121 days.

Oh no, not another IB-chaste journal!

Sorry, you don’t have to read on but it’s been a while since I had a dedicated space to document my events and bore you with my ramblings… with 4 months of 24/7 lock down to go, I feel I need this to fill the void in my sex life! Or do I? Maybe my sex life will improve

Enjoy!


115 days to go….

I don’t really understand it, and therefore cannot explain this lock up at all. It’s all just… different. I think this boils down to, in part, the conversations we had prior to turning the screw for the last time for the foreseeable future. A poor spell between us provided a realisation that I need to be locked and when this came to a head we both let off some of our concerns to each other. Mostly in a heated fashion! I was annoyed that (once again) my wife had switched off to her home life, not just our sexual encounters but the time we have together as a family. It’s a common theme that when she is troubled or ‘bored’ that she defaults to life within her phone. She need that nudge to get her away from that setting … and this was more than a nudge, I drilled it home with a sledge hammer. I missed her soft touches and passionate kisses and I made sure she knew this. With everything else that has gone on (I discussed this previously) and the realisation that life can be short and cruel, the message appears to have hit home.

My wife on the other hand was perturbed that our sex life had become routine, confined, planned… we had become slaves to the lifestyle. I didn’t like to hear it as I enjoyed what we had, but she was right. I wouldn’t know she was right until now. Now that it has changed, but for sure she was right. This feels better.

We had lost sight on why we brought chastity into our lives. I can hold my hands up to this even more so than she can. We played with it as a kink, it remained as it was fruitful in our everyday lives. While she forgot the benefits in our day to day, I pushed the kink side harder. It was a slippery slope to her rejection and feelings of inadequacy. I hope we don’t make those mistakes in future.

I know that my wife had her doubts about the lock up, whether she would even be able to find real pleasure without her most prized instrument of arousal, but those concerns now seem ill thought out. Our sex life has become frequent but vanilla, caring and intimate with just a hint of more kink to arrive. It’s the perfect situation for a chaste man. That’s not just through a heated argument a couple of weeks before a lock down however, this change seems to be through something entirely different. As she sees it, I ‘chose’ to be locked and there is nothing I or she can do about it. There is no alternative scenario. This is it for 4 months. There doesn’t have to be a discussion about what I want from it, what she has to do or tease me in any sort of way. She doesn’t have to worry about removing me for stimulation and she’s resigned herself to a third of the year without intercourse…

There is absolutely no pressure on her to do anything!

I always doubted the three months that is advised in the ‘manuals’, but now it appears that there might be something in it. Once that decision is made everyone can just relax and focus on other matters at hand.

As she described it, as she fondled me over exuberantly before breaking the tension with a kiss and returning to her previous task, “I can touch you now. If I groped you before and didn’t do anything it’s cruel, now you know nothing will happen.”

And touch me she has. It feels like every time I’m in her presence she wants more of me… or much less, I can’t work that one out yet.

So how have things changed? Why is this different?

I suppose I can only give a contrasting example to what we had before. Gone now are any notions of rewards in an FLR based lifestyle. I only take up roughly 75% of the home based workload as opposed to the 97% I did before (ok, I’m making up percentages, but you get the idea!) She can feel content that she is contributing and in return there is no pressure to reciprocate this in sexual favours. In truth, we haven’t planned anything of this nature at all since I was locked up. It’s become ‘organic’ once again. Like the early stages of a relationship, where it feels novel, exciting and brings you closer together. you do it just because… you want to.

In the early stages of your relationship these typical exchanges result in intercourse, with the cage between us they play out slightly different but they’re very much similar.

An otherwise uneventful evening watching TV as I lay on my wife, I can hear the faint heartbeat through her pyjama top. I feel her warmth and revel in the tight physical intimacy that’s resulting from her arms around me. A playful stroke to her inner thighs does little to distract her, but as it continues the sense of her heart growing louder, faster, harder. Subtle changes to her breathing tell me she wants more. She’s becoming aroused through the most minor of wrist movements. I need little persuasion and engross myself in her smile as I remove her bottoms and kiss upwards to the gentle moistness of her private heaven. There is nothing else other than this and so I take my time, I savour her scent, her feel and taste of it all. I spend far longer in this than I ever would when I knew that I could break off enter her freely, when my own needs exceeded her own. I’m not fully successful and the evening is finished with her magic wand. A nuclear strike on her senses that never fails in its delivery. She is orgasmically satisfied while all I want in return is to hold her.

