121 days.

And I think you are mistaken if someone doesn’t experience pleasure through receiving joy…
We can agree to disagree.

I stand by my wording.

I just think, Criticising other people is better done in private rather than in public, to their face rather than behind their back, when we ourselves are free from the fault we are criticizing, and when we can honestly say that our motive is a desire to help the person.

 

Oh, we are. I wasn’t being critical at all. Read my response as if it’s said to a friend.

 

No, no. Thats not what you did, you suggested I was shallow. A product of the times.

Obviously, being as shallow as I am, I am incapable of understanding the simple concept of semantic change… maybe ChatGBT could explain it to me .

It just a shame that we can’t all use niche words in a manner they were not intended (eg. Dichotomy) and be allowed to move on without criticism…
Some may call that hipocrisy, but I guess it’s just a product of the times.

 

84 days to go…

Maroon 5

A couple of nights ago my wife and I had of those evenings where everything just collides perfectly and delivers jaw-droppingly intense eroticism. Passionate. Wild. All with one purpose in mind.

It ended with her in my arms telling me she loves me.

It was certainly a pivotal moment in our journey together…

I’ll come back to it when I feel like sharing again

 

81 days to go…

Christmas

Christmas has been incredible but exhausting. That’s about all I have to say as I fight off the still growing fatigue.

The 22nd brought about one of the most passionate evenings we have experienced in a long time, even without ejaculating it had sapped the last of our sexual energy. There was a natural, normality to the way she requested the strapon, this appears to be her favoured way these days. What I didn’t expect was the manner in which it played out once it had straddled around my hips. Effortless love making.

It left her sated for the duration of the festive peak, whereas I was left only with unmistakable horny, desperation… yet, now, I was suffering from a clear lack of energy and time to harness this in the proper manner. Whether through obligation as my wife asked just how long it has been, or whether she could sense the need to reduce my advances somewhat, on Boxing Day my wife delivered some relief. Sitting at my feet she inserted the rotating massager, “I love this toy.”

I don’t share her enthusiasm for it. There’s a harshness of delivery from its motions; functionally beautiful. It does exactly as it is intended to… semen poured from me as she stroked two bullet vibrators over my legs and brushed her feather wand across my chest. Without her caring caress, soft kisses or closeness it just feels colder. A stark contrast to the heated connection we created just a few days ago…

Either way, we can now relax a little as we recoup ourselves over the next few weeks.


A decision to be indecisive

On the big day I received my chastity themed Christmas present, and with it I finally understand just how our situation will play out over the next year.

What is this incredibly thought out concept my wife had come up with I hear you ask…

A coin!

Albeit an intricately carved wooden coin with our names on each side.

“We’ll flip and we’ll see who decides how long you’ll be locked for.” She told me.

It’s so logic-defyingly, fucking simple it baffles me that I didn’t see this as the perfect course. There will apparently be limits to the times we suggest (I don’t think she’s decided what they are yet) and there was no discussion on time limits of freedom; I think she’s under the belief that these will be minimal. I may surprise her with my first decision!

 

I wouldn’t say I don’t like it… I actually have a fondness for it based on the role it played in opening up that side of things for us. A prostate only orgasm or milking was something we wanted to achieve in our earlier chastity days. This toy was the key that opened that door (once we realised that it works better without the vibrations). On that basis I would 100% recommend.

Now it’s so easy for us to get to that without the pressure of it all, it’s nicer to relax and enjoy each other while these things play out. She wasn’t deliberately keeping her touch from me, she LOVES the bullet vibes and feather tickler (especially on her lower regions) and I feel she was trying to replicate this for me… I would have been happier if she had just laid with me and held me to be fair.
She’d actually planned to peg me. She’d told me as much. Even with that I really just enjoy her hands against me as she goes to work. Guess this was just an easier option given the hectic festive schedule.

I get the certain impression she as happy with it all either way. Joking this morning that I had put a fresh towel in the wash and loudly asking why?
I definitely needed the release, I was probably little less hands on this morning for it, but that allowed her the space to become an instigator of intimacy.

This works for us for sure.

I’ve got a few more months or so… and then there’s 50% chance I can ask for some freedom. That’s going to keep me going for a while.

 

Exactly that. By that time though, I feel I’d like to know what her thoughts are. I guess I’m secretly wishing that it falls on her decision…

Yet, there is part of me that hopes it falls on my decision, in which case I’d take a few days from the cage (If thats within of her ruling of the coin) and then hope it falls in her decision after the break…

Overthinking that second scenario, it could imply to her that I’m not enjoying the cage as much as if I do and influence her to give less time than she wants . I should definitely stop thinking about the outcomes before they occur.

Honeslty, I couldn’t have thought of a better way to go about it. It keeps things open to possibilities and fresh, whilst taking away any pressure to be in control. You just have to own your decision.

It was quite nice really. To have it personalised and hand made before she mounted it in a little jewellery box. It feels special.

