Is it fiction or abuse?

So, when you jump out of a perfectly good airplane and despite the fact your wearing a parachute you are terrified, and having a legit panic attack, you may be emotionally damaged by your decision, where is the safeword?

 

?

 

To whom are you referring?

 

It's easy to stop or pause flr/chastity as both people are consenting and should respect each others boundaries
Domestic abuse isn't You can't just say stop there is no safe word You are isolated from your support network You can't just leave as you have nowhere to go
While being told all of the time your told its your fault for everything Your rubbish your shit
Your access money is controlled
There is no easy escape or way out Trust me on that one

 

Sorry parachutes aren’t safewords they are risk mitigation. Free climbing without ropes doesn’t have a safeword and my relationship has blanket consent and no safeword an no I’m not in an abusive relationship.

safewords are a descent tool for most but the lack of one does not equate abuse.

 

I understand!

and I agree! Both Madam and I will participate in CNC sessions where we for go a safe word.

 

I don't think it would be proper for someone to call out a person they think is being abused in this thread. I would say if a chaste male wishes he could stop chastity but his KH threatens to leave/divorce or other severe repercussions if he does then that is more likely an abusive relationship with one caveat- they started their relationship that way and it was understood from day one this will be all or nothing.

 

Sorry wrong thread

 

Dare I say something not explicitly mentioned thus far, and cannot be understated-- in my opinion:

Despite it sounding a little bit corny, the bottom line is:

consent is sexy

And when it's implied that there is no consent (implicit or explicit) that's when things make you feel a little bit uneasy inside.

Over the last several months, I've had many random conversations with people here and been approached for various reasons that has made me convinced of 1 of 2 things when I get that specific type of vibe:

Either

A) this person is living on fantasy island where apparently, the wicked Castrati mafia snip your balls, tiny cock and cuckold your brain while leaving you penniless and powerless. (if you're into that, well, i'm no kinkshamer but imma shame you for that lol)

or

B) This person actually sounds like they desperately could use some help in some form. Maybe even just words of kindness but it doesn't sound like they are describing some niche kink or fantasy and instead describe a grim and very sad reality masked with the costume of 'a lifestyle choice'

So despite the initial potential kneejerk reaction to some re: the OP, i think it's great and needs to at the bare minimum, be said and heard.

Thanks for sharing that!

 

I agree. But that isn't what I said. I was asking about cagedforlifes comment

 

There are a couple of types of fantasy posters (probably more, but these came to mind). There are those that are just playing a game for themselves, consciously knowing exactly what they are doing. Then there is the very much more vulnerable type, where you get the sense that fantasy and reality are a little blurred.

These posters do seem a little in need of support, and I do see the community here supporting even the most challenging types.

 

As far as I'm aware, here in the UK even if couples consent to "abuse" in a relationship it is illegal! For example if your lifestyle includes any form of bondage that results in physical damage then you are breaking the law. This would include bruising or drawing blood during sexual play. I don't know if this is enforced though. As I seem to understand it, unless the "injured party" wishes to prefer charges then there is very little the Police can do. All very confusing!

 

I can see where all sorts of common play in the BDSM world would be considered abuse in the vanilla world, expecially wrt to the Police. It's very wise to keep Police far away from anything in your family or your spouse, especially in the USA.

 

That is so true:
https://www.insider.com/mothers-called-911-sons-in-crisis-shot-them-dead-2020-10

 

There was some abuse in our practice of chastity. While there were positive aspects of chastity for me, there were times that it was enforced in ways that were emotionally manipulative and sexually abusive.

 

Great opening post, Subsnuggler is right for most parts as is Nicoftime - as usual. However...

Especially in my first long term relationship we have been quite deep into the lifestyle with regulary going to munchs, partys etc. Doing that you get to know a lot of different folk What i never saw was a relationship where I really would speak about slavery. I would sign though that we came across quite some abusive relationships during our more public time.

And that is where Nicoftimes posting is somewhat lacking even if he is right at the same time:
People here speaking about beeing locked against their will is pure mindfuck and of course everyone can legaly can legaly terminate a relationship. However - some people due to psychological and / or emotional problems can not do this on their own when they are in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship.
This is no problem limited to BDSM only though - otherwise there would not be much of a problem with domestic violence.

This is almost the same with the opening post. While marking many things you can read in the internet als fantasy or some mind game it is not correct in all its points. Punishments - especially physical ones - are forbidden as is degradation in certain forms. It is something completely different if you consent to it beforehand. Otherwise every top participating in SM would be in prison quite fast...

And it is similar with other things. For my taste the term "I am forced to..." is used way too excessive and of course noone is really been forced, but you can read it as " I am doing xy even though I do not like it". And while this certainly is not a thing for many people such things are part of my relationship as well and I am fine with it. You just do those things for your partners sake and that if completely fine as long your overall relationship is loving and fullfilling for both of you.

And that is one of the most impotant things in this thread said by SubSnuggler: The first and best protection against any kind of abuse is the love of your partner !

 

Abuse most often comes from the one you love. It is that love that allows the abuse to take root...

 

I am no native speaker, but I am quite sure that i did not say "the best protecion is when you love love your partner", but rather "when your partner loves you". A quite important distinction.

 

Sounds like a translation issue. You said the love of your partner, not when your partner loves you (although a partner could reference either, in the context you wrote it implies the person reading which would be predominantly the male).

But even then the issue still arises. Many people love their partners and still abuse them. Happens all the time and in far more relationships than we could estimate. Sometimes that love is what forms the basis of the abuse...

 

What I am hearing on this thread by several persons is that either they have failed to establish limits with their Dominant regarding the type and intensity of discipline, or their Dominant is exceeding established limits. In either case, the responsibility for enforcement is on the submissive. Are you physically confined 24/7. Kept shackled to a wall? Since you are posting on this site, I seriously doubt it. If the relationship is truly abusive as is suggested, why on earth do you stay? Every country outside the Moslem world has laws against private persons imprisoning people. Slavery is illegal as is physical abuse. Since you choose to stay despite the abuse, I can only conclude that you have given her consent to abuse you. Your complaint is that the abuse is too intense for your taste. Failure to communicate that to her, in no uncertain terms, is your failure, not hers. You need to establish limits and make them stick. If she won't comply, then leave. You have grounds for legal action since there is actual abuse occurring. That you gave her all your money means nothing. Get a good lawyer.

 

This post is completely devoid of all logic, reason, compassion and understanding of abuse. Scores of women stay with men who beat the shit out of them against their will and you are saying it is their fault for staying? You have ZERO grasp of the topic at hand...

 

Are you ringing to ask for more?