For decades of our marriage my wife and I had what I thought was a good sex life. We would go to bed, have 30 seconds of foreplay and I'd jump on and pound with my big dick till I came. If she got off it was very cool but if not i wasnt too concerned and would soon be dead to the world, the sleep after a good cum, she never complained. My wife must have laid there many times staring at the ceiling in a pent up state yearning for that sweet release. Tonight we took a steam together with wine, washed each other, exfoliated each other with sugar scrub, laughed and touched. We cuddled on the couch and watched an old romance. Both of us were ready to make love and could feel the urgency. We touched and petted and she had me go on top and grind against her vulva. She batted my boobs and tweaked my nipples. Soon I was getting close to orgasm as I could tell she was too. Just before I came she tightened up and let out a gasp. She had the first big orgasm followed by two others but when the orgasms hit she quit tweaking my boobs, . I cant cum unless my boobs get played with anymore so I was in limbo land. She was spent as the hot steam, wine, having worked in the garden together all day as well as the late hour and I could tell we were done. Its 3 am and I'm laying here pent up writing on here and she is sleeping, snoring like someone who had a good cum.
It's amazing to look back now and wonder why I thought that sex was good because *I* had an orgasm. It is so much better now to see both parties getting satisfaction, even if mine wouldn't have previously been considered satisfaction. Great to see you and your marriage are evolving.
My wife is kinda the opposite. Well, she's complicated. I have always been super turned on by the sound of her climax. I make it a point to make sure she gets at least two when we do piv. She's not a big fan of oral. So it turns out she doesn't always want to have multiple orgasms or even have one. She would enjoy a good quickie in the shower. Less mess she says. But now she's discovered how "clean" chastity can be and seems to get off just fine by strap on. So I may not get to experience that awesome post climax sleep for a while....
I guess I'm (was) lucky, my wife is very orgasmic! She usually gets 2 or 3 orgasms to my 1. I have always made sure she was satisfied when we were intimate. She usually had 2 before I was allowed in her. if I didn't get her off she always told me there was unfinished business. I even brought her to a orgasm once just playing with her breasts. Unfortunately for me, between diabetes and menopause all that has ended!
I suspect the one thing most men don’t realize is how much “duty sex” is involved in a relationship. Once I figured this out, I told my wife that I never want sex out of duty. It is my job to make certain that if we have any kind of sex, it is because she wants it. How does this tie into chastity? Well, since I am not allowed to self pleasure at all, my sexual release is dependent on getting her aroused enough to want to gift me some pleasure as well. By cutting myself off from “duty sex,” I too find myself staring at the ceiling some nights as she falls asleep satisfied and exhausted. As an aside, perhaps someday we will hear how this trigger developed. I think it is a wonderful limitation to endure for her.
This is very familiar to me!! My wife also isn't big on oral, and with us, sex has always about giving her an orgasm, and not worrying about me. Once she discovered how clean and reliable strap-on sex is (with me wearing the strap-on) she wanted traditional piv, less and less. My keyholder is a good friend of ours that I've known in the local bdsm scene for 15 years...and when she wanted me more fully chaste, and totally denied piv sex, my wife was good with that arrangement, and that was it for me with piv sex. If I'm totally focused on creating and sharing my wifes orgasm, I do get some actual physical relief, much as I did when we had traditional sex, so there is that, but she's gotten to like having me all worked up afterwards.
You are right, I think a lot of marriages have a lot of duty sex. We stopped doing duty sex at least 10 years ago. i stopped masturbating without permission about 5 years ago. I do the same thing as you, I abstain even if I am not locked, but we use a device occasionally partly for fun and partly to reinforce the idea of male chastity. When I am locked, it is for at least two weeks.