopamine-fueled bliss it provides that comes from staying aroused and frustrated for long periods becomes pleasure like no other. In my view, I truly don’t feel taken advantage of at all. I consented to it. I find satisfaction in it. Seems only fair the woman gets her benefits from it as well.

 

I also see it as a good thing. Wish we would have done this 20 years ago.

 

If guys don’t want to be in a sexuality-based power dynamic, there’s a part of the Mansion here for vanilla chastity relationships.

The very nature of a D/s relationship is a power dynamic that appears unbalanced from the outside but that is giving those directly involved what they want. If someone isn’t getting what they want from the arrangement (because negotiations were ignored, because they were unaware of cause-and-effect, because they’re overwhelmed, etc) then it’s time to pause the dynamic and re-negotiate.

 

If both sides were ok with it and no other party was being hurt by this (like an unsuspecting wife who suddenly loess intimacy with her husband because he's 'committed' to someone else who may not even exist), that's fine. But I would expect this relationship to be based on MUTUAL consent and MUTUAL respect and GROWNUP decisions made in ALL PARTIES' best interests.

When a woman crosses the line between fun and personality destruction, then yes, it's despicable. Because the unsuspecting other partner will be left picking up the pieces and the abuser will just waltz off to her next fly in the web.

 

Informed consent is crucial, as in any other D/s relationship.

 

2 Consenting adults. No problem.

 

Depends on how you define taking advantage as well! Example - it was my idea to "do chastity" at the beginning. I naturally highlighted the advantages for Mrs Chaste to get her "onside". Now as it happens the advantages that Mrs Chaste actually experienced from keeping me chaste were even better than I'd hinted (according to her). Also it's not to difficult for Mrs Chaste to take the lead if you like as she has a natural tendency to being matriarchal (not a criticism, just how she is). She can get me to do non sexual things as part of "the deal" as well. Now I actually derive enjoyment from the whole thing. The sexual side of her having orgasms without me having any is amazing for both of us. The teasing brings out a wicked streak in her that she didn't know she had and really enjoys. Initially she felt "guilty" about keeping denied but soon got over that. As I've said before our relationship is not full on FLR as others may live it but she is in charge of most aspects of our marriage. So does she take advantage? Well yes of course she does. Why? Because it's what we both want and we both enjoy it. Let's be honest if either of us didn't enjoy then it wouldn't happen. Neither of us are "weak" and we both consent. We aren't quite the normal vanilla couple but neither are we really "kinky" if that is an acceptable term to use. As has been pointed out before, there is no right or wrong way, just different ways! Whatever works, full on FLR, D/s or anything else then it's right! I'll get off my soap box now!

 

Exactly!

 

Us too!

 

It's A GREAT THING! My piggy is most attentive, respectful and eager to please when he's most horny. That's why we keep their little boners at bay isn't it? I believe that is one of the reasons why they want to be in chastity as well. They know that their desire is ramped up exponentially when it is taken away and it drives them to serve their KH well.

 

As Chaste J said it depends on how you define taking advantage. I had no problem with my wife staying at home while I worked and provided for her, I saw that as my duty. I don't know if she would have said she was taking advantage. I never felt she saw it that way.
I am a great believer in power exchange so it is great when a wife takes charge at home and in the bedroom. I was very happy to submit to her and if she said no PIV then that was that and yes I believe controlling a man's lust is an excellent way to control him.

 

If whatever the dominant party leads the subordinate party to do leaves the subordinate party worse off in the long term, then yes, it ranges from bad to vile. I specify long term because things can provide gratification in the short term but be bad for someone as said gratification comes at the cost of future well being.

 

I would argue that a lot of women have been doing this for years and why not! And especially in a D/s lifestyle with TPE.

 

"Taking Advantage of" is a loaded term. Its hard to defend exploitation.

Human interactions should lead to higher outcomes for those involved.

I always remember a femsub looking back on her over-controlling male partner who limited her activities outside the relationship. When things ended, she considered him a dope who guided her towards a life less lived.

 

I am a newbie in all this, but it seems to me
1) Consent is key to relationships
2) Psychology knowledge can be used for both noble and dark purposes
3) Both men and women can be susceptible to the application of psychology knowledge. (

I suggest turning the gender in the original question around. Should the answer be different when the genders are reversed? It may not be exactly the same, but I suspect that consent and purpose matter in answering the question proposed. Without considering those two elements, the question is unanswerable.

On a personal level, I would not mind "Using their lust against them" as long as there is consent and the application is made with noble intent.

As a newbie, I could have fallen in with many different Dommes. I am glad that there are so many with noble intent here.

Thank you for asking the question. Many of the responses are insightful to a newbie.

 

I think that this has been happening since the beginning of time for human beings. It is the natural order of things.

 

I think this is all fair game, because being nervous and excited and a little scared when your keyholder takes stricter control of chastity is all part of the experience we crave and sign up for.

