First time in Chastity, The beginning of my journey

Hi there all. I have been fantasizing about being locked in for a couple of years, but never found a way to really express my feeling to my lovely wife. She has mildly expressed disappointment with how long I take to cum sometimes, which she knows is because I can't leave it alone. Anyway...A few days ago, as she was coming to the end of her cycle, and after a week of abstinence when my hedonistic regard for my manhood becomes overwhelming as I anticipate the feeling of being inside her, I got my first cock-cage. It arrived at about lunch time at work, and I went in to the toilet and put it on. The feeling was incredible. That night I went to sleep with it on and the keys in my work jeans. I awoke early, as you can imagine, and my wife did too. I wasn't expecting to be touched, which she kindly does fairly often, even when she is not in the mood ( I consider myself very lucky). Her hand travelled down, without any hinting from me, and I moved her hand back up to my chest. Oh my God! I wasn't ready to tell her quite yet. Phew...I think I got away with that. I take a deep breath and deside that if her hand goes back down there I will not stop her and I will deal with the consequences, whatever happens..... To be continued....

 

A few minutes later her hand goes down to my crotch, Expecting to find my morning glory. "What is that for?" I am panicking a bit by now. "It's to stop me playing with myself. I want to save it for you" she thinks I'm a bit weird anyway but doesn't react badly. Phew. Then she touches it a bit, and I rub her back and neck. I am in heaven right then. I ask if I can kiss her down there, and she agrees. I can't believe my luck. After a while she wants me in her, and releases me for the first time. Even though it had been just over 24hrs since i had last pleasured myself to climax it was the most intense feeling. My manhood was so sensitive. It was good for both of us. I put the cage back on and locked it up, which she found a bit strange, and went to work, leaving one of the two keys on the necklace she always wears. Wore it all day, took the cage off in the shower, touched myself for about a minute, (it's always best to clean it hard eh boys) then felt guilty and locked it back up. Got dressed and then went to give her a foot rub on the sofa......to be continued...

 

Didn't get much sleep last night. Was about 5am when I asked if I could play with myself." It's your body". Leaving the ring on I started to rub myself thinking immediately of climaxing. But then I feel guilty and say "I will try not to cum". Second alarm goes off and she gets up whilst I start to put it back in. Then when she went downstairs I lost my willpower again and played with it guiltily for a minute or two. Then locked it up and went to work. Not much sleep the last two days but man I was focused.

 

So tonight it came out for a shower, I was trembling with the anticipation of touching myself just for a minute whilst I got clean. To be honest I wanted to go back in even though I was rock hard. I have had a couple of brief chats with my wife and I am amazed with her. Despite not really being very openly sexual and probably finding it weird we have had some of the best talks in years. 23 years married. And with two teenage boys it is a bit tense now and again. But here's the thing. I feel my behaviour modify. I want to please her. She is listening and open to exploring this. So wow! She's amazing. I am so lucky. I have been out of control for years. ADHD Alpha male. I have sent a link to a really good write up which I said really captures how I have been feeling for years, letting her wants, which are far less than mine, be outweighed by mine has made our love making less pleasurable for her, and I noticed. Wanted to do something about it. I think it could save our relationship.

 

I think I just realised that I have had a massive porn addiction, still have, and that it has been to the detriment of my behaviour to myself, my wife, my family.I don't know how far this will go but I am very hopeful that I will make a success of it.

 

One worry my wife, or should I say keyholder? Hmmm? I have not given over the second key yet. Though I have taped it up in a box. One worry, is that someone bashes in to it, and pieces will break off and hurt my member, which seems unlikely but shows she really cares. Maybe an upgrade when I am accustomed to it.

 

I asked her, at her leisure, no pressure to read the blog I mentioned before. When she realises the power she can have over me I might be in trouble. But as I write the thought of that is telling me that I am ready for whatever she wants.

