How To Get Your Partner More Involved

Thank You for taking the time to write this all down and share it here for all of us @Mistress Jules

 

So very true, thanks for taking the time to put this together and share it with us.

 

Thanks! your points are so obvious, and yet so often overlooked by us males.

Most of us (men) just need to slow down a bit, and let our women now that they are a special and precious gift. That dosen't mean that we grovel at their feet, and deny who we are. But we DO need to show them just how special they are to us.

INMHO your suggestions is an excellent way to start. The rest of it will work itself out in the grand scheme of life...

 

Mistress Jules I Could not agree more! I can’t believe the difference the things you speak of have made in our marriage. I gave up watching porn a little over 3 years ago and that was the single biggest event in our marriage since our son was born. Once the cloud porn had created was gone I started making an effort to understand what turned my wife on and I awkwardly forged ahead until it felt and became natural. Now my amazing wife Kadira is doing the same for me and is taking the lead in our marriage. She is not a natural dominant but she is making an honest effort to learn the art of dominance. She is finding her way and it looks nothing like a porn video and that is just fine with me.

 

I think that most women lack confidence, particularly about sex, and even more if it involves kink. Most relationships and media do more to create insecurity rather than build confidence.

And, in my experience, being a Keyholder, does require a bit of confidence.

 

We often joke about the unofficial motto of this place being "careful what you wish for."

This could be the official motto.

 

It's kind of like some sort of Jedi training. The more you relax and submit and let it be about your Mistress, the more you might get back.

 

Good advice as always @Mistress Jules

 

Once again the Queen has spoken. Your words should be memorized by everyone that wants their spouse to get more involved. Thanks @Mistress Jules

 

The simple answer to this question is.

READ POST #1 BY MISTRESS JULES

The answer is clear

 

Hmm. I'd like to believe you, but a lifetime spent reading porn magazines, erotica, and more recently watching videos and Tumblr, tell me completely the opposite.

Since there's a multi billion dollar porn industry telling me otherwise, I'm going to assume that they must know what they're talking about. I'm sure they wouldn't make those movies if it weren't true.

 

Think about what you just posted. Porn movies made by Men for Men
What does a women want ? Yes porn can be important to women but in a different way than it is to men.

 

Mash, I suspect it was sarcasm

 

I could probably count on one hand the number men I know that DON'T/HASN'T looked at and fantasized over porn.

On the other hand I could probably count on one hand the number of women that DOES/HAS looked at porn on her own accord.

I agree that for the most part the porn industry is ran by men and their target demographic is males from puberty to death-bed.

I have no facts to back this up. It's just my opinion, for what it's worth...

 

@Mistress Jules I am 95% on board with what you have written, but I'm a contrarian and I like to question things. I think there are many men, myself included who have tried this line of thinking and it hasn't increased their partners interest. Then they double down thinking if I'm more romantic and more attentive, she's sure to notice and want to be more intimate with me. Then it still doesn't happen.

As an example I'm back out of chastity again and having sex with my wife. Regardless of my behavior we tend to have sex two times a week. If she's feeling naughty we bump up to three and if she's not we might do 1 or none. I can be a prince and bring her flowers, massage her feet, listen to her troubles and cuddle her to sleep every night. I can be obsessed with work, go out drinking with the boys and ignore my honey do list. It still ends up being about the same. The reason is that's the amount of sex she wants to have. Even in chastity I would almost always service her twice a week.

I have yet to see any correlation between my actions and her overall interest. Now the exact opposite is true in the moment. Being crude or grabby can ruin an intimate moment, while a passionate kiss and light fingernails running up the back can stoke the fire.

I think your advice on how to treat your (female) partner is spot on and really good advice. I think if someone is expecting that it will change interest or sexual activity, they are likely in for a let down. The reward is in treating someone you love the way they deserve to be treated.

 

Miss L-U-C-Y,
Sometimes learning what she wants so we can do what she wants is half the battle for us guys. It takes a LOT of trust and confidence building to get some women comfortable communicating their expectations and quite a bit more for them to be able to demand that those expectations be satisfied.

As all of this unfolds, I think two things tend to happen. First, patience (on the part of us guys) tends to be in short supply. Second, as we wait through that vacuum of communication we tend to fill in the blanks with what we THINK she wants. Since we are who we are, we project our desires and conflate ours with hers; thus, it becomes all about us. Again.

You, Miss L-U-C-Y, are an already confident Domme and you demonstrate on a regular basis that you have no difficulty communicating what you want. I think many guys here would be grateful for your advice on getting our wives/girlfriends/keyholders to your level of confidence so they can be creative and play for their own reward as comfortably as we imagine you do.

Jamie

 

But how do we know what She wants Goddess Lucy?

 

Thank you for writing this down... for sure we all know this somehow... but often our brains and emotions tell us to do other things.... often due to the porn and media we've seen... but if we really look at our wifes... we should know you're completely right

Great summary

Take care of her, and sometimes we simply can ask... but talking about emotions is often a barrier for us

 

I could not agree with you more. If it was not for my persistence/patience it never would have happened, It took 2 1/2 years for us to move the needle. During that time I questioned myself many many times. I could not figure out what was holding her back and when I would ask her she would simply say I don’t know and not want to talk about it anymore. I treated that 2 1/2 years like a test I could not fail, so I waited patiently for her to figure out what she wanted.

 

I agree with all the advice and wish to add my thanks also, I would put it that way there is a choir being preached to but for the benefit of a much wider congregation!

One note of caution from my own experience: be prepared to be told she wants nothing. Be prepared to be told things are fine as they are and no change is wanted or necessary or likely. Someone up thread suggested sex in weekly terms (or servicing); my wife has been two and a half years without any sexual activity and has said she can't foresee a time when she might want some - we are not that old - so just a note of caution that following this excellent advice may still do nothing.

 

The most usual way for me to help my Wife become aroused is to help her do some gardening. She loves pottering around in the garden and loves me helping her. It doesn’t mean she will be aroused but I can guarantee if I said no she would definitely Not become aroused.

 

So true and down to earth! Now if the guys out there really want this to happen my advice is to offer your significant other to turn this into a fantasy you can do together, not a lifestyle and just see where it goes.