‘Big deal?! you stroked your wife’s leg and then went down on her’ … it might not sound like a fantasy to many, but when it hasn’t been this simple, this easy and natural in so long. This was epic!

As she so finely puts it, “I didn’t know I could be on the edge for so long. The vibrator doesn’t do that. It’s amazing.”

I’ve always been proud of my oral skills, but my wife has always struggled to allow it (and certainly in this scenario where she hadn’t even bathed before hand), she’s only climaxed once or twice this way. Her body does not respond totally just yet.

As she clicked the wand onto redundancy once more and my kisses on her neck recede, the metal instrument of confinement filling gap between our thighs is apparent.

“I bet you wish you could have sex with me!” (I should add that to ‘hot things your keyholder said.’)

I did, but also, I didn’t. In my mind everything is just clearer and more exciting when that is taken away. So I just said what I’d always say, a half-arsed retort that showed it was on her not me. (I’m a dick, I should think through how I act towards others). “I could if you ever let me use the dildo.”

Now, I’m expecting the ‘it’s not you’ sort of response I usually get… instead, she just says “Ok.”!

What?! I’m not going to say no to that… but before I could reach for it, go through the extravagance of putting it on and parading myself in my faux cock glory, she cuts me my thought process short… “but not now, when we’re in the zone again.”

So that’s how this works now, I have her permission. I don’t need to plan it in for next Tuesday, I’m not thinking it will be next time or that I have to do seventeen loads of washing and re-organise the garage to earn it. We can try it at some point because it’s fun.

And to summarise this whole pointless rambling, I asked her the difference with her now. Why she’s accepting pleasure and allowing these activities to take place?

“I just want to be more present and allow myself to just enjoy things.”

At last!

If she keeps this up, this is going to be a long 4 months!

 

114 days to go….

Responding to a journal thread I was considering how difficult it is to be with a partner that enjoys, but does not want to discuss sex. For most men, it would be a challenge, for ones kept in chastity and hyper charged by our hormones this becomes even more difficult… I responded and just kept on writing. So here’s another ramble:

My wife has been really enjoying the situation, she’s expressed this somewhat without detailing exactly what (other than a few remarks). It makes me want to talk about it even more, but by doing so I add pressure and make the experiences less enjoyable. The longer that situation goes on the harder it becomes to not talk about it…

Learning to just enjoy and not over analyse my wife’s thoughts on our sex life is going to be my biggest challenge. To direct my discussions in a positive manner without detracting from her enjoyment and creating a burden of the ‘lifestyle’. I wait for an opening and say little. Yesterday was one of those situations, she was kissing me (passionately, it’s her new thing these days) just because she was seeing me for the first time that day… she could feel my cage against her and said “you can’t do anything with that.”

I wanted to detail and plan all the things we could do instead, how we could ‘elevate’ this already perfect dynamic we have created. You know: lead it into kinkier surroundings. Knowing how that makes her feel I was instead just honest about how things are. That’s something that’s really taking work for me; accepting that my current situation is exactly what I want and to stop thinking of it as ‘my journey’ down any rabbit hole or more. I am exactly where I want to be.

I thought about the sexual enjoyment I have been receiving (honestly, I’d been thinking about it all day!) and just told her about my fantasies. Or more specific the effects of my cage on my fantasies… they have all but gone. I don’t desire anything more than to put my tongue against her again, to bring her the levels bliss she has received just a few days prior. I topped this sentiment off with a little healthy dose of reality; only when she’s in the mood. Her enjoyment of sex has now fully succeeded any direction of thoughts to anything other than that….

I feel like I have finally arrived. The Chastity Superman I always should have been. I’ve learned a lot in the last few years, there’s been highs and lows, but the ultimate lesson is learned in the final rejection. Like the illustrated version of the Man of Steel himself, his real ‘kryptonite’ is not an element from another planet, it’s the rejection of the human race. For me that race is smaller, it consist of my wife and a few children, they are the ones who matter to me. So when she begins to reject a truly defining act that has only benefitted us outside of the bedroom until now. That’s when the situation hits home… that’s when I knew I needed to take a look within myself; to ask the questions of why we are doing this? Where does the true power lie?