 

After a comment from a CM member. I Will bear in mind that I have to tread carefully. However I think she is already enjoying the extra attention to her needs, how I'm listening to her better. Oh shoot!...I'm in trouble aren't I? I think this is coming from the right place, even if it was a shock. Though I have been hinting that I should be locked up, but till now I have been thought to be joking about it.

 

I usually pick up my son at about 10pm Friday night after work, then have the habit of going for a large roll up in the shed before bed, and then get drawn in to porn and my wife asleep. Before I went tonight I promised her an oily massage and that i would not go out when I got back. 2hrs later and after an amazing climax for both of us, We had to change the sheets, I said that I can probably be trusted to remain out for the night, so we can get a better night sleep. So it is free and satisfied and I have no intention of misplacing her trust. I will lock it back up in the morning to keep reminding me throughout the day how important she is to me, and how I want to be a better person for her. It feels like a fantasy at the moment, but I am under no illusions that I have some challenges ahead. I am almost in shock with how immediate my thoughts are changing. I suddenly am much more aware of the things I habitually do without thought that annoy her. So that's a good thing right?

 

I know this all sounds quite unbelievable, but I am honestly telling it as it is and almost as it happens, or just after. I am usually quite dominant, not in a kinky way, in the bedroom and that has made me selfish over the years. This has all come from a lot of "soul" searching and heartache along the way. However I love my wife so much more than I seem to have the ability to show her. Let's face it...I am a complete hedonistic idiot, like most men I guess, or the sort that I work with on a daily basis. I am a Construction Manager so surrounded by red blooded guys who believe they are top dog. It's still a tits and ass, sexist environment which is hard to escape, especially when you have those tendencies as well. Believe me, don't believe me. I'm just opening up in the hope of advice. I may seem confident, and upfront but in amongst the excitement of the first few days I am also a little scared and probably confused.

 

On CM advice I transferred my introduction to the Journal section. I hope you are enjoying my blog. I shall keep it up. It is really helping me to process all these new emotions. Feel free to offer much needed encouragement

 

Well, the food shop with my lovely wife was a new experience. She normally complains that I tend to wander off. In my head I'm just trying to get it done, but I also, I guess, have the opportunity to check out the ladies. What a perv! Then guilt! No such thoughts today though. I found it almost natural that I wanted to be right there, whenever she looks up I'm eyes on her. When the cashier gave me a cheeky smile under her covid mask I felt almost embarrassed for noticing. How can this be having such a profound effect so quickly? Yesterday I found that a bit of tissue pushed into the slot in the end of my cage helped with calming me down and stopping the trickle of precum that I had to wipe off in the toilet at work several times during the day. It is a bit unsightly, but can be removed before any playtime. She told me she did feel a bit sore after last night. Even though I had only showered a couple of hours before I need to make sure that I pause after release and for and wash it first. We have both suffered for years with yeast infections and I have a theory that even a tiny bit of pee might set it off. Which then, in the past, led to prolonged periods of frustration and porn for me. That's the habit I am trying to break. I got a feeling of dread and excitement when she told me, as it might be several days before she feels right again.

 

I just told L that I thought we had been communicating better the last few days. She thought for a few seconds, hmmed and said let's hope it continues. I got a rush of endorphins in my groin and a sense of pride.

 

Thoughts, opinions? I don't want to fuck this up! I really think it could be a great thing for her and therefore the whole family.

 

When she asked me to fetch her a third Gin and Tonic I got a thrill out of leaping up straight away, I wouldn't usually and might begrudge the request, then cooked dinner for the family. Whilst in the kitchen she called me in to the lounge. Sing this for me. Sing for you? Stand by me...Ben E King. Of course I chirpped up right away. It's been a long time since she asked me to do something like that. *welling up a bit* I finished the song kissing her on the neck and then the mouth it was so passionate. I feel so alive! How long will it last? This absolute thrill of pleasing her, making her happy. I seem to be opening up more generally in conversation, not keeping my thoughts hidden, and that feels really empowering. So submitting my cock to my wife makes me feel more powerful? Weird, but kinda makes sense. The split personality of men. Two brains. One tiny one in his dick that is like the One Ring. "One ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them. This is the One Ring Frodo" and now it is around my parts.

