Surprise for my wife - Thoughts?

Dude, that seems like critical information. That, in addition to her fear of you cheating makes her a great candidate for chastity. My suggestion - be sincere and honest with her (with some color). Tell her that you know she wants you to abstain and you have tried but found it difficult. You searched the internet trying to find suggestions on ways to help you be better at abstaining. You discovered chastity cages and read some really good things about how they have been beneficial to husbands and wives. Tell her you know this is crazy but you are hoping that it's something she might want to explore with you. Let her know that it only has to be for a test period but you have read that you should give it a little bit of a go before giving up on it too early. You think it would be very sexy if she controlled your ability to orgasm or even have an erection. Besides the fun and sexy part of it, it will help you abstain entirely from masturbation and give her extra comfort that you aren't breaking your promise. Make sure she understands that your desire is to have less orgasms and for her to have more (but only at her direction and desire). Maybe wait until the next wine night.

 

Glad to hear it. I look forward to you returning the favor one day and telling me how I can best tell my wife!

 

Abstaining entirely from masturbation, more foreplay, oral and toys into the relationship, sounds to me like you’ve got yourself a great chastity plan! Reasonable, thoughtful and achievable. Being in chastity when she is aways make perfect sense, in that respect. As the others have said, for now, you can practice while she is away to find the perfect cage for you. Now, for the piece of jewelry, anything that she will like and that you will like seeing around her neck will do. She likes sunflowers? So the one with a sunflower is perfect, it shows you put a lot of thinking into this, it’s something between the two of you, and not just about you. And it'll serve as an gentle introduction to the concept of chastity.

 

I think that @ChasteJase is spot on! She has left you an opening to start a sincere and honest conversation by implying that your would "cheat" while She is away. Tell Her how difficult you find it not to masturbate and ask for Her help in keeping you loyal. (Women HATE thinking about their husbands wanking!)

 

Just be careful about saying anything about cheating. That’s clearly a sore subject and best left unsaid. Let her figure that part out herself.

 

It gets worse before it gets easier.

 

Agreed, don't have it on let her be a part of the process, and most importantly let her lock it.

 

It is hard but you can do it, trust me I haven't masturbated in 3 months and I used to do it at least once a day

 

Communication! It's going to be more about what you say. Tell her you want to be devoted to her and want you to totally trust you. This key is your gift to her... A gift of yourself and your sexuality.

 

I like the idea. It is quite romantic. Leave the decision to her, if she wants to keep the chastity for longer.

 

As pretty much everyone has said, a surprise chastity reveal is almost certainly going to have a terrible outcome. You've described an insecure partner, so that adds a a layer of risk.

1. She may be appalled at you kink.
2. She may be contemptuous of your kink.
3. As an insecure person, she may view the idea as your admission you lack self control. and/or are or have been cheating.

My suggestion, if you go through with the idea at all, is to present it as a benefit for her entirely.

Address her insecurity first. Acknowledge she has had the concern, and that it is hurtful to you to imagine she is worried about infidelity you have no interest in. Admit that the masturbation restriction is a difficult request, particularly for healthy men, but you are delighted to make every attempt to comply if it brings her relief from fear. Judge her reaction at this point before proceeding.

If the above is relatively well received, state you've encountered the existence of practical male chastity devices when looking for advice on how to completely stop masturbation. You can admit this physical barrier could help you resist the ever present availability of self gratification. At this point, again, if she still seems receptive, you could add that you find it exciting to imagine having your sexual pleasure be totally under her control, and to have to maintain attention to her needs in and out of the bedroom to continue to have sexual privileges.

If at any point the conversation starts heading south, drop it. Pushing the issue will only sour her on it further. Nobody is owed any sort of sexual activity from anyone else, and trying to compell somone to participate is at best manipulative, and could in some cases be construed as abuse.

 

You’ve received great advice. You know your wife best, so the hard part is to synthesize it into an approach that might work.

