121 days.

Well I’d been gropey etc for a few days, she probably felt the pressure through that. The evening before the message I was pretty much the same, but then we went out (and it’s freezing here). By the time I got into bed I was full on unwell. She mistook that as me being ignorant to her as she had said she didn’t want to because she was too cold.

Actually, I replied saying it was a ‘non-issue’ as I was just unwell, and didn’t know how to react as she had started by saying that I was ignoring her… and then went on to say I’m being too demanding… women !
After that there was an event and I think the hormonal kick probably got the better of me again, and then I apologised and acknowledged that I understood what she was saying but this is the hard time for me to control myself.

Retirement from my job. I typically leave the house at 5am!

She actually can’t. There will be no penetrative sex for me (in the way I meant it) until at least March 16th 2024… not that I’m counting!!

 

3 months, 2 weeks, 2 days and roughly 12 hours to go….

“It can’t be all about me, I need a few days.” She said, as we discussed “replacement sex”. That’s the term we’ve pretty much landed on for ‘foxing’. I don’t want to really try and embed that as it seems like a lot of explanation. It had only been two nights ago since her last orgasm and she had been true to her word that ‘it won’t be every time’; the dildo had stayed in the drawer whilst the other toys came out to play… but now enjoying a warm snuggle with her hands caressing gently against my scrotum, I was craving taking her all over again!

“We need to do something for you.” She told me as she moved her hand to mine and grasped it around her self in a tighter squeeze, pushing her warm cheeks suggestively around my cage. Yes, this is the life I’m dreaming of. All I need to do is quit work and stay in bed every morning. It seems to be her peak time for fun talk and close contact, albeit without any stimulation to her intimate regions. She’ll wait until the last second until she drags herself from the bed to empty her bladder, leaving any pressure in that zone strictly off limits.

Side note: I decided slightly after this conversation that I need to start tracking her orgasms. It’s always been something I’ve been reluctant to do for one reason or another, but now I feel it’s right to at least make a note of when her last one was. I keep track of my own statistics to focus my mind on just how much she does for me, to restrict myself in constantly creating pressure to need more. With complete limitation to my playtimes, her orgasm has become my sole, achievable craving. It needs reigning in. So alongside my other 5 timers (time until release, time since uncaged orgasm, time since foxing, time since pegging and time since torture), I’ll have a new one… ‘time since last orgasm’. It should help give me focus. Just two a week. Max!

At some stage I should also look into the female cycle and work out the best moments, where her drive peaks. Maybe, that’s a step too far, removing some of the natural chemistry… but on the flip side. It will give me insight on the times to avoid, where she may just prefer a cuddle (or less) and to just chill out.


Anyway, where was I…

Now I’m free from pressure all day I need to remove my focus from this evenings activities. If I don’t my mental plans will escalate drastically. She has been suggesting a need to play with me for a while and I know she has her own requirement to ensure that even our sexual relationship is two-sided, but in my head I’ll choose lingerie, I’ll think about positions, I’ll decide on the best oils to use… I need to pause and just try and let this play out naturally, she’ll feel far greater satisfaction if my pleasure comes from her, rather than of my own direction.


No, that’s not where I was…

Yes, she had suggested that we need to do something for me, in response, with few ideas in regards to my own now-limited experiences I simply told her that she had said I’d have to ‘wait another week for a that’. I’m somewhat excited about receiving a pegging, much like foxing I enjoy the close contact of the situation even if it fundamentally provides no physical stimulation for one partner. On the other hand, I have a desire to go longer without any emissions, she enjoys the moments where we find something ‘new’, often showing a desire for me to have a wet dream, being thrilled when I prematurely ejaculated and she still recounts the evening where she tapped my cage a little too much and semen shot across the bed.

“What else would you want though?” She asked playfully, showing exactly why right now she really is not ready to live in an FLR; she knows everything I like, but making the right decision at each given occurrence adds pressure. She still needs me to tell her what I want, her confidence isn’t quite there.

Out of ideas, I was flustered a little and so gave a more lighthearted answer, “I don’t know. Rimming?”

Assuming she would laugh it off, I was surprised by her matter of fact response, “Ok!” Before thinking more clearly and following with “Just make sure you go in the bath, you can have a massage first too.”

I do love my wife!

 

No by then I hope to have curbed my addiction…

Still. Life is for living.

 

I think we’re both struggling a little on that front. Once the cage has become semi-permanent, or to be precise… since my TBKU became 121 days, we’ve not really known what to do with me. It’s been one sided.

