First time in Chastity, The beginning of my journey

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    I mentioned having a chat when we went away for a couple of days but this wasn't how she saw it. So again I need to play it cool. I think I will only have a chat about her needs and expectations.
     
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    I was pretty horny in my cage this morning. No surprise there! We were both awake and I was rubbing her back. After checking the time, L decided she would like me to make love to her and removed my device.

    4 day wait this time, and it was fantastic. After playing with my cock for a couple of minutes, I tried to touch her but she pushed my hand away, she was already quite moist and wanted me to get right on it. Sensitive enough that every slow and gentle thrust made me moan gently until about 5 minutes later when I came.

    L stealth comes silently sometimes, and without asking her outright it is often difficult to know if she has or not. All I have to go on is the passionate embrace afterwards and perhaps not pulling out right away.

    In the interests of keeping my mouth shut I am trying not to...how do I put this...project my insecurities about my performance on to her. I think she feels that I shouldn't check with her after sex that it was good for her. Maybe I read too much importance into it.
     
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    Hoping my new devices turn up today. A nano HTV4 and a PC1 from HoD.
     
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    #104 Guest 6019, Dec 19, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2020
    Just switched the small for the nano tube on my HTV4. Fits nicely with no space for my flaccid dick to grow. I am curious to see how it feels in the morning. Can't wait to try out the PC1, it has a slightly narrower tube and more air holes in the sides, though it might sit too proud for day wear
     
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    This morning I was treated to a release and a handjob. I was edging for quite a while then asked her to stop before I came. It was locked back up and saved for coming in her pussy. If I am lucky in the next day or two. Other than that it is likely to be after Christmas as she will be out of bounds. However, she might allow a ruin or two inbetween which would be lovely. Christmas decorations going up as I write.

    PC1. When I got hard my bellend forced it's way out of the large slot in the top. Forcing me to take it off, after enjoying the tightness for a bit. Lol. Might have to try to adapt it somehow. Back in the HTV4 nano, which think I prefer to the small. No space when flaccid at all
     
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    #106 Guest 6019, Dec 21, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2020
    L got her period today, a couple of days early, so there will be no PIV for me for about a week. L held my cage for a short while as she went to sleep after her massage. Woke up (4 days) with a raging horn which was pulling my sack tight and a bit sore. I told her that she had a choice. Either to let me come in the next day or two. Or make me save my O for her. "Do I have to decide now?" "No, you don't even have to tell me your decision" She got up after the alarm and went straight downstairs leaving me with the key in the drawer. I unlocked, cleaned adjusted and oiled, then put it back in. The temptation to cheat was fairly strong. Locked back up, she surprised me when she came back and got the key. I got dressed and went down. Sat on the sofa watching her doing yoga from behind whilst I rolled a double which I'm just finishing in the shed with a nice cuppa tea. Happy Mondays people.

     
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    And a happy Tuesday for me. L released me and played with me for a short time. Knowing it will be a week, I asked and was granted permission to come, which I promptly did. Quite intense. Might put my score back to 7/3 rather than 3.1. She is too kind to me.

    L was chatting to her mum and 2 drunk aunties earlier this evening. 3 lottery scratch cards were bought. Auntie K had a larger win, mum in-law small and auntie L nothing. They were joking that auntie L didn't win because she has the best husband. My L said to me after that she could help thinking that she had the best husband. Very pleased with that.

    So it is a reset day today. Pleased with that too but hoping for a good denial period to get the juices flowing again over the next week
     
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    24th December
    Christmas Eve
    I must've had too much sugar yesterday. I went through two Tshirts in the night sweating it out. So we were awake a bit early and my morning glory was making me a bit fidgety, that's an understatement. L was very helpful and edged me in my cage pulling and tapping the hard resin with her nails, sending shock waves throughout my whole body, until she managed to draw out a comment from me.
    J. "Will you unlock me?"
    L. "Weren't you out yesterday?"
    J. "That was the day before"
    L. "Maybe tomorrow then" What a girl!
    I massaged her back and ground my cage in to her, she pushed back which drives me wild, putting me in that wonderful place between pleasure and pain. My cock is straining so hard, so tight, screaming to get out! But I am now more aroused, because I have been told that I am not coming out today.
    After a great massage most of the time straining. I went for a tea leaving L to sleep after the back rub. Then I crawled back in to bed and snuggled up.

    Rubbing her shoulders and back makes me feel so wonderful and connected to her, and it puts me immediately back in the mood, straining in my cage. She makes a few small hip movements which excite me further.
    J. "It makes me so horny knowing I haven't got a chance of coming out today"
    J. "I love you so much my beautiful, sexy wife"
    J. "Does it feel good denying me?"
    L. "A little bit"
    J. "Does it feel good keeping me locked up?"
    L. "A little bit"
    J. "Does it make you feel good knowing that I only think of you, that I am saving myself for you?"
    L. "Yes"
    L. "I like it when you listen" She says quite seriously.
    J. "I try darling"
    She pulls me close and I kiss her all over her face and neck until she gets giggly. We are laughing together as I stop. It was a lovely moment.
    "May I kiss your breasts, it would so please me to kiss them softly?"
    "I have to go and make Christmas displays"
    "Just quickly?"
    I don't get a "no" or a look. So I go in, lift her vest, cupping her very ample bosom. I just hover over her nipple a moment, mouth wide as if I am about to take it whole. Kiss around it a few times gently, then once on the nipple with my mouth. I move over to her left and hover, lingering slightly longer, then surround her nipple with my lips and gently kiss. I thanked her and got up.

    When I finished work for the year my emergency key ended up in the house somehow. Not good, and not checked by L. I put it back in the car, which makes it easier, but I am feeling like it would be more real for us both if we tied up this loose end.

    So I have been thinking about getting a £15 keysafe from Screwfix. She can set any combination she wants so I have to really need to come out, and explain why.

    Will this have a psychological effect on me, and on her, knowing that I really have no safety net?
    It can live in the glove box of my car. No need for a fancy expensive box. Weatherproof and unbreakable.