I concluded that the real power of chastity is in what it can do for your partner, not in the return of her enjoyment. More so; the return in enjoyment is in what it can do for her…

That’s when the lifestyle really comes alive.

What you can do doesn’t necessarily comprise of sex acts or acts of service outside of the bedroom, it’s just being more present. More understanding. Caring. There’s no right or wrong answers in the equation, there’s no answer that will translate between relationships. There’s no answers that will live with longevity. Only by being present in the moment can you understand what your partner needs from you at that time. That changes. Chastity helps to retain that focus.

My wife still doesn’t understand it, will she ever? I don’t know. It’s hard to understand unless you look for the subtle changes, the small difference in your feelings and how you react more positively to each and every situation. Unless she really wanted to analyse this (and she doesn’t) she will always just have to accept that it ‘works’. I think that’s mostly because of who I am, I find conveying my emotions or desires eloquently very difficult to do when I don’t have time to think them through. A conversation around confrontations at work lead my wife to a simple on the spot question, “Do you like to be locked up just so we don’t argue?”

I laughed it off, ‘it’s not just that’, but how could I summarise 100 changing factors in a succinct understandable manner? How can I describe how I just feel better and why when in all honesty, I don’t even understand it myself. No, she will never ‘get’ it, I’m not so sure I will either…

One thing that I’ve been trying hard to really fathom is this simple change in my wife. Over the past few nights I’ve been tossing and turning. I’ve had to get up and walk off erections. I’ve moisturised and agonised, no longer accustomed to the cage compressing my sexual organ… in the past any disturbance in sleep would be unwelcome. Met with frustration or anger. Instead, I find that my wife acknowledges the struggle. She places her hand on me, strokes my back or takes my hand in hers. It’s like a mother comforting a sick child (if that wasn’t weird). I’m starting to wonder now if she sees this difficulty as something I do for her. She may not get it, but does is she understanding that it’s no longer a one sided journey. That this truly is for us. Without the pressure of any form of kink, what is left is purer. Selfless. Loving.
That thought scares me somewhat, she joked… maybe, it’s hard to tell as she never discusses our sex life with real depth (hence this post starting!)… that she “was over not having that now.” ‘That’ being my penis! If she genuinely understands the situation 4 months may just be the start to something far more substantial. I’m trying not to over think that…
Maybe she just feels guilty as she locked me up. Who knows?!

 

Can’t argue with that!

 

113 days to go…

Foxing

“I don’t need you now.” My wife said as she pulled the blindfold from her eyes and covered her cooling body under our comfy blanket.

There was probably an element of truth in that, but I get the sense that she was joking, perhaps playing up to the fantasy of my caged life. It’s hard to tell considering the scenario. My wife had writhed in pleasure and quaked under the intensity of her own orgasm. She had enjoyed this new experiment whereas It wasn’t like typical sex for me. I had already gained permission to use the harness and dildo and had mentally checked myself in to ensure that our next exchange wasn’t reliant or purely revolving around it.

I massaged her for what seemed like an hour or more without discussing anything as such, but when she turned over I received the responses that this was in fact going to be far more enjoyable than I had intended. I didn’t want her to feel that ‘pegging’ her was my sole aim. I don’t even know if that’s the right phrase for what occurred, I guess in this instance I’ll have to fall back on the reliable chastity philosophy of Tom Allen; I decided it was time to reinstate our trial of “foxing”. I asked almost politely if I should get the diIdo.

There was no verbal acknowledgement to my question, just a coy nod of the head.

I strapped it on and bathed in the strange reflection before me (I’m sure I’ve mentioned I placed the mirrors to heighten my own sexual experience!). It was odd, I know it’s not my penis, that much was obvious due to the straps pressing against my hips, but it had a certain resemblance that could almost be mistaken for my own. It could probably do with an ever so slightly darker skin tone… but no: this looked like mine.

