My husband asked me to lock him up

hello
you're here, it's already something good
but be care of him 'ordering" you what he wants.

his chastity is a good thing for you : after some days, he'll just see only you, waiting for your attention.
The more you'll tease him (even with some words), the more he'll depend of you.
no more self cumming, always ready for you etc etc....
BUT, after these bases easy to use, all the other things will be yours
you don't like latex and so : no matter : rest as you are because he's given power to you.
Chastity is chastity, not opened door to his other fantasms.

 

First off, don't panic.

You've already discovered what a lot of men have not: most of the internet stuff on chastity is male driven sex fantasy, and not real or practical. And if you ask a question, a disturbing number of men will answer who a) don't actually know themselves, b) have their own fantasy agenda (cuckolding, sissy fiction or cross dressing etc, or c) will tell you what you *should* do, instead of suggesting how you can discover what you like.

Chastity play is just a form of tease and denial; some men enjoy the idea that their partners can have the final say over their sex life. It's not necessarily a dominatrix kind of thing, but instead, a fun way to bring some sexual spark back into the relationship.

Your husband has had ideas and fantasies for a long time. Hopefully he didn't dump all of them on you at once - it can be overwhelming to a partner who had no idea.

Right now, you have no idea what to do and that's fine. The important thing is that you're interested and willing to explore. Where you end up may not be anything like what he imagined, but that's okay if the both of you are enjoying yourselves equally.

You'll need some time to process all this, and that's fine. Ask questions, both here and of your husband. Try little things, just to see his reaction, and to see how you feel about it, yourself.

Fortunately, a lot of people will be willing to help.

 

I think your feelings are really justified, I am sure its overwhelming. My wife and and I @TimidKeyHolder have gone through much of the same. As you can seem by my wife's name on here she was very timid, and I personally feel she still is. However as time has gone one it seems that she has really started to appreciate some of the benefits.
My wife is certainly not some leather clad woman that is on a mission to destroy men, and she is certainly not bossy. It has taken use time to get to where we are (years) and over time we have seen some serious benefits to this form of lifestyle. As she is happy to point out I am much more attentive to HER needs not just mine. As we are 6 years married I notice when I am locked its much more like dating, I want her attention and strive for it but am thinking in the back of my mind "do I need to leave her be?" this is something I didn't think much about when I wasnt constantly thinking of her needs. The focus is on her now not me, me, me.
What do I get out of it? Well although I sacrifice my ability to self relieve, what orgasms I have are much more special. I am really enjoying serving her, If she told me she wanted wine in her hand now, I am getting real happiness getting up and providing it to her. I am truly getting off on any effort she makes to tease me or when I see she is enjoying herself.

This isnt an easy endeavor for someone new to the lifestyle but it can be beneficial to some, I would say give it a try maybe lock him up a day or so and make an effort to give it an honest try, tease him for a day or so, don't release him just send him a few messages or a pic or 2 to get him excited each day... after a few days sit him down and have an honest discussion how you and he feel.

I will say often its an on again off again situation for a bit but often after a few times it seems to be more and more common.,

 

Hello and welcome. Chasity can bring couples very close and open a special bond. You know what you like start there and the rest you will work out

 

First - welcome
I think all men ‘get it wrong’ in the way they first broach the subject but that said, there is no ‘good time’, only bad times!
Personally I’d avoid reading some of the books out there, I suggested them to my wife and I think they did more ‘damage’ than good. I’ve often said but my wife thought they where written by a man for man May be that’s unkind but certainly aimed at a male buyer shall we say...

Some reading I would recommend is:

https://denyingthumper.com/2015/07/15/why-in-the-hell/

https://denyingthumper.com/2015/08/05/keyholding-101/

https://lockedinlust.com/what-is-male-chastity/

https://denyingthumper.com/2015/02/27/use-it-or-lose-it/

(I’m in no way connected to the above... )
If I could give any advice it would be:
1) don’t panic!
2) if you think it could be fun then great. Else, can you tolerate it and turn it to your advantage? Have an honest conversation.
3) From the very first, don’t let him tell you how to do anything. Make it suite you. Totally. 100%. Else the game is off.
4) Chastity play is unique to each circumstance. Ask Qs for advice but again, it’s however YOU want to play it. There are no rules except for what you make up and you can’t get it wrong.

everybody here is very friendly and always happy to help/support And it’s all anonymous too

 

Welcome ShyWife!