    I think it might be time to hand over control of the spare emergency key. I do get tempted as the days denied increase, and I don't want to have an accident when I'm not able to control the urges. Mostly I'm happy just allowing it to get fully erect for a minute when I'm cleaning in the shower, but sometimes I go a bit too far into the realms of edging and it gets difficult to put it away.

    So far so good, but I would be lying to myself, if I didn't admit, that an accident couldn't happen. I feel that if that happened I would be disappointed in myself and L would be disappointed too, though might blame herself for not looking after me properly. Which I don't want.

    Responded to her comment yesterday about finding common ground with the eldest. I suggested when I give him his "L" plates for my car. He is now insured on it as well. We can have a regular driving session. Perhaps on a Sunday if I can get him up. Showed her that I am listening.
    Mum and stepdad have sneaked over in the open conservatory to do a present opening. Sister and daughter next, then it is peaceful for Christmas.
     
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    Friday 25th December
    Christmas day
    L removed my cage and played with me. It was really lovely and I was right on the edge asking not to come, but she thought I should.

    Why? I don't know. I actually wanted to be denied and she wasn't in need herself. She admits herself that she needs to think of herself first sometimes.


    Saturday 26th December
    Not much to report. L had a bit of a critique about me not trying hard enough, that I had slipped back, this is just a joke to you. I think that to be a little unfair, but I said I would try harder.

    I want to give her time to process all this but nearly three months later I am writing and reading tons trying to keep this on track and, this is without blame, she hasn't read hardly anything about her role at all. I can only hope that she does. Because it is difficult to keep my levels just right if she doesn't really get it. We had made up by bed time with some foot rubs


    Sunday 27th December
    I gave her a massage making sure I did not press myself into her. Then cuddling in bed this morning I sensed her hand was going down and I didn't feel that I deserved the attention as I had disappointed her, and told her so. Her hand went there anyway and flicked my boxers randomly. Very edgy!

    In other News...I licked her to her delight and had great PIV so maybe she was right to make me come on the 25th. She usually is.

    It has been a nice day. We had a short walk around the village avoiding people but wishing then all a good morning anyway. Weird out there again. Full lockdown. I built some Lego, played my new tongue drum for a bit, then had a nap. Now it is time for Goose Risotto.
     
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    Not felt the need to write for a bit but after 8 days, and more to go, L edged me out of my cage this morning. I feel such love and devotion to my Godess I'm quite giddy. I sent her this text:

    Every day I would take you to be my wife.
    I give you this key, as a sign of my devotion. To have and to hold from this day forward. For better, for worse. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. To love, cherish and obey! Forever and ever, I vow to be yours. Xxx
    ❤❤
     
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    Texting this morning

    J. 9 days :):key:This is the longest I have ever not had an orgasm. Thank you for helping me be good. I couldn't do it without you.❤

    J. Bet you never thought I could last this long. Tell me you want to keep me longer xxx

    L. I will keep you longer, you have no idea. I reckon, now we talking end of next week earliest!!!

    J. OMG!!!!!
    J. I don't know how I will cope, but that just made everything very tight. I adore you xxx
     
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    So it has been a busy couple of months with ups and downs. Work has been manic for both of us, leaving teenage boys (14/17) home schooling. I have been getting night sweats on a regular basis which led to blood tests and currently no answers just more questions. It raised the issue of my PSA, slightly high, which is concerning the prostate, and I had xrays, a rectal exam, MRI, more blood tests and a prostate biopsy coming up. So lots going on, and work is still busy.

    On the chastity front, I'm still locked unless required.

    I did have a bit of a meltdown on Monday morning, and the old me resurfaced for a fee minutes. I was such a wanker. Literally. Next to her, in bed, frustrated, after only a short lock up and a wonderful love making session 2 days before. I came in my cage. I felt so bad afterwards, and all she said in criticism was "yeah that was a bit much" I apologised profusely and said I really regretted it and felt really bad. She was so understanding, she is one incredible woman and I am so lucky. Then we texted.

    L: I love you, but now you have been bad, you might have to be locked up longer

    J: Your key. Your rules. I promise to be good. Thank you for understanding. Xxx

    I left it there for the day except to ask how her day was. Then I was looking at some chastity captions and thought of them in a different way. I'm saving ones that are quite vanilla to get me in the right frame.of mind. For instance "Good boys want to be locked up" or "Real chastity starts when you want out" or "Of course you can't come this week" . L is not all that comfortable saying it, but it doesn't mean I can't reprogram myself.

    The next day I texted...
    J: I should not take erections for granted. I should be a good boy and treat them as a privilege. I love you so much my sweetheart. Xxx

    J: I tell you these things to reinforce and encourage better of myself. Xxx Have a lovely day.

    J: It's like repeating a mantra.
    My Dear Perfect Wife,
    As a result of my failure to control myself, I will not beg or ask for anything this time. I am privileged to be at your service m'lady.
    All my love,
    Your Devoted Husband Xxx

    L: I love you devoted husband and don't give yourself too much of a hard time, that is what you have me for xxx

    J: I want you to reinforce what my letter said, not let me off. I should give myself a hard time, seriously, it helps me. And makes me happier and calmer. Xxx

    L: Ok then you bad bad boy! I guess that is not helping either xx

    J: What do you mean that is not helping either? I love you for saying "don't give yourself a hard time", it is so you...but is it what I need?

    J: Oh. I see what you meant now. And yes it does help. Tease me as much as you want, be cruel in a fun-loving way, but also encourage me by telling me that you like how devoted and attentive being locked up for you makes me. It will reinforce in my mind that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons. I'm sorry I'm so complicated. Xxx

    (in some way I think she doesn't understand that chastity works best if I am kept wanton, that perhaps that is too cruel, to keep me locked up and constantly aroused or on the edge of being aroused at the slightest thing. Can't quite believe that is best for me because she wouldn't feel that way herself. She always has my best interests at heart, so you can't knock it.)