My wife was fortunate (I can say that now knowing she enjoyed it) that I hadn’t disposed of it, it was only because it was brand new and sealed that I felt it too worthy to discard with our other unused sex toys. The previous one had a manufacturing issue and split slightly after a couple of uses… that’s what I told lovehoney, I may have attached it to the harness in the wrong manner. A replacement was sent and this new Virgin dildo was about to make its grand entrance….

But first… I checked myself again and tried to forget about my new phallus and instead went about pleasuring my wife in ways I had recently achieved at the start of this week. If I was uncaged and erect my own needs would have ‘forced’ me to breeze over the pleasurable foreplay and focus on my own destiny. I had suggested foxing in a way to overcome my guilt of restricting her access to my penis for so long, if that was to be a reality I had to give the best possible experience. She had to enjoy this as of it was one of her most important occasions and I imagined just the one. Our wedding night.

When my tongue ached and I could do no more and my hands crunched in her straining grip, I took the plunge. Moving on top of her as if this was all just normal. I handed her the wand as I guided this contraption carefully inside her. I couldn’t feel the motion of myself, I was taking it steady, sliding gently, unknowing of the depths of my own insertion. I did reach down a few times to check that the dildo was doing exactly what it should… if anything it was doing it far better. Journeying into chastity has taken away my stamina, prevented intercourse in this manner. There are pauses, restriction of depth and careful consideration of movements to ensure I don’t climax. Now I could take her as if none of that ever occurred. The dildo slid effortlessly and deeply within her before being drawn back and starting its journey once more. With each thrusts I could feel my end of the dildo pushing my caged penis, it made this experience on the whole far more enjoyable than using Emla cream. The visual overload of my wife enjoying this foreign object strapped around my waist and her hands holding mine as her pelvis rotated and her stomach squeezed itself inwards through climax, without ever feeling like I was actually doing anything I was close to the edge of my own orgasm. It was a new, completely muted bliss.

She of course, now knows she doesn’t need the real me! We have tried this scenario, and I don’t know if I just went about it better this time, or there is a resignation that we have no other option, but before she’s always decided that “I know it’s not you.” Now, her conclusion after reviving herself from the overload of climax is, “It was good to be blindfolded, I just imagined it was you!” Followed with her ever so present words of restriction, “but don’t think you can do that every time, I wouldn’t let you have sex with me that often if your didn’t have your cage and this is no different.”

Even if she doesn’t need to strapon every time to heighten the experience, for me I enjoyed this. I don’t feel left out in the way I sometimes do as I’m replaced with her wand. I feel involved, but in no way does it replace the real thing, if anything it makes me crave it even more.

 

Still 113 days to go….

Today’s unsexual rambling is based on a topic that I’ve been thinking on for a while. It’s a potential factor in why I am witnessing such drastic changes in my relationship. To be clear, there probably isn’t much change at all. It’s all very subtle. The changes are minuscule, subtle, and you really have to look for them… but the changes in the feelings that are associated with these slight changes, well they are rather more drastic. There is a huge sense of contentment running through me right now. Is that because I’ve now been locked down for a very, very long period of time? Or does this go deeper? Is Chastity just aiding me in changing my perception, my behaviours and facilitation of me becoming a better person.

There’s two factors to this change. The first one was an event that happened around me, but its impact was far greater than I would realise.

The second factor was the discussions with my wife, a chance misunderstanding of a word and a self diagnosis of ‘compulsive sexual disorder.’


The value of life.

So this is the main reason I decided to make changes. Decided isn’t the right word, I reflected on what I had and appreciated what I have in my family, my wife and the joy she brings to me.

It could have all been so much different.

The events that surrounded me I have discussed before, briefly. A colleague taking his own life. We weren’t close, he didn’t work for me long enough to gain that bond that his passing could affect me by simply occurring. However, attempting to deal with the aftermath, consoling my workforce and communicating with his parents had a huge impact.

At 29 he had his whole life ahead of him. I know that now, but when I was his age (30) I attempted the same thing… I wasn’t successful. I think back to my sliding doors post about how situations can be so much different, I think to how my parents life could have been of this situation had gone the same way. Hearing the impact that has had on so many people around me, on his parents and thinking to how that could have been my own… well. I should feel remorseful I guess, but instead I finally understand that I have moved past that stage in my life. It could have ended terribly, but instead I have a chance to really bring happiness to others. I should be thankful for everything that I have and have a duty to make the most of that. My world starts and ends, as always, with my wife. Bringing happiness to her and curbing my own experiences to fit seamlessly with her pleasure. That’s something that’s on the top of my agenda. Thankfully, that’s something I now have a better understanding of thanks to our arguments and the second factor on all of this.


