From chasing orgasms to wanting less

Go at your own pace man. Is your KH also your Wife?

 

There are definite stages of being in chastity, and of course every man doing this has a different story to tell (age, relationship status, what is denial, who has the key, etc).

I'm quite new to this but my advice is to settle in to it and just enjoy it. The feelings you have exist just the once so really enjoy them even if they drive you mad. Be in the now more!

I am 29 days caged, only one horrible ruined orgasm in that time, and 61 days to go (doing 90 days).

Most days I have no idea how I am going to cope with such a long perdiod of denial, most days I want to claw the cage off with my bare hands while screaming "Freeeeeeedom!"

I feel like I have literally spent 29 days going out of my mind with being horny, and spent the entire time as a horny drooling mess.

However, it is starting to get easier and I am starting to see some changes in me and in how I feel. It's quite interesting. I journal (privately) a lot so it's fun to read back on what I was thinking, I highly recommend journaling as a way of measuring you against former you, to see how you have progressed.

My KH holds the key, I have a spare which is wrapped and tapped in my wallet just for emergencies. I don't cheat but if I did it would be immediately obvious, but I'd only really be cheating myself out of an opportunity to experience something beautiful.

As an aside; I don't think my cock has been as hard since I was a teenager (Early 50s now), and never in my life have I experienced such intense feelings of sexual attraction - we have a very healthy sex life and this is just another ingredient in it.

After 90 days of being caged, and if I don't cum again it will be 65 orgasm free days, then it's likely we'll do something else. We're both really enjoying her having control over my junk so I imagine we'll have a break to kind of reset things before embarking on some other long mission. It's likely that we'll save "90 orgasm free days" until the next WInter as that was the plan this time but accidents happen.

Of course she could surprise me and decide this time she doesn't want to stop and might want to see how far we can go with me not cumming at all, who knows. I'll be game for practically anything by then I imagine haha.

 

To be honest I now much prefer the idea of being almost constantly horny and controlled far too much to risk giving it up for the temporary pleasure of a few seconds of orgasm which I know would then be followed by the drop.

 

Talk with your KH about this to decide how long to go and how to get there. Once you're locked up, its is often just making it through each day, one at a time. Ohter days it doesn't even register. As long as you and KH are enjoying it, that is all that matters. Nothing wrong with doing short lockups, long lockups, or some mix. Good luck and enjoy.

 

I once went 100 days without an orgasm, as the cage was coming off the stimulation set me off. twice a year i go about 30 to 40 days, Loctober and Lent. It does not take me long to shoot off, my wife will make sure of that.

To provide a better understanding, I need meds to maintain an erection. Stimulation after being caged may not get me hard, But I can still have an orgasm. Now the ideal window is 14 days, day 7 she starts to ramp me up.

 

I honestly don't feel qualified but I guess I have felt some loss, some regret, some anger, and more recently some acceptance, and at each passing moment the echoes of each of them overlap in different intensities.

Around August 2020. With both of us having a small amount of experience of less than ~5 days.

Journals only have a percentage of their value in the writing, often it's the review that gives power...how will you review if you don't write about the boring bits too?

Gosh yes, mine too. I learnt recently that with a ~week in the cage and then out for sex if I get edged first I find the edge spot and am starting to maintain it for longer so my GF can enjoy a delicious orgasm and I can find the super power of not ejacaulating, which is a personal aim.

 

To state the obvious, ":everyone is different", its both a mental and physical game between the both of you.
However, more than 10 years ago we did start slowly, hours at first, then days, weeks and after a year it was months.
Some have found the same, that after about 2-3 months the frustration subsides and your focus becomes very much on your partner looking after you.
We are now into years, we never talk about the when, as it's irrelevant. The only important thing is the closeness between you and serving her everyday needs and desires.
It can come as a complete surprise when the cage is unlocked, but when its off its for her pleasure only. This may be gentle touching and back into the cage or something more, but it does not involve an orgasm. Her penis is always left without an orgasm and locked back into its correct place of storage.
It takes time and commitment to your relationship to get to a place where you are both happy and your frustration of personal need does not interfere.
I wish you luck on your journey, everyones is different, but open and honest communication is the real key, not the one that opens and closes locks.

 

Oh man, this is the answer I was hoping for.

Can I just say there is some GREAT advice up and down this thread. Kudos guys, you all really nailed it on all fronts!

If I may offer, from what I've read is that you want to go deeper, but you want to have your way still a bit - and the Wife is slow to take to the idea fully or not as quickly as it matches your desire to move forward.

The best thing to do to involve her more is, give her time and physically show her the benefits of you not orgasming by doing all the little things that will show her you mean business. House chores, honey-do-lists, buy her shit...idk..whatever she likes. Flirt with her, be close to her, make it feel like yall are dating again. I mean totally roll with it and get totally into the character. The whole 9 bro. Once she fully gives herself to the notion, bro, you guys will be off to the proverbial races.

 

My keyholder wife and I have evolved over the few years we've been using chastity. In the begging it was short lock ups. A few hours to a couple days at most. I would be constantly horny. Giving her orgasms orally would end up with her unlocking me so I could get off too.
As lockup durations began to lengthen to weeks and the tease and denial ramped up, I often would masturbate when left alone. Milking myself and or using the wand on the cage until I would orgasm.
But each time I "cheated" I felt sad and guilty. So I vowed to be a faithful and obedient. The horniness and desire is still there, but I only want to cum when she allows it. Pleasing her in anyway possible and not expecting anything in return. Making her happiness, my happiness. Has truly allowed me to the submissive husband I am.

 

There are some sages here offering excellent advice, and your story and situation seem very positive indeed. From going at your wife's pace to your desire to do right by her.

Alas, i have little to offer. Back around 2007 i came across the idea and concept of chastity devices, when my wife was refusing any intimate contact. It rattled around in my brain pan. We had a child unexpectedly after a single session of sex, so no intimacy at all until 2010. i had long stopped asking.

Around 2009 i found chastity captions. And the concept solidified. We had another child off a single session, more loneliness. And then, i looked at cages and started budgeting.

In 2017 i was diagnosed with ASD. In 2018 i bought a cage in secret. My wife found the parcel and went ballistic but didn't know what was in it. When i told her she said, "suppose it couldn't be anything else" and refused any further question. She'd asked me not to talk about or mention sex, even in an academic sense, in 2015 and we hadn't.

In 2019, i tried emlalock. The session was adopted and the KH guided me into a lock up lasting about 50 days. A break, the KH got back in touch and guided me through about 40 days.

2020. This time alone, no KH, but remembering how that had made me feel worth something and like my needs mattered, i tried again. 160 days. A smaller cage. Chafing stopped that.

Marital breakdown. And now? Now i live alone with regular visits from the children, and am trying again. Started on 2 Feb.

That's my story, for what it's worth.

 

Sorry to learn about a failed relationship. But it sounded like an unhealthy one. Chastity or not, I hope in the future that happiness finds you, or that you'll make your own.

 

You absolutely will get there at her pace. Be patient and enjoy the more frequent coming while it's there! You will miss it later, guaranteed

 

sounds like you are best alone till you find a new partner as it didn’t sound a very nice relationship nor very fulfilling in any way
Glad you are seeing children fully and hope you find someone new that’s more fun