I see plenty of posts on how they convinced partners to participate, but thought I would see how others started themselves. Starting with my own origin story. Rewind the clock to 2006, I was in a sexless marriage and internet porn had just advanced past dial up. I literally only had sex with my wife a few times a year, no kissing or intimacy and was doing a search on sexless marriage. When I looked that up I saw several sites that mentioned male chastity devices. I had not even known these things existed in the modern world. Part of me was intrigued by not being able to touch myself, get hard, and keeping myself extremely horny. The other part of me somewhat knew I took care of my own needs so much that I might have stopped chasing her or acting like I should. That maybe if my behavior improved, she would want to be more sexual and intimate with me. I kept searching, and the as with almost everything on the internet, if you keep looking long enough there is a porn link to that interest. I saw cages, for sale, erotic fiction, and eventually this site and became a member in 2009. I read the threads, did research on cages, and learned from others mistakes as members attempted to join the lifestyle. I bought a couple cages, one a silicone one called a birdcage, I was much too small for that and was basically falling off me. I bought a hinged device that was too long and gap was so wide that I would slip through. I hadn’t asked my wife about it, and I hadn’t even had a cage that I could wear. I lurked here in the mansion thinking more and more about finding the courage to ask my wife about it. Another reason I think this interested me, is that if she agreed, I could involve her in sexual activity which she was already basically doing by denying me. Active non participation in a way. In the long run I decided not to ask her. Not because she would say no, but I was worried she would say yes. I had learned from others that just forgetting I’m locked and getting ignored isn’t what I had in mind. I didn’t trust her to have that kind of power over me. Well just because I have up on the reality of wearing a cage, didn’t mean I stopped thinking about cages, being dominated, being sexually submissive, forced to do things or being bossed around. I had already had some masculine/feminine issues, and this seemed to kick my submissive side out of the shadows and in the light fully. Fast forward to 2026 in February. I’m getting divorced, and decided to pull the trigger on a custom cage from mature metal. I had already figured out my size from years of others miscues and successes. I started dating someone but my device wasn’t even delivered yet. After a few weeks of dating we were talking on the phone. We weren’t staying together and couldn’t be together for that week because I wasn’t ready to introduce a woman to my son yet. We were both talking kind of naughty and she mentioned that she made a purchase I will like. She told me it was one of those over the door sex harness’s. That threw me for a loop, was a bit kinky for how early we were in our relationship. Then I just said fuck it and said I just got a piece of equipment delivered but it was something I wear. I then explained what it was. She was very hesitant, mentioning she didn’t want that kind of responsibility. She asked me if it was a gay thing, even asked if I had some deep seated self loathing or didn’t want to be a man. I explained that I just wanted to lose control of that, that I wanted that feeling of sexual buildup to stay and not be ruining that with cumming all the time, and that I was sexually submissive and find it hot to need someone to be sexual. I also assured her that her only responsibility would be to be in charge of when she wanted to unlock me. The device arrived a few weeks later and I wore it for that whole time. I had a few missteps, like skipping underwear, using lotion instead of oil based lubricant, morning wood. But had it all worked out. I then gave her the key on a necklace, she immediately knew what it was to, asked if I was wearing it, and wanted to see it. She got a kick out of it straining against the bars, asked if it hurt, I said no, but all this fore play, and pulling on my balls from it trying to get hard has made it kind of throb with a dull ache. She had fun with it and she was off to the races. Minus a week or two, mostly from getting over cage burns, I’ve been locked. I’ve gotten pierced and have had several more custom cages, and even custom keys made for her. We have quite a few key and lock decorations in our home, I have heart shaped lock pendant that says “caged” that is clearly visible, and am in the process of getting a few tattoos that will permanently mark my status as locked. She immersed herself in being my keyholder and dominant. She’s all or nothing, so we went all in. That’s our origin story. If you have an interesting one, please share.
I really don't remember how all this started. Submissiveness was first. Chastity is an offshoot of that.
I've always liked the idea of chastity. Probably the very first toy I bought, forty years ago, was a flimsy leather and steel cock harness from Centurions in Garden Grove, CA. Over time my interest in chastity increased. I bought various devices, and discovered that some submissive women genuinely enjoyed being keyholders, providing service by controlling the orgasms of their dominant partners.