Lots of great advice here. I'm sure you have realized how difficult it is for a somewhat "normal" man to admit he's a submissive. Many of us have had to talk about that with our wives. Why did/do we wait to discuss it?. For me, I was scared that she would reject me. I know now that was all in my head but the concerns were real.

We were both lost in what to do when we started, how to do it etc. For us, it did start with a chastity device and it seemed to go from there. We moved at her pace and what she wanted. It appears you and your husband are starting about the same. Like someone else mentioned, have him put the device on. See how it makes him feel with it on and how it makes you feel seeing it on him and go from there. You both might be surprised.
My wife is not bossy either and it took her some time to adjust to our new D/s marriage. It's been years now and she has said many many times that she wished she would have know about all this sooner!. There is no going back to the typical marriage where the man wears the pants in this house.
I think it's made our bond even stronger.

There is a lot of good people here at CM that can give you sound advice. The nice part about CM is so many of us started the same way you are. PM any of us we'll be happy to help.

Enjoy!

 

I wirtw my KEYHOLDER the letter as well. My reason was to stop masterbating I felt like I was cheating on her. Chastity has mad me a better husband. You will love the changes in him. It is worth it but take your time and ease into it.

 

Welcome, you're showing love and bravery coming here and asking questions. Take a look at the Female Keyholders Forum here, the top three chains all are about your questions. You'll need to get Verified to post there, but discussions there eliminate the guys. As far as the web, you might want to look at evolvingyourman as well; for books, my wife learned a lot about my kink and how to make it her's from the Georgia Ivey Brown keyholder books. Good luck, having a husband who's brave enough to tell you he wants to be closer and more devoted to you makes you a lucky lady.

 

Firstly, well done for finding this site and welcome. Secondly, you are not alone. There are lots of women here who have been in exactly the same situation, so you will be able to get lots of advice and at least some of that will be helpful to you. Your husband obviously loves you and has now trusted you with his deepest darkest secret. He will be very relieved to have unburdened himself, but also very guilty to have now burdened you. The fact that you haven't immediately rejected his desires will be a positive, but he will be feeling very anxious.

Has he told you everything? Are there still a few secrets to come out? You probably don't yet know the whole story, so why not set some time aside and ask him to tell you what it is that he'd like? Is he hoping for a full FLR 24/7/365 thing, or just an occasional bit of role-play fun? Telling you what he'd like is very different from telling you what to do and, of course, you don't have to do any of it if you don't want to. I suspect that, in amongst his desires, there may be a few things that you definitely can't even contemplate, especially to begin with, but I'm sure there will also be things that sound like fun and that you'd be happy to do.

That chastity device may look scary, but it could become your friend. Could you use a little more help with household chores? Would it be nice if he did the food shopping while you put your feet up? Would you like him to cook for you sometimes? Are there any household chores that you absolutely hate doing? He may dislike the chores as much as you, but he'll love the submission of being obedient and doing them for you.

Would you like to have intimate time together that is all about you and what you want, without the need to reciprocate if you don't feel like it and want to go to sleep? Would you like a massage or a foot rub? By allowing him opportunities to pamper you, please you and show you how much he loves you, you'll be pleasing him more. By taking, you will be giving.

Has he got any annoying little habits that you don't like and would like to cure him of? Why not make a few rules?

If you feel uncomfortable being dominant, why not try just being a little more assertive? You may find that you really like this new more assertive, more confident you and, if you do, I'm sure he will love you all the more.

 

Welcome to The Mansion!

Just remember, every relationship is different and there is no wrong way to do this as long as you are communicating with your partner. Have fun with it and make it something you enjoy if you decide to do it! Best luck and talk to the verified females on the site and talk to L-U-C-Y about getting a verified account.

 

Hi there and welcome to the mansion! Your in the right place, there are lots of key holders here who have posted volumes of information!

 

Great post @Mojoman!

 

Hello and welcome to our community. I can see you're getting lots of helpful posts, so I just hope you can find this enjoyable. I think it is wonderful that your husband asked you for help and that you are considering it, but remember that it has to be comfortable for you and arranged so you get as much or more satisfaction out of this approach as he does. Good luck and enjoy.

 

Hello. There is a forum here for verified females where we have a lot of experienced and knowledgeable women who will be able to give you expert advice. If you wish to become verified contact Lucy, our site owner. Good luck

 

Hi there,

i would like to give you an extra suggestion, if you start playing with chastity with your husband, don’t let him pester you for orgasms or for some teasing that you aren’t in the mood for.