Self diagnosis

Apologies if you have read some of this before, I commented on another thread and it made me realise I had much more to say. Whether anyone is interested is another concern I guess. It was from a chance reading of another post that I came across the term ‘hyper sexual’, ordinarily I would have just skipped past this assuming someone had given themselves a novel description. As things stood with my wife at the time and she had commented on my sexual behaviour being an addiction I looked it up and had my second minor epiphany this month. I read into ‘compulsive sexual disorder.’ That was a lightbulb moment for me, it was like looking into a mirror… and fuck me, once I saw it for what it is it’s shameful. My wife always used to say that I’m obsessed with sex, the chastity is just another outlet for that. I had switched one addiction for another and hear it was in writing, I had a problem. I need to accept that and do what I can to eliminate the pro alms or causes.

There was a symptom that struck a chord:

• You have trouble making and keeping healthy and stable relationships.

I didn’t realise just what a problem this ‘addiction’ is, but that made me think to all the times that my sexual needs have become a problem in my relationships. There was a lot of examples I could reflect upon, mostly driven by the scenes I have viewed in pornographry or offshoots of those sorts of adventures. Everything is escalated by the use of porn.

In my past I was adventurous, at the time I thought this was fantastic, I have stories for any given occasion. I have experiences that I will never forget, but as I reflect on them now I find myself feeling that everything could have been so much worse, that my life has been dramatically impacted on by my fundamental need to compulsively live out my desires. I wasn’t always married and I didn’t know back then about what sort of issues this can cause…

Just a few examples from my (now categorised) disturbing past include 3 one-night conquests in 4 nights. Bragging rights back then, being a sex addict is fun. Could have been worse if I caught something. An orgy with my best friend and a few people we met on a night out. Great times. Didn’t know these people and frankly could have been much worse than having my wallet emptied or… that time that I slept with a Co-worker while her partner was upstairs. That was pretty immoral. Only that one had lasting effects. Job reputation for one, child support for a very long time.

That’s the sort of guy I was! I have worse examples I haven’t shared but I don’t really want to be that person right now and don’t feel the need to go into too much. I know I can be more than my sexual prowess. I am lucky. Chastity does stop my porn enjoyment, but it doesn’t wholly restrict my sexual motivation. That will take work on another level.

These impulses still have complications with how my wife feels in the long term. That feeling that I’ll never be satisfied, that she can never be enough. That’s something that will linger for a long time. Although, I have no aim to throw chastity from our household for now, or is aiding in my quest to find… shall I say inner peace?… contentment is probably more accurate. I just don’t want to be the guy that constantly feels the grass could be greener. My lawn is pretty sweet! Yet, with my sexual appetite, I was tarnishing it.


How could I do things better, how could I stop this interfering with the rest of my life? The work I do now is to ensure that these sexual compulsions are harnessed and conveyed in a more acceptable and positive way for my wife. To be pure.

Well it started positively in the manner in which I was locked down. I had suggested to my wife that we have sex at least one more time before this and so I knew when this would be. That said, despite my love of being locked just in general and my overwhelming desire to just be on it. I didn’t jump straight into the act. I could have easily, but with my new found understanding of the importance of all things I waited until the moment felt right. When she was in the mood, in that space where she really wanted it… we didn’t have sex. We made love.

Shortly after she screwed the lock shut for some time. I don’t worry that we won’t do that again, I know we will at some point, but why put pressure on thinking it will be in 4 months, setting a date for it to happen and making sure we go through with it. I have that memory, it was an amazing evening and watching her turn that screw is something I can treasure. It was not about kink. It’s was a necessity… how big of a necessity is not something I’ve shared with her, I just hope she feels the difference as much as I am.