 

79 days to go…

A shallow man’s sacrifice…

I haven’t given a lot of mental energy towards the potentiality of varying chastity lifestyles lately, but as my fate is now carved into the hands of material objects, and the requiem for my life of fantasy transcends into a far greater, yet simpler existence, I feel it’s time for some more ramblings on subjects that have made me pause in a little thought.

Over the last hour or so I have been pondering to myself on why haven’t I requested longer periods of denial? Why I have not expressed a need for longer and longer periods without orgasm. Indeed, on the flip of this coin, why doesn’t my wife want this?

Wouldn’t it be fun or even enlightening to experience weeks, months or possibly even a year of total denial? It would have to be self-imposed, there appears to be no scenario in which a man can be subjugated to total orgasm control. Why isn’t this something that would fit within my relationship?

I imagine the possibilities of awakening myself through orgasm denial. Ascending through the spiritual states with ease as I haven’t had the agnostic urge to purge my minute testicular organs of vast quantities of bodily fluids. The journey to enlightenment achieved solely by not having a wank. Oh yes, that would be so simple.

Yet, these journeys take longer than this. Contentment according to Adyashanti could take up to 10 years! That’s a whole lot of not wanking to do… and honestly, I wonder, how much more content would I feel than I do now? Of course I could still ask for this, demand even, I could engineer the situation to fit my needs, but is that how a relationship works… do we commit ourselves to another and expect that our decisions should not impact upon them?

Thats definitely something I’ve been musing over.

The quest for enlightenment is a lonely journey. It has to be. There’s a reason that monks remain single. The ignorant cravings for such sexual acts only bring about a connection to the world. How does this work harmoniously within a relationship, where two conflicting ideologies do not fit within the same context. It feels to be an all or nothing mindset and simply, you cannot do this whilst intertwined in the needs of another. It would be selfish carry this out in a perfunctory manner, to impact someone else’s desires in the quest for your own personal glory that is inconsequential in terms of scientific factual studies.

We have evolved; there is no longer a need to procreate on a singular basis for the survival of the species. The human race will prevail regardless of the acts of a few, but pair bonding still lies deep within our genetics. Can we be at one with ourselves when we systematically try and rid the very core of who we are?

Once you have concluded yourself in that thought process, you then have to consider the undeniable….

Ejaculation is ubiquitous within any typical relationship. Regardless of our mindset the body will find a way. Would our souls descend if our dreams created a warm, salty mess? How far do we have to control our own thoughts? Is the subconscious within our own grasps?

10 years is a long time to try and figure that out. Over a tenth of a life-cycle in vain to rid ourselves of the guilt of simple pleasures.

So then what is the meaning of chastity if it is not to provide an awakening? The need to ejaculate is a primal urge that can be harnessed for lovingly respect to the male. It can harness to productivity within oneself, but do we have to be unhappy with ourselves to actually start on this path? That’s a strange concept. I know the answer that lies within, for me anyway, I want this lifestyle to correct my overbearing need to be on it. It’s working. I have achieved contentment in life without the need to feel my orgasms are controlled by another… It remains as I do not feel confident that I could control that urge myself. I know I couldn’t. It occurred to me today that I haven’t even perused a naked body on the internet in the last week, yet my sexual desire when my wife is around is at an all time high. Commitment through a caged penis, that’s it in its simplicity. To look upon another woman with lust is to commit adultery within the heart. Chastity keeps me grossly more faithful than I ever realised.

In terms of my situation, my mind wanders to lesser known acts of female orgasm. Should I restrict myself I also feminist her desires What purpose would that serve? Do hormonal cycles work in the same way? It’s clear they don’t. Female chastity appears to have originated long ago. Knights of honour feeling they couldn’t trust their wives as they went gallivanting around the globe… is that how the modern day world should work? Enforced fidelity. Would my wife feel more aroused in the restriction? The female hormones building as time went on until she is a blubbering wreck in desperate need for a little more cock in her life? I think it’s clear that relationship factors play a far more crucial role in my other half’s need for sexual intimacy, one cage is enough… and only one of us needs to be denied in our climax. The ‘tick-tock’ of the biological countdown as it creeps slowly towards a hormonal displacement Is loud and should not be ignored. There is just sense in wasting the next 10 years, she doesn’t have that time. She should have as many pleasures as she wishes, and why the hell not?

But what are my wife’s triggers and what does my wife want?

I think of the massage I gave my wife last night gave a clear indication of her feelings towards ejaculation. Under the strict instruction to keep things PG I set to work. The form of her vagina framed in her tight white panties, and the obvious moistening as the evening progressed concluded that what she wanted initially wasn’t an accurate representation of her entirety. My warming arousal brought excitement, but as she fondled my genitals (just two days since she provided relief) my bodily urges freed themselves from my control. Like Pavlov’s dog, my semen was a trigger, pouring into her palm; the warm, salty ending instantaneously induced her own orgasm. (There were other forces at play, but that’s what got her). Yes, my wife loves it when I cum!

