Vanilla wife shared her fantasy

That would definitely be a hard no from me. There is a substantial difference between putting a plastic or steel cage on your dick, and having some random guy who could carry an STD pound your ass.

 

After reading this and all the I have several thoughts. Some said and some not said already.

First, I think you were wrong for flat out saying no. But am glad you saw that wasn't right and talked with her. IMHO it's not ok to just say no without thought, discussion and taking a partners feelings into consideration. And I'm not a big touchy feely type.

Next, it's your body and your soul so it's important that you only do things you feel comfortable doing or trying. Being nervous is normal but feeling pressured and having to do something is another. So please never do something just o please a partner. That said, I think too many folks miss out on too many experiences because of fear. So please always take time and think about things when you have a chance to try something. I'm not saying you're afraid and I'm not saying you're not. I'm just saying fear is an irrational feeling and it does weird things. Usually when we're not aware of it.

As for your wife, kudos to her for sharing this. Many women enjoy male/male sex. Unfortunately too many don't share it because of social stigmas. Because of reactions like your initial one. And just because of other stuff. Personally, I think you owe here another apology, and you should talk to her and let her know you're proud of her. You may or may not agree to try a fantasy but at least be willing to discuss.

As for gay sex. I'll tell you, I was very homophobic. I've posted several times how I was seduced by a crossdresser so I won't go into details. I'll just say that I was very put off by it and it really spun my head. But after discussion with him and lots of thought, I eventually decided to let things go and try whatever came about. Anyway to make a long story short we wound up in 69 the next time we met and it was the first time that a guy sucked on me and that I sucked on someone else. After that I spent a ton of time reflecting and then moved. So never got together with. him again.

A year or so later, I met a couple and she was dominant and he was submissive. She dominated both of us and it was amazing. One thing she did was make us orally pleasure the other. By then I was fine with it and actually enjoyed it. Sadly it wasn't long enough nor often enough. But it was fun.

Moving forward a few years I met someone else and got into a D/s relationship. That couple remained friends and the ladies decided that he was going to take my anal cherry. And OMG was I surprised. But it wasn't a pop it on my surprise. Everyone knew I enjoyed being taken by a strap on and I knew everyone. Again to make a long story short, OMG it was amazing. It felt nothing like the strap on and the energy was totally different. I can't explain it. But it was just different. And something I'm glad they set up. I'm eternally grateful to all of them for the experience.

All of this leads me to my last point. This sort of stuff WILL CHANGE YOU. Don't take it lightly. I'll be the first to tell you to try this since you have the chance. But I'll also be the first to say DON'T DO IT until you're ready.

I know this is long. And I hope it doesn't come across as judgmental as that wasn't the intent. The intent is to get you to think. To make you aware of something you already know which is that it's ok to do it or not. But it's not ok to hurt your partner nor her hurt you. So take your time, be open and honest with her and thankful that she cares so much.

Finally if you do experience this please let us know. And please don't feel bad if your head spins for days or weeks. It's ok.

And know that while we may agree on some things and not others it's all good. So I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide. And may you and your wife have a long long and happy life together!

 

I'm glad I could help.

Right now I say maybe you should step back. Take a few days or a week and just "forget about it". Let your subconscious deal with it. Then come back to it. Reread what I wrote and see if it helps then.

Stuff like this you can't undo. So take your time. Again there are no right and wrong as long as you're open and honest with yourself, your wife, and the guy.

And if you need, please feel free to reach out. It's always helpful sometimes to have someone to bounce things off of.

 

Dude, if your wife wants to take responsibility for your sex life, it means that she loves you and she likes to play with you. After all, isn't that what you wanted when you put on the chastity belt? Yes, her fetishes will progress. Perhaps sooner or later you will come to something extravagant at all. Or maybe you won't get there if you don't want to. No one will force you. But there is a golden proverb on this score: "Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety".

 

Of course you should satisfy her needs. I'm dumbfounded that you wouldn't
You know you will enjoy him.

 

From my point of view, one of the key prerequisites of healthy sex is informed consent. Sure, some people enjoy the kinds of play that create a feeling of pressure and force, but even that should happen within the limits that are acceptable to eveyone involved. There's plenty of things I know are way past hard limits for me and I don't have to give them a try to know. I don't need to give deepthroating a cactus a try to know it is not for me.

