How do you get a Sub back into the right mindset?

Ruins now on for you, and few and far between at that.

 

If she enjoys issuing punishments, find one you can't tolerate. If your attitude is just tedious to her, the silent treatment or withholding chastity play altogether are potent.

In the immediate aftermath, you could be ordered into a submissive position, and either recite or write her expectations, and your gratitude to have her to enforce them. Getting quickly back into the proper mindset can ward off a buildup of undue moodyness.

Chores and other proactive acknowledgments of gratitude can be mandated and scheduled. Massages, preparing and cleaning up meals, getting her clothes for the day ready, etc. Nonsexual acknowledgements of your position, on a multiple per day pace.

As above, maybe you are simply being treated too frequently to orgasms to appreciate the privilege. That's an easy fix.

 

I don’t think there is a set list of activities that could take place to revert a submissive back into that zone. If you find yourself in a situation where you are satisfied, invariably the hormonal imbalance will set you on the rollercoaster of non-submission.

Obviously, the time period of such can be shortened by a period of intense arousal without satisfaction. As your partner, she will know exactly the acts to get your juices flowing, but I think she will find it more difficult without the affects of denial. Even the simple acts of saying “no” become less impactful…

The key is to find a way to make you “pop”, to give you what you need without giving you what you want. To maintain the frustration even throughout your release.
To clarify, you don’t need to orgasm. What you need is to feel rewarded by your actions, to feel that denial is not the only available course. What you want isn’t necessarily your orgasm, by asking the question you’ve shown that you don’t want the aftermath of such. This is what makes chastity so conflicting, you want it so badly yet all at the same time you don’t want it at all!

I’ll give an example from my situation. I haven’t had a full orgasm for nearly a year, but my wife quite frequently will allow a ruin, even these can have a negative impact to my responsiveness moving forward if they accompany the fulfilment of my desires. I yearn the most for the unrestricted sensations my penis inside her moist, tight vagina. The way my situation evolved, this is now the key driver of her denial, which is great as if she allows it without any accompanying satisfaction the frustrations live on. Should she give that with say the aneros inside me and a milking/anal orgasm in tandem, well that’s falling into the territory of satisfaction.
A milking/anal orgasm alone would not have the same affect. I can have one without the other, but not both.

If the key driver in your situation is simply to work towards a ruin, a minor “pop”, then even by allowing it you would find your obedient mindset temporary dwindling.

So to summarise. The best way to get you back into that mindset is to not take you out of it in the first place.

 

That could be true, but it doesn’t really answer the question that was asked.

 

This^

Ruins are also detrimental, to me at least.

Currently my beautiful GF says she wants no orgasms, no ejaculations. I'd like that too, but nature always finds a way, haha.

Cage on, doesn't come off, no release, no erections, no ejaculations, etc. until settled back in.

 

It did

 

Here is what works for us:

• Staying in chastity 24x7
• No erections in between releases
• Right back in the cage after a release
• Longer lockups - 4 weeks or more but an occasional 2 week lockup is ok
• Frequent teasing without touching my penis 2-5x per week. If she doesn't tease me for 10 days or more due to illness or other life events, I start to struggle

We've been doing this for over a year now, and this works remarkably well for me.

 

Nope. Your logic is deficient. It is a GIVEN that he was out of the mindset already. Pretending that the given precondition is nonexistent does not answer the question. That’s like being asked how to set a broken bone and answering “don’t break it in the first place."

 

You should probably read @CuriousAndys journal and come back to me with what is GIVEN….

 

The question was quite clearly "How do dominant Females get their submissive back into an obedient mind set quickly after they allow them to cum?” If that’s not a GIVEN, WTF do you call it?

 

I call it a backtrack on your original statement…

I gave my opinion, advice and experiences around the subject based on my knowledge of the situation.
I don’t know why you feel you have to critique my response when you have so fruitlessly added so little yourself.
Good day to you, Sir.

 

Essentially it’s creating a situation where the male orgasm is unenjoyable.

From my in depth research (when watching porn was actually fun) I found that there are 3 techniques. Personally I think only one is relevant for chastity purposes.

The first two I’ll briefly explain:
Continuing after orgasm, when it’s too sensitive to enjoy and you really want contact to stop.
Another is to time it perfectly and cause pain whilst the orgasm occurs eg, tugging on balls or whipping the shaft.
Both of these actually result in an orgasm and ejaculation at the same time.

The more relevant ruined orgasm is to cause ejaculation without providing the sensations of orgasm. This seems to mitigate the hormonal changes and prevents the ‘sub drop’, indeed it can even enhance the frustrations if given in moderation.
It’s simple, Stimulating/edging until just past the point of no return and stopping whatever activity is taking place. The semen pours out rather that forcibly propels. You still receive a lot of pleasure in the build up, but ultimately you are left feeling disappointed.

This video (NSFW) shows it well.

 

For me I enjoy being in a submissive headspace (a little bit) more than being able to cum. So for me, having an orgasm doesn't necessarily bring me out of that headspace, as long as there is plenty D/s rituals and interactions etc.

Depends on the submissive, but if I'm still being spoken to like I'm a submissive after play then it keeps me there in that headspace and reminds me that is my place whether we're having sexy time or not.

Some couples I think fall into that trap of just relaxing after play and not keeping up their roles.

I think it's important to continue your protocols and dynamic after sex to ensure the submissive still feels submissive and behaves appropriately, as opposed to just snapping out of it after the orgasm. Otherwise bad habits start to form and it all just feels like it's a purely in the bedroom dynamic.

 

I did NOT need to see that. I could use that freedom, that touch, even the ruin right about now.

Jesus, even your description is enticing. And ruins are maddening. The image goes through my head of being let out now, given a ruin, then locked up for the remaining almost 2 months.

