Divorce or cuckolding?

I don't see how this is healthy in any way. It seems the two of you are trying to Perch a very complex and intricate dynamic on a cracked, crumbled and hastily patched foundation.

 

As a guy who has a cuckold fantasy I can sympathize. But I don't believe cuckolding and CURE a bad relationship. As Clearstatic says, you probably have a one in a million chance this will work.

The question you need to ask yourself is how do you expect her to behave in ALL future scenarios. Will she get tired of keyholding? Etc.

I wish you well.

 

I distinctly remember reading a university study years ago that stated that people who cheat on a spouse they respect with people who are clearly 'lesser' in their eyes do so because subconsciously they do not want someone who can compete with that spouse, so that's my only comment on that point. Now....

THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS GET AWAY FROM HER BEFORE YOU DECIDE AND/OR START TO NEGOTIATE.

Allow me to repeat this statement.

THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS GET AWAY FROM HER BEFORE YOU DECIDE AND/OR START TO NEGOTIATE.

Oh, she's playing a Tease-and-Denial game with you based on a life-long sexual fantasy you've had at the same time she's trying to re-enter your life on terms that are distinctly in her favor? After possible abuse? This is bad. Very bad. Stop playing. Now.

Keeping in mind that she is using the age-old approach of offering a form of sex as bait to get what she wants can you objectively state that you trust her? Especially around your child? (That obviously has to be the first priority). Not to be judgmental, but you're clearly thinking with your little caged friend right now so you need to go get some distance between you two, possibly go to someone with experience.

What is your lawyer's advice? I'm assuming it's a divorce attorney and if this person has any long-term experience in that job then they should be able to offer some solid advice on how to protect yourself should you decide to go through with this. Should you move forward (and I'm not saying you should) a post-nuptial agreement is absolutely in order here, and after what she's put you through and what she's asking from you I would say get ready to lay down some strict terms that are built entirely to protect you and your child.

Since this whole site considers the power dynamic daily let me ask you a question: What would one of the women here do if they had their SO come back to them after a similar experience? Asking for another chance? How many seconds before he's in a belt, with terms so strict it would scare you. God that's hot You need to be prepared to do the same thing to her. But...

GET AWAY FROM HER UNTIL YOU'VE DECIDED.

Good luck.

 

IMO, it's way too risky. Just like many people here said an FLR should still be founded on mutual respect. Your relationship should be the primary, with deep emotional connection, while the bull provides only the sexual satisfaction. Failing that, she's simply trying to play you.

 

It’s so hard to give advice on such a complex situation. No one knows her, your relationship, your feelings and so on...

The situation, as you described it seems risky, but who knows. At some point, many people around me thought I should have broken up from my wife. And one of my friend asked me: “Do you love her? Yes? Then follow your guts.”

But you said she was abusive before so you need to make sure she doesn’t play you, or manipulate you. No one on a forum can know for you...

Be smart, and have standards for yourself!

 

I wanted to edit my post, as I think it’s a bit too positive.

Personally, I would not get into an FLR relationship at this time. You are in a vulnerable spot, and being submissive can make you more like to be abused and manipulated... it sounds super exciting, but really, try to not think with your Dick...

1. does she genuinely love you, and wants to be with you. Will you be happy leaving with her. Do you have close friends that have your back and also know her well? What do they think?

2. she has a BF... in my book, it’s not necessarily wrong, as I am poly, and my wife has a BF and spend 2/3 nights a week with him.
But are you OK with it? She didn’t give you a choice... are you really ok? You should be ok with it, even without FLR or Chastity.
Having a real BF and being deeply non-monogamous is not the same as a Bull; it’s not a Kink, it’s a deep emotional lifestyle. If you are not completely ok with it, you will suffer a lot.

3. I personally don’t believe in Sex-less love. I know we are on a chastity forum, so it’s weird to say that. But the majority of healthy chastity start with live and sex, and then slowly evolve to chastity for various reasons.
If I were you, I would start with a regular loving and sexual relationship. Maybe she needs a little time, but if she can’t give that to you in the short term, I would run away.

4. protect your money. Protect your custody rights.

 

What's best for the Child?

That's great you are tapping into your desires but you are a Father.

Your Primary job is to do what is best for your Child. Not your desires, not your kink, not your sexual fantasies, it is all about your child.

In the long term you need to decide what is best for the child. The emotional rollercoaster they must be on with this situation must be absolutely awful.

In other words, think with your head not your Penis.

Remember your responsibilities as a Father.

Iso.

 

My parents had an arrangement like this for 10 years, without the kink... I think. Things just got worse and worse until they really hated each other and there was a very messy separation.

I don't think this is healthy at all and I would strongly advise you to part ways.

 

This is not healthy. If you want to be a live in door mat, you're all set.
Dump her and find someone who will actually love you, cherish you, and then if you're lucky maybe lock your cock. If you're really lucky you may get to cuckolding.