 

So let's wind the clock back a couple of years. In my head I am starting to realise that the "conjugal rights" kind of mentality that I had was not fair. Not ever forced but if I wasn't "getting it" after a while I would start to get upset about feeling rejected and my needs not being met. Whether there was good reason or not. I don't think I was really aware that I was doing it. I had come across porn that was setting me up to fantasise about the concept of being in chastity. I had been through so many different kinks in my almost daily routines but one theme stuck. I didn't like anything, where there was the slightest hint that which ever lady was performing, I am not much into looking at clips with other guys dicks, any hint that, she wasn't really actually in to it, I would be turned off. So now I realise that whatever fantasies I have don't actually matter in real life. Only if that fantasy would turn on my wife as well. That's fair right? I'm trying NOT to be a caveman, eh?.....

 

Anyway. There has been this recurring complaint about my behaviour over the years. I love to give my wife a massage. But because my expectation of when that develops into something more intimate doesn't always line up with hers we ended up both carrying a lot of guilt. Her guilty of denying me and me guilty of being an ass at times but shortly thereafter regretting expressing my animal instincts and wishing I had handled it better. The thing is that I just DO get aroused touching her back. When I am usually st@n@d anyway, I get in to a kind of trance and just really get in to feeling the muscles.and bones and TBH I find that in itself a massive turn on which benefits my massage skills and therefore her back aches. Now I have removed the guilt. No strings no presumption no pressure. Just a happy wife.

 

Trying a slightly smaller ring. It's comfortable but the warming sensation when I am aroused has increased slightly. It felt okay I think? Using the shortest spacer and picked the shorter plastic bolt so the lock is now holding the cage tight against the spacer rather than there being a little movement.

 

So going back again to before. I learned years ago, in my late teens, during some very stoned and barren years that when I was really high I could almost imagine myself close to orgasm, and obviously experimented. Then, moving forward to a couple of years ago when I was trying to undo the damage my expectations had caused with the massage situation. I am lying in bed, spooning with my L, which she loves but I find erotic to the point of being bothersome, so I try hard not to press my throbbing penis in to her crotch. But with such a wild imagination I struggle to sleep and get fidgety. So I begin to discover the joys of allowing the arousal to happen and trying to relax through it. BREATHE! What I find is more satisfying than the regular climaxes from watching porn. And in my wild imagination I have flashes then long scenarios play out where I would not be allowed to touch myself. I started pulling my boxers up tight and tucking the old boy down and pretending to be in chastity unable to get fully erect. I really started to get in to the deep sense of relaxation. The job I was doing at the time was excessively stressful, with the possibility that if, what was a dangerous situation went wrong I could have ended up in prison. I was working for some real cowboys, but managed to get out with my liberty, honour and dignity. So the relaxation techniques were really helping.

 

My L is the most caring person. She would never have imagined this. She has really never looked at, or thought about looking at porn. She swears, but would find dirty talk silly. But there it is.

We have been in love with her for more than 23 years. I don't think I want to give up my orgasm, time will tell. A the moment the goal is to be able to postpone the urge to climax for a few days or a week. I'm not sure if I could take any more right now.

The surprise for me, is how easily manipulated I have made myself, of my own free will. Every chore that I helped her with today gave me a satisfaction I was not expecting. I never expected that it was going to be so profound.

How do I ensure that this is a success?

She doesn't even appreciate the power I have handed to her yet, and probably hasn't processed the fact that she is happier and calmer.

Wait till she reads up.on things a bit!

I have really noticed change in both of us. Better communication is happening both ways, which is reinforcing the idea in my head that this chastity thing is going to be beneficial to our marriage.

At the moment I have access to open myself up but am gaining trust.

Can I trust myself?

How long can I trust myself.

Will the porn hungry dickhead try to resurface and make me act poorly? And when?