I’d happily just take the massage. A bit of attention after a couple of weeks doesn’t sound too bad

 

I understand your perception, but this is actually a journey to find balance and contentment. The abstinence of all life’s pleasures seems a ludicrous concept to me personally.
I agree that rimming may seem ‘kinky’ to some but if you understood the starting position from my pre-chastity days then you would agree that by my standards this was actually a very tame request…
Considering it was undertaken without any whips and tassels etc it was actually quite a romantic evening. Soft lighting, warm ambience and relaxing music. We enjoyed each others bodies and of it hadn’t occurred it wouldn’t have been a worry for either of us. Just as we I aim to find the same contentment if it was reversed and I contained my desires to give oral.

As it was, we had an amazing evening. We felt closer afterwards… and honeslty, my balls are a whole lot lighter this morning. Maybe I’ll leave that for a proper update.

 

101 days to go…

There’s a calm in our life right now, we feel content. I certainly do, and I can see from her warm smiles and comfortable demeanour towards me that she feels it too. After we discussed her needs for less, everything has just been working out really well. At this stage she hasn’t had an orgasm for 9 days, that’s partly because I had given her space, found myself enjoying the time without sexual encounters and then as things became a little more passionate… she started her period. It’s been a week since I had any sort of substantial attention and yet weirdly, I haven’t felt any form of angst in all of this, it’s apparent that my constant need for sexual activity was a just a crux, once acknowledged and actions taken to move from it, our relationship has just fallen perfectly into the right place.

The situation has been so good that we can’t help but consider what comes next? For the first time in forever she actually entertained a conversation about chastity (that’s not the part she doesn’t do.), but when there wasn’t time to finish it she said “we’ll talk about it more later.” Not only did she do that… but she also instigated the follow up conversation. I think there may be an indication that she also wants to find a resolve to the uncertainty that follows this defined period.

Yet, how do we get this to continue? The piercing and healing time has allowed us to just relax and enjoy. There is no pressure, there’s no thoughts into how or when to release. It’s all just very uncomplicated and easy.

She expressed clearly that she doesn’t want the weight of decisions to fall upon her and as chastity just doesn’t work for me if I’m in control; if I can just request a release as and when I want… we have to come to another solution. We can’t just re-pierce me every few months to carry on in this vein!

I had ideas but I wanted to look at different angles before giving a list of examples to my wife for her consideration. The dice roll system appears to work well for others, that seemed like a logical solution, but there’s also the element of timing. Just because I’m due to be freed, it doesn’t necessarily correspond with my wife’s desire to perform.

I did make the error of asking the good folks of chastity mansion. How does their experience take shape? It appeared to be a simple question to answer. How easy it would be to put their insight of their own journeys, to help others get ideas to find a way to implement a desired regulation system…

Apparently, that was foolish. I feel I may abandon that thread as a lesson learned.

And so, I told her of my plan to give her lots of options, but instead she told me that she already has the answer to the problem, that I’d have to wait until Christmas to find out what it is and that I’m not to think anymore on it or I’d ruin her present.

A few things that have run through my head as a result of her decision to take her own action: The first one is the comfort she has found once again in directing me. Lifting her feet and telling me to massage them. Beckoning me into the bathroom to wash her. Critiquing of my role as a housewife. Without the pressure to do anything more than enjoy each other’s time she has come into herself once again.

A second is a conversation she instigated not too long ago, “Do you want to come out of your cage yet?”.
I treaded on the side of caution, detailing that although I’m more than comfortable being denied, I’m also looking forward to being able to do the normal stuff too. That’s the truth, but honestly, being inside just seems to come so much more naturally to me.
“No you’re not,” she replied, “you’d happily never come out!”

So, with those two things in mind I now have just short of three weeks to ponder what my wife; who is comfortable taking the lead and knows of my desire to be within my cage has decided is a good present for Christmas?

The mind boggles.

 

100 days to go. So close to single digits…

Nothing of interest here, just a Friday afternoon brain fart.

Confusion

I live in a state of confusion when I try and contemplate my wife’s thought processes regarding chastity. It’s an ever changing, constant contradiction in various stages of magnitude. I never really know where I stand. Which is great when she is in control… but now, when it’s something else, I’m left questioning exactly what the cage means to her.

I considered a few examples to highlight my point:

Not so long ago after ‘foxing’ I told her that I could easily have cum as it’s was an incredible, baffling experience that would have easily pushed me over the edge. I explained that I had to steady myself as if it was the ‘real’ me. She responded by telling me, “you should have done, there are no rules. You’re allowed to enjoy it.”
I think she actually would have preferred it. My gratification would have allowed her to be more accepting of this new weird act. But that’s a different topic. In a similar situation last night, (which is completely different entirely), after rubbing cocoa butter into every crevice of her soft feet and down her back I decided that the skin on my genitals was also dry, I needed it massaging into me…

She was actually obliging, even if I said it half-chancing and half-heartedly. I didn’t expect that it would escalate to her tonguing the end of my cage. As I closed my eyes and moaned in pleasure my request for her not to stop was met with, “whoah! You can’t just cum whenever you feel like it!”