    Recently I found a new way of stretching her lower back. I lie between her legs knees bent with my arms forward palms up. She lifts up and my hands go under her lower back and she relaxes down. By pulling down I stretch her back, and she moves around on my fingers as i massage. As she does this my face is so close to her pussy, as she moves up and down and around.

    So tonight, I told her it was the most erotic thing I had ever witnessed. She was just worried about her back. Lol. My goodness I was so hard, and I have had the privilege to do it 5 nights in a row with the 2nd time having full access. We had a lovely cuddle after and she, without me hinting gave me some encouraging words, and was playful with it too. I was blown away, and can't remember what she said, but I am glowing right now.

    Maybe she's starting to understand. I'm more committed than ever. Not that I won't make mistakes, but one fuck up doesn't mean it has to end. That's like quitting smoking, having a few on a night out and saying fuck it, I smoke again now.

    I know a lot of guys are on an "if you ever cheat it's over" clause. But is that realistic? We are human, we are fallible. We all make mistakes and can seek forgiveness. Not in a religious sense but on a personal level. We can repent. Pay retribution. Nothing like a good spanking to clear some guilt of past demeanours that tear our psyche apart.

    Now to bed with no expectation of release. I don't deserve to be released from my cage for a long time.
     
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    It came back to me this morning.
    L "How long can you last?"
    J "As long as you want me to Mistress"

    She edged me.in my cage anbit this morning, then got up with the alarm.

    J "Tell me not to touch it"
    L "You'd better not, you were bad this week"

    It helps to be told. I cannot disobey a direct order. I love this lady so much
     
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    My wife and I just spent a good bit of time together reading your journal. I wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences. We are both really happy for how happy you and your wife are.
     
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    Block update...there maybe some overlap
     
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    #116 Guest 6019, Mar 4, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2021
    31st December 2020
    Eventually went to sleep and woke up in a bad mood. Argued bit and L said I could have washed and come down for a cuddle and maybe more. I was still thinking about her saying I'm not getting any until I'm better. Better how. My nose. My weight. I didn't know. But she wasnt serious I guess. Nothing happened New Year went to bed straight after the depressing light and firework show on the telly. Asked if we could reset as we had both been drained since Christmas.

    1st Jan 2021
    Asked if I wanted to be played with. I said I should wait, and she said she might not be good down there. Then asked again. So I was not turning down a touch twice. She stopped me on the edge. And went to the bathroom. I squeezed it a couple of times to try and get it down and it went off like a hair trigger. Bang! All over. And a bit disappointing.
    I confessed later that day.
    "I must have done too good a job" she said
    "You did"


    2nd Jan 2021
    Slept ok. Very horny when I woke up. "Shopping! Come on!"
    L gets up and I too. I cuddle her from behind and quietly tell her that I was horny and fantasizing about her spanking me.
    I go back in to the bedroom and lay over the end of the bed, pulling my boxers down over my cheeks. And she comes in. Laughs, then proceeds to spank my arse. As she continues she gets harder, then reaches for a plastic coat hanger spanking me quite firmly with it and telling me to focus on the list of shopping. It felt great.

    I have been on edge since, with that lovely semi-hard feeling in my groin and precum dripping from my cage. She should deny me for longer to punish me for coming.

    It may be wishful thinking on my part, but I think she enjoyed spanking me this morning. Feeling like she did is a real buzz.

    2nd Jan 2300hrs
    Went for a walk on the other side of the village . L was playfully resistant to my charms. I was all over her like a lovesick schoolboy.
    Knowing she wouldn't have, I mischievously asked if she had "brought my keys?"
    L. "In this weather, I'd like to see how long you could keep it up"
    J. "It's a good thing you didn't, If it was a nice summery day, I would take you in to those woods and fuck you so hard"

    L was doing a great job handling my cage as she went to sleep. I was in that special dreamland place. She was worried that she wasn't satisfying me, and or was upsetting me by not letting me out, or because she was tired, I would guess. It's complex. Anyway, I was able to reassure her that I was more than happy. "When I come it's over and I have to start over again, why would I want this feeling to end quickly"
    "Do you understand now?" I say softly
    "I think so"
    It's definitely progress. On a promise for the morning.

    Sunday 3rd January
    Early morning. Spent some time with my tongue on and in her pussy before release and amazing sex. I feel very fortunate to be her husband. Then kipped on the sofa bed with her in the conservatory.

    Thoughts on device sizing.
    I have an HTV4 with three cages. Standard, Small and Nano
    I started with the Standard and then quite quickly moved to the small. For everday use it seemed to be the one, though when completely flaccid there was a little space. Then I purchased the Nano and liked that too. It fits completely snugly when at my smallest. Yes I'm a grower. And allows for a bit of head stimulation from underneath which is really pleasant. I would say that sometimes you can feel the edge of the base of the cage on my uncut and covered head, which is not that uncomfortable, and might be better with a little fine grit sandpaper.
    This weekend I wanted to feel a bit more so I went back to the Standard. After O it feels nice. As I think back over the lovely sensation of being inside my wife the extra room is all used up. And I was horny all day yesterday. Sleeping it the larger cage is a different issue. The morning glory is much more difficult to calm down, pulling my balls tight and making it a bit sore under the scrotum. Not even oil was relieving it.
    So in conclusion larger cage for play, but small for sleep. Large one after O for the day to help the sub-drop. As it allows me to reach a slightly higher and longer state of arousal. I think by adjusting the cage size periodically I can self adjust my drop level and get back to that feeling of devotion and craving I have around day four in a few hours or less.

    L was Hoovering stood on the table. I was asked to help. Funny how my nose ended up in her butt cheeks. No objection.

    11:42am
    Now back in the small.