Which is worse? Not getting out at all or having that experience with a ruin?

 

At first, they were worse than releasing for frustrations, now they are the only option… well they’re something to be savoured!

 

And that is why you can't have any

 

I need more information. What do you mean by "I'm not anywhere near as obedient..."?
Why are you obedient to begin with? Why would orgasm change obedience?
Hormones are a fact of life and having a hormonal shift after orgasm is common if not outright unavoidable. This would effect mood.
It does not effect commitment. If one has committed to being obedient, mood should not matter.
It would be silly to commit to staying in any particular kind of mood in any given circumstance. If this is a D/s arrangement (using the term obedience could indicate as much) then the Dominant isn't only in charge when it makes the submissive happy, they're in charge regardless of emotional state. And the submissive would submit even if they aren't thrilled to do so.
So, why would it be the dominant's responsibility to change the submissive's mindset? Wouldn't roles have been defined and agreed to already?
Even if I don't feel subby, I have committed to being submissive to my Dom|me and that's what I rely on to carry me through when moods do what moods do. I never committed to never grumbling or being mildly annoyed when told I can't have sweets after dinner or told to pause what I'm doing to complete some chore/task. I am human after all. And I don't expect my Dom|me to "change my mindset" so that I always enjoy those things.
So, to get back to my first questions, what is the goal or objective of your obedience? To be a supportive partner, titillation, novelty, role reversal, fulfilling a commitment...?

 

I get obviously the intensity varies but you can still have that intensity without being horny. It's a deep connection but it does take work to maintain it and make it feel natural.

What are you doing immediately after you play? What about in the morning when you wake up? When you first see each other after your work?

These are all opportunities to exercise rituals in your relationship that can mentally put you in your place/role.

Have a conversation about what those rituals could be. I'll give you an example.

Sometimes I come home and my Mistress orders me to my knees and makes me kiss her feet or she kisses me while I'm in a kneeling position.

The purpose of this isn't necessarily to initiate play, it's to remind me of who I am within the relationship and also who she is in the relationship.

The more this type of casual D/s behaviour is normalised within your relationship (including outside of play) the deeper your connection will be and you will learn to enjoy submitting more of the time. The more you are in that mindset, the more it will start to feel like "home", if that makes sense?

Don't get me wrong, there will be times where things are really serious, life gets real and it's not appropriate or you are annoyed etc etc. That's all fine.

But both of you taking time out to acknowledge your dynamic and reinforce your Dominant and submissive roles will only strengthen your relationship.

Chastity is obviously one of those things that can help do that for you, but there's more to your relationship than just that and you obviously both desire a deeper connection than just "mwahahahaha, I control when you get to cum!"

 

U should be maid to stand in the corner with pink frilly panties and spanked and then caned

 

It’s complicated but what I would say works most effectively is to reinforce and exert authority in a way where the submissive can or will or actively does feel bad by not complying. Sadists usually start being a bit chaotically hostile but that is not ever my style so I can’t speak to that.

granted it is quite different from one submissive to the next as far as what they do or do not respond to most effectively — but usually with enough time and rapport, stuffing someone into sub space is as easy as talking to them with a certain tone or with a specific tinge to the words you use. I don’t ever have to raise my voice or threaten them to keep them where I want them to be.

granted, I also would stress that there isn’t really a right answer to this question … it would just be ‘your answer’ or the next person’s answer etc. too many variables to sum it up specifically as there isn’t a one size fits all approach that will always work, in my own experience

hope this helps at least!

 

This is definitely important. Once we were both comfortable in living this way, my Wife could allow a full orgasm with minimal subdrop because there was no break from chastity “play”. It was clean up and back into the cage, serving her, denial till next month or whatever she decides. There was a time when we’d do lockups for a few weeks and then when she’d decide to let me out for an orgasm, we’d have sex and afterwards she’d sometimes leave me free for a week or so, and that’s when my interest in chastity and being submissive dropped to almost nothing. I still would be attentive and loving like I’ve always been, but let’s be honest, the most wonderful husband is still going to be even better if he’s locked and denied. So once she was comfortable with denial more and not feeling guilty, my freedom weeks went away. And now I can have some ruins and an orgasm and not really lose my focus on her. And honestly it’s made that big orgasm not that important any more, because it does take a little bit away from the “high” feelings of chastity, I now find myself far more eager to get piv with no relief, or longer and slow oil handjobs for teasing and maybe a mild ruined orgasm where she lets it just dribble or run out instead of that big explosion.
Knowing I may get that one big full cum, yes it feels amazing for 20 seconds or whatever, but then it’s just back to lock and denial any way, and I’ve lost some of that lustful high feeling.

 

You are probably right about the hormonal shift being common. However, I have found as I documented above that a certain, consistent regimen can prevent the drop for me. I've been reading all the posts on the various threads on the topic and some are like me and others are not, but it's hard to know if their chastity practice is close to mine.

I think you are right if your D/s relationship is simply "Do as I say".

My wife is not a strong D. In fact, she's only a D when it comes to the bedroom & control over my body. After that, she wants me to proactively serve and be attentive to her. She doesn't want to be telling me what I should be doing for her; she wants me to anticipate & surprise her with attention. It would be easier if she told me what to do and if she punished me with a paddle. It's much harder her way. But it's crucial for me to behave like she wants me to if I want to enjoy the maximum benefits & pleasure in our relationship. This is why MOOD and suppression of "the drop" are so important. If I have a drop, I become irritable and less mindful and attentive. When she is feeling good, teasing me daily, keeping me chaste, I'm on a razor's edge. The only difference that happens after a release and an orgasm is that I'm even hornier for a few days.