So apparently the rules just change from day to day. How’s a man to keep up?

There’s numerous examples of this and I won’t bore anyone with them entirely, but she can also contradict herself in the same conversation. After we had calmed down from this experience, she asked me if I was happy? We had a brief conversation about the difference between general happiness and contentment, but in all I concluded that I am (with chastity). Then she hits me with one of those statements you never want to hear, “Even if your wife doesn’t like it?”

I was taken aback, but honestly, I’ve considered that she might not be and already had the conclusion to this conversation. ‘After these four months, We can stop. We don’t have to do it if it’s not what you want.’

I imaged that this would then turn into a conversation about why she wasn’t happy, maybe they’d be some middle ground to fall upon, but ultimately it’s just not going to work…. Except… she followed my statement with, “Absolutely, not. What do I get out of that? Plus you’re much less annoying this way and already I’m over not having sex.”

She’s not. I know she yearns for it. I just have that sense, but it’s conversations like these that just baffle me. She is confusing. I imagine she hasn’t come to her own conclusion of exactly what it is that she wants.

I thought about this for a while and then had another thought pattern: I guess I am confusing in my own right too.

There’s one factor we definitely agree on. Chastity improves our overall relationship due to the positive effects on my mood…

Yet, there’s this conundrum that’s hitting me. Why do I prefer to be denied even if it’s not on offer anyway? I mean if I can’t answer this, well how is she ever going to really understand? She isn’t doing anything right now, she can’t. This period of denial isn’t her choice as much as it’s not mine and so all my previous thought patterns on ‘chastity only works when she denies me’ are incorrect…

That’s a thought that provoked a bigger consideration.

The bigger problem that I need to solve in my head is why I prefer this way of life rather than one that involves free sexual conquests? Am I not happy with our sex life? Am I truly just self-imposed sadist? Do actually just get better experiences in measure rather than mass quantity?

I’ve had some mind blurbs, and decided I’d have to come back to that another day, but I do know that my wife’s needs (for penis) and my own aim (of orgasm denial and contentment) have become conflicting. It’s an interesting dilemma if nothing else.

I was reading through one of my old threads right before we started (around keeping her satisfied when she can’t have intercourse) and this stood out to me:

My wife does not. Wouldn’t that make this journey so much more simple? Even if I would stake my life on her pleasure being far greater in her orgasms during this period, i know ultimately she would conclude that she prefers them during sex.

So, when I consider her wants, the picture would be different. The pinnacle of her sexual satisfaction is the result of joint experiences, her ‘mindset’ is leaning towards these being made up through intercourse. Whereas I am currently revelling in the non-sexual intimacy, she probably desires the full act to cement those emotions and validate the experience.

I think to my desires and desperation at times to have my manhood played with and I have almost concluded that it is like an addiction. There is no need, it’s a repetitive habit that actually gives me no more satisfaction than life’s other pleasures. Does that classify as an addiction or is it just fundamentally human nature? So I find myself now confused at times where her need for my penis comes from, she always had an indifference to sex, she didn’t need it even if she enjoyed it. She was single for a while before I came along and she’s told me she rarely even masturbated. When she first started in chastity she didn’t vocalise any frustration with losing the act of intercourse…

…and as I had paused from writing to fetch a few things from the shop (alcohol of anyone is wondering) I had a brainwave…

It’s denial! No she’s not in denial of her need for penis. She is being denied. She wants it all the more because currently she can’t have it. I had this thought that she had been put in chastity by this extended period and it just made sense to me. When I’m locked away, even knowing I can have better experiences and full life contentment, I still crave that feeling of myself inside her. Fundamentally, she doesn’t want the control, but it’s the lack of control that is now driving her urges.

So for me, I’ve been wondering how she has decided to continue after these four months of lockdown and wondering whether I will be comfortable with her decision. With my new found brainwave I think I shall put more emphasis on whether she is putting herself in a position where she is sacrificing her needs too greatly for my own.

It’s become obvious that she can no longer truly deny me, the concluding path will only deny her in some way or another… I guess that’s a choice that could weigh heavy. If we do find a path to longevity it will only ever be in the back of her remaining in the lead in some way or another….

