Long initial lock-up - did it work for you?

I agree.... "initial" is throwing most people off.

I reached out to the author to ask how she came up with the consensus of 3+ months milestone lockup after the initial break-in is complete (i.e. comfortable with longer term wear). She said it was based on reading what others were saying on the internet.

I game across a mistress who has a podcast called The Obedient Love podcast that had a segment on long-term chastity. She said that she requires "submissive devotees" who enter a D/s relationship with her to complete a 108 day orgasm denial period because it allows them to complete about 4 hormone cycles in order to get accustomed to change their focus from their orgasms to their D's pleasure. I'm not sure what "hormone cycle" she's referring to but it would be helpful to understand.

 

I messaged the mistress and she says the 108 days is roughly equal to 4 lunar cycles which she thinks affects behavior patterns somehow. Not sure I believe that but....

 

I can see where it would be difficult if the wife is used to piv only. If the male can't learn to satisfy her in other ways, maybe consider desensitizing cream on the male and go for the piv as long as it's not pleasurable for him

 

My wife and I haven't had piv sex in a number of years because it's too painful for her. She has reached a point where she's lost flexibility so a long initial milestone / break me lock-up won't negatively affect her from her personal physical perspective. She's able to get off from manual or oral stimulation. She does get really turned on when she gives me an orgasm especially at this point with weeks of denial and my inability to control myself when she does. She does tease me almost daily usually from nipple stimulation. I've found when it's especially pleasurable that if I moan and whimper, she's most likely to get wet herself and very ready for her own orgasm.

 

How many days are you in to your 98 day lockup? Do you expect to have any releases during that time? Does she tease you with any regularity? If so, how?

 

I was in chastity with no orgasms for 2 1/2 weeks before I "came out of the closet" and shared what I was doing and why with my wife. It was a shock to her but I carefully explained the reasons and she has quickly been coming on board with the new lifestyle, especially after experiencing the benefits for herself and our revitalized marriage.

We stretched that 2.5 weeks out to 4 weeks before she popped the cork and gave me the best orgasm of my life... nothing had ever come that close. She then gave me 2 more orgasms after another 2 1/2 weeks between each one and they were equally as good if not better. But I began to crave them more, found that the urge to masturbate was too great without the cage that I needed to get back in it when we had left it off to allow an irritation to heal, and then snuck in a ruined orgasm by vibing my cage one afternoon when she was away. My behavior had also deteriorated... I got grouchy a few times.

It was after these difficulties that I found the website in the OP. I told my wife I needed to go a lot longer than 2.5 weeks the next time. We haven't pushed the discussion of just how long the denial period needs to be since I agreed not to bring up the topic of chastity more than once a month unless she initiates the conversation. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my ruined O and the clock and calendar seem to be moving SOOOOO slowly. The 3 O's she gave me via handjobs were so incredible, I can't imagine giving them up forever but I also don't want to lose all the benefits we experienced during that first 4 week lockup. I really need to press on one day at a time with a plan to remain faithful. I agreed to be accountable to her daily that I haven't looked at visually stimulating images, haven't teased myself (which would include masturbation), and aren't struggling with thoughts of tempation. 3 weeks but I really want to get to at least 3 months!

 

I agree with Littlejt in my understanding of what an initial lockup refers to. The author of the Secret to a Happy Marriage suggests that you should not remove the cage to stimulate the male's penis. Sexual addiction therapists also recommend this approach because of the need to "rewire the brain". My wife has happy to receive multiple orgasms a week from manual & oral sex and didn't need PIV. But she really wanted to tease me which she was able to do without removing my cage and touching my penis. This effectively trained me to become very aroused from touch to other parts of my body. The goal is to not slip back into masturbatory habits if and when she decides to "free the bird".

 

When we started out, a chaste lifestyle without the cage was definitely a goal of my wife/KH. I had my doubts that was possible. In my OP, we were just coming to the realization that my masturbation habit was an addiction and we knew we needed to change that and get control over it. My behavior had also changed dramatically for the positive and we wanted that to become the norm. We had experienced 6 weeks of extraordinary intimacy thru practicing chastity and tease/denial. My addiction took over and I cheated and our journey stalled briefly. That's when I came upon the website suggesting a 90 day minimum initial lockup.

We are on the other side of the 90 day lockup. I'm still in chastity. I'm more in control now and can handle the urge to cheat with the help of the cage. But as I laid here in bed in the wee hours of the morning reading your post, my little guy was staining hard to get erect as often happens at this time of night. The urge to touch and play is strong and I'm glad I can't. I'm in an addiction recovery program based on a neuroscience foundation that is telling me it takes 2-5 years to fully heal from an addiction. So I have a ways to go.

I'm a perfect world, being chaste and uncaged would be ideal. But that may be an unrealistic goal. Our sex life which was dead completely is now extraordinary even without orgasms for me. I'd like to be uncaged for our morning cuddle time when the fireworks normally happen but don't know if I can control myself when my frontal lobe shuts down. We'll see. We also like the idea I can only get an erection from our mutual intimacy so we have to decide if that should be a goal because my will power won't be enough to achieve that.

I think we're in this for a few years at least and maybe for the rest of our lives. As long as we both have our health, that will still be a very good thing!

 

Maybe you should look at the neuroscience of compulsive / addictive behaviors. Your brain is trained to follow the same neural pathway that's been forged from many years of acting on urges. You see pretty women, view porn, feel a negative emotion, etc and your middle brain leads you to acting on it compulsively. 90 days gives you a break, but in order for it to be effective, you also need to start creating alternative response pathways that promote healthy behaviors; i.e create new coping mechanisms. The old pathway doesn't go away; it's still there but disuse reduces the brain's dependence on it to seek pleasure. I'm no expert but I've been reading and listening to a lot of podcasts on the subject and that's what I'm hearing.

Chastity in and of itself is a tool to help curb the problem but without other behavior modifications, most guys will likely figure out how to defeat the cage and pleasure themselves.