    Monday 4th Jan
    Back to work. Long busy day. Remember we had a good conversation on the way to the shop on Saturday but can't for the life of me think what it was I managed to explain. Something about enjoying the frustration perhaps. Why would I want the build up to end. An orgasm is over in seconds, but the build up can last for days. It went well anyway. It's ok to frustrate me even if you know you aren't going to be ready for days. I tried to put her hand on me earlier and got the response "you know I'm not going to..."thinking I wanted sex. I explained "I know. I wasn't expecting to get any till after your period" a bit surprised "oh. I didn't think I was that close, but I am craving red wine"
    I think it was a good lesson, though I know she will try to look after me too well and I will take the attention gladly. You can't criticise someone for being too kind.



    Thursday 7th Jan 10pm

    Lovely piv. Totally in sync despite her being asleep

    Sunday morning PIV

    Monday evening
    Thoughts on teasing and how to discuss with wife.

    I am sure she is aware, and appreciates the fact that I have given up masturbating. But perhaps doesn't realise the extent that I was masturbating, which was almost every day, sometimes more.

    Now I am in chastity I do still feel that almost daily need, but it is focused on her not on some fantasy. But unless she does tease me, whether that be a text, verbally or holding my cage, it is like going cold turkey. Then little brain feels a bit lonely starts wanting to masturbate, which is what big brain realised is not good for me or my wife.

    30th Jan
    Sometimes she has me trembling in ecstasy when I've been locked up for a few days. This morning I thought I might actually come from her touching my locked cock. Relax and enjoy

    I am quite new to all this, and prior to October last year I was masturbating daily. Having decided to try chastity, obviously that has changed. I now usually go 4 or 5 days and sometimes 7 without coming. Once I went 10 days. I do feel like I am still chasing the orgasm, which makes the temptation to not push the situation or cheat difficult. I want to put myself totally in her hands but little dick brain still wants his say.

    How and why do some of you guys start looking for longer lockups? How did it happen? Over what period of time? What advice


    Go at your own

    I'm not so carefully watched, but I also don't want to cheat. I'm trying to impress on my wife the significance of the changes I have made, but it is slow work. I can't overload her, and can perhaps say one important thing a week, if that. We are more open to each other than before, but not as much as I would like. I don't get a lot of teasing, as she finds this difficult and can get a bit frustrated and cock-lonely.

    I kept up the journal for 3 months but have paused for now. Not much new to say. Just plodding along.

    My cock is much more sensitive now. That is fucking great, when I get the chance to use it.


    My wife enjoys the benefits but doesn't quite get it yet, which can lead to confusion and frustration sometimes. I can't talk too much about it as it overloads her. If I do that then she might to go off the whole idea, and I'm too far gone for that.

    I sometimes feel that the first couple of days after orgasm are more important to help with the drop. After 3 days I'm just horny and can do without encouragement better.

    Let's be honest. I'm the one obsessed with my cock, not her. We really enjoy making love, but whereas I am nearly always horny, she is rarely. Not that she doesn't become so when we are being intimate, just not out of nowhere like a bloke. This has always been about me getting more in tune with her, but also, if this is going to work long-term, I want her to be more in tune with me as well. Because it is difficult to blurt everything at once that is going on in my head, that is gonna take more patience than I'm used to. Damn you ADHD


    10th Feb 2021
    Not felt the need to write for a bit but after 8 days, and more to go, L edged me out of my cage this morning. I feel such love and devotion to my Godess I'm quite giddy. I sent her this text:

    Every day I would take you to be my wife.
    I give you this key, as a sign of my devotion. To have and to hold from this day forward. For better, for worse. For richer for poorer. In sickness and in health. To love, cherish and obey! Forever and ever, I vow to be yours. Xxx
    ❤❤


    Feb 11th 2021
    Texting this morning

    J. 9 days

    This is the longest I have ever not had an orgasm. Thank you for helping me be good. I couldn't do it without you.❤

    J. Bet you never thought I could last this long. Tell me you want to keep me longer xxx

    L. I will keep you longer, you have no idea. I reckon, now we talking end of next week earliest!!!

    J. OMG!!!!!
    J. I don't know how I will cope, but that just made everything very tight. I adore you xxx




    Sunday 28th Feb
    Similar situation here, but she hasn't embraced it fully for the full benefits. Though we get closer to that bit by bit, week by week. She is just starting to see the benefit of denying me, though doesn't quite believe that it is really what i want. After a wonderful afternoon dancing and crying in the garden. I was on a promise last night. She put on some sexy knickers, so I know I'm getting some. I massaged her, and then was stretching her lower back, head between her legs and just starting to get my groove on, and she was asleep. First time I ever really didn't even have a quiet sigh of disappointment. I had such a great day with her and felt so close I was liberated from my caveman self. And that's what I've wanted to feel. Before chastity I would get upset if I was denied too long. But always in the end disappointed more in myself for being angry about not getting some.

    We were making love this morning and she came first. I could tell that she was finished, but she wanted to let me finish too. Topping from the bottom a bit, I whispered in her ear that I was going to fuck her hard, and not come till she told me to lock up. After she came again, she did say "enough", and "lock it up". I was thrilled. It is a bit step forward for us. And I reassured her that I felt more devoted to her because of it. That although I love to come, this lasted longer and was more enjoyable. That if I came I would have forgotten it in a minute, but now I will be thinking about it all day.

    It will take time to undo the selfishness of the past, and make her believe that I put her first and never want her to feel pressured in to sex, no matter how hard I beg.

    If your husband wants to be locked up for you, then there are probably a lot of these feelings running around his head. The reality of chastity is not actually kinky. In fact I said to my wife after being locked up for a while, that I now thought it was about the least kinky thing about me.

    We make it our own. And that means sex is very vanilla, but the feelings of closeness have heightened the enjoyment immensely.

    2nd March 2021
    So it has been a busy couple of months with ups and downs. Work has been manic for both of us, leaving teenage boys (14/17) home schooling. I have been getting night sweats on a regular basis which led to blood tests and currently no answers just more questions. It raised the issue of my PSA, slightly high, which is concerning the prostate, and I had xrays, a rectal exam, MRI, more blood tests and a prostate biopsy coming up. So lots going on, and work is still busy.

