Is it fiction or abuse?

Which line do I ring for physical abuse? My ass still stings from the cane!

 

Well, no. It would t be much of a punishment if I said no .

 

That’s true, but those who had ‘no choices’ would probably not have the luxury of perusing chastity forums.
I think you already addressed the issue here:

The accounts that depict these situations are false.

 

Great topic. Beautifully introduced.

I posit a third option: These posts are often a thinly guised plea for help.

Laz

 

I also think this is a good post! Thank you for the very thoughtful, sober advice and information.

 

No, I actually agree. It’s a good post.

Despite my misleading humour on the topic it’s always good to know your options. Even if it only helps one person, that’s enough.

 

In a previous life I was in a abusive relationship
I was mentally abused and cut off from my friends There is a lot more to my story but not sure I want to go into to much detail on a open forum
Now after many years I'm in a new life
My now wife knows all about my past and gives me her full support
We all know some of the stuff posted around Internet land is fantasy
I'm also going so say if someone was being abused the last place they would allowed is a place like this Jesus I wasn't even allowed to answer the phone without her permission (pervious life I must add)

I'm sure like many others on here what we post is real and happens with the full consent of both parties
I'm happy to be locked and controlled sexually I'm happy to be spanked and caned and everything else that goes with our relationship
Like everyone else on here one word and it stops there and then

 

Understand this. The ‘Find my friends’ app, which should by all intentions be a positive technological advance suddenly became rather sinister.
Will always remember the day my wife first saw my scars. Disbelief. Men don’t go through that.
I feel it may be more common than we realise.

But that’s also why I understand this:

 

i love my job so i am not need help but i think some folks do on here. i rember one that was keep in a little room and tie up and was not let out for ages and ages and was poorly as well and he dont come on here no more and i think that he prob has die.

 

Personally I didn't see it and no idea it was happening until I escaped and then my world fell apart
Friends that I had lost came from nowhere and rallied around It took me around 5 years to rebuild my life
So yes if your post helps one person all good

 

Here are some simpler guidelines:

1) Don't submit to someone who doesn't love you and don't submit to someone you don't have TOTAL loyalty to and trust in. Anyone less might be inspired to abuse you.

2) If, after submission, your dominant can't set aside the time to have regular co-equal, nonjudgmental talks with you to determine your emotional and physical state, you are in a non-healthy relationship.

3) In a healthy D/s relationship both of you have power, both of you are fulfilled, and both of you have everything to lose if the relationship fails. If this is not the case, you are not in a healthy relationship.

 

I think it is a very valid post that should be said from time to time just as we would recommend having a safeword during play. I think MC can easily move into a grey area because almost by definition there is a designed power shift and mental change in both parties. In most healthy relationships there is an equilibrium of power and responsibility that develops over time. Maybe it is not 50/50 but it finds a healthy sweat spot that's works for both parties. Over time if there is an issue that arises it can be openly discussed to right the balance. (Remember I said healthy relationships, I know unfortunately many don't work this way). Here the shift in power often moves in one direction towards the KH. While it may be completely wanted by both parties to begin with there can easily be an abuse of that power and a willingness to accept fate by the chaste male.

Anytime someone is subjected to psychological manipulation, even if wanted, the outcome may be far from what they anticipated or would even tolerate under normal circumstances. Perhaps it is a form of Stockholm Syndrome (as another member mentioned to me when we were discussing this topic) but the submissive is locked into their fate and often proclaims how happy they are with it. I guess this is the male version of "why does she stay with that abusive guy who beats on her".

 

I wouldnt think many of the people on CM are coerced, and the one's like myself crave to be dominated by their wives / partners and don't need a safe word, although we have one. its never been used, most kinks / fetishes on here seem to be consensual...just my opinion

 

We have a safe word, and I've coded once, but it's not something we actively remind each other about or review. My Dominant will beat the shit out of me in a scene, but she won't hurt me.

Only a sub will fully understand that last sentence, but there ya go.

 

99.999999% who say they don’t have a choice, or feel physically threatened, is fantasy or they don’t understand choice.

Choice doesn’t mean favorable, it means options. Actions have repercussions, good, bad, and indifferent.

Everyone could demand to have their device removed or remove it themselves if possible. They would comply. Period.

Repercussions, they may not be fond of this choice. They may be upset, the may be hurt, they may be disappointed, and they may want to discuss it. They may even not get over it and give you a choice to make between your future relationship and dick freedom…but it is a choice.

I know for a fact my wife would want to discuss it, possibly asking about compromises moving forward. Ditching everything would be last and she would be hurt and upset. We would probably make it, but we’ve been doing this all but 2 months of our relationship, it’s a bit ingrained in us as a couple.

For those that say they are financially or emotionally blackmailed into continuing….bull. This is all about trust, and if you didn’t trust someone with your secrets or things, you wouldn’t have given them so freely. And if you did, you knew the consequences of your free will. You have a choice, just not a good one. If some guy gives a pro domme pictures of himself in a tutu and bank account numbers, then claims he doesn’t have a choice…he did, he made it awhile ago.

No one here can’t quit their game, they just may not like what happens after.

 

Not liking the outcome of a decision isn’t an abusive situation. It’s living with the repercussions of your actions…life. We make choices every day. Go on a diet or grab a bag of chips. White socks or blue socks. Going off my diet gets me fat, white socks with slacks gets me ridiculed, and choosing to end a bdsm lifestyle with your partner may end your relationship. The chips taste good, white socks are more comfy, and no more doing stuff you’re not into anymore.

Choice. Not abusive. That’s just me, I guess. I’m a bit pragmatic.

 

I see that too Laz. I feel for those that prompted this post, and having been in the chat room regularly, know what Weeble is referring to. I think it is fantasy, but there is also this air of desperation that comes across as well. Immature. Probably self-loathing and a deep sense of shame and loneliness to boot. I'm tempted to call them out gently.

 

The mere appointment of a safeword can never rule out that a relationship might nonetheless be an abusive and violent one while its absence alone is no hint for it being that way. Safewords might be useful for strangers engaging in casual BDSM play. My partner and I did never set a safeword though and it would scare me to have to resort to it. I should mention that I earn and spend my own money, move around freely and spend my time as I see fit and am only beaten, belittled, trampled and spat on to add to our mutual erotic stimulation

 

I have been in a relationship where the only excitement was her with a finger on the nuclear button threatening to blow the relationship and family apart which of course she eventually did. I was "soft" for always trying to reconcile matters and keep the family together. I almost feel sorry for her now desperately trying to complicate me more into her life and unable to find a man stupid enough to fall for the same stuff. I even threw some extra money her way last month when she was crying hardship, but from a position of power and forgiveness and with conditions attached that she never comes to me with anything outside the legal agreement and that she stops poisoning my kids into getting involved in the toxic parenting situation she created. Flr won't work out with toxic women. You can't role play a bully if you are a bully.

 

WTH Did I just read ???? Do you know where you are and what forum you are posting on.
SMDH