 

What struck me she is in love with him...not just sex! Does she want a poly relationship. Is she going back due to the divorce threatening her economically. Why is she only kissing you on the cheek and forehead. Why does she need another bedroom. I'm wouldn't have been surprised if she was this way all of the time and just got a bit more dominating. Just stricke me it happens when she is in love with someone. Problem is when our brains is more occupied with our fantasies and don't see the reality. Maybe it's a way cope mechanism. How do you feel? does it make you happy or are you deep down sad about the situation if you look away from your all your fantasies. Some can be sneaky in this regard and many men are blind in this regard. Be sure you are getting what you want too besides the fantasies.

 

This sounds like a disaster, you are better of leaving.

 

This story is tragically sad. I am happy to hear clear heads are making comments and I am hopeful you will hear.
I am a child of divorce and I can tell you being raised by separated parents is far better for the child and far healthier than being raised in a home with 2 unhappy parents.
Your wife was abusive prior to this proposition she made. Your wife is still abusive, she is currently simply masking her true colors until she is able to manipulate this situation. Women know how to get what they want from a vulnerable man. You my friend are vulnerable and this charming woman is working you over. She is aware of your deepest desires and is using those desires to create a picture of a mutually beneficial situation. I understand the intense draw here of you turning this heartbreaking relationship into one where your kinks are fulfilled, your wife also knows this and is using this to bend you to her will. I suspect she will turn up the heat in her tease and the flr will intensify so as you are having difficulty thinking clearly.

"My thinking is what's the difference between divorce now and divorce months or years down the road after experiencing my sexual dream of chastity FLR cuckolding"
Based on this statement my concern is you have already made your decision and reached out on this forum seeking support in your choice. If your primary concern is truly for your child step away from this toxicity. If you choose to stay accept that your choice is to selfishly fulfill a long deep seeded fantasy that may never otherwise be fulfilled.
Best wishes ❤️

 

Firstly, I suggest you get some professional counselling to get your head straight. If you think this idea is going to work out well, you must be mad. Not one of the replies you've had so far have been in favour of this idea, so hopefully that should tell you something. You need to get yourself out of this toxic marriage as soon as you can.

 

OK, first of all, I would think this has the makings of a terrific movie plot!

But, unlike a movie, you don't have the ability to write the script so it ends how you wish. I think many of the people responding before me hit on some very important points & issues and offered sound advice. From the perspective of wanting help with your child, fulfilling cuckold fantasies and perhaps even your ego, knowing that "you're better" than the other man, this looks like it could be a good thing. But I think the pitfalls are so numerous, the odds of a successful outcome almost non-existent.

Sorry, I know this isn't the advice you want to hear. As someone who has a strong cuckold fetish, I can see where this would be very enticing. But for the sake of your child, I think you have to put all of the "kink" related aspects aside and make the decision based upon what is best for your child. You mentioned that your son is not comfortable around your wife, and it's unknown if that can change. He will now be living with her almost 24/7, except when she steps out on you to be with her lover. And not to get all "preachy", but is that the type of role model you want to set for your son? If it is, fine, I'm not judging. I'm just saying, as he gets older, he will figure out what's going on and realize that she really just "used you" to get her way. And it sounds like a good part of what she wants is time with your child, something your child apparently DOESN'T want.

I'm also concerned that she uses the word "love" to describe her feelings for the other man. It's more than "sex" for her. And while she tells you she thinks you're "better than him" in so many ways, I think what's she's telling you is she wants the security you can provide for her with NO commitment on her part to you, yet she wants the love & sex he can provide.

You might be able to pause things for a bit, let her back into your lives slowly. But keep the kink completely out of it. See if the three of you (you, your wife & your son) can begin to bond and heal your relationship. If that happens, and your son is onboard with her being in his life again, then maybe you can proceed slowly working to put the family together again.

But at this point, the needs of your child are paramount.

One thing I haven't heard in all of this is, What does the other man say about this new arrangement? A lot of guys don't want their woman living with another man. LOL Suppose he gives her an ultimatum and forces her to decide between you and him?

I'll echo the recommendation of discussing this with your lawyer and perhaps seeking family counseling. But your situation is fairly unique (I'm guessing), so they probably won't have any direct experience in your specific situation.

All I can say is Good Luck! I hope things work out in the best interests of your child while causing as little upheaval in all of your lives as possible. But seriously, if you do decide to go through with this, you might want to look for someone to write your story (or do it yourself), publish a book and make a movie!!!

~subrick

 

You are letting your fetish make major life decisions that affect you and your child.

 

This isn't a dominant woman that cares for her sub, this a manipulative woman that is taking advantage of you.

You don't have a dom, so you are going to have to make the decisions yourself. And decision #1 is boot this bitch out of the house and take care of your daughter. There are times when it's OK to think with your penis, but this is 1000% not one of those times.

 

Remember you are the father of a teenager. This relationship will likely cause your child some pretty severe issues. I went through a divorce 13 years ago. A friend gave me what turned out to be great advice and was the litmus test for me. "Kids win all ties."

 

One more thing...I apparently missed the statement that your son is now 13 years old. I'm thinking at that age, the likelihood that he and your wife will patch things up gets less and less as he ages. He apparently harbors deep resentful/dislike of her, for whatever reason, that hasn't waned in the past two years. I'm thinking it would also be harder to "hide" any kink aspects of your relationship with your wife from a teen.