Curbing my gluttonous appetite and replacing it with meals I can saviour is something I genuinely want to get better at. Fasting and crash dieting are easy fixes, this is now about changing lifetime habits. Delivering a healthy, balance to my wife while I restrict my own intake… that’s a real challenge.

I tried to discuss these concepts with my wife, telling her of my aim to reduce my sexual needs to a level closer to normal… her response “I didn’t sign up for a therapy course.” I guess this is going to be my own personal journey. That overall will make it far more satisfying if I can get to the other side as the man I want to be.

 

Thank you. I don’t know if it’s grief or a difficulty or just the closeness to home… but there definitely has been a reassessment by both us in our own ways. We both seem different. I know on my part, and it feels the same from her that we understand the importance of each other in this moment of our lives.

 

The four months is the time she defines as required for my piercing to heal fully. It could be more. After four months we’ll see if I have any more discomfort in that area. If so, it will be another 2 months (I think that’s what she said.), honestly, knowing my wife she won’t stick to her original plans.

If not? I don’t know. After the “I don’t need you now” comment I desperately wanted to talk about the future. I’m not going to misguide anyone with fantasy right now, if it wasn’t for my desire for chastity I’d imagine she wouldn’t have agreed to got his long. I know I’m better for her this way even if she struggles with that at times. The piercing has become a necessity to aid that in the future and so these 4 months have become a stop-gap to something different…

So… I don’t actually know what we are going to do after this period. I miss the ruined handjobs, the feel of her mouth around me. That sensation when I first enter her moist surroundings…
I don’t so much miss the orgasms and the aftermath that surrounds it all. I like being caged. I like the constant buzz.

I think the biggest struggle she has is with the control. That’s her new understanding. In her eyes she wants us to be equals, she wants to feel wanted and for me to take the lead; a fair assessment. Unfortunately, Chastity just doesn’t work unless there is some element of denial. We had it in the past when she did so, we have it now it is out of our hands. How to we find the right balance? That’s a different question with a lot of variables, I think it will only be answered when we get to the end of this stage of our journey.

 

Let it never be said that I didn’t write enough…

 

No, you just have to think of my posts as an experience. Each less worthy than the one before.

Audio versions are available if you are having trouble sleeping

 

Dildoing suggests entry with a dildo. It does not say by what means… what if I was wearing one of those extravagant ball gags with a cock petruding?
From the guy who invented TBKUs I think you’ll understand why this is important to define

Otherwise, that chat thingy was pretty spot on.

 

109 days to go…

Time is ticking by sooo slowly!
Less a ramble this one, more a journal entry.

Mismatched cycles and replacement dildos

Sometimes things just fall… well wrong. Things don’t always line up exactly as you expect and I guess that’s part of being a grown up, handling these situations accordingly. I got this one slightly off, I’m still learning. My wife’s hormones seem to work on a full monthly cycle. That’s the most obvious thing anyone has ever said, but sometimes it’s easy to forget that women don’t work the same as men. As far as her desires for sex and intimacy goes she peaks just before her period, and then she’s a grumpy mess for a few days before she is annoyed that her body won’t allow for intercourse (that’s just not the way we play). The week following is always a sweet spot. Then a decline with a few peaks of troughs dependant on other life factors.

So as my wife entered one of her troughs, my own hormonal pattern was going through something entirely different, I was entering the peak frustration that I feel between 10- 14 days… it’s hit me a lot harder and a little earlier this time around, but I needed her! I needed to hold her, touch her, grope her. I wanted her orgasm at every given moment! She just wasn’t feeling it and I was causing a good bit of frustration.

I guess I was failing in my mission to ‘ensure that these sexual compulsions are harnessed and conveyed in a more acceptable and positive way for my wife.’

This then was our first period of difficulty so far, and she messaged me a cautionary warning. It was a long message (even by my standards) and was driven by a misunderstanding that I was annoyed she didn’t want engage in anything sexual, in actual fact I’d been rather unwell the night before. Here’s the highlights:

‘…it’s beginning to add a pressure that I don’t like….’
‘…The longer you’re in it the more you want to do things to me as you can’t do things to yourself. Well my sex drive is nowhere near yours.….’
‘….I do not need 7 orgasms a week…
‘….(Too many orgasms) allows my body no time to feel ‘in the mood’ again. I need a waiting period. A teasing period. A relaxed period. It can’t be every day…’
‘….You’re adjusting to the cage and how that makes you hormonally feel but you’re not considering that it gives me zero hormonal changes….’

