I’ve just realised I’ve been a member for one month short of 5 1/2 years - I know that’s nothing compared to some but, for me, I don’t know where the time has gone! Unfortunately, I’ve often sounded like a stuck record and complained about lack of engagement with my wife. My longest lockup was the middle of this year for 12 weeks. Then nothing ‘till 2 weeks ago and now back locked up. The problem seems that my wife uses the time to basically sexually ignore me and if I try and encourage anything, I’m reminded that I’m not allowed to do that. I’ve written countless emails and texts asking for some level of attention - even just making me wear my belt if she’s out for the evening. In fairness, when I have proposed this particular idea, my wife has picked it up but it’s never been initiated by her - which would make ALL the difference! Against this backdrop, I’m wondering if I should propose that the New Year would be a good opportunity for a ‘new start’… My head says that nothing will change and that two weeks of lockup is skewing my rational thought. Part of me also doesn’t want to top from the bottom, and as I am already locked up, I should see where it leads. But I think this would be completely true if we had a proven track record of engagement. But the opportunity of the start of a new year feels like at least some discussion should go into it ?
Similar dynamic with my wife. She almost never initiates any physical activity or verbal teasing. However, I think she has turned a corner in her resolve to push me into long term denial. I'm actually a little nervous that I may have to endure 6 months without an orgasm. She REALLY wants to limit me to 2 or 3 orgasms next year. When she spreads her legs and opens her pussy I just want to take her like I used to. But she much prefers keeping me locked and enjoying oral service, which I'm becoming expert at. It seems that she has finally taken control and doesn't want to go back.
I wish your wife will become more involved. I don't think you will make a mistake speaking to her about NY opportunity. My wife was always reluctant to any non-vanilla actions. She has gradually accepted me wearing a cage. She was always against my ass being penetrated. Amazingly, she cuffed me to the bed two days ago and was terrifying me to penetrate me with the biggest strapon we have. I didn't expect that at all! Luckily, she hasn't tried the biggest one, but 6 inch-long she did use. So, women are definitely evolving.
Speaking as a vanilla wife whose husband started wearing a cage about a year ago, it definitely has taken me some time to evolve. At first I ignored him too much and then he got pretty lonely and demoralized. But my patient hubby got me to slowly realize that this is supposed to be fun and fulfilling. I have started to understand that he only wants to make me happy and that my pleasure is his pleasure. So, I now am really motivated to let him know every day how much I appreciate his chastity and all the things he does for me. It’s been quite rocky at times but I feel we are in a very good and loving place now. I let him know all the time how much I love him. I give him little squeezes and tickles and on the weekends sometimes I do a lot more, but keep him caged. As some have said, this is all about love. So, Anonoman, perhaps if your wife knew how little it might take to keep you happy, it might be a good thing. I don’t know your situation well enough and I am very new here to be giving out advice, though!
Thank you for writing that. I can't tell you how much it is appreciated! I am self locking and in the stage of my wife tolerating but not engaged even though I love her deeply and treat her as my love and queen. To here your perspective gives me hope.
I am so glad! I sure hope that your wife comes to see what I see now. It takes so little to keep my hubby happy. What seemed like a burden before now seems so much easier. I have come to realize that chastity for men, or at least for my man, is a huge sacrifice in the name of love. It’s all for us. So he deserves love and attention. And when I give him just a little, it comes back to me tenfold. What’s not to love?
It’s not been an easy road. It has taken me quite a while to get used to all this. We’d been married so long (27 years!) when this came out of the blue, so it was quite a shock at first. But I am grateful that my husband learned of chastity and brought it to our relationship, because it has improved it 100%. We are closer now than ever. So there absolutely is hope!
Not gonna lie- I wanted to tear up on that one. I am being as patient as I always am with the hope that she sees the benefits and fun part of it. We just celebrated our 20th a few months ago. I know I shocked her with this but we are working our way out of a 3 year dead bedroom so there is a lot to work through. Thanks again for you perspective and please stay and continue your voice here- it is appreciated.
My wife and I are just a few months behind you but are very close in terms of what you describe in your relationship. I don't think she could consciously articulate her feelings about it as well though. I think what you have written will resonate with her. I may share your post with her when we have a chance. The intimacy we share now is so much deeper than any time in our 40+ years of marriage and we both recognize that.
Maybe she feels guilty about teasing you if she isn’t going to unlock you. Have you tried using a timer box so that she doesn’t have to carry the burden of denying you?
I know I sound like a stick in the mud, but maybe her idea of being a keyholder is different than yours. When we first started she was all about the big tease, frequently unlocking and playing with it. As time went on, her idea of being a keyholder has moved to more of unlocking only when she feels like it…which happens to be a lot less than before. Honesty about her actual desires have led us to where she is in complete control, it just so happens her actual desire to unlock me is less than I’d like. But it wasn’t supposed to be about what I wanted, so we are right where she wants us to be. I would certainly prefer that she had some wicked desire to unlock me all the time, she doesn’t, so I don’t get unlocked often.
I think her ‘projected’ approach is to lock and then completely ignore any sexual activity. I’d (slightly badly kept) secretly love her to tell me to pleasure her, say, once a week and with absolutely no expectation of being touched back. Perhaps have the odd evening where I’d be left in my sleep sack for a couple of hours with some toys used but nothing that’s takes any significant effort or planning. Perhaps we’ll get near this one day!
I did think about a timer box to take away any ‘expectation’ and also as a sort of “I’m happy to play this with out you…but I’m also really happy for you to join in…” Will see how it goes this time
I know exactly what you are going through. I've self locked for the best part of 15 us on a regular basis, I've self locked pretty much 24/7 for the last 3 yrs . My wife is utterly un engaged with my chastity. She knows I lock for her and appreciates it when we do have intimate moments but in between those times has no interest in it what so ever. I have so many chastity moments I'd love to share with her but it's just not her thing outside of intimacy. I don't know if that will ever change but I carry on regardless as I'm of the opinion that I'm better for it rather than selfishly satisfying myself several time a week . If you do have the conversation then I wish you the very best of luck .
Don’t know how I happened to come across this now rather historical thread… but nevertheless I read it. I think my question would be: What does your wife want, and how does that fit into your expected chastity dynamic? @KeyKitty said it well: … it comes back tenfold! What do you give back? How does telling you to wear your belt in public benefit her or your relationship? How does forcing you into a sleep sack benefit her? She could do these things because she loves you, but love is two-way. How do you show that you love her in return? I think every successful story of chastity I have read has come with a common theme, it’s a better way of life in some way for their partner.
Communication is key I'm trying to slowly get my wife to take the lead but she likes me to take charge in the bedroom, but she's amazing and has taken charge a few times. Good luck with your wife hopefully things work out