I can understand the impulse to make one's partner happy. But would they really be happy if they understood how undesirable some of their fantasies might be to you, or would you wish to yield to a partner willing to hurt you against your will?

Just adding a third to a relationship is no small thing, even if the sex was to be vanilla and welcome, so I'd threat this fantasy with extreme caution.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong about a had limit, full stop. However, it’s all about your reaction to her fantasy that is likely the problem. You’re likely to be better off acknowledging her fantasy, asking her why it turns her on and telling her you can see why it makes her hot. Explain why it a hard limit for you and asking if role play or fantasy talk will work for her.

 

Singularly the worst piece of advice ever given on this site...

 

Given the opportunity to fulfill a fantasy for my wife I would jump at it. In saying that I have very few hard limits so happy to try anything at least once. Continue the conversation with your wife explaining your concerns yet listen to her reasons for wanting to see this, then decide what is right for the both of you.

 

I’m not saying you should or should not. That is your decision to make. But if you do decide to try it one suggestion would to have your wife put you in bondage. Just as a way to tell your self that it is not under your control. Basically a mental game for you.

 

I don't know about that. You may be right. But there have been many awful things suggested as "advise" so you could also be wrong. That said, yea it has to at least rank up there with some of the gems previously given by others!

 

I'd say maybe/maybe not. You'd be surprised how stuff like this can get in your head.

As I said before, sometimes you just need to let it go. Then spend some time reflecting. I'm not sure if it helps or hurts, but I know when I had to work through my acceptance that I am bisexual it was a very intense experience. It wasn't awful. Not bad. Not easy. But very informative and very freeing. (I'm talking about the process, not the conclusion).

So if I can offer anything, take some time after "letting it go". Then let your mind be free. Let yourself think and deal with life. You'll be surprised what you think about, things you solve in your life, and the free space it clears in your mind.

After that enjoy your life. Be kind to yourself and be thankful for the good you have. I know I do.

As for me. I'm so glad I found a great partner who loves me and who accepts me for who I am. Ironically we seldom play lately but it's mostly due to our demanding jobs and not much free time!

 

I wanted to read this post, I really did. I just can’t navigate through this grammatical misdemeanour.

 

Ok, I read it.

Yeah you should get bummed because that’s what your wife wants and if it’s her fantasy then it should be your fantasy. If you wanted her to be with a woman she would and, you would enjoy it because that’s what men like. Men like women touching so men should touch each other so that the women are entertained.

 

I fully understand your situation. It's why I suggest you take a step back. Now I don't mean not deal with this. I mean. Give this a few days and not think about it. Before you do, talk to your wife. Let her know you need a little time to process and to think. Tell her you'll check in with her in say a few days or a week. I suspect as long as you keep open and honest communication with her she'll be ok.

You're right you've opened the door with her and that's amazing. Now she'll test you and your job is to respond in a way that's fair to both of you. Hence my suggestion.

An alternate is to tell her that you weren't expecting her to jump in with such an extreme fantasy and hence you need some time to think about it. But while you do, you'd like to hear about some other fantasies that she has. Open up the discussion on that.

A third option is to tell her that a friend of yours thinks her fantasy is hot. If she's aware of you being here you can mention we're "friends" from the site. Let her know that some of us have done her fantasy (although not with a gay friend) and it was a to. of fun for us. You don't but you are trying to process everything (or whatever your words are).

Whatever you do your job is to make her feel safe. I think your initial reaction was one that could have shut her down for good. So you're doing great to process and to work with her. The goal is to keep her engaged and to show her you're not judging her. I know you know this but women need to feel safe. And guys are bad at the "feeling" stuff. I know I'm terrible at it. This stuff isn't easy. So hang in there. You're doing ok and moving to really good on the way to great.

 

Again, the main misstep I see here is that his wife approached someone else about her fantasy - and about making it a reality - before discussing it with him.

And it was with someone he knows too, not some randomer on the internet she was anonymously confessing her fantasies to.

 

I'd give it a go if my wife found the guy, it shows she has proper interest

 

I'm so glad to see this and the reply you made to @flip__26

Personally I think what you're doing is great. Know that too many folks don't go through it because it's scary and not always easy. The cool thing is the more open and honest you are with each other the easier it gets. So again kudos to both of you, and may the good energy keep coming to you and yours.

 

Aren't you an asshole. I gave my opinion and you chose to condemn me. Screw you.

 

How condescending of you. Get off your high horse.