While I agree with your statement that normally it would be best if he had a mom & dad to present to raise him, I don't think that's the case here. Actually, he DID for the first 11 years, right? And for whatever reason, he doesn't have a normal mother-child bond with her. If the family situation is toxic, I think it can be very detrimental to him for force him to be in that situation.

You and he apparently have a good relationship at this point, correct? Do YOU want to risk that relationship with your son by satiating your wife's wishes instead of his? He's almost of the age where he could just decide to leave on his own. Is that what you want?

I'm not changing my recommendation, I still think this will most likely end poorly, and your son, and your relationship with your son, may be hurt the most.

I wouldn't risk it. He already thinks his mom doesn't love him. Do you want him to feel the same way about his dad?

~subrick

 

We all have the benefit of having no emotion in regards to your situation. The truth of the matter is that she was abusive and also a cheater, if she was serious about making things right she’d drop her lover and make an effort to rekindle your intimacy. Sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you in getting what she wants, she knows your fantasy and is taking advantage of you.

I am not a cuckold but have read a lot about the subject and personal stories that I believe to be true. From what I’ve seen cuckolding has never fixed a marriage. To me it seems more like the cherry on top of a successful marriage where communication is very open and real love is shown to each partner.

I think your wife is sad, hurt and embarrassed by being kicked out for the last 2 years realizing what she lost. But there is nothing in your writing above that shows any remorse from her except for her own selfish reasons on wanting to get back together with you. She is going to use your fantasy against you and manipulate you to get what she wants. Just my opinion, good luck!

 

First, please allow me to apologize for the vehemence of these, my first posts. I am not trying to step rudely into a topic I am still learning, but this isn't about kink, it's about family and children and that's an entirely different topic, so please don't think I'm being pushy. Now, having said that

If you've discussed this idea with a forum on the internet and not with your lawyer then you're doing it wrong.

Stop what you're doing now, because you're looking at the internet. Pick up the phone and call your lawyer. Now. I'm telling you they are going to try to talk you out of this too but either way go into detail about your plans and what you're facing or make an appointment that you can see them ASAP. Seriously - don't even finish reading my post; these comments will still be here after your done. Call your lawyer right this very second.












Still reading, huh? Alright, I tried....

Your next phone call needs to be to a child or family psychologist if you can because they can also give you guidance far better than anyone here, but this may not be a practical option right now. So let me ask you

Do you think the child, who you say avoided the mother and says they don't want to be with her, is going to be happy with this arrangement when they find out? Because whether you tell them directly yourselves or they discover it on their own they will find out.

You say that the mother has been adamant that she 'loves' this other man. The implication is that she is going to be spending more time with him than just an hour or two every week fulfilling a fantasy, easily hidden from the child because there is going to be an actual relationship there. So imagine when mom spends nights out away, or any significant time away from you, and the child finds out: how will that affect them? When they see your reaction to this relationship? Will they think more or less of the mother? Of you? Of themself?

Pushing a relationship that the child has stated clearly they do not want, on terms that hurt the parent that the child has come to rely upon, for a lifestyle they probably don't understand, all to fulfill the desires for a parent that (you say) has a history of abuse and neglect is a bad idea. I'm not kidding - the child is going to be one MOST hurt by this arrangement.

Yes, I'm being pushy. Yes, I'm judging you a little bit and I absolutely invite you to do the same to me. But if there is an ounce of truth to your posts then you are walking into a disaster. You asked for thoughts and as someone has pointed out not a single post here is for this idea, so listen to them.

Brother

Call your lawyer. Now. If you post again and don't lead off with "I spoke to my lawyer and...." you have messed up. Not a friend. Not your wife. Not your child. Maybe the psychiatrist, but definitely your lawyer.

Best of luck.
(Call your lawyer)

 

Lots of great advice here.
This is a matter of the heart. No matter what you decide a therapist is in order for you and your child. A child that doesn't want to see their mum is a damaged child. Stay or go this relationship with mum needs to be repaired otherwise this damage will spread into every aspect of every relationship as this child grows.

 

@SirenSong is there ANY chance that living with your abusive wife contributed to your son's problems (with her or in general)???

If so, you have what my Psychiatrist called a moral dillemma: you dont believe in divorce, and dont believe in hurting yoir son. But your marriage IS what is hurting your son.

Think about that.

I held off divorce for 2 years but walked out of that office and filed that day. ONLY then (and a fortune in counseling) did my kids start to recover. Me too. And from my stronger and healthier perspective I could help them rebuild a healthy relationship with each of us (not to mention she finally got the help she needed).

Its hard. I wish I could tell you there is a better way.

 

I would say walk away. Obviously a well balanced family relationship with loving parents is ideal but for the health of your child it may be better to be loved and charished by one parent then in a mixed love hate poly relationship. As you can tell from this site there are folks out there that can love you for who your are and still be kink friendly in a way that satisfies your relationship desires and is healthy for your child.