I was in a sexless marriage for a number of reasons. Cardiovascular issues & aging reduced my libido significantly. When I started having ED issues, sexual intimacy, which had been very infrequent, dropped off completely. I began to sleep apart from my wife while traveling away from home for work for about 7-10 years. I began pursuing sexual arousal thru various means on the internet. I discovered chastity, bought a cage or 3, and tried using it as an incentive to lose weight. It became very arousing. All of my exploration led me to finding ways to stimulate myself that seemed to be increasing my libido, particularly during times I was self-locked. I began to feel guilty and wanted to see if I could restore intimacy in my marriage. I initiated sex with my wife on a short road trip one day with very promising results. I had sensitized my nipples and teased them while she was giving me a handjob. This kept my little guy firm and responsive. She was surprised. I could not control my resurging masturbation habit and resorted to self-locking in January 2022. I soon discovered websites like cuttothechaste.com and CM where people described the benefits of chastity for both the male and female. This was also a spiritual journey for me and on a long car ride to another state, I felt compelled to "come clean" with my wife, explain what had been happening, and ask her to help me learn self-control and take charge of my sexuality by taking my key. She was shocked by my disclosure of chastity and didn't want to have anything to do with it, but she could see I was emotionally broken, so she took the keys to my cage. Our journey since that date has been one of incredible intimacy in every way - emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically. And it started immediately which is why I named my journal Zero to 60 Overnight. I have an incredible wife who deserves all of the credit. I can't believe I missed out on so many years of fantastic intimacy in our married lives, nor that I lived with this incredible woman and never fully realized it. Yes, I knew she was a wonderful woman but I never realized who she could become with the right care and attention from a loving husband. I will be her bondservant the rest of our lives as long as I am able.
I’ve posted this in detail a few times now so I’ll just give a brief version this time, Madam and I started our bdsm/flr relationship only after a couple of months of being together, one day madam was watching some fem Dom porn on the net and she saw a slave in chastity device. She then searched for male chastity devices and found the old Cbx website. The next day I was off and went round to spend the day with her, as soon as got there she showed me the clip and pointed out the device, and told me she wanted me locked. I said “ok but i wouldn’t know where to get something like that.” Madam promptly clicked to bring up explorer showing the website and said “ from there! Get one ordered and your not doing anything else or getting anything till it’s ordered!” I them spent about an hour with string, a toilet roll, and tape measure working out my size and ordered it. It arrived a few weeks later, I went to see madam and she told me to get it on right away, I did, I called her in to the bedroom and I was holding the device together and had the padlock in my other hand, “should I do it or do you want to” she walked straight to me took the lock and put it through the pin and snapped it shut “MINE NOW” he said and it all went from there.
I stumbled across a photo of a chastity device only about 8 years ago, I was fascinated, bought one, plucked up the courage to show it to my wife. So pleased that she didn’t dismiss it, and it’s been an on and off feature of our sex life ever since. Even though we rarely use the device these days, orgasm denial for me has become the ongoing reality for me, she teases and denies me and I have an orgasm probably once every two months, whereas she has two a week.
I've been in this relationship for 12 years and married for 5 years. We have long had a problem of mismatched libidos. For 7 or more years our sex life solely consisted of monthly sessions with sex toys. These sessions took on a routine and my wife began to resent them. The longest we went was a year without sex but going several months would not be uncommon. She begged me to speak to a therapist about sex. I finally did that in July and found myself addressing some longstanding difficult memories that I'd fully intended to never deal with. I was also navigating a difficult time in my marriage. Over the years we'd increasingly grown apart and sometimes toward others. We started seeing a couple's counselor and I've continued with my 1:1 counselor. My wife told me, today, that she spoke positively with her therapist (who is experienced with kink and queer issues) about our experiences with chastity, so I'm glad to hear it is working for her, too. I will disclose this information with my own therapist tomorrow. It feels that we may be on the way to solving our longstanding problem of mismatched libido. My feelings of neglect turn to appreciation by recontextualizing the denial. She feels more confident initiating physical intimacy without concerns that I'll expect to escalate. This has meant, overall, more intimacy and enjoyment for both of us. We have been locking 24/7, except for maintenance, a scheduled boon, and sex every other week, at her discretion. We're only 2 weeks into this so I guess this is our origin story.
We had spoken briefly about it and nothing really came of the subject. It was only when we stumbled across a Rosie De Luca scene in Meanbitches where Rosie facesits and dominates a sub wearing a camouflage CB6000 that she decided to hunt for a device. Not much selection in sex shops back then so we hunted online. Years later we have many devices and many happy times spent playing with chastity.
