Menopause and Chastity!!! ( A Good Combination)

I suspect menopause might be a driver in quite a few couple's decisions to pursue chastity.

 

But sometimes - in cases when it's some kind of escape from trubled waters of aging - that might be damaging to couple's intimacy and happiness.

 

I feel your pain as my wife went through terrible menopause before age 50. She had hot flashes, vaginal dryness, moodiness and some days she just cried because she knew she was "bitchy." That is in no way a reflection of who she is. So rather than fight, pout or pressure her I suggested that we step up our role playing and strict chastity. She still was getting aroused, but her vagina wasn't as eager. She basically pegged me instead of PIV. I understand that may not be everyone's kink, but we had some amazing "sex" with me being the sub.

Now with that being said we finally did discover an amazing breakthrough in topical estrogen creme for her. She applies that and it makes her as wet and horny as a schoolgirl within 30 minutes. Now she can't get enough PIV and we are back to a mix of PIV sex and then some nights she will peg me. Either way chastity is still in play so I cannot masturbate and I only get to orgasm when she wants me to. I would definitely have her speak to her doctor about a product called Estrodiol. It was a life changing discovery for us.

I did write up a thread about our journey into pegging and full-time role reversal in 2020.

https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...-and-i-could-be-in-trouble.41398/#post-455214

Best of luck to you both!

 

Yes, it might. As always, communication is the thing

 

Sounds like a good way to get locked and forgot forever. May as well just get castrated.

 

My wife and I played with denial and device bondage as part of our BDSM games when we were dating and early in our marriage. We had significantly less trouble getting pregnant than we had worried (hooray!) but through pregnancy and post-partum, her hormones (plus the exhaustion and stresses of a toddler and an infant) have completely sapped her libido. She has also been struggling with post-part in depression and all that comes with it. In general, we have a very sex-positive and body-positive home and relationship. But in feeling out-of-control of her own body, it really just eliminated any hint of desire for sex in her because she felt absolutely undesirable. I do my best to be supportive of her, to help her feel loved, needed, a priority. But between the complexities of her own psyche, PPD, and the endless Groundhog Day of COVID restrictions and two small children, she has been quite frustrated. We came back to the idea of chastity because a few months ago, we were having a very normal morning. I’d made our daughter breakfast and had our son in a carrier so my wife could try to get a bit more sleep after a tough night with our infant. She came out just before I needed to leave for work, she was very apologetic (for having slept in when I was hoping she could sleep in...goddamnit fluctuating hormones.) and I could tell she had been crying. I gave her some coffee and kissed her on the head and she snapped at me, “IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT SEX WITH YOU!!!” Having been a tiny little peck, just meant to be affectionate and supportive, I drew back and said, “I love you babe, I know you’re not wanting sex and physical intimacy right now. Let’s talk about this later.” And we went about our morning and I left for work maybe thirty minutes later.

I sent her a message later that morning.

Me : “What makes you think that anytime I touch you, it’s because I’m looking for sex?”

Her: “I know you’re still very sexual. I know you masturbate every night. I’m just never feeling sexy. I can’t even think about sex and sometimes I resent that you do, because I want to! Sometimes I get turned on and want to masturbate and then the baby wakes up and I have to stop or never get to start. I’m never alone, I always have kids hanging on me, and then you get home and I WANT to hug you or kiss you but not as much as I just don’t want ANYBODY to touch me.”

At this point, I was wracking my brain for ways that I could help her feel confident that I wasn’t trying to initiate anything by giving her a hug when I got home or a kiss goodnight. It hadn’t occurred to me that we had a cage in our collection of
Toys yet, but I made a suggestion.

M: “okay, how about this. When I get home, I’ll take the kids and you can get as much time as you need to just decompress in the bedroom. I won’t try to touch you, and when you’re back out; you can initiate contact or let me know you’re okay with some.”

H: “so what, you just won’t touch me?”

M: “not if that’s what’s bothering you. I know that it’s not a perfect solution, but maybe it will help us find something better?”

H: “I’m sorry I don’t want to be touched. I feel like such a shitty wife.”

(it goes on like this for some time, her apologizing for the way she feels. Me validating the way she feels and supporting her.)

we try that route and have some success. After about a month, she asks for a foot massage. We used to do massages nightly, even through the first pregnancy. We were even having pretty regular sex after our daughter was born. But with the second pregnancy, contact has just been off the table. So, I was very excited. She was very into the foot massage and asked for her legs to be rubbed, she asked for her glutes to be massaged. I was thrilled, and obviously very turned on, getting to touch her so intimately after so long. I didn’t push for anything other than massaging her, and after about an hour, she said that she was really tired and needed to sleep. She thanked me a lot. She asked if I was going to masturbate about her tonight and I said, “Do you want me to?” She smiled at me and said, “my panties are over there...”

