Chastity regulation

Your realize, that your points are contradicting ? Either she is unrestricted and can initiate sex OR she does not have to make decisions, because you get yourself some rules. You can not have both.

How we do it ourself ? I am wearing my CB 24/7. The only exceptions is unlocking due to day to day life (cleaning, sport and travel by plane) or sex. As this day to day life part is borig and does not eally count lets conentrate how our sexlife is organized: Actually it is quite easy: It is completely at her discretion.
This meaning that she will decide whether there will be sex, what kind of sex and whether I will be unlocked for it. I do not have to mention that unlocking for sex does not necessarily will result in an orgasm for me - those she will also grant as she will see fit.

Why did we choose to give all power to her ? The first reason is that it fits our FLR. The second and more important reason though is that at a certain point rules (f.e. for unlocking, orgasms or whatever) will be more restraining than helping. This way she can act as she sees fit in the situation without beeing hold back by any regulation telling her she has to keep me locked for x more days if she does not want to.

This is no blueprint for everyone though. If your partner has almost no sexdrive at all certain rules for lockup might be beneficial.

To address your second point at last, that it should not be on her to initiate intimacy or / or sex. Who told you that it is only the keyholder / dominant part who is allowed to do so ? With us I can try initiate as much as I want. I better listen to her reaction though if she is in the mood for it...

Of course all of this does not mean that you could not spice thing up with some games if she likes to do so, but to give some example there is quite hard without knowing what you two are into.

 

Well, our "lifestyle" evolved to an arrangement in which our sex is pretty vanilla, but I am never unlocked. There's no "next" from that, I guess. ;-)

 

we just went permanent, as in no freedom ever. She's happy, i'm adjusting and all is well.

 

i totally get where you are coming from...don't know how to help or what to suggest (curiously watching and waiting , but totally get it. I think these are common desires/thoughts/challenges for many women, especially a woman in her early 30s. I give you guys a lot of credit for navigating as you have and for what she's learned to take on with you.

 

We keep it simple: it's up to her.

 

Ok - if it is foremost about initiating sex why would not you initiate sex and then she can decide if she is in the mood. Should she be in the mood it would be on her to decide if she will unlock you or you will remain locked, because it will be oral / toys only.

As for giving up intercourse there is the question what chastity exacty means to you. For me it is about giving up control and giving her a symbol for that. If for you about long lockup periods without anything in between it might be somewhat of a conflict of interest between the two of you. However you could go for some middle path as intercourse does not necessarily mean that you yourself have to orgasm. That is how it usually is for vanillas, but it has not to do so.

That she is not comfortable denying you for a longer period of time is another matter. Tallk to her, ensure her that you want to be denied, that you like this ambivalent feeling. Maybe it would be a good way to see it as a kind of game - a very extended T&D session where she pushes you untill you can not stand it any longer.

Speaking about games I rather meant some kind of game to determine the length of your lockup / orgasm denial and not not inluding other people...

 

I've found that dice games for this stuff seem more fun than they actually are. The random and fully disconnected nature of dice means opportunities for optimal results can be missed because the dice don't care about specific conditions at any time. For example, maybe being locked for a double length prior to an event would be more optimal to the couple, but the dice wouldn't know or care so it isn't weighed in with appropriate value or probability. Anyway, this is why I found myself quickly bored of faproulette (dot co). Fun on the surface, but randomness is rarely optimal.

If I had the fortune of having a key holder, I'd definitely have more enjoyment if decisions were made by her and not left to chance.

 

From experience dice give a good starting point and remove stress and decisions from her everytime. Dice can be added for guaranteed longer lockups, or made to re roll if a number is low. If she's not happy with me on day dice says I get it, I don't.

 

Every third tuesday is a potential release day for sex, except when it falls on a day that is a prime number, or is divisible by 4 or 6, or if the french day name is male or indeterminent, in which case you need to roll 5 dice and add up all of the numbers and if that number is a prime number then you can worship her left little toe (if she doesn't have one then you can pretend).

 

While I'm not an idiot and recognize let's call it sarcasm it's not that difficult lol. For instance I rolled a 13 last saturday so by that I get out next Friday. Meanwhile she doesn't have to wonder daily should I let him out or does he expect out today. If I've been a dick she can add time. If I'm extra good or she wants to play she can take time off. Its far easier on her and I can't blame her for my time in cage because I rolled the number.

 

I can't help but think this all sounds difficult. I get it though, it also sounds a little fun. But it seems to be something to spice things up for you. Is anything designed for her? The ultimate thing you should do is something that does absolutely nothing for you. It's not kinky, it's not intriguing, it's not fun, it's entirely empty for you. Perhaps even less than empty. Maybe it's something you actually don't want in the least. Not even in your kinkiest dream. If you can find something like that, THAT is what you should do.

Now I understand a guys brain is such that if there was such a thing, it would only be in this empty space until you figured out that it was something your wife wanted. Then it immediately gets elevated to a fun space. That's unfair in a way. It's makes it so that your wife can't have a pleasure that is only hers. We force ourselves into every nook and cranny of her libido.