Well, as I’m getting too heavy for myself I’m going to watch some mundane action film and drink beer.

Thanks for reading.

 

Well yes… but also… no. So here’s an overly thought idea. Everything works well when we all pull in the same direction. You pay taxes, everyone pays taxes, we all shoulder then burden…
There’s lots of money and shit gets done to keep the majority happy.
Then things fall down because someone says, I’m not going to pay taxes, we shouldn’t have to pay that much tax, im going to pretend I don’t have to pay tax, I want to pay less tax because.. Etc.
We reject this ideology that, although flawed, keeps us in the life that we are accustomed to. Paying taxes is a nightmare, nobody wants that. Yet, when all is said and done, paying taxes keeps us happy! (The exception to this is when the person responsible for this money shows themselves to be inept.)

Let’s say then, that rules are important.

Chastity is the same. When you don’t ’follow’ the rules or they are not consistent you can’t really give the level of happiness that it could afford…

Logical proceedings disrupted through emotional judgement. The pursuit of happiness is great, but it’s an ever changing idea… wouldn’t it be great if we could define what would make us ‘most happy’ and just stick to that

 

I will pass this on to my wife. I’ll call my next journal ‘365 days, a year in a cage’
If only these things were so simple!

 

Update on my weekend:
The following accounts were inconceivable in our relationship just a few weeks ago.

Saturday. 98 days to go…

Did I just say that?

Saturday was one of those days where the hormones are really starting to kick in. You can feel it, it’s the beginning of desperation, not quite tongue hanging out of your mouth, following your keyholder around desperation… the bit where you just really want it. That’s not surprising, it was 9 days without any playtime for me, this long period of denial with shorter periods in between seems to already be settling into a routine; we almost have an unwritten agreement now that I can play with her every 4 days or so and my relief will wait for around 2 weeks. I could probably go longer, but as I’m never free the relief just doesn’t last that long! If I’m thinking about the future, if this is what it was, I think I could cope with that. I’d probably prefer a few releases from the cage mixed in every couple of months, but those breed expectations and that’s where my negative behaviours begin. No this would work.

At this stage we are approaching two weeks since I’ve really had an opportunity to play with my wife, the craving for that was even deeper than my own needs.

We had a weird afternoon. I had to run out to play the hero after she had a flat tyre, (the second in two weeks - she really needs to watch where she is driving!). After that, we had a lot to catch up on in the house. With other domestic chores, by the time she had bathed (a necessity after being trapped out in the cold and rain) the evening was closing in. Saturday was the only opportunity for us to wrap all our children’s Christmas presents, it’s a job I can do swiftly and with precision, it’s one of my few talents, potentially this wouldn’t take long.

I cooked our dinner and as she was coming out of the bath, she said “I’ll get dry. Eat my tea. We can do the wrapping and we’ll still have time to have some fun.”

She was handing it to me on a plate!

Without even considering this however, I replied “No, we’ll get some music on and have a few drinks. There’s always another night.”

WTF?! Where did that come from?? Is this actually me? I can recount the number of times I’ve turned down sexual playtime on one finger. This time. I don’t think it’s EVER happened before.

She just smiled at me and said, “Ok, we’ll make sure we have an earlier night tomorrow.”

I’m turning sex down for quality time together and she’s planning on it in the future… we have swapped bodies! I did not read about that happening when I researched chastity!

 

Sunday. 97 days to go…

The Foxing Continues…

So I may have willingly turned it down the previous evening, and by Sunday night I was exhausted… but I wasn’t going to let the nights opportunity slip. My wife had been working out in the afternoon and as a treat I got to spend the rest of the day in her presence whilst she wore her gym leggings. My kryptonite! Energy drinks after 7pm? Doesn’t sound like a healthy plan, but I considered it an appropriate risk.

I don’t know when it was decided, or if it even was, but we were both of the understanding that we’d be using the dildo again. I’ve been so busy and off my game all the days are merging into one… I could have brought it up, we could have just had a discussion recently, I genuinely don’t know how we had come to this but I knew when everything started that I’d need the harness.

(Thinking closely I think it was related to a conversation about her worrying about penetration so soon following her period, she’s always reluctant… but she was expecting “penetration.”)

As she lay down and covered her eyes, she said “Don’t rush, I know what you’re like when there’s an end game.”

I hadn’t actually considered that. The novelty of the act has gone (not quite gone obviously but…) knowing she can enjoy it, it’s become about her rather pleasure rather than my own. I’d even handed her the blindfold knowing that she can relax and live in the fantasy that it’s me taking her.
This however, was less a massage and more enjoying my caress against her body. No oils or thoughts of relaxation, just soft touches and gentle tonguing of her of her body with a some delicately timed stimulation to her erogenous zones thrown into the mix. A feather tickler and two small bullet vibes against her added to the excitement.