My fondness for chastity goes right back as far as my first proper boyfriend, that I fooled around with. Whenever he started to complain or whine about being too horny and blue-balled after some kissing and cuddling, I discovered I rather liked to drive him nuts all the more, just because I could. So, what seemed like a surprising discovery at the time, was something I grew to love more and more and perhaps even to crave. In subsequent relationships, when the guy wasn't keen about a little slap and tickle or tease and denial, I missed it. Fast forward to today, and 2023 marked the 10th anniversary with my sub, who has not reached double digit cums in any of that time because I takes my role as his key-holder very seriously and I am rather partial to giving him slippery, unfinished hand-jobs... I just love it when a guy ALMOST cums
I was never into porn as I felt that God was saying I shouldn't do that, but I did discover a small web site called keptforher (now defunct) that promoted chastity. I thought it was a hot idea, but if it mean stopping masturbating then I didn't want it. Fast forward to May 2021 and my wife and I had just recovered from COVID. One night I said that it's time to reboot our sex lives. To my astonishment she said "I'm not ready to until I feel better about our emotional connection". I was taken back and had no idea how to improve our emotional connection. I started praying about it and googling how to open out emotionally. Google didn't help. 3 days later I woke up with a very powerful thought: "kept for her". I thought it strange that came to mind, so I ignored it. The next two mornings the same thing happened. On that third morning I pondered and said to myself "God, is that you? Are you wanting me to offer my chastity to my wife?". I explored the keptforher web site and did some googling about how to get started with chastity. I also found the happy marriage site. I didn't have the courage to talk to her about it, but she was in the other room so I decided to send her a text. I said that I felt like God wanted me to offer her my chastity. I sent the link to keptforher and happy marriage. After what felt like an eternity she walked into the room. After a short discussion she said that she was "intruigued". That meant Yes! I told her I'd order a cage and immediately stop masurbating. It wasn't even a week later she said "do you realize how different you are?". Apparently this is what I needed to open up emotionally. I wore the cage for 2 months with an initial lock up of 35 days, but she never really like the cage. So outside of locktober I've been on the honor system ever since.
Whilst at work I happened to see an open box of cages which were being shipped to a distributor. All kinds of sizes, types and materials. I've seen most things on the Internet and probably have most kinks. Although I recognised what they were and must have seen them before somehow I hadn't really thought about chastity cages previously. I did no reading about them but figured out the dom locks the sub and holds the key, just as you would whilst playing with handcuffs. I went to see my gf that night and as we were already in the habit of ordering the odd sex toy, told her what I saw. Her eyes lit up, i still didn't really know what i thought about it but of course the idea of an oral sex session whilst wearing one was arousing. I said, "do you like the idea?", she said, "yes!" We did a little googling with her mostly looking at models on her phone and me learning a bit about male chastity and reading bits out on mine. What I hadn't even thought about cages, unlike handcuffs, is that they can be worn longer than just a sex session. Wow but also... what if I actually start getting less sex or not getting it when I feel like it (within reason, I never was bossy or needy about sex)? As i was reading out more about keyholder benefits and long term use She was starting to narrow down the pricing and her favourite models. "I'm buying it as long as I get to choose!" That was the moment. She chose a knock off ht in red her favourite colour. We still use this today if she wants me to wear it continuously for a long time as there are no comfort issues. There were comfort issues in the beginning, breaks usually from me wanting to stop, demanding it looking back now and many fits and starts. She from day 1 never wanted me out of the cage, never wanted anything other than full time enforced chastity but only became stricter over the last 3 years to what she is now, she has me locked as close to 24/7 as we are able to do with being unable to be locked at work, with remote unlock time for work strictly controlled and I'm never unlocked in her presence. So my initial suggestion i suppose but certainly not just my fantasy at the beginning. It was really quite mutual at the first suggestion.
My dad had one of those cards that got all the channels on satellite (for watching his novellas). Browsing though the guide I discovered the porn channels well before the days porn on the internet was readily available. There was this bdsm movie that of the playboy channels played, that opened the door up to kink interests, and female chastity came years later, likely with one of the insex or kink sites. Then again, years after that, my interest in male chastity was bridged over by things I read on reddit. I bought some cages and used them mostly as a masturbation aid. Tried for longer to wear admittedly well fitting off the shelf stuff but began defeating the cages by pulling out. Then I learned about the Lori cages, but never dove in and my interest waned until my current girlfriend. Early into the relationship we were sharing kinks, she knew what chastity was and was interested in pursuing it, three years after that discussion I’m now pierced and locked in a titanium cage. She likes having control over my erections/orgasms and is always the one that initiates the chastity session, is persistent about me putting it back on when it comes off. We’re at a maybe 70% of the time locked ratio.
If 100% locked would make her 100% percent happy then you know what you should do. It is great having a mistress who enjoys male chastity more than I do. Maybe you have more self control than I do but the main thing for her is to have 100% orgasm control.
So when you say "has not reached double digit cums in any of that time" do you mean he's had less than ten cums in all that time or per each of those years? Respectfully, m.
on an annual basis, he does Locktober, so the max available to him in any year is 11 and while he is a good boy, I like to keep him on his toes, so his monthly squirt is not always forthcoming so to speak