In some respects I’m going to take this as a positive, typically when my wife is annoyed with me she starts a fight. It blows out of proportion and things get messy. Here was my wife detailing her wants and needs without being emotional, just explanatory and critical. I returned the message to merely explain that I was unwell and that I would take on board what she was saying. We had a discussion on the back of this that where I explained how I was currently at my most challenging stage and I didn’t expect her to meet my needs, actually the opposite! She told me that if she wants our evenings to turn into more she will give me a clear signal.

I battled my desire to be close for the next few days and gave her a lot more space, I was still positive towards her but also… I didn’t spoil her like I had done so when we ‘lived in an FLR’. She wanted equality and I need to find the right balance within myself again too. So when she was messaging me being an ass over something entirely different (I said she was in a trough), I didn’t apologise and try to make amends or anything. She was being an ass. If she wants my help then ask for it. I blanked her, responded with “sure” and got on with my day. This no bullshit approach appeared to work as when she saw me again it was was obvious she had decided to be a lot nicer to me going forward…


So, where are we now? This morning for the first time in what seems like way too long we awoke in bed together. I can’t wait for retirement. All the talk of intimacy on other levels etc. no this is the moment that is sometimes lacking in my relationship, that extra 30 minutes when you wake up, fresh for the day. No expectations. Just mild snuggles and avoidance of anything else.

I don’t think we’d actually spoken anything before I hit her hard with my great news. I hadn’t discussed anything chastity related for days and so she may not have been expecting this, but she had to know; l had not woken up once with an erection all night. The first time since we locked down again. I forgot how long it can take to get accustomed to night time wear. She met me playfully and we continued our slight embrace before I decided to push things a little. I’m not going to keep discussing the situation with her but I feel she should also hear some of the more positive aspects to denial: Desire.

I said her name.

“What now? Every time you say it like that you want something…” she said jokingly.

“I can’t wait to have sex again.” I said in a jovial manner but with complete sincerity.

“We can’t.” She said, accompanied by a little kiss (morning is no time for real passion. Morning breath is not sexual. This was a peck at best.) “besides, we have a replacement for that!”


There is no way to describe in the emojis available here just what went through my head. Honestly, the biggest shock came at just how accepting she is on that front, that foxing can be part of our relationship now. This wasn’t a joke in any form, it was matter of fact kind of statement. After my mind had stopped shooting off in every direction… I had to reply, “That’s OK for now, it’s better than without, but it doesn’t replace the real thing.”

“There’s just no point. Why reset your cycle and go through another two weeks? You won’t be able to sleep again.” She said, and I find that strange. I always look up these terms, do research, get a really good understanding of all things chastity and think that my wife doesn’t really understand what’s going on…

Recently, and it’s only since I’ve started writing it down, she is surprising me with her knowledge and terminology. She had got this wrong however, for me my sleep is only disrupted by time outside of the cage. A day or more, any time shorter than that an my body doesn’t readjust to freedom.

She then asked, in a more inquisitive manner, “When is the right time to play with you?”.

It’s obvious she means pegging, there’s very little else for us to do right now. As I was put on the spot I just replied with “I don’t know.” I’m trying my hardest to not lead her in pleasing me, I want her to build that confidence to just do it when she wants. That will be a challenge for her I know, so maybe some indication as to when might not be a bad thing. I’ve had a lot of time to think on this over the first stage and want to tell her that this is a good time to experiment with timings. To see how things go if she leaves me a little longer or if she makes me ‘orgasm’ frequently. All the time we’ve been ‘playing’ with chastity we’ve never really gone a long time without any form of orgasm or relief. I think she will benefit from learning what’s best for herself… but how do you get to that?

Fortunately for me, my wife is a little more astute than I give her credit for, “I was thinking this week, 2 weeks seemed right, but now your past the 10-14 days I think we should leave it another week and see what that does.” She had started this conversation with a question, but was never asking my opinion merely changing my expectations.

I definitely just need to back off and let her do her own thing. I forget how good she actually is at all this when I’m not in control.