I took them and had an amazing, deep orgasm while smelling her. At this time I was still masturbating daily (often twice)

since our son was born in February, I had been trying to get a vasectomy, and in July I was finally able to Get an appointment. As some of
You probably know, you cannot ejaculate for two weeks after the operation. After a few days where
That was the farthest thing from mind due to the discomfort. It became quite arousing and a few descriptions came to mind. But the one that really clicked was; “God, babe, it feels the same as when we were playing those games back when we were dating.” She looked at me and said, “do we still have that thing?” I nodded that we did.

she said, “ask your doctor when that would be safe.”

the urologist recommended that I slowly begin to introduce any sort of sex toy after the sutures had come out. But immediately stop at any discomfort.

with that in mind, a few weeks ago we started using a cage again. For now, I still carry a key, but don’t bring it to work anymore. I leave it in the restroom and only unlock it discomfort wakes me up (two nights ago, I slept until 4:30, the alarm goes off at 0500. I removed the cage because it was the “official” cleaning day anyway, and put it back on about two hours later after my shower). Today, I’m planning to continue wearing it for 72 hours and see how that feels. If it’s good, then the second key goes into it’s new home in my Fall-Protection bag (CANNOT wear a cage with fall protection harness due to risk of severe injury) and there it shall stay unless I start a project where some unknown extenuating circumstances prevent my wearing the device. My wife didn’t want to be part of the training phase, because it would have required her think about sexual activities. Wearing the cage has made life so much better for me. I am getting so much more affectionate and intimate contact with my wife, and she isn’t concerned that I’m only touching her to try to feel her up or turn her on. She has taken to asking, “are you wearing your cage?” “Yep.” “Okay, I’d like a massage tonight.” She has started being less covered when she exits the shower, she changes in front of me again, and she has even started hinting at wanting an orgasm from me.

she had made the quip early on, “seven years and you’re on JUST realizing that it’s mine?”

When we used to play, she always wanted to be dominated. But with the power reversal in her life (high-powered manager of a successful business to COVID sequestered stay-at-home parent) I think she is enjoying the reversal in this dynamic too.

Anyway, it’s not menopause. But chastity is playing into our response to the post-partum libido drop that is so common. It has been excellent.

as a side benefit, I’m much more focused at work!

 

My wife is well past menopause. She hasn't much interest in sex. She hasn't any interest in locking me up, really. More of a patronizing wave now and then.

Yesterday, I was tasked with installing a replacement washing machine. At one point, while attaching the drain line and water lines, I felt nauseated, with deep, unusual adominal pain. I staggered into the bathroom, dropped my drawers, and noted that in the act of contorting around under the sink, one testicle got strained between the ring and cate, pulling mostly free. With the cage removed for a couple of hours, things settled down.

My wife's saw that as an affirmation that a cage is a bad idea.

Meanwhile, I'd stopped at the hardware store and purchased a brushed stainless drawer handle. She said the day before that she wanted on one her new stainless kitchen garbage can. I installed it, , drilling the lid, and when she woke up late in the day and saw it, she had a meltdown. A howling meltdown, wailing, gnashing of teeth, the whole works. Who knew her trash can was so beloved. No further interest in discussion the rest of the day about anything but that can.

This morning, I purchased a new can. One hundred twenty fucking dollars for a kitchen trash can. Can you imagine?

Priorities post menopausal are here are far, far removed from what's going in with my dick.

 

Yeah. These things happen. My wife gets so made at me sometimes, and almost every time it's because I'm doing something, for her, that I think will make her happy, but somehow I totally fuck up and do something that upsets her, and she cannot believe that I did not realize that it would upset her.

So I'll be there, working away really hard, thinking about how proud she will be of what I have done for her, and she'll walk up and be like, "what do you think you're doing?!?!" (This just happened the other day. It was followed by 15 minutes of her verbally working out her frustration. And she was, as always, right; I should have known, or at least I should have double checked some things with her before doing those things ...)

Anyhow, I don't have any suggestions. Just didn't want you to think that you were the only one. Relationships can be hard.

Good luck.

 

When i first slept with my Wife/Mistress i was 32 she was 40 , she was the most beuatiful woman i had ever slept with and i knew i had to satisfy her if i were to keep seeing her so i told her not to worry about me the night was all about her i gave her the best nights pleasure she ever had in her life so she said , by constantly going down on her and pleasuring her orally only when we made love in the morning did i enter her and climax . Since then we have had a brilliant sex life introduced her to being my mistress which is another story .
Now she has gone through the menopause and i am locked our sex life is just as good satisfying her orally 3 or 4 times a week if i am on the honour system she allows me to enter her after her orgasm orally to give her another orgasm with my litttle wiilly or if i am locked i just give her cuddles either way i take my pleasure from her pleasure she sometimes allows me to come but its in the single figures per year only having 2 so far this year .
So i suppose in answer to your question has the menopause lowered my mistresses sex drive no it 's still pretty good and long may i satify her orally

 

...hmmmm...

 

Hmmm... Could this be an ominous solution? ...Could this be a precautionary solution? ...