So there is a little part of me that wonders what complete orgasm denial would be like, and then there’s the opposing view in the other half of my life that presses more tightly than a chastity cage.

She wants me to cum. It would be selfish to take that away even if it’s not exactly the fantasy that I imagined, that’s a sacrifice I have to make.

I was wondering on this for a minute and I remembered what @knightly had said on a different thread.

What does it mean to win? Have I lost because I have compromised my abilities to have exactly what I want? Or do I win because I get to give someone happiness greater than they’ve known whilst also getting a lot of what I want?

Maybe the thought process was wrong, because when you flip it around in my situation for her to give me what I want, she would have to lose out entirely…

Anyway, life is about balance in all things. I feel like a winner. Enlightenment? It’s probably overrated anyway.

 

Still 79 days to go…

Oversized and wooden.

Walking around innocently in a crafts store, I noticed something sexual. It’s amazing how far my life has changed that I would consider this item of any significance when it comes to my sex-life. I peered at the large oversized dice and marvelled. I needed one of those… I had absolutely no idea of the purpose it would fulfill, but for some reason the dice has become an important tool in our life. Introduced once, used sporadically and then never really mentioned again… it was a fleeting experience that left little in the memory.

This one however, looked important!

I pondered on it for a while and I decided that I shouldn’t really bring it up, my wife, for all of her acceptance of chastity and everything it brings still doesn’t like it discussed at every given moment.

I popped it back down and turned to walk away.

“We need that.” My wife said, standing behind me for who knows how long, “get it.”.

I asked why and as she said “we can use it to…” we were interrupted by a hyperactive child. God kids are annoying! As this one was one of my own I had an obligation to entertain his stupidity, the conversation was ended but the dice was purchased.

£2 for an object that will have dramatic impact on the use of my penis. Technically, I’m one of the few people that have now purchased a sex toy from this outlet!

It turns out that’s my wife sees this as the perfect instrument to plug the gaps within her chastity life-plan. Each dot representing a day of freedom and rolled between our lock up coin flips, our life has been nudged further into the realms of serendipity.



This new instrument brought about a conversation about the last. The coin. “We need to set some limits. You won’t be happy when I say something silly like 8 months…”
No, that’s not a quote from me. That’s my wife. I’m a little worried just how much she is beginning to enjoy chastity again. She still holds this regard of having something for ‘us’. A typical exchange of my penis inside her… but when she finds out that after long term denial that act will solely become about me, what’s next?

I’m enjoying the thought of finding out… the hard way.

 

75 days to go…

I knew this was coming at some stage. A mixture of lacking intimacy, habituation, fatigue and the wrong time of the month all lead to one inevitable experience; that feeling of blah.

I don’t particularly long to be out of the cage as much as I don’t really care whether I’m in it. 5 days from any form of relief and I have no pent up desire at all!

The Christmas period has been long and tiring, now I’m on a break my body has crashed, sleep becoming my number one priority over any form of sexual behaviour. My wife’s request to massage her feet met with indifference and inadequate techniques.

Where I remain at home to relax, my wife returns to work. Still wiped out herself. Absence may make the heart grow fonder… but it certainly doesn’t make the penis grow harder. I need her around more to touch and feel, to stimulate my mind.

I’m feeling really accustomed to my current lack of vaginal entry… I considered this morning that I haven’t really longed for it. I feel that’s in a subconscious acceptance that it’s completely unavailable.

I’m aware that these feelings come in waves, in a few weeks it will hit me harder and the next few months may seem like a marathon, with time failing to tick by and seemingly at a stand still. Desperation will prevail.

For now, this is the least enjoyable of all chaste experiences.

 

After suffering through some of the worst experiences of my life and battling with (at times) severe and extreme depression, I wouldn’t trivialise my experiences by comparing them to orgasm denial. I understand the analogy, the lack of energy, clarity and feeling of fatigue with all things in life. They ring true. You could compare some these attributes to those of depression….

What a disease like that strips you of is the understanding of how things will ever be better than you have now. I understand the root causes of my dilemma in these circumstances, the problem with that is… how can you overcome interactions that extend beyond your control?
To me, accepting them as part and parcel of the everyday life is the only way, expressing them to others helps… allowing others to see that it happens to us all makes the experience fruitful.

The unalome is a nice idea of a journey. It has no representation of other life forces intermingling with your own. It’s almost farcical in suggesting that there will actually be a line of contentment. Shit happens. We have to deal with that everyday. Our position will never be stationary.

 

Apologies. I get prickly as I work with so many who talk of depression… barely out of their teens and have no clue of how cruel life can be. It gets my back up

Peace, harmony, enlightenment… it doesn’t matter, my journey is about finding contentment, so that’s how I refer to most things right now.