    On the chastity front, I'm still locked unless required.

    I did have a bit of a meltdown on Monday morning, and the old me resurfaced for a fee minutes. I was such a wanker. Literally. Next to her, in bed, frustrated, after only a short lock up and a wonderful love making session 2 days before. I came in my cage. I felt so bad afterwards, and all she said in criticism was "yeah that was a bit much" I apologised profusely and said I really regretted it and felt really bad. She was so understanding, she is one incredible woman and I am so lucky. Then we texted.

    L: I love you, but now you have been bad, you might have to be locked up longer

    J: Your key. Your rules. I promise to be good. Thank you for understanding. Xxx

    I left it there for the day except to ask how her day was. Then I was looking at some chastity captions and thought of them in a different way. I'm saving ones that are quite vanilla to get me in the right frame.of mind. For instance "Good boys want to be locked up" or "Real chastity starts when you want out" or "Of course you can't come this week" . L is not all that comfortable saying it, but it doesn't mean I can't reprogram myself.

    The next day I texted...
    J: I should not take erections for granted. I should be a good boy and treat them as a privilege. I love you so much my sweetheart. Xxx

    J: I tell you these things to reinforce and encourage better of myself. Xxx Have a lovely day.

    J: It's like repeating a mantra.
    My Dear Perfect Wife,
    As a result of my failure to control myself, I will not beg or ask for anything this time. I am privileged to be at your service m'lady.
    All my love,
    Your Devoted Husband Xxx

    L: I love you devoted husband and don't give yourself too much of a hard time, that is what you have me for xxx

    J: I want you to reinforce what my letter said, not let me off. I should give myself a hard time, seriously, it helps me. And makes me happier and calmer. Xxx

    L: Ok then you bad bad boy! I guess that is not helping either xx

    J: What do you mean that is not helping either? I love you for saying "don't give yourself a hard time", it is so you...but is it what I need?

    J: Oh. I see what you meant now. And yes it does help. Tease me as much as you want, be cruel in a fun-loving way, but also encourage me by telling me that you like how devoted and attentive being locked up for you makes me. It will reinforce in my mind that I am doing the right thing for the right reasons. I'm sorry I'm so complicated. Xxx

    (in some way I think she doesn't understand that chastity works best if I am kept wanton, that perhaps that is too cruel, to keep me locked up and constantly aroused or on the edge of being aroused at the slightest thing. Can't quite believe that is best for me because she wouldn't feel that way herself. She always has my best interests at heart, so you can't knock it.)


    Recently I found a new way of stretching her lower back. I lie between her legs knees bent with my arms forward palms up. She lifts up and my hands go under her lower back and she relaxes down. By pulling down I stretch her back, and she moves around on my fingers as i massage. As she does this my face is so close to her pussy, as she moves up and down and around.

    So tonight, I told her it was the most erotic thing I had ever witnessed. She was just worried about her back. Lol. My goodness I was so hard, and I have had the privilege to do it 5 nights in a row with the 2nd time having full access. We had a lovely cuddle after and she, without me hinting gave me some encouraging words, and was playful with it too. I was blown away, and can't remember what she said, but I am glowing right now.

    Maybe she's starting to understand. I'm more committed than ever. Not that I won't make mistakes, but one fuck up doesn't mean it has to end. That's like quitting smoking, having a few on a night out and saying fuck it, I smoke again now.

    I know a lot of guys are on an "if you ever cheat it's over" clause. But is that realistic? We are human, we are fallible. We all make mistakes and can seek forgiveness. Not in a religious sense but on a personal level. We can repent. Pay retribution. Nothing like a good spanking to clear some guilt of past demeanours that tear our psyche apart.

    Now to bed with no expectation of release. I don't deserve to be released from my cage for a long time.

    3rd March 2021
    L edged me this morning in my cage, it was lovely, then as she got up I encouraged her to tell me not to touch it, and she obliged. Was really horny thinking of her on the way to work. Spoke on the phone in the afternoon, and she told me she had a shower and a shave this morning. I said maybe I could fix her back without the pyjama bottoms on. She really laughed like I haven't heard for a while.
     
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    March 4th

    I set my alarm for 4:40am, and L said "is that your alarm"
    I said "Yes, I set it for cuddle time"
    "Aww that's sweet" she said, then started to play with my cage. Then she asked if I would like to fetch the key, so I got it and took off my device. Knowing time was short and she wanted me in her, I wasted no time getting on top and opened up her already wet pussy and slipped inside. We made love and I held off until she said "You can come" and I promptly obeyed. Then we got up, and I locked up and went to work. Blissfully satisfied.

    Texted
    J: I love you so much, that was lovely this morning Xxxxx.

    I will continue not to ask or beg. If you like, make it a rule? Unless you tell me to "Beg me for release" (which is very sexy) I am not allowed to ask, for fear of extending my sentence (which is also very sexy).

    Your Rules! Your devoted man! It will help me to be good.

    L: I love you xxx

    J: I want you to answer that please.
    J: Sorry. When you have thought about it. Xxx

    L: Sometimes begging is nice, I like it when you are desperate for me. And it is also nice when it is spontaneous. I just have to be firmer at telling you no when I don't feel like it xxx

    J: So hot! A firm "No" and a firm hand is exactly what I need xxx

    J: Begging.

    I get where you are coming from, and don't want to lose that spontaneity either, as begging or being told to beg for release, and not knowing which way it will go is incredibly erotic.

    However, for me to feel comfortable with doing it spontaneously, I have to be sure that, by begging, I'm not pressuring you.

    Letting me out because
    I am begging is like going back to where we were before chastity, when I would pressure you because I felt it was my right to have sex. I don't want to be "that guy". So as long as we are clear now, that any amount of begging from me will, and should not affect your decision to release me, then you cannot ever feel any pressure from me, and relax about it. After all that was always one of my goals, when I locked up, but I still think you feel me pressuring you sometimes, which I don't want you to feel. Xxxx
     
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    5th March 2021
    She held me this morning and I strained against my cock-cage for a good while. "You're not coming out today" Then she got up with the alarm. I was tempted to edge a bit, then I lay on my front to calm my erection down. As L went downstairs I thought I had best get on with the day.