But, park your hormones and think this through. Her wanting you to control your masturbation is a solid entry point. But, she may also take it as you don’t want to have sex with her. Think that one through just in case.

No matter what, be genuine and take one step at a time. Women are very perceptive and can spot phoney baloney pretty quickly. If you have to sell it to her, she is unlikely to say yes.

 

Yes, to this point, I have tee'd up many different ways to approach my wife on this and after many, many months I still have not bit the bullet. More importantly, I have abandoned approaches that I thought would work in the moment but later decided were not the right approach. I'm likely way overthinking this, as I tend to do, but I do believe you need to fully think it through and don't just go into it haphazardly. But you know your wife best and I am just a guy who still hasn't taken this next step!

 

If you have been on the forum for a year, waiting, I’ll bet that is difficult.

Some combination of sincerity, honesty, and keeping it simple will probably allow you to present the idea without damaging the relationship. Also, just one thing at a time, not an entire menu of kink. Start slow.

It also seems to be common that she may say no the first time, then months later she brings it up. You never know so be accepting of her decision.

To me, asking to be locked up was just as hard as asking for the first date or proposing. I really struggled and sweated it out.

Good luck!

 

@Shaun - get this book and read it before you do anything. It is short and to the point - exactly what you need.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01BCQRMX8/ref=ku_mi_rw_edp_ku

 

Too bad you didn't give her the key as her going away present .. If your wife is dissapointed ,yiou can always laugh it off as a joke . But all may not be lost , the seed has been planted .

 

Yiou better have some vaseline to smear around the ball ruing and other surfaces that will chaff easilly . 2 days is a long time for a first time caged ..

 

@Shaun,

Any updates on your situation, have you talked to her yet about being put in chastity?


You had mentioned:

This being the case, I have another alternative idea. And I think this rationale was what ultimate convinced my Sexy Keyholding Wife to give longterm chastity a try, with her having complete control over the keys.

First of all, don't mention anything about chastity keeping you from cheating. She'll figure out that piece on her own once she buys into the idea. If you bring it up I think you're just going to inject negativity right from the get-go.

I tended to masturbate A LOT, and Goddess Wifey didn't really like that at all. What I thought of to explain it to Her went something like this: "Basically, that I'm weak and just can't resist pleasuring myself. Oftentimes multiple times per day. The chastity device would be a tool which would help me through my "weakness" and prevent me from masturbating. I compared wearing the chastity device to the fact that I need glasses to see better. My eyesight isn't good, a weakness, if you will, but the glasses are a tool to help me deal with that weakness. Just as people who have hearing disabilities might use a hearing aid or physical disabilities might use a cane. These are all just tools to help the body function as needed. In my case, I need help to keep from masturbating, and I believe being locked into chastity by my Loving Wife would be the magic ticket to achieve that goal.

She pondered that for a short while and said something like: "Yeah...I guess that makes sense." Since that time, other than when She wants me out so She can have better access, I've been locked 24/7/365. As Maxwell Smart used to say: "....and loving it!". LOL

Of course, we had dabbled off and on with chastity short-term over the years and I already had a device or two that I knew I could wear for long periods of time without issue. So that was a help. But this was the first time She had control of ALL keys. And now SHE loves that too!!!

Good Luck,

~subrick

 

Bingo! That's exactly the message that worked for me and convinced my wife to try it and help me learn self control. She and I see the need for it long term now as a practical guardrail. It can make such a huge difference in your marriage if used properly.

 

I would suggest you leave her a copy of an article on chastity before you buy a chastity cage. Put a copy of an article like this in a nice card along with some pictures of various chastity cages.

https://www.chartattack.com/male-chastity-improve-relationship/

 

That's a great little article. It's written in a way that even my conservative, vanilla wife can appreciate, especially because she's been experiencing the benefits.

 

Tell her that you want to wear a chastity device and for her to hold the key not because you will stray but as an expression of your love for her.