On the whole, she must have enjoyed it all as when I suggested it was time for her to turn over she nodded and obliged. She never does that, normally she tells me she needs more time on her legs, or I haven’t done her feet. I give her another 10-15 minutes before she mocks begrudgement of the massage ending and the ‘sex’ beginning.

As she turned over I hopped off the bed and pulled on my fake penis. This was my moment. It’s still an alien feeling wearing a strapon, but I find myself enjoying the view in the mirror. I don’t know, it’s erotic: It’s like seeing yourself in your wife’s underwear, but where as that feels a little… shall I say silly and pointless, there’s something a little more natural about seeing a penis where a penis should be. Even if it’s not at all your own and held on yourself with straps. It creates a sense of frustrating, excitement. Perfect for the chaste male.

Returning, I was (as expected) told that ‘I still had work to do’ before I used it. As it’s winter and my lips are dryer than the Sahara and the proximity to her monthly cycle, this ‘work’ would be undertaken without my new favourite act of oral. It wasn’t too long before the top of my penis found itself gently entering her moist vagina. I thrust slowly as she kissed me in return. With one had holding her wand, her other stroked the length of my back…

But after a few minutes she paused her movements, “You need to warm it up. I need it to feel real.”

I was in a strange predicament, I could sense that she was close to climax even with the dildo currently not working for her, but the feeling of foxing whilst she does so creates a better connection for me to her orgasm. Limbo.

Thankfully, she actually came good and told me to not be long sorting it. I pulled it from the o-ring and propped it in front of our heater, (it now feels like a better investment than just the few days we needed it for the cold weather.) before returning to her. It could have killed the mood or I could have missed the moment, but I feel she held off somewhat waiting for the act to begin again. I imagined her thinking unsexy thoughts and wondered whether she really is starting to enjoy this new weird sex life we’ve created.

As I was putting it back on I got that sense of being watched… I wasn’t wrong, my wife had pulled her blindfold up and was ogling me. She almost beckoned me over and took the dildo in her hand, “I didn’t know if that would heat it up quick or if it would have melted.”
Watching her fondle a dildo attached as of it’s your own penis and not feeling a thing is a mindfuck in itself. This preceded a thorough groping of my genitals.

“It’s weird seeing you with the straps around you.” She said before everything got a little more heated again.

(It’s only now that statement feels odd. The straps are weird, the dildo not so much?)

With her now free to see what was going on it all felt a little more natural, she responded to my movements and before long she had positioned herself into our (almost long-forgotten) typical sexual position; worh me in the spooning position as she lay on her back. My hand free to caress her body and with her legs draped across my hip almost completely covering the straps to the harness: This was just like old times except the cage pressed against my throbbing member unfeeling of her warm, moist interior. As I re-entered her she moaned. “Oh, God. That feels better!”

In almost no time at all I had found my rhythm and she was moaning (quietly, she’s not a screamer) as the orgasm took her.

So now, we’re at 10 days without an emission so I make no apologies for this, but the view, the feel of her legs on me, the thrusting against her beautiful ass; all these stimulants… I came too!

We lay for a while enjoying the bliss. My body began to give slight spasms and she started telling me off for juddering the dildo inside her. That’s when the situation sank in. Cum was running down my legs… was it on her? She asked what I was doing as my hand felt her.

“Shit.” She jumped up. “Need Gravity! Grab me some wipes.”. I helped her out even if over a week’s worth of semen dribbled past my knees. “You seemed to have enjoyed that. I obviously didn’t at all.” She laughed, “How did you cum?”

I explained to her that it just felt like sex - it’s like using Emla cream - everything is the same except instead of the feeling of her I get the pressure of the cage against me.

“It doesn’t quite feel then same for me.” She replied and I was thinking she was going to critique the dildo or tell me it’s wrong, “I think it’s because when we have sex without a condom you’re constantly helping me stay wet, it doesn’t do that. So it feels slightly different.”

Ok, so it’s only slightly different. I guess that makes sense, but we haven’t had sex without a condom for nearly a year. So she’s not actually experiencing anything different to what we’ve become accustomed to. I don’t know if I should be worried about that. I didn’t ever think that this would be something my wife would take to so easily. It’s almost inconceivable… this all just falling it the realms of normality.

What’s weirder still, after nearly a month without freedom, I don’t crave it at all. This feels right. I guess that’s the calm before the storm. I cannot stay this calmly, satisfied forever.