    Texted:
    J: I love you so much honey. How long do you think I should be denied? Xxx

    L: Forever if you keep badgering me! xxx

    J: OMG! Forever is a very long time... I love you so much xxx Have a good day

    J: Such a tease

    A couple of hours later...
    J: OMG....You pushed the right button there. I'm so fucking hard for you, thinking about what you said. I adore you ❤❤

    And then a bit later...
    J: I'm a dribbling mess for you. My perfectly gorgeous wife. Xxx

    J: I fairly sure you wouldn't, but why does "forever" turn me on so so much. ❤❤

    ______________________

    Now I know I couldn't handle never, and we are certainly not in that place, but what a tease! I thought about her all day feeling very horny, but wanting to be denied. The permanent chastity captions certainly have the desired effect, but that is just fantasy for me. It is a strange and wonderful feeling. Counterintuitive.

    When I bathed this evening, and took off my cage, there was no danger of cheating, (I'm more likely to want to cheat in the morning, that's my danger time. Where I need to focus on being good, disciplined.) I looked down at my small flaccid manhood and thought "You deserve to go into the Nano".

    I instantly began to feel aroused at the thought of the more restrictive cock-cage, and put the ring on straight away. Focused and got out of the bath, dried off and put the Small away, swapping it for the Nano and locked up, leaving her key in the drawer she has on the dressing table. Then made pizza.

    Yes, life really is that ordinary. No! bollocks to that. The pizza was not ordinary it was fucking amazing! Home baked dough and sauce. Three kinds of salami, ham, jalapenos, onion and pesto.

    It has been difficult processing a lot of new things. I'm busy during the day and evening, but when trying to go to sleep my brain is spinning. The upcoming prostate biopsy, and family history are a little scary.

    In the short-term I think I may be lucky that, if there is a problem, we are on it really early, so that is obviously a plus. Long-term it's difficult to ignore the possibilities. Which are not great for my sexlife, shall we say.

    In a way, I'm most worried about maintaining the feelings of closeness if my tackle stops working altogether. If eventually, I will not be arousable, and will not have this feeling of utter devotion and desperation to come and be denied. Will I still get the same pleasure pleasuring her?

    I know this is most likely in the more distant future, and my PSA was only about 4.5, but in some ways I think it is better to resolve my feelings and come to terms with the worst case scenario, which could mean a prostate removal, gulp! Then, if it's a better outcome than that, then I'm good. Prepared. I'm winning. I'm in control. I've got this. It will all be fine.

    If anyone posts a sympathetic vomit inducing reply!!! Don't expect any thanks. I'm really fine.
    Good to know you're there, but as someone who already suffers (8 weeks every 4 years) with Cluster Headaches, which is the most painful condition known to exist, people (well I do) hate sympathy...

    "Oh you poor thing, it must be so tough being you" bleugh!!!

    "Fuck that! Life is good thanks, you should envy me, I'm just going through some personal shit right now".

    This is for informative purposes only. Not one of those annoying Facebook "Why me", "look at me" posts. Bleugh!
     
  19. Guest 6019
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    To add to the earlier post, if anyone has any questions about prostate issues PM me. I'm happy to help or support others with their worries. I just don't want to clog up my diary with health issues.

    Jah
     
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    6th March 2021
    We woke early and there was some teasing for me and some cunnylingus for her. I unlocked and L removed my cage slowly, then we made love. It was early enough that we fell back to sleep for a bit. Then when L and Thing 1 went shopping Thing 2 and I started to clean the house.

    Sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit forgotten, Chastity Captions really help me to focus on the positives of being denied. When she finds it difficult to find the right words of encouragement, I love the arousal with the determination to go on. Some are quite funny as well.

    "No! I said I wanted your cock infrequently, not in frequently"

    Yes, I know when your next release is. No, I'm not telling you"

    "Don't look so sad. I can come for both of us"

    "I'm gonna lock you up for so long"

    It would be great to be teased with the key then hear."A few more days, just to be sure"

    "It makes me so wet knowing you will never get hard without my permission again"

    "I know you wanted to come out today, but would you stay locked for another week for me...pleease?"

    7th March 2021
    A poor night for both of us, I was really sweaty and fidgety and L ended up on the sofa, where I found her early. Half asleep, we were both a bit grotty and fell out a bit. A good chat after and some affection both ways sorted it out.

    I do think we still need to work on our communication a lot more. I think texting helps, but she said it's silly if we are next to each other. Not at all, I said sometimes it is difficult to explain and it comes out all wrong. As I was reading, men have less left/right neural connections, we really do think differently.

    I want to feel that we can talk about anything but we can't always. These things will take time to get right after ignoring them for so long. Chastity makes me want to be more open and vulnerable, which is what we needed to be closer as a couple.

    I can't press the reset button after 24 years of near idiocy, I have to make amends. To continue to prove to her that she is the most important person in the world to me.

    Tomorrow marks 6 months since I first entered chastity.

    I do hope that she finds herself thinking, that what the cage represents, and looks like on me is sexy for her. And really hope that this has become something she enjoys for us, not just for me.

    L got a bit touchy feely in the supermarket today, I quietly thanked her and told her that it would be on my mind for ages after. It really made me feel close and connected.

    I suggested that she might like to go to bed early tonight. Knowing at what I was hinting, though I hope she didn't feel pushed, I got a thoughtful "maybe?"

    I shall try to be attentive.

    After the "Forever if you keep badgering me" comment I looked at some more captions, and was surprised at how arousing they were.

    "There is no going back. All your orgasms now belong to me"

    "It makes me horny thinking your last time might actually have been your last time"

    "If you can be locked for a week you can last a month. If you can last a month you can last a year...see where I'm going with this?"