The only exception to that is Financial domination and blackmail. If you're ever taking money for the service i feel you're praying on another person's needs and desires, much the same way industry's like gambling do. Your exploiting something against them. That will never be something i can condone

 

It seems to me that in most marriages at least the the culture I am most familiar the feminine part of the couple is usually the one in control of most aspects with or without chastity.

I don't think many men have any issue of having their efforts encouraged with innuendo, promises of untold pleasures in the form of reward, may it be sexual attention in whatever form it takes. In this dynamic a woman's choices are far more wide ranging than a vanilla one just involving plain old sex. Sexual attention can take the form of ANYTHING in a males twisted mind ranging from a good hard spanking to tease and denial to normal sex, and there are sooooooo many things that can be an alternative to traditional sex that lies inbetween.

I think that in most cases the problem lies with the female FEELING like she shouldn't be using her feminine energy to make the most of a relationship. It seems to be built into our culture that this is somehow wrong and possibly even sluty. However that in itself is perverted, its not about getting the most out of her man, rather its about what makes a dynamic work and be fruitful to both parties. Happy wife happy life, happy, denied in the right way (ie not locked and forgotten) husband will try even harder. There is a lot of latent energy in a sexually fueled dynamo, and if harnessed in the right way a relationship can really flourish, be unbreakable and be very powerful. Without, well...maybe things are relatively flat.

At least for me being a masculine sub to my partner, I love nothing more than being under her spell, willing to do anything she asks of me. its a precious thing, and I do not give that gift to anyone else. We dont live together, rather a few KMs away but if she tells me she has run out of something, I WILL and have gone out in the middle of the night just to get them for her. I have never done that for any one else, not even my ex wife (not to the same degree anyway). Mistress does know I will climb a mountain for her I dont always get it right tho of course which is why I often have a very red bum

There are always going to be examples of abuse of power but that is always going to occur hopefully in the minority. For a male in chastity there does have to be an element of trust in their partner.

By the same token it also takes a fair amount of effort from the female to stay interested and keep the dynamic alive.

Like any relationship there is a give and take....even in this dynamic.

Nar I love it

 

Yes, that's a good general rule.

 

Dear Lucy, Dear All

Let us watch it from a different angle and for a moment let chastity completely aside.

In how many vanilla relationships exactly this is happening ?
The woman might have some wishes but her man is glued to his couch and own interests. How often will it be sex that is used to get those wishes fulfilled ?
Is that despicable ? No for me this is sad.

Now we get a new „setup“....
The man (no matter is alpha or beta) is a little kinkster and get‘s contact with chastity...
Maybe he‘s lucky and his partner shares that kink and both start into a little voyage of which none of both yet knows where it‘ll take them.
At one point we reach the Question where Madam has realized that quite some of her wishes will be granted by the magic of „controlling“ the lust of her man.
Well wait, is she taking „advantage“ in that moment, or does she make some wonderful presents to the man she controls or is it both ?
I think the answer to your question depends a lot on the character of the controlled man.

Taking advantages out of this if done with a characterly weak sub that just would do everything not to loose his domme...well that has a sour taste.
Taking advantages of a strong minded guy who very well knows and realized what is just happening then (for me) it is like pouring sugar allover a relationship (may it be a serious one or also just playful)
For me (and I am quite an alpha tiger), when my wife „uses it“ it sends shivers up and down, but it gives a former „normal“ everyday routine this sweet special taste, mostly even opens the door for me to be a real man, a gentleman.
The orgasms may have become less, but when happening they are unexpected and have a quality you don‘t want to miss anymore.
My behaviour towards females has changed and that is another present you get; as the females have very good antennas and mostly appreciate men with manners, etc, etc...
To sum it up:
If I have to buy a new pair of high heels because my Domme told me to do so, it probably won‘t make me very happy.
But if I buy her the same pair of shoes cause I saw her shining eyes when discovering them, then it is not taking advantages anymore - it is just happiness for both sides the perfect present.

 

I think that a mans lust is a powerful energy that can be channeled, using chastity, into good and useful things.

 

Taking advantage of someone, in my eyes, has a negative connotation to it. It means you are abusing your power over someone who has not consented to it.

In a D/s dynamic, 'taking advantage of' should not occur as before any arrangements were made limits were discussed and both parties should have consented to whatever is happening beforehand.
If the Domme takes advantage of a sub in a manner not discussed before, she is out of line and not a Domme but an abuser.

However, with informed consent a lot of things can be permissble to do that would otherwise not be done in a relationship. Like making your sub work for you, or do tasks for you without expectation of a reward just because the dynamic that allows this was agreed upon. That is not taking advantage, even though some outsiders would say letting someone work for you is taking advantage of them no matter what.

The point is, if the sub had a choice to agree, he is not being taken advantage of.

 

Hi! New around here,... just wanted to say,..,.before I disagree too harshly, I guess there is for me, depending on how it’s happening, but, a difference between findom / blackmail,.. and taking money for a service. Taking money for a service is perfectly acceptable to me, sex work is work. Why should a skilled artisan not charge for their service? But, real blackmail is another kettle of fish, I guess it comes back to consent.