Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

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I think a submissive man does focus more on boobs than bum. It is perhaps a throw back to mother nurturing, to enjoy that warm comfortable experience rather than the slightly more aggressive bum approach.
And yes in submission I have found being penetrated, receiving, much more acceptable.
And yes male fantasies do change with lack of sexual satisfaction.

 

Yes, absolutely. When denied erection and entry a chaste man's mind opens to other deeper more sophisticated fantasies.

 

@longtallsally Any type of communication (guided discussion, survey, etc.) especially over time is great because it allows you to get past the embarrassment he has. It might also be interesting if you guided the discussion while he was nude and restrained with the cage off and the base ring still in place. That would allow you to see the strength of his erection (or lack thereof) to guide your discussion. At the same time you could be clothed so his only distraction would be your words, your delivery, and the content you are discussing. As they say, a hard penis never lies.

Be careful not to judge him but to make him feel comfortable opening up to you about his inner most feelings. Have fun!

 

I think your observations are spot on, Sal. The longer it has been the more "pliable" I am. After a release I am much more conservative (from what I remember, lol). Even after a ruined, albeit to a lesser extent.

Great plan to wind him up before getting him to talk. He may give you more ideas how to keep him wound up - I know that I am my own worst enemy that way and my wife loves it...

 

@longtallsally So, let me get this straight. He’s locked in a steel chastity device, you hold the keys, you control any release he gets, and he’s telling you he wants you to divulge your fantasies to him in the interest of fairness? That’s funny.

 

He’s her husband, not her slave…

 

It’s still funny. Especially since she can say her fantasies revolve around training him to be submissive to her by keeping him locked in chastity and controlling his orgasms. Fair and balanced, right?

 

Hi Sal

I feel the same as you describe.
I want him exited from being in chastity, craving for any detail. But I want him inside me, sometimes even have him in control.
I will have to learn this for myself too.

 

@BavarianWoman @longtallsally
Why don't you try creating a scene by yourself, where you ask your other half to act/behave/do something in a specific way? Like a roleplay. (no, I'm not a fan of incorporating another person in the scene, if not willingly by both parties)

Let's say, you want to be dominated, but you don't want it to be all about him. Then set some clear rules, leaving the rest to his imagination:
- I'm going to let you dominate me in 3 days, you have all the time you need to prepare a scene
- the scene has to be centred around me, even if you are dominating
- the scene has to contain ropes, whips, anal plugs, dildos... whatever you think you may enjoy
- I want you to put some serious effort in creating the best scene based on my inputs (decide whatever you want to experience, or leave him decide, but try being specific - let me know if you need any input here)
- you are not allowed to come unless I orgasm 3 times, or the scene has lasted more than 30 mins (example)
- if you act selfish, your lock-up time will be extended by... and there will be consequences

you know, setting some boundaries will greatly enhance your experience, and will ensure he is still fully focused on what you like instead of what he likes... the point is, clarify this is about you, and not about him...

 

Just give him some time out of the cage while you are around, knowing you’ll be locking him back up before you sleep and he won’t be left unattended. No expectations. See what happens. He’ll be all over you. Simple.
Remaining in chastity is easy over a long period, it’s always hardest to re-enter after freedom. The frustrations are heightened by this allowance. It won’t ruin the magic as long as you retain control of the lock-up

 

Thanks for your recommendation.
It is quite the way I want to go on and I know that this can be exeptional hard for him and I expect him to manage his frustration. We talk about tthat.

Sal, I am sorry, don't want to take over your journal.

 

When you let him have is way with you or do whatever you tell him. Just remember that he does not have to be uncaged to do it. That’s up to you

 

@longtallsally There’s nothing wrong with your fantasy being to have him TFD and being a creative lover who is trained to cum (or not) on demand.

 

I can see where you'd like to share your fantasies with him. You'd like him to be creative, but communication is important to discovering what might work for you. I wish I could tease my wife and get her TFD, but it just doesn't work that way for her.

But I think you're right.... we as men need to be more creative about what stimulates our mates and creates desire in them for intimacy. Have you talked about the things make you desire him? Is that what the fantasy conversation will be about?

 

Both you (Sally) and BW are learning the inherent contradictions chastity introduces. Hold him off for a long period and he gets TFD but it comes with a price to you - lack of regular, passionate PIV with him and him being able to last. This site is full of methods to try and "fix" it with strapons and creams and practice protocols but in the end chastity play does kind of wreck the random good old eyes rolled back, knees weakened, mind-numbing great sex. The kind where you just passionately go at each other without rules of engagement. If only TFD came in a pill...

 

Sal, how about playing a game like this. You could tell Pete that you will be allowing him a "free day" soon, and it's up to him how well he uses that day. If at the end of the "free" day, you feel that you were the center of attention and it wasn't all about him, he'll get another free day in a week. But, if you feel that the day was all about him, it will be a month before he gets another one. Of course, adjust the time frames to whatever works for you.

 

There is also something to be said for vacations. Not for travel but to just have a week of total normalcy where you get to be a passionate as you want, whenever you want and as often as you want...

 

I hope it’s not too forward but these new dildos will also need naming, are you up for recommendations?

For me, my dildos are like my children. You don’t quite know what they are going to be called until they pop out. Then you just know. It’s like, “hmm, it’s not actually Dora, I think it looks more like a Swiper” (More Dora references, you’re welcome!).
So inherently I think you will just know what to call them. It will feel natural, and you’ll live with them in harmony as if they were your own children. Maybe that’s just me?

Anyway, how about the one for you to retain the explorer angle. Maybe ‘Columbus’ or ‘Falcon Scott’. Let him be aware that it will be making discoveries never known before. It will really be a master of finding new spots.

The smaller of the two, you should use that to degrade him slightly. Maybe “Pete” (or his real name). Or if it’s smaller than him call it ‘Big Pete’. Let him have that worry that it will not only be his ultimate replacement, but mess with his mind about his penis size too.

Oh, sorry had to edit this as I had another thought. This one’s a little evil… but use Laura’s husbands name for the dildo. When he questions it just insinuate you hadn’t realised, but now that it’s named it’s kinda stuck. It has to be that.

 

Oh hell, not another abbreviation that I can’t decipher ... WTF is “TFD”? Tales From the Darkside? Time Frequency Display? Teased, Frustrated, Desperate?