    What if I told you your next orgasm could be your last. Would you enjoy it more or less?"

    "I know you've been locked up a long time, I really appreciate it. Will you stay locked up longer for me?"

    "Good boys want to stay locked up"

    Grabbing my cage and saying "This is your life now"

    "I know you get frustrated sometimes, but don't take it out on me. You wouldn't want me to make it permanent would you?"

    "I have no idea when....or if I will let you out"

    They don't have to be true, but to imagine for a while they are is a huge turn on for me.

    Went up early as planned and gave L a lovely massage. Face first, then oiled all over. I started to kiss her pussy and rub her clit but sensed that she wasn't really in to it this evening.

    Even so she said maybe it would be better if I was inside her. I politely declined saying that I would rather wait until she was in the mood. She said "your choice", but I didn't think it was right. I think I'm finally learning to pay attention to her.

    Instead I asked if she would play with my cage. The next 20 minutes or so was a wonderful edging, with a bit of gentle frenulum spanking that was amazing. I think given a couple more days she would have me coming in my cage. I asked to be played with out of the cage. I was starting to feel desperate to come, but I think she was already starting to fall asleep, so I thanked her for a wonderful time.

    I felt so close to her. She woke up a bit and was concerned that I would not be satisfied. I so was! Desperately horny but edged enough to allow it to relax and be happy to wait for the next tease. As long as I'm not forgotten she can deny me as long as she wants. Being kept on the edge for a while seems to completely compensate for not having the freedom to come. Not having the freedom to come makes the edging more enjoyable the longer I'm denied my orgasm.

    As I went down for a cigarette Concerned, she asked again "Are you alright?"

    "Yes I'm really good thank you"

    Of course I'm alright. I have a perfect wife willing to take us on a journey to explore our innermost feelings and really connect on a level deeper than either of us knows or understands fully.

    Strap in. We are in for a ride!

    The first 6 months have had ups and downs, tears and laughter. I can't wait to see where we will be in another 6 months.
     
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    8th March 2021

    Six months in lockdown

    L left the bed quickly this morning. The youngest was back at school, so there was more prep for her before work. I lay there for a short while edging my morning wood a bit, then pulled the ring back tight, lay on my front for a minute or two to force it down, and then got on with getting off to work.

    Texted:
    J: Thank you for last night. Taking me to the edge was so lovely. I'm locked and loaded. Xxx

    J: I love the feeling of being desperate for you so much, sometimes I don't want it to end xxx

    J: Have a great day. I will be thinking about you constantly. ❤⏳❤

    L: I love you my

    J: 6 months locked up, 66 times as much I love you at least. Imagine how much I'm going to love you after a year. I never want to go back to the old me. I bet you don't want him back either? Xxx

    L: I did love him before you know.

    J: I want you so much. When you deny me you will make me want you even more. Xxx

    J: Got a 3 (snags)for plot 6, surely that deserves a BJ? Only kidding. Well half kidding. Love you tons

    L: From your boss?! Is he into that sort of thing?

    J: Haha

    J: Even if he is, only you have access

    L: True that

    J: Forever my love

    J: Beef curry tonight?
    L: Sounds good
    J: And early bed for your massage?
    J: And the possibility of release
    J: If it pleases you m'lady. Xxx

    When she called me on the way home, refering to the BJ request, she said jokingly "Am I going to have to call your boss and ask for a pay rise, so you leave me alone?"

    "Oh come on...it's been forever"

    Got some positive feedback, though I wish she had picked up on my "forever", and quipped back.

    "That's how long it's going to be if you ask again" I would have been twitching..."Whee whee whee! All the way home"

    She worries about whether she is starting menopause and how that will effect things. Personally if it means that she wants me less, then I feel like I am on the right path to dealing with that, without ever feeling too alone with my high libido.

    After my family came up in conversation, we had a nice chat about communicating better. Both admitting that our families didn't really teach us how. So we have to try harder to break the cycle.

    When we went to bed, I didn't feel like L was in the mood particularly. I tried putting my hand down to rest on her vulva, and she gently moved it up. So I asked her if she remembered her first day at school.

    She has said before that she didn't remember much from her early childhood, but it got her thinking and describing life in early Eastern European schools, when she was about six or so. It sounded like quite a contrast to the British system. Very regiment, but then this was before the breaking up of the Soviet Union. Even today, the old attitudes persist in her parents generation.

    It led on to more of the negative aspects of home life for a bit, and I shared some of my home and dreadful school years.

    In general I think I was a pretty happy child and didn't want for much. Ok other kids had more at Christmas and in general than us in our street, and my bicycles were second-hand and not cool, so there was some envy. But we had freedom to muck about, and had a good laugh with the other kids in the cul-de-sac and around the village. My problem was school and authority.

    I told L that I had spent a lot of my school time isolated on the desk outside the Headmaster's office, from about the age of 8 or 9 until 14, when the secondary school would only have me in school three days a week. The other two were spent at a centre for kids such as me. When I got to 15 I worked at a local open farm for the two days, which I loved.

    Thinking about then, I had work to do, but was respected as an equal. As a man. I remember one time the brothers were out and the farmers wife and I were alone for the morning. A no nonsense lady. One of the Guinea pigs had a stroke in the night. I was told to dispatch it.
    "But...",
    "Well the other guys are not here" Making it clear I was the man for the job
    "And it would be wrong to leave it suffering"
    I went around to the back and found something to use, and dispatched the poor creature with a couple of blows to sever it's neck. I did not enjoy it, but I knew it was the kind thing to do. I spent the next 5 years as a vegetarian shortly thereafter.

    I got to share my love of nature with city kids out for the day, who had never seen a cow.

    We talked some more and she shared some good times with cousins. I was buzzing when I came down stairs after we both genuinely agreed it was nice talking to each other. Though now I'm probably in trouble for staying up late. Lol. Oh the irony.