I want to maintain this feeling that I had all day that pleasing her gives me am endorphin rush.

L has said to me in the past that women should be held on a pedestal, I am beginning to see the light. She is right. She has always been right. Nurturing, motherly, caring, perfect! That's what women have been about for millions of years. Men, well we are a different species. When it comes to evolution, we are mostly apes and have to fight in our heads not to have those aggressive sexually promiscuous tendencies, well some of us. We have had a lot of fights over the years as is normal for 23 years of living with another person, and with two teenagers pushing our buttons there are still quite often dramatics from all of us. However, when the boys shout at her, L sees it as my failing to be an better father. I want to put a stop to this. By being acutely aware that my freedom is dependent upon my wife being happy with me, I think I can be a calmer more attentive happier person, which I hope rubs off on the boys.

 

Been having some really open conversations with L. It is honestly opening up emotional and empathetic feelings that I am finding thrilling and very enjoyable. She has been an absolute rock. This morning she asked if I wanted to come out. Despite a bad night's sleep because of a raging horn I said I should wait. I know she is still sore from Friday night, and I want to reassure her that she comes first. TBH I am a bit sore myself. The tighter ring was comfortable when I put it on for bed, but is a bit chafed under the scrotum right now.

Is that normal? I think it maybe only a feeling of heat because I am so stiff inside? As I am writing this, outside whilst I have a morning tea and rollup, the heat seems to be easing off. Not sure if I need to adjust it or not. Put the larger ring back on or try a slightly longer spacer to ease the gap between the cage and the ring. Advice please people!!!

 

Put a bit of aqueous cream around the sore bit. It is helping. Still undecided as to whether I go back to the ring I had on yesterday, or stick with it. Think I might already want the comfort of a more ergonomic ring? Holy trainer V2 looks interesting.

L is quite liking all my attention and I feel like I am getting more back from her as well. I love you my wife. You are the most beautiful amazing woman. It is a pleasure to have you in my heart. What a soppy bastard!

I said this morning that before I bought my cock-cage and put it on I thought it was really kinky. Now I think it is about the least kinky thing about me. This is about a lost romance. She rightly complains that I'm not very good at the romance stuff. Being under her control, if only by consent and trust at the moment, how can I fail to put her needs first.

It amused me on Thursday morning I put one key around her necklace she always wears out but leaves on the dresser when home. She didn't notice still Saturday. The other key is in my work bag sealed by tape in a box, and I don't want to use it. Eventually I think I will need to get her to check the box, so she would know if I have used the key, and would want to know why, but she hasn't quite taken possession of the keys yet. I will have to be honest about how desperate I am getting.

She doesn't understand yet, the power that my denial can have to affect my thoughts in a positive manner, because before my wake up call, denying me only caused friction and guilt, which I now accept was entirely my problem. She just wants me, no us, to be happy.

She wants to please me too. She said this morning that she liked holding it now, as there was no pressure she found holding it comforting. Wow! I am open to anything that can keep us connected, and right now I feel more connected to L than ever.

This isn't about months of abstinence, We have always enjoyed it at least once a month, often 5 to 8 times I would guess. Life is busy and people get tired. I don't want that to change too much, but if I can make love to her 2 times that she enjoys rather than 2 for her and 6 for me then I will be a happy man. Don't get me wrong, if I could give her 10 or more great times in a month and achieve orgasm with her each time I'm gonna take that option.

Will I naturally start to want it less?
Will my cock just tune in to her wants and needs?

Taking too long to come has been a problem. In my head I would masturbate to ensure I wasn't too quick when my lady did want to make love. This was counterproductive. She has always been quite quiet and I mistook that for a lack of enthusiasm, which it sometimes was, but often wasn't.

I think what I want, is to understand when she is satisfied and wants me to hurry up and finish. I want to change my mindset, to the position where I can be happy with my failure to cum in good time for her. Because if I store it up a bit longer it will be more enjoyable for both of us and beneficial to our marriage.