 

Menopause + Chastity is the perfect solution for us.
10 / 15 years ago my lady had a very strong libido. She needed her daily PIV. Me too, preferably twice.
Meanwhile, once a day is enough for me. But that's too much for her, in addition there was the routine, so for me there was mainly masturbation. With all the known side effects on the relationship.
We started chastity years ago and as is often the case, she was not quite enthusiastic. Over time, however, she was able to get comfortable with it. But apparently still had the fear that the sex would not be enough for me (she had the impression of having to do more, and did without delight), or the device would cause pain, etc..
In the meantime, we have also gotten these concerns out of the way.
Some day, the topic came up again. Whether sex is enough for me. I then explained that it deeply satisfies me to be close to her in other ways than just with the cock. And if she wanted cock, she could have it at any time - without masturbation he´s hard on demand.
She only gave to consider that meanwhile she would have very rarely lust on PIV. I should already be aware of that. And went to bed.
Where I was still allowed to cuddle her...

 

very true,

 

Reassuring to hear this, similar issues. Thanks

 

That's tough. I haven't even suggested it to mine. Also no interest sexually anymore. I've been searching for an outlet for my sex drive. Glad I found you guys❤

 

It's not. My moods have gone through anger, confusion, sorrow. I thought of an affair but rejected the idea. Found this site and am considering what to do. 10 years now. Solo Chastity is helping with Masturbation and is kind of energising

 

I used to do the massage thing as well; feet and shoulders. Shoulders while astride her on the bed. Usually led to sex. All gone. She says she has no feelings now for any of it.

 

We haven’t had sex for weeks now. Haven’t ‘played’ with chastity for months. My wife promised sex two nights ago, I said not to promise as that’s not what it’s about… following night she said that she had promised to which I replied that it shouldn’t be a chore or a promise. I tried initiating a couple of times but my wife kept trying to talk to me about anything and everything. In the end I just said that it was late and we needed to go to sleep. She’s been in a massive mood with me since.
I’m taking the constant rejection badly. Now, yes, but also the year on year building feeling of rejection. I know it’s not her fault but I’ve tried so many ways, so often. I’ve asked her to speak to somebody, get checked by doctors…. nothing.
It’s like a whole part of my life, our lives that’s dying in front me and I can’t stop it. Feeling desired and wanted is important and I don’t feel any of that anymore. Just work, help look after childrend, eat, sleep repeat.

 

I relate very much to your situation. Mine seems to be the same. Where is the joy and desire?

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

Your words beautifully capture the horrible sadness of the hormonal impact that many aging women and their lovers experience.

I, too, have experienced, and felt, all of these things:

• "the year on year building feeling of rejection"
• "It’s like a whole part of my life, our lives that’s dying in front me and I can’t stop it."
• "Feeling desired and wanted is important and I don’t feel any of that anymore."

I have no answers for you. I just want you to know that you are heard, and that you're not alone.

I wish you the patience, kindness, and luck to work through this, somehow, successfully.

 

Would love to see what Would happen if the boot was on the other foot.
A guy gets to 50 ,and starts going out drinking with his mates, completely stops helping around the house, and is a grumpy, self centred prick to live with,, he puts it down to mid life crisis, and tells his wife to put up with it ,and of course no sex for her,the subject is completely off the table.
How many of these women would be hanging around, treading on egg shells. Most would be out the door quick smart.
Relationships are about putting in the effort even when you don't want to.

 

Thank you for sharing you way of living. It has made me think of a different way to live with my wife when she get to that stage in her life

 

Wow! Is this your experience with your partner? Some women really do have many issues with menopause. The hormonal balance changes can be very difficult to deal with and I would think can leave women feeling "out of control". Others find it liberating, no more babies, not many though. I have no idea how a man is able to deal with the "difficult" type of menopause. It must be quite upsetting to see your partner literally change before your eyes and no matter what you try to do, it isn't right! Mrs Chaste fortunately didn't have to many problems. It wasn't completely trouble free but by her own admission she "got off lightly". We did talk about it and I tried my best to understand. Funnily enough my chastity and it's maintenance seems to have become even more important. She gets so much more pleasure from being licked now! She especially seems to derive a lot more pleasure from teasing me just "because she can".

 

I'd say that in our case, without chastity, we'd have surely been headed towards divorce. My expectations were high, fair, and well understood by both of us: Daily sex, or I'll find it elsewhere. So chastity has largely turned a huge negative (her cratering libido) into a fun positive for the two of us. We're both still getting used to it. (And she keeps losing the keys. Not a joke. Not on purpose. Just losing them )

But it's no silver bullet. We still have to both invest in the relationship to make it work. Any time one of us pauses that investing, it shows up in a horrible hurry. And it's hard work.

I am strangely content with our current mode. She loves the lack of pressure, the extra help and attention and respect, and she really likes my attitude improvements (in truth, she should have divorced me long ago).

And obviously, this sure beats the alternatives. There's only one thing that doesn't get beat any longer ...