    I just feel I have a lot to process yet. Getting to 6 months and I feel I have a long way to go to deserve to be viewed as her Knight in a Shining Armoured Cage. And that means really getting to know her.

    To get to know me better, I asked a couple of days ago if she would like to read the diary i had been keeping. I have sent her part one. The first few days. I will send her the next installment when she asks.


    9th March 2021

    We were awake a little while before alarm o'clock. She played with me for a minute or two and then I was out for PIV. It was really lovely. After the nice chat last night it was nice to have some physical closeness to add to the mental hug of an intimate conversation.

    11th March 2021

    Had lovely L on top sex this morning. Feeling a bit tired and anxious about the procedure, I find it difficult to go to sleep, but sleep ok once I am. Brain spinning with work, kids and health...oh and sex of course.


    14th March 2021

    Edged for a while this morning, I really wanted to come in my cage but I was stopped short. "Right! You have to be good now." Omg, I've been aroused all day.

    Thought of a chastity caption of my own...

    If you can't cum in your cage then you aren't ready to come out.
    If you can cum in your cage then you don't need to come out.
    So, no I'm not unlocking you.

    Having said that, a handjob out of the cage would be lovely right now. Just a bit of edging and a ruined orgasm would help. I think she will keep me denied for longer though. I haven't been able to find the right time to properly explain the need I feel for an empty on a longer stint. Only 3 days so far I know, but I'm already so horny. L was pretty affectionate today, and said she had a nice weekend for Mother's Day. I'm off to do her nails.

    15th March 2021
    Asked if I could come out and was granted a lovely hand job. She was very insistent that my hands were out of the way. I asked her to stop at the end, just in time for me to ruin it, so I have been immediately back in a lovely headspace all day.

    When I gave her a massage at bedtime, I really felt so in tune. The feeling of the oil on her beautiful soft skin, sending pulses of electricity through my fingertips,.up my arms and coursing through my entire body. Every slightest movement around my groin sending waves of ecstasy to my brain.

    She thanked me for the massage.

    I thanked her over and over for the opportunity to be allowed the privilege of massaging her. It is one of the most erotic things we do.

    And...

    I'm really happy I'm locked up for her. It's a rush knowing I'm not allowed. Well not tonight anyway.

    After the procedure on Friday, I wonder if I can lock straight back up or not? I do feel naked without it. After 6 months it is the norm.

    I am a dreadful come chaser still though. It is such a paradox. To want to come, but be turned on for longer and more intensely by being told you are not allowed for an undisclosed time.

    Do I really want to come, or be held in a blissful state captivated by her charms forever.

    Maybe not, but it would be good to try Lockober this year if L allows. It is after all her choice.
     
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Very candid and honest. Great to read and... relate to your trials and tribulations.:+1:
     
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    16th March 2021
    Texted:
    J: Thank you for allowing me the great pleasure of massaging you. Rubbing your soft oiled skin sends electricity through my fingertips, up my arms and spreads with an energy all over. It is one of the most erotic things we do. Knowing you were to deny me turned me on so much and made me feel even closer to you. I love you so much.

    J: Then a real thrill again, when I think back to it as a write. I don't think I could thank you enough ❤❣

    L: I love you and thank you for the lovely message earlier ❤


    17/18th March 2021
    After a blood test and a Covid-19 swab on Tuesday afternoon, I was in isolation for the last couple of days before my prostate biopsy today. Wednesday was a lazy day relaxing. Thursday I cleaned the house and was free for the day. I finished myself off, old school, three times. That evening I was in the bath when L came home.

    L: "I was thinking that my period might be finished enough for sex later"
    J: "That's probably not a good idea, I will take too long and make you sore"
    L: "You won't last that long"
    J: "Oh...I will"
    L: "Really! How many times today?"
    J: "Urm!"
    L: "Be honest"
    I hold up three fingers, she smiles and laughs
    L:"I was going to tell you this morning, but didn't want to get your hopes up"
    J: "Then you should have" I said trying to hide the disappointment.
    L: "Then you're definitely not coming inside me"

    Oh so hot! So denied. So ironic. In that moment I adore her more than ever.

    I struggled to sleep that night anxious of the day ahead.

    Friday 19th March
    Now I am in the waiting room at the hospital. Not looking forward to this. Didn't want to come in. Was feeling a bit tearful when L dropped me off. Been texting her for distraction, and got the hotest reply yet.

    J: I'm in the ward. Xxx
    J: Feels weird not being locked up for you .
    L: I love you and don't worry we will have you locked up in no time
    J: Thank you my Godess. Xxx Your wish is my command. Your pleasure is my pleasure. Literally ❣
    L: Xx
    J: Before I locked up, I was always turned on by pleasuring you. Nowadays it drives me so wild, that if you said:
    "You can kiss me down there, but it's gonna cost you more time in chastity"
    I would likely forego coming for the opportunity to make you happy. Xxx (likely...HA!...more like definitely)

    It's done. The biopsy is over and I'm home recovering. It was not pleasant. At one point I screamed "Are you having a fucking laugh". The nice nurse, who was trying to distract me by asking me endless questions, didn't get the hint when I stopped answering and turned away. I had to firmly ask for quiet, so I could concentrate on breathing. The needles were about a foot long, and even after a local anesthetic it was barely tolerable. Still, it needed to be done. I apologised profusely for turning the air blue when it was over. Results in 3 to 4 weeks.

    I will stay unlocked for a few days until I feel better down there.

    Having difficulty wiping the experience from my brain. It will fade in time, no doubt
     
  24. borbulls1961
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    borbulls1961 Madame Vanilla's property

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    Hang on in there during the wait.:+1:
     
    Guest 6019 likes this.
  25. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    Been a long time since I've posted here. Still at it and growing stronger together. I showed L my journal a few months ago, and didn't get the most positive response, in some ways. It kind of put me off writing for a bit. We've had good times and a few setbacks, but things are really starting to get on track and she is committed to my chastity. I'm gonna start a new thread and try to start journaling again.
     
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