That's why, if one were to be a cuckold, it shouldn't involve watching, or hearing, or even knowing. You let your wife know she's free and she's not to share anything about it, whether it happens or not, or what it was like. Nothing that you can get off from. But you'll say, "What fun is that?". Correct. No fun. That's the point.

 

Some of us would like a bit of fun with our kinks lol. How difficult is it to roll dice then her say ok we'll see how you've been acting when your times up.

 

I think it's also why many chastity agreements try really hard to come up with non sexual things. Because for a guy, anything that's sexual is fun and ends up being for him, even if it was meant for her. Massage, Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry, things she appreciates that bring no joy or excitement to you. But even then, when done in a spirit of chastity, a guy is still likely to get aroused by doing this things for her. It's a vicious dilemma.

 

I well we are in same boat neither of us wants it permanent, though we are going for consistently longer lockups as we go. I can only imagine the effort goes into being a kh to keep the man interested and not resentful. Dice for us works, it removes the well should I let him out dilemma after a long day. Plus it keeps it fun at least for us.

 

We’re in a place now where my Wife decides everything, it’s been that way the last couple years. The first year and a half or so, we tried different things we read on this forum and others, dice games, set release dates, predetermined lock up periods, one week locked then one week free etc.
After trying those things, we realized that my Wife would ultimately unlock and use me, and sometimes make me cum whenever she desired it no matter what the set times or the dice said any way.
So the only thing we’ve both agreed to over the last couple years, is to try and push me longer between full orgasms. Other than that, I’m allowed to ask how she wants to cum each evening, I’m allowed to ask for an unlock for teasing only, and even that is up to her and at a time she chooses.

She decided the week before Thanksgiving to try no cage chastity, everything still up to her of course, and we both didn’t enjoy it at all. So I had 6 days of freedom kind of, and since then she’s been far more restrictive on erections and just more strict overall.
So she’s obviously happier when I’m locked and denied most things other than using my tongue.

So that’s how we manage chastity, who knows if we’ll experiment with anything different, but I doubt it. I’m counting on being locked and being allowed erections or piv a few times a month at best, and I know we talked about a ruin every three weeks or so, and full orgasms once every month or two. But even those will be at her discretion and granted however she decides. We’re both happier this way.

No counting days or set expectations on my part really, it’s easier to just focus on pleasing her.

I’m sure this doesn’t really help you in any way unfortunately
But I’m sure you’ll both figure out what works in your household. Good luck!

 

While my wife has the final say in whether I get unlocked or if we do anything sexual at all, we are both aware that she is the type of woman who typically needs to get “warmed up”. She also has never wanted this to become a situation where I’m just on standby waiting for her to decide she’s in the mood. She still wants to be desired, pursued and romanced.
Because of that I’m allowed, encouraged even, to approach her like I always have. I flirt, make innuendos and still attempt to get in her pants often. The difference now is she’ll either say no and I’m expected to stop or she’ll say yes and becomes all about her. She put it rather well once: “if your role now is to give me all the pleasure I want then you should never stop trying to get me to want that pleasure.”
This way she still is the keyholder, I’m still locked but she doesn’t have to put in all the effort to maintain our sex life. It’s a team effort, at least until the clothes come off. Then it’s her show.

 

There's so much wrapped up in this discussion. And it's very related to me and my thoughts. But trying not to hijack your thread. Sometimes wives aren't into kink. That's their husband's cross to bear. I agree that just about every guy who locks up their cock did it at least partially for kink. But not every wife who goes along with it is doing it for the kink. It makes for a very delicate balance. So your question, to me, boils down to "How do you keep the kink alive?" And a further clarification, "How to keep it alive when the wife wasn't into the kink in the first place?"

I think you have a good question, and I like all your ideas. I'm just coming from this other perspective where none of the things you propose would work yet the guy still wants to keep it alive. Then what?

 

1. To feel unrestricted on ability to have intercourse when the time is right.
How does a random event allow for this to happen?

2. To eliminate her need to make decisions on sex or initiate.
Does this not sit in conflict with the first, and does she want to lose control of when really?

3. Ability to play with penis.
Can be unlocked in under a minute.

4. Maintain the balance that chastity brings. Stay locked unless she wants it. Surely that's Rule 1 of Chastity

 

To take away the decision process you could pick a date, like first of the month is sex day.

To make it a bit more random you could try the chaster site and she can let other people determine how long you're locked.

In terms of being able to play with the cock my wife loves to grope it while it's in the cage. She generally prefers to unlock me for sleeping and might tease it then.

 

This has got me thinking.

 

ok well i have the reverse problem. my Mistress, now my finance, feels i should be milked like once a month - via orgasm. but i just came out of a 20 year relationship where i was milked in drips and drabs (via intense CBT) but never actually had an orgasm. She's very nice, sweet, loving and caring, and adores maid service! i have to discuss this with Her, since being milked too often may lower the quality of our relationship. it worries me!