Make sure you warn him to not try to control the situation or game over. Give him back the keys and tell him you’re done.

It has to be clear from the start or it will be very hard to adjust later.

he wants to play the game ? then he must respect the rules.

 

Good advice! As long as you don't enter into the "lock and leave" situation! It's surprising how just a little brush against a locked man or even verbal tease works well! Minimum effort! Mrs Chaste likes to have "a bit of a feel" at bedtime (not every night) just to start me swelling and breathing heavily, then stops and says "goodnight". In the end what ever works for each couple is the right thing!

 

It will be fun as you will soon find out too!

 

Don't worry to much just keep a open mind. Part of it is just a fantasy. Embrace at your own pace. You don't need to be bossy just be firm regarding how long he's lockup don't feel bad for him he is turned on by it. Exploit you new gained upperhand and make him do things for you since he will do anything. Don't worry it will come natural. Most women start to enjoy the control even if it scared them in the beginning. Most important don't let him push you follow your own pace.

 

Hello and welcome. You will find lots of advice here. My Mistress (@Destiny103181) and I sat down before I locked up and wrote down some rules to follow while I was locked up. It is way better than trying to wing it because every person has different expectations and outcomes, we just wanted to be on the same page. And we follow these rules to the letter while I am locked.....Good luck on your journey!

 

Hey,

Probably the most important thing to spend time thinking about is what you want. Once you've spent some time with that, have a read around here but also don't take too much stock by what people write in the forums- not all of it is real or necessarily going to be suited to you and your relationship.

Particularly try and have some conversations with other women who've found themselves in your situation before about realistic and practical ways to integrate it into your life.

Then go back to your husband, by this point you'll probably have questions that won't have been answered in that letter. Learn why he wants this or get him to write more about it if it's an awkward conversation.

If after that you're both happy, perhaps get him to try the device on and spend maybe a weekend together to see how it makes you feel. Note down any particular feelings and discuss afterwards when your minds are both clear. Go from there in whatever direction you want to, but at your pace. Chances are he's probably read quite a bit about this already but make him aware this is all new to you.

That's how I'd approach it anyway- I met my partner already knowing we were both into this so I don't envy that situation of having it sprung or having to spring it on someone. If at any point you're uncomfortable- talk about it. Not everything will immediately fall into place but don't put too much pressure on yourselves.

 

@ShyWife: welcome to the mansion.

I confessed several months ago the same as your husband did recently. To help express my feelings I asked my wife to read the following article: http://www.tickleberry.co.uk/male-chastity/lock-him-up/

I helped her a lot to understand my feelings and inner drive to be in chastity.

I wish you luck!

Regards, Mousetee

 

Hello & welcome.

 

Hello and welcome.
I sprung this on my then girlfriend and now wife over four years ago. She has since told me that it freaked her out a little, and would have walked away if she hadn’t already liked me a lot. So I understand the feeling of uncertainty and apprehension.

In my circumstance, I asked her to hold on to the keys and unlock me whenever she wanted...that’s it. I didn’t mention any other activities or kinks, just that I wanted her in charge of our sex. She did a little research on her own, asked some questions and agreed. Basically in a nutshell she decided that she would be my key holder, and that I was her submissive (I had already admitted that I was into that), we would play by her rules or we wouldn’t play at all.

Things progressed rapidly and she ended up loving being in charge, but it happened at her pace and only how she wanted.

Good luck and feel free to send him here for training lol, I’m sure he’ll learn a thing or two.

 

Hello my friend and welcome to the club. I too was once overwhelmed and in your situation, I am no longer.
Chastity Mansion for me was my 2nd best source of information as real people are living this life, it's joys and struggles and helping work through all together. You are able to read and learn and determine from all the ideas what suits you best. The fact that you are here is an enormous positive step.
My first best source of information was my husband, my friend, my lover, my everything. You and he will forge your own path together. It is with conversation, experimentation, the mere desire to find the added joy in life you can make this work together. You will hear many say don't let him tell you what to do, don't let him top from the bottom. I say in the beginning that is fantasy bullshit. You need to allow your man to also learn and explore and tell you what he enjoys. Having the freedom to talk through the hills and valleys of this journey is how we learn and grow.
It is only when your confidence builds you will naturally take the reigns away from him. You and he will find your Nirvana. It is wonderful to see a new woman embarking on this journey